BS: Diarrhoea

Subject: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:40 AM

It's a lovely sunny day here at Lytham St Annes & I'm wanting to go out for my daily consitutional, but owing to a partcularly nasty bout of the diarr-horrors I find myself house-bound for the duration. So, fellow Mudcatters might I ask:

1) Any homespun remedies?

and, failing that:

2) Any choice euphemisms for the condition I might otherwise call Laughing Gravy?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:41 AM

TMI Sedayne :)
Boiled eggs I suppose.
G

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Nick
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:46 AM

Sitting on old bags of concrete is also supposed to work.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:50 AM

Imodium D. It's an over-the-counter remedy and your chemist should have some.

Cheese is a folk remedy.

Paragoric and other opiates will also work, but they are probably only available by prescription.

If it goes on too long, call the doctor. It's funny, but it can weaken and even kill you. I'd also suggest a sports drink for electrolyte replacement (or just mix up sodium bicarbonate and salt in water).

As for euphemisms: the trots, the runs, the two-holer two step, green apple trot, Montezuma's Revenge....

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 08:55 AM

On the road in Spain,a guy in a café gave me a glass of flour and water.Not my favorite drink,but it worked.

Ricard neat,is another thing you can drink.If you can get it down that is.It contains Aniseed.

Good luck

D

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:00 AM

Going to your chemist is a good idea.

You just got to get there!

D

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: topical tom
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:03 AM

Immodium is the way to go, I mean heal thyself.As for a euphemism there is also the Missouri (I don't know why) Two-step.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rog Peek
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:03 AM

Yes Giok, but I understand they need to be hard boiled.
Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:06 AM

Raking around the kitchen... let's see... no eggs.. no concrete... but we do have cheese, albeit deliciously spicy Bowland. I'll try the flour and water.

Hell, there's blue skies out there - but a definite lack of public toilets...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: David C. Carter
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:22 AM

There are several dairy product stands at our local market,and they'll all tell you that soft boiled eggs can bring on a light dose of salmonella.Maybe some people have more resistence than others to this.I can't eat them myself.

David

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:50 AM

Imodium but pay attention to the directions. Take one after each episode. So it may take two or three to do the trick.
Montezuma's Revenge?
Tiki Tummy?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:58 AM

Lomotil is another, but it can have an adverse reaction in some people and cause extreme pain, I know because it has this effect on my son. I'll never give it to him again.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 09:59 AM

I use over the counter tablets and they do work.

Wholemeal bread toasted and bananas are supposed to be good things to eat if you have diarrhoea.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:03 AM

I'd stay away from semi-cooked pork chops and chocolate bars.

Strawberry leaves work. They help create the 'ties that bind'. Make a tea from them. Also, keep yourself hydrated.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:04 AM

Have you considered hydraulic cement?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:25 AM

A barrel bung.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:28 AM

Made from cork I suppose? There are some seriously sick people on this site.



















Have you considered duct tape? It comes in many colours now, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM

"Diarrhoea" - The most grotesquely spelled word in the entire English language.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 10:41 AM

There's also diarrhea but they're both the shits.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM

I have to vote for Immodium, too. I find it usually works after the first dose (at least for me).

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:22 AM

Another vote for immodium; for me, personally, one caplet has always been effective for at least 24 hours.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:24 AM

One word of advice: Do NOT trust a fart for a few days after the situation has, uh, resolved itself shall we say.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: jeffp
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:25 AM

Yet another vote for Imodium. It cures the Hershey squirts.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Beer
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:41 AM

What a pile of shit on this thread. Other than that, make sure you have lots of 2 ply toilet paper. Never single ply.
Beer (adrien)

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:48 AM

Single ply, double ply: the man don't KNOW what you need. What you DO need is here. Use one a day.


Time for a chorus of


They passed an ordinance in the town
That said we'd have to tear it down --
That little old shack out back so dear to me.
Though the Health Fepartment said
It's day was over and dead
It will stand forever in my memory.

Don't let 'em tear that little brown building down!
Don't let 'em tear that precious building down!
Don't let 'em tear that dear old building down,
For there's not another like it in the country or the town.

It was not too long ago
That I went tripping through the snow
Out to that house behind my old hound dog,
Where I'd sit me down to rest,
Like a snow bird on her nest,
And read the Sears and Roebuck catalog.

I would hum a happy tune
Peeping through the quarter moon,
As my Pappy's kin had done before.
It was in that quiet spot
Daily cares could be forgot.
It gave the same relief to rich and poor.

Cho.

Now, it was not a castle fair,
But I could dream my future there,
And build My castles to the yellow jacket's drone.
I could orbit round the sun,
Fight with General Washington,
Or be a king upon his golden throne.

It wasn't fancy built at all,
It had newspapers on the wall,
It was air conditioned in the winter time.
It was just a humble hut,
But it's door was never shut,
And a man could get inside without a dime.

Cho.


-- Billy Ed Wheeler
Copyright © Quartet Music, Inc. & Bexhill Music
from the singing of Ed Britt

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Bert
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 11:48 AM

Kaopectate. I find Immodium too strong and likely to bind you up for a few days.

Also, don't run to the pot at the first signs of wanting to, try to hold it as long as possible, even while sitting on the pot. Every second counts and lets your body remove some of the water naturally.

If you start getting weak and can't eat. Try glucose and a little salt in water or juice to keep your strength up.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rog Peek
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:23 PM

Wear bicycle clips just in case!

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:46 PM

Do keep yourself hydrated, and use the sports drinks or an electrolyte replacement (e.g., Pedolyte) -- and see a doctor if it goes on for a while or if blood appears.

Diarrhea can kill you. It can be b-a-a-a-a-d shit, man!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 01:58 PM

if it is related to IBS or maybe even not..coconut..macaroon cookies are good for that in some people. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:02 PM

An old remedy - atleast for children - is to bring milk just to a boil and drink it while it's still warm.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:08 PM

HOME remedy? Burnt toast. I learned of this in Labrador. Of course, the best remedy is clear fluids and time.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:13 PM

Boy, people here sure do know a lot about shit!

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:19 PM

I figure it like this, Becca. I am 60 years old. I have taken one every single day (sometimes more than one, and on the occasional day none) of my life. The math? It's like this.

365.25 x 60 = 21,915 'events'

Figure say 6 oz per event and that equates to 131,490 oz/16 = 8218 pounds of event. I am the proud, nay PROUD producer/processor of over 4 TONS of sh#t. Humbling, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:21 PM

I wish to thank Sedayne formally for having the trots. I have never worked that out before--if you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: bobad
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:24 PM

Boy, this thread has gone in the toilet.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 02:24 PM

Humbling, indeed. Puts things into perspective, certainly. You've "done" way more shit than I have.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 03:33 PM

I believe I have. But please note, only on three occasions has it been necessary to repaint after I'd finished.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 03:52 PM

Don't know why this thread makes me think of Fed Ex.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:12 PM

Does it run in the family??

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:36 PM

Years ago I sat in the McDonald's parking lot. Sign above said "Over One Billion Sold."

We (I wasn't alone, nor were we completely sober) reckoned this way:

Say 1.5 billion sold, each contain 2 oz. of cooked meat. That's 30,000,000,000 ounces of cooked meat, or 1,875,000,000 pounds of meat, or 937,500 tons (952,543.97 metric tons). Assuming that 50% of this is actually digested and not excreted, that would mean that at that time McDonald's had contributed 468,750 long tons of crap from cooked beef alone. If we assume that two pounds of...excrement will cover one square foot, that would work out to 937,500,000 square feet could be covered, or 21,522.04 acres. Using the 2 pounds per square foot, we would need 8 pounds for a cubic foot and would have 117,187,500 cubic feet, or enough shit to build a tower of shit one foot by one foot by one foot 22,194.6022727 miles (35,718.75 kilometers) high -- or about one-tenth of the way to the moon.

Remember, these figures do not include anything except cooked meat at 2 ounces per burger.

And what would the height be today, a quarter of a century later??

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Greg B
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 04:51 PM

I've heard it called 'the turistas'

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:15 PM

Peace? 6 oz per event? Are you dating Sheryl Crow? fasting?

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:20 PM

I was being modest. It's more like a pound or so, but I figured if I said that then some wag would be along to say, "See! I told you he was full of it!"

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:21 PM

But, ah, er, um, nevermind.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 05:56 PM

My favorite euphemism (dysphemism?) is "the Hershey squirts."

The only cure that I know that works is: don't eat or drink ANYTHING other than clear liquids (broth is OK) until you have a normal bowel movement.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: EBarnacle
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:12 PM

Was there any precursor event, such as a flu? If this goes on for a while, forget the over the counter remedies and see a doctor, even if you have to stick a plug in to get there. The results can be serious, starting with messed up blood chemistries and dehydration and going upward from there.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Peace
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:29 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows.

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 06:49 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows,
Pockets full of rye...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Skivee
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 07:31 PM

Sh#t a flock of sparrows,
Pockets full of rye,
four and twenty dark turds went flying by...

Subject: RE: BS: Diarrhoea
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Nov 07 - 07:52 PM

When the turds had landed, the room began to smell...


We've known it as the squitters, the squits, rusty rain, runny bum and our current favourite, Doctor Who's disease.

Why Doctor Who's disease? (This won't work if you don't know the theme tune)...

Bubbly bum, bubbly bum, bubbly bum, Poo!
Bubbly bum, bubbly bum, bubbly bum, Poo!

Poo-ooo, Poo-ooo! Poo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oo-ooooooo!

LTS