BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,GUEST - Through the change and out the other
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 09:39 AM

A few years down the line from menopause I am still coming to terms with what great changes "the change" has brought. There are the positives - no need for contraception and no dealing with "time of the month" stress and mess but on the negative side, what "came naturally" now takes a good deal more time and effort.

Before menopause it simply didn't occur to me that, as is the case now, desire would still there but the ability to achieve orgasm would be diminished greatly. Still get a lot of physical pleasure from penetrative (and other types of) sex and still think about it a lot but rarely achieve orgasm, even on my own. This never used to be a problem. Not sure it really is a problem now, but it must be similar to the age-related dysfunction experienced by men, except theirs is much more noticable.

This may be a relationship issue as my current partner and I are not able to spend much time together and have been able to spend very little time discussing what might be done about it.

Tried HRT (including testosterone) but it has not had much effect. Anyone else out there who has similar experiences? Any advice?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,shycat
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 09:51 AM

no exp with post menopausal sex, yet, guest thru the change, but i have friends who assure me its fine n happening for them.

for sexual disfunction, one of the recommended practises is initally non genital touching, and later non penetrative sex.

its basically about starting again, reawakening the body, and getting out of the old in out yawn habits.

getting your partner high through erotic massage will have them and you begging for more. the only problem with orgasms then will be staving them off.

and for men, premmie ejaculators, a good way to avoid that is to masturbate earlier in the day, or a few hours before having sex. Then, when its all hapenning later on, the sense of urgency isn't quite so heightened, you have more control.

best wishes

shycat

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,Casual Observer
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 10:13 AM

What about when you talk, and your partner doesn't seem to listen?!!!?! I don't know if maybe that's a control thing, or what. But when I go to the trouble of telling you what I like and don't like, is it too much to ask that you might remember? I have been with the same person for 15 years and sometimes I feel like I'm still trying to train him.

And I'll tell you another thing I absolutely hate. I don't like being asked "did you come" or "is it good for you" or anything like that. First of all, if you have to ask, then you're not paying attention. Second, I'm not convinced you're asking because you really want to know - you're asking to enhance your own sense of manly accomplishment. And third, do you really think I'm going to say "no"?

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 03:09 PM

Guest, through the change, etc.- I've never noticed a diminished ability to orgasm. I used tinctures of motherwort, dandelion root, and hawthorne berry throughout for about two years. I've also never experienced the dryness which is supposed to require lubrication much more, either. So...it is my belief that the herbs helped. It's not of that much importance to me, though, so I don't think I'd get too worried about it if I couldn't seem to as much as before. Hope this helps.

Great thread, Allan, thanks!

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,mortified
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 09:02 AM

Sometimes lack of desire on the part of A can be a result of something B has said or done, and has since forgotten about. I find it quite difficult to relax naked with someone who has told me that I am so fat that it is embarrassing for him to be seen out with me. Derrrrrr - like I am then going to be super-hyper-sex-kitten!!!!
Presumably B does still fancy A - but A can't help thinking that he'll be revolted as soon as his finishes....

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,Casual Observer
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 12:32 PM

Mortified, I think you can do better than someone who talks that way to you.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: Allan C.
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 01:19 PM

Dear CO,

Sometimes we say things that we can't possibly take back. Sometimes what we say was well meant, but came out wrong. I know I've told this elsewhere on the 'Cat, but it fits so well here:

One evening as my then wife was getting dressed to go out she asked the age old questions as to how she looked in that dress. I issued some sort of placating remark; but she insistently continued to berate her appearance. I again attempted to utter assurances; but to no avail. Finally, in frustration I blurted, "Honey, if I had wanted to marry a beautiful woman, I would have!" I meant it in the best possible way...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:03 PM

And for some strange reason she misinterpreted it as condescending? Gee!
:>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: Allan C.
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:30 PM

Go figure!






Actually, what I was trying to convey was that her outward appearance was not her most important feature. But even trying to write that here is a bit of a challenge in wording, vs. possible interpretation or inference different from my intended meaning.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 11:43 PM

foot in mouth disease ... gets the best of us at the rwrong times..

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: Allan C.
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 01:00 AM

A number of women have confided in me that their enjoyment of intercourse became rather greatly reduced after menopause. One factor is that for many of them, natural lubrication doesn't occur or if it does, it isn't enough to be useful. The result is that things don't feel the same. In fact, sex can be absolutely painful if a partner is not aware of or is insensitive to the problem.

Many of these women were unaware of the many commercial lubricants that are now available. Some of them who had heard of the products thought that such things were only available through stores of the sort they would prefer not to frequent. Or else they didn't want to risk getting on some sort of strange mailing list if they ordered through a website.

Now, before I continue, I don't want you to think that it is only women who don't know very much about these things. There are plenty of men who have never experimented with artificial lubricants for the purpose of sexual enjoyment.

The good news is that lubricants are available in a number of stores now. In the States, Spencer's Gifts has a good supply of the scented and yes, even flavored lubes. Many pharmacies in the US and elsewhere carry some very effective, albeit less colorful, lubricants. A relatively new product that is now available in the USA is one made under the long trusted brand, K-Y. Now it is in a viscuous, clear liquid form. A second type of the K-Y lube has an added capacity for generating the sensation of heat.

Nearly all lubricants sold for this purpose - even the ones that are tinted - will not stain clothing or sheets. The majority of them consist of little more than glycerin and water both of which are easily washed away with standard detergents.

I would say to women everywhere that even if you are not expericencing problems with lubrication, you really should consider giving these lubricants a try. The "warming" solutions can make things especially pleasant for you - with or without a partner. Any of the lubes can be very nice; but if you have a partner, please be sure to share!

In most instances you really don't need but just a dab to to the job for vaginal lubrication. However, dildos should be given a good coating. And folks, if rear entry is your thing, for goodness sakes use plenty of lubricant. Those tissues can tear so easily.

Subject: Been there
From: GUEST,T.J.
Date: 08 Sep 04 - 01:15 PM

As soon as I read your wish to visit your former self and give a hug and those words of reassurance, I burst into tears. Thanks for putting into words what I so desparately ache for.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: rich-joy
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 01:28 AM

Female weight gain (followed by fitness reduction), plus painful penetration and loss of libido, can all be the result of large FIBROIDS (benign uterine tumours) - a very common occurrence, despite the average person never having heard of them!!!

It's like being pregnant, but you never give birth!!!

Many doctors still automatically prescribe a hysterectomy as the "solution" - but that brings its own set of problems ...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST,Been there, too
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 04:23 AM

Dear Guest T.J., I'm very glad if the words I wrote here back in March have been a help to you. Whatever has happened in the past, or is happening in the present, you deserve no less than to be kind to yourself - your past self, your present self. It really is only an illusion when we feel all alone. This thread shows how many of us here gain from speaking from the heart and helping each other. May your ache be soon soothed, T.J.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 06:11 AM

A wealthy gentleman is making one of his rare visits to the managed farm which he owns. It happens to be on a day that the bull is going to be put in with the cows. The owner and his wife watch quite awed as the bull mates with one cow after another. "How many times does he manage it a day ?" asks his wife. "Oh probably thirty or forty times" answers the farm manager. "Twenty or Thirty times", she repeats to her husband acusingly. "Yes my dear", he replies, "But he does get a different cow each time !".

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Dysfunction or Non-function
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 09:23 AM

Bottom line FAT SUCKS