LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 12:47 PM

I'm impressed. Jacqui posted from her Grammy Awards weekend.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 03:54 PM

The baby reception was nice...loads of people, many of whom I did not know. An old friend from high school was there so we sat together and chatted. I sat and held the baby for probably half an hour or so and also got to feed her....heaven....I'm telling you, I was in heaven. I didn't stay long as I tire so fast but I'm glad I went!

When I got home, I took a nap...a few hours or so and decided that I wanted to go to church. My husband wasn't interested in driving me over and my Mom is plain old worn out from driving me everywhere so I drove myself. No pain meds for the previous 24 hours and I'd also had a nap. It was fine although I won't be gallavanting around the countryside on a daily basis just yet. It was good for me to go....to hear the sermon, the enjoy the music and just to see other people....also, just the atmosphere makes me feel better.

I will say that the day was tiring and I slept all night and didn't wake up until 10:30ish this morning...something I hardly EVER do. My husband likes to tease if I sleep past 7:30am, he'll tell me I slept the entire day away.

We went to town this afternoon to the feed store (I sat in the car), to lunch (where I had 1/6th of a steak , a side salad and we both got cake to bring home) and then to Walmart. My list was short but of course I needed things from BOTH sides of the store. One complete trip around and I had to sit on the bench for a little bit....totally wore me out. Pete assures me it will get better.

I'll be going to the Dr. tomorrow as the infection is looking worse and is going further up on my incision.

I'm also not feeling as panicked as I had been....now it's more of a quiet, inside panic...instead of the screaming, crying, freaked out panic. Apparently there are stages to how people go through such a diagnosis. My mom keeps telling me, "You're supposed to get mad now, remember?" I've read about the stages and honestly would be happy to feel some anger as anger brings energy with it and has a tendency to do away with fear....I'm just not there yet.

What I do need is a nap.

I love you people. Every last one of you.

Night.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 04:56 PM

'nigh-night, sweet Michelle! You sound as though you're doing very well. Sleep well!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 08:56 AM

Yeah, Michelle. The anger will come. There are certain steps towards final acceptance. Disbelief, denial, anger, fear, guilt - all sorts of what seem negative emotions but each is a step towards healing. They don't come in any set order. And some come back.

Remember I told you how good it made me feel to throw things? A satisfying smash and the calm after the storm when I got to clean up the mess.

You will experience it differently.

I am amazed you can do as much as you are doing. Wonderful - as long as you recognize when you are tired.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM

Yeah well, church wasn't the best idea I had.....I wasn't comfortable at all.....hard seats are painful after just a few minutes...it was good for my spirits but kinda hard on the body.

I am weepy today. The bottom of my wound is healing very nicely but the top....well, it's not. I called my local Dr. today and she's not in. Got to speak to a nurse who said that my surgeon needed to see me. I pointed out that my local Dr. is the one who took a sample of the yuk and gave me antibiotics to begin with and why won't they see me. She passed me on to another nurse who was better. She said they have the preliminary results back to match the infection to the antibiotic. She was going to call the hospital to see about the final results which they may have but not have sent over just yet and at 10:30, the head Dr. comes in and she's going to talk to him about what's going on with me and give me a call back. In the meantime, I'm showered, put some antibiotic cream along my incision, steri-stripped it with my homemade band-aid kind of way because I don't have steri-strips and a 4x4 gauze patch over my belly button area.

I haven't thrown anything yet but I have done some from the gut screaming...no words...just screaming in my empty house. Once it's out, I feel better. And tired. I'm tired all the time and it seems I sleep a lot. That's good for me, I know.

Today I am going to spend the day at Mom's house....most likely on the couch where I will sleep or read. I am hoping to go to yoga tonight...to just sit on my mat or lay down or legs up the wall....whatever is comfy....to just be in a space I love with people I love and am missing (it's been over a month since I've been there I think). No yoga....just yoga people and yoga space....maybe a little yoga nidra...we'll see.

Anyway, I'm amazed that you think I do a lot because I feel like the world's biggest slug. I shower and sleep. Eat, sleep. Pet the dog, sleep. Eat, sleep. Answer the phone and sleep. You get the idea....

And how is it that I can't feel that there are parts of my body missing? That freaks me out. No uterus. No fallopian tubes. No ovaries yet I don't feel an emptiness in those areas.....how come?

What I do feel is that my belly button is trying to escape...feels like it's pulling itself out to make a mad dash to somewhere warm. I don't know. Weird but true.

Michelle who just had Boost and 11 pills for breakfast. YUM.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:41 AM

Michelle, fwiw, I had trouble with part of my incision from heart surgery. It wasn't healing properly. The surgeon looked at it a couple of times and said to just keep putting Neosporin (antibiotic ointment) on it. All that did was make it itch like crazy, which I thought meant it was healing. It was not. It was just getting more irritated. I remembered what the vet had said about not "smothering" my cat's wound as it needed oxygen to heal. He instead told me to use iodine in a diluted solution with water. Finally, I stopped using the ointment and painted my incision with iodine. I had felt, instinctively, that would do the trick and it did. Within a day or two it felt better and healed up quickly after that.

I am not saying that is what you should do, but it worked for me. Good luck.

Oh, and another thing...when I was so ill and feeling useless, i.e. as though I'd done nothing all day, my friend asked me to make a list of everything I did, including usual things such as getting up and going to the bathroom, letting the dog outside, etc. no matter how small and seemingly insignificant, I was to write it down. Then she and I would talk in the evening and after reading her my list it occurred to me I really had done more than I realised. Try it, you'll see.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:48 AM

Great idea Kat...I think I WILL do that because I do feel rather useless.

Dr. just called and they are giving me a new script for a different antibiotic, one that matches my infection so HOPEFULLY on Wednesday when I go to see my surgeon, he won't have to re-open the incision to pack it due to infection.

Yep. I know ick when I see it.

My special talents are endless I tell ya.

;) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM

Naming our personal "icks"
Is key if the "icks" you will lick
So diss not the talent
for it keeps you in balance

And add it to the list
(In case it's an action you might have missed)



Not really prime poetry.... but perhaps a giggle...

I'm sending a PM too....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM

Still thinking about you and holding you close in our thoughts.

Love and Healing

Khatt x

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:10 AM

Michelle - it really does take time and energy to heal. At two weeks I was arguing with my daughter to be allowed to make a cup of tea and the only way I was allowed out was with her and being pushed round in a wheelchair if we went into a shop.

I did feel rather useless during that time but it did me good as I was able to get back to normal life, living alone and working in London, with an hour and a half commute each way, in five weeks from my operation.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM

Michelle, about the hard church seats. That wing chair up the aisle-- well, you would not be the first Saturday Nighter to curl up there, and it's easily moved, too, if you want James to put it anywhere you point. Or tell me here, and it will be waiting for you-- one nice spot is in front of the chapel, where the kids' toys and activity bags hang out.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:40 AM

Jeez, Tink. Don't quit your day job. You are almost as talented as WAV. Not quite, just almost.

I was housebound for three weeks. Chaos all around me. And I slept - a lot. In a few weeks you will be back to normal. Meantime, be kind to yourself. And watch that infection.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:25 AM

Well, my incision looks better after only one dose of the new antibiotics....hard to believe, but true. My navel is still a mess and I'm dreaded the poking that is sure to go on tomorrow when I meet with the surgeon. Side effect of the antibiotic? A little bit dizzy and nauseous.

Spent the entire day on Mom's couch yesterday doing NOTHING. Sleeping and watching television....following orders from Dr. Jacqui and Sins. I did good! ;)   I did NOT go to the yoga class as I thought it might just depress me to watch everyone jumping back into chatarangas...something which I love to do and can't right now...so I stayed on the couch.

Today I'm spending the day in my own recliner, feet up, a snuggly blanket with a book and water by my side. Gotta get more fluids in....they can't find my veins when I'm all dehyrated which means MORE needle sticks for me. NO THANK YOU.

And Susan, I'll take you up on the offer for the wing chair at church. I had no idea that the pews would cause that kind of pain....it's why I was so wiggly and holding my prayer shawl over my belly...putting pressure on to ease some of the uncomfortableness.

Off to the recliner! Have a great day everybody! Pathology report comes in tomorrow, please keep your fingers crossed, think positive things or pray for me....please, please, please!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:28 AM

Michelle,

Waiting with you for the news.

Please keep in mind that whatever they tell you, all you really have is today-- and you get to choose how to live it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM

Good to hear that you are resting melove. All good thoughts here for the right result from the pathology report, but whatever happens just know that we are here.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 03:26 PM

Holding you close, waiting with you.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Janie
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 03:52 PM

In a circle, all around. Waiting? Yes. But also very present right here, right now.

Birdwatching anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 05:32 PM

sending more good wishes

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 07:31 PM

The pathology report is what it is. We are all here.

Don't come anywhere near me. I have a cold. You do not need to be coughing and sneezing while trying to hold you stitches in place.

Maybe you can distract yourself with plans for a Valentine's surprise for Pete. He has earned it.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 09:23 PM

I'm going to wrap myself up in the shawl that Jacqui sent and melt into the hugs it holds.

There's part of me that says ok....the report will say what it says and we'll find out what's the next step to getting me healthy. Then there's the other part that is scared shitless. I don't want a port. I don't want to be sick all the time. I don't want to lose my hair.

But I DO want to be healthy and so I will do whatever it is I need to do and lean when I need to lean.

What I need now is a hug.

:( Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 09:50 PM

(((Michelle)))

OK, now look. What I know FOR SURE is that you are up to whatever challenges lie ahead of you, whether they involve recovering from the surgery and a little post-surg chemo to vibrant health, or whether you have to duke it out a little longer against this damn cancer. I think I know HOW you will do it, too, and it will involve quite a bit of creativity.

The past year or so has been an intense and rewarding time for you, of deciding over and over and over to simply follow the joy. And that's all you have to keep on doing! Joy will lead you exactly where you need to go.

And about those stages of reactions-- screw 'em. OK, if you find yourself in the midst of a hissy fit, you'll know that it's one of the "expected" stages. But you do not need to conform to them or pay attention to them at all-- just recognize, each day, that you are already doing absolutely the best that you can. Not almost-enough, and not according to anyone else's idea of what ought to be possible.

Just assume that you are already doing the best that can be done, and EN-JOY IT.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM

*Deep Breath*

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:21 AM

Breathing here with you, Michelle.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:37 AM

Amen!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:39 AM

Michelle, do I assume correctly that you are off now on your way to the hospital where you did the surgery?

LIVESTRONG!

Keeping a strong thought (prayers) for you.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:58 AM

Susan,

    Yes, we are headed to see my surgeon...leaving shortly.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and good thoughts....they are appreciated more than you know.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:59 AM

OK, we'll assume posts made between now and get-back will not be seen til later.

Drive safe, and have FUN with your car-buddy/ies.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:29 AM

And so once again we wait.
Breathing with you, Lily, with a bit of a wheeze. A simple cold and I turn into Sarah Bernhardt.
If and when you are ready to share your news, we'll be here.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 02:19 PM

quick peek in to add extra good wishes. glad you are resting... waiting with others for news.

                @@@@     _{ ' }_
       .oOOo.   @@()@@   { `.!.` }
       OO()OO    @@@@  _ ',_/Y\_,'
       'OOOO',,,(\|/ _(_)_ {_,_}
        _ \/{{}}}\| (_)@(_)  |  ,,,
      _(_)_| ~Y~ wWWWw(_)\ (\| {{{}}
     (_)#(_) \|  (___)   |  \| /~Y~
     \/(_) |/ |/ \\Y // \|/  |//\|/
     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Subject: VTs Color Garden
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 02:24 PM

VT, that is GORGEOUS! As of today I am tagging your artposts by changing my subject line (same trick used when a lyric is added in a thread but the poster has not followed form).

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 03:59 PM

Sometimes I find that counting backwards from 100,000 makes the time go faster or me fall asleep...100,000; 99,999; 99,998;99,997...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:12 PM

As in maeve's thread, a lot of peeps are walking anongside. Keep the faith, everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:17 PM

Still here.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:19 PM

Well, I been on a roll with the Big Guy of late so I asked Him to bring you a basket full of peace...

But until He delivers, warm thoughts and prayers from yer hillbilly gardening buddy...

(((hugs)))

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:46 PM

Not telling tales (since she posted from the surg trip about where she had gone), but here's some "local" travel-time guidance for you waiting Catters.

Assuming her appt ran on time, and that they zoomed there, and zoomed right back, it's still a tad early to BOLO Michelle. Just please, hold those strong thoughts, and post them here for her return.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Janie
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:14 PM

also still here....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:16 PM

We are home (got here about 30 minutes ago).

Well, here's the news:

I have to have 3 to 6 rounds of chemotherapy.

I have to have a port (outpatient surgery required).

I will definitely lose my hair.

Ok. But the BIG news is that the ovarian cancer was in Stage 1 which means my prognosis is EXCELLENT. That's what the Dr. said.

So. I'll be having a consultation with the chemo Dr. soon. The actual chemo will start in 3 to 4 weeks depending on how my incision is healing. I do have an infection in my incision but he said it was superficial and wasn't worried about it...said things looked good.

It's the absolute best that I could have hoped for (ok...could do without having to have a port and losing my hair) and I am feeling peaceful about it.

Thank you for the many, many prayers and good thoughts...I don't know how to tell you how it helps, but it does...so thank you.

Also, my handsome husband with the long, dark ponytail said he will shave his head when I shave mine. A friend from high school has a local salon and she and I have had this conversation already....I'm getting mine taken off before it gets scraggly. It's not going to be pretty but it means I get to live my life free of cancer and that's worth the world to me.

My job is to continue to take it easy and heal. I'm off to my recliner.

Love to all of you,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:30 PM

Wonderful, Michelle! Now you can focus on health and joy...plenty of both waiting for you.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:32 PM

GOOD OH! Keep the faith!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM

Michelle, that is good news! And though the port sounds like a clunky process, it actually makes the chemo a lot easier. My boss's wife had a port. Did they tell you where they would place it?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:12 PM

GOOD JOB MICHELLE!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:15 PM

Hey, what did they say about the uterine cancer?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:15 PM

Great news Michelle. I am so glad for you.

Dr Jacqui says take it VERY easy for now - you will need to build up your energy for the chemo treatment.

What a wonderful husband you have - you can have a race growing your hair back!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Finally,some good news.
Well done!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:25 PM

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF.

Love, love, love.



(watch your mailbox...)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:25 PM

Well, Stage 1 is ceratinly the best news that we could have gotten...

As to the hair??? Two things... First, it will grow back and second, bald women are sexy...

The port thing??? Just details... Beats having to get stuck, stuck and restuck... Especially when the viens aren't cooperatin'... A little out patient procedure and then yer good to go...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:29 PM

GOOD OH !!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:34 PM

Oh and ask Ed about port care-- he went thru that at least once with Edith, maybe twice. But don't listen to him if he tells you it was the cancer that took her-- it was NOT; he's still learning how to deal with her loss/dementia and she'd been to the cancer doc just weeks before she passed-- was certified to be still in good remission.

Isn't THAT a trip-- lymphoma is incurable, but she OUTLIVED IT in EVERY WAYS.

(And no, worrywarts, I am not breaking confidentiality-- everyone knows ALL of Ed's business and besides, I'm careful with that stuff.)

Ed would also want (and so would Edith) for me to tell you that she made her best, lifelong friends and fellow-survivors in chemo. That is likely to be your VERY BEST support group, so please be sure to lead the give and take when you go, do not forget to take as much as you give, and carry a pile of cards with contact info so it's easy to stay in touch. And your shawl(s). Chemo can be COLD.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:08 PM

About the uterine cancer....that was very well contained and the surgeon called it a "ho-hum" cancer. The ovarian cancer was not only a surprise but had a nodule on it which caused concern. The surgeon said one cancer did not metastisize, I had two separate cancers.

The port is going on my chest just below the collar bone. They said that I will not feel the port going in but I have to be somewhat awake as I have to move my head and neck (so they can put a catheter in a vein in my neck....creeps me out).

Also, I might have to do the first chemo treatment without the port depending on the timeline.

I know the port is a good thing but I still don't like the idea of it. Whatever. I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Janie
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:45 PM

That is all very good news indeed, Michelle.

I think you will likely find the reality of the port to be "small potatoes."