BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al

Subject: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 02:28 AM

What may be some slightly atypical symptoms of anxiety (been on a rough ride the last 18-24 months), combined with a strong family history of assorted cardiovascular disease, has resulted in my primary care physican referring me to a cardiologist. I saw the cardiologist today, expecting him to send me back to my MD to restart an SSRI. He didn't like the sound of some of my symptoms or of the pulse in both of my carotid arteries so has ordered some additional tests. Even if the test show I have indications of cardiovascular disease, it is probably being caught very early, so I am not sitting here worried I am about to have an MI. I'm just sitting here worried, like I have been for the last 2 years, about this or that, and this is one more pebble on the worry table. And the heap on the worry table is maxing out. So good thoughts, prayers, candles, etc. appreciated.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 03:31 AM

You are in our thoughts and we'll light a healing candle for you. Sending you lots of positive energy to get you through this time.

Bright Blessings

Khatt

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 10:51 AM

You're in my thoughts Janie. I'll keep focused on your medico doing his best to care for you.


((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Janie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Proper hugs at the Getaway.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Partridge
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 02:25 PM

Another candle lit here, thinking happy healing thoughts Janie.

Take care,

Pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM

My best wishes for healing, Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 02:33 PM

What do you love, that relaxes you even to think about?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

YOu're doing a smart thing to be sharing worries - a worry shared is a worry halved - or something along those lines.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Peace
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM

Best to you, Janie.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 03:24 PM

Beautiful Janie,
Tonight I will light a candle and think of you. It will probably be in a jack o'lantern. Somehow that seems appropriate.
Deep breaths.
And know that you are loved.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 04:09 PM

{{{{{{Janie}}}}}

If you'll close your eyes and maybe conger up that Holler you'd been writing about and just let yourself *go* there, I'll bet it'll help with the worrying. It seemed a pretty good spot to hunker down and let go. Remember Spaw, Dick Greenhaus, Curmudgeon, as well as others, and I have all been through some heart stuff and survived.It had a lot to do with good docs, but equally with how much love etc. we all got from friends at Mudcat.

Whatever it might be, it is so GOOD that it has been noticed early and may mean nothing for the moment. I will be offering Thanks givings for a complete healing of whatever kind needs to happen. This, or something better for the highest good of all concerned.

I used to always get upset when the docs told me to cut out stress because it just seemed impossible to do. Nowadays, I understand the damage stress can cause and I avoid it as much as possible. I hope there is some way you can get out from under the intensity of it, soon.

You are loved and cared about, Janie.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: peregrina
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 05:06 PM

Janie, I wish you health and strength and hope you can find some peace of mind (or else just good ol' distraction) in these times.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 05:14 PM

Well, as if you didn't have anough on yer plate to begin with, now this stuff, too...

Gol danged, girl...

I got some good thoughts comin' your way, a couple prayers on the side and a big ol' cyber...

(((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Alba
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 05:44 PM

Janie, Dearest Janie.
All will be well. It will.
You are surrounded by many people that care about you very much.
I will hold you in my Heart till you get the all clear, after all two hearts are better than one Janie:)
Time to de-stress ma Dear and try not to allow yourself to become distressed.
Healing Blessings are being swiftly sent your way.
Love and Light Janie, Love and Light.
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 06:13 PM

Janie,

Here wishing you a good day of productive and exhausting digging in your garden. This is the best therapy around for relieving stress and taking your mind off of stuff like this, and it might just contribute to your better health. And be sure to eat some of that garden produce!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: KT
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 10:48 PM

Janie, prayers and healing thoughts coming from this corner too....You're being held and loved by many, Janie. Be well.
KT

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: open mike
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 11:01 PM

take a deep breath...and let it out...
breathe in relaxation, breathe out stress and worry..
then do it again, and again..

oxygen is your friend..

and so is the mudcat!
thanks for asking us to be there for you...

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Sep 07 - 11:33 PM

Janie I was sent to a cardiologist against my will. I say against my will since I just kinda knew that wasn't my problem. My problem was migraine which is vasular to be sure but not cardio.

If you knew Married with children I was like AL Bundy in the way he would put his hand in the waistband of his pants at the small of his back to help his aching back. But I asked the doctor for help for migraines and not my back or my heart.

What happened was that after a shower my hand would suddenly turn blue. It was an odd but pretty blue that bordered on lavender. It so happened my doctor at the time spotted the blue left hand and sent me packing to the cardiologist. I told him I was not that worried about the blue hand since it didn;t seem colder than the other hand or feel different in any way. The more I thought about it however I could imagine more differences every day.

The blue hand got worse and would turn a deep blue that could alarm anyone who noticed it. I was becoming convinced that the blue hand was really different from my other hand. It felt dofferent, maybe colder maybe tingly maybe in an indescribable way alien.

I cured the blue hand by throwing away the shirt made in Bangledesh that I got at K mart. It would turn anything blue in the presence of any moisture, be it my hand or a full load of laundry.

Anyway Janie things are not as they may seem. Sometimes your first notion is correct. Worry can convince you of the oddest things, even if things like a blue hand isn't all that odd at first blush.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 29 Sep 07 - 10:19 AM

Thanks, folks for these good wishes and the pm's, which I will respond to later. They mean a lot.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Alba
Date: 29 Sep 07 - 11:58 AM

You mean lot Janie.
{{{hugs}}}
J x

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: MBSLynne
Date: 29 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM

((((((((((((((Janie))))))))))))))))))))))))

Best thoughts and blessings

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Willie-O
Date: 29 Sep 07 - 03:07 PM

All the good thoughts you can stand are comin your way from Canada and elsewhere. I expect you'll have to ask us to stop soon

best
Bill

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: fat B****rd
Date: 29 Sep 07 - 03:54 PM

Best regards from Charlie. Be lucky.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:50 PM

Finished up the tests today. Nobody jerked me off the treadmill and called an ambulance. The tech who did the carotid ultrasound volunteered that nothing looked 'interesting'(hooray), and the tech who did the heart ultrasound asked me if I could feel 'that skip.' (What skip?) I know that arrythmias are common and usually nothing to worry about. The other technicians and nurses were decidedly closed-mouthed, but the follow-up appointment with the MD is a week away, so there must not have been anything too alarming.

I think some really good news is coming down the pike that will cut out a lot of the work-related stress. I think I am going to get an acceptable job offer that will get me out of the vipers nest of a company that I currently work for. It will be administrative work that I don't find too exciting, and it would mean a cut in pay, but it with the agency I worked for before the State required them to start managing services instead of providing them directly. I was very happy with the goals and values of the organization the 14 years I worked for them. If they do indeed offer me the position, it will feel like going home.

I also have been working with a psychiatrist and another psychotherapist to get an office and a PLLC set up to start a private group practice. We are all very busy so it has taken much longer to get everything done that we had anticipated, but the attorney handling the legal end of stuff called today to say we can start advertising, and the carpet and essential furnishings should be delivered and in place by next week. So I can continue to do direct clinical practice (my true love) on a part time basis. As the practice builds, it should more than make up for any pay cut if I am offered the other job.

See what your well wishes, good thoughts and prayers can accomplish?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 12:07 AM

WOW! That sounds wonderful, Janie! We will keep it up. Thanks for the update!

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 12:13 AM

See what YOU can accomplish, with minimal support from afar? :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 12:24 AM

Geeziz Janie......How'd I miss this before? Sounds as though everyone is on top of things and from experience I can tell you that the medical world is just full of solutions for any of the possible problems you're looking at so take heart, so to speak.(:<))

My primary Doc told me the other day that I'm a living testament to modern medicine and she was absolutely right!!! You have all my best thoughts your way!

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 08:04 AM

So glad Janie. See you in two week's time.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:40 AM

Janie,

It sounds like the light at the end of the tunnel is looming. It was apparently Nietzcsche who said "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." This should be the mantra of divorced moms everywhere.

Welcome to our club!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 04:13 PM

Pat, knowing folks like you, Curmudgeon and Kat and my mother have dealt, and may still be dealing with really life-threatening cardiac conditions continues to help me keep my own concerns in perspective.

Thanks again to all. I'll be back when I know more on both the job and the health fronts. (Bet ya' can't wait:>)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: kendall
Date: 21 Oct 07 - 07:10 AM

Keep us informed, Luv. We are with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: GUEST,Janie
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 11:20 PM

I start the new job with my old agency Nov. 30. I dodged another round of lay-offs last week. (The 3rd round in 7 months.)

I confess to some real ambivalence because I do love my work and my colleagues. I also care deeply about many of my clients and it is going to be very hard to say goodbye. Some of them I have worked with for 10 years or more. Since last April, some of them have lost their psychiatrists and case managers of long-standing. The new paraprofessional positions have turned into revolving doors, so these same clients have had anywhere from 2 to 4 paraprofessionals come and go in the same amount of time. As unsettling as all this has been for me and my few remaining colleagues, it has been much more difficult and threatening to many of our clients. My caseload is heavily weighted with people who have experienced not only the continuing trauma of poverty, but who also have extensive histories of emotional, physical and sexual abuse and the intense issues around trust and abandonment that go along with trauma. Maybe I should go back and read Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson.

Heartwise - things checked out quite good. My heart itself seems to be in good shape. There is some evidence of very early vascular issues that are, as I thought might be the case, more of a wake-up call regarding lifestyle issues than anything else.

I'll add one more 'good thoughts' request here. LA, a good friend,colleague and fellow lover of gardening had a massive heart attack this past weekend and is in a coma. I learned about it shortly after getting home from the Getaway this afternoon. He had retired, but then came back to work a few hours a week as a contract therapist to help us out. He is a skillful, gentle, open-hearted therapist and human being. He and his wife. SA, can use all the prayers and good thoughts anyone can muster right now.

Thanks.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: KT
Date: 05 Nov 07 - 11:32 PM

Prayers and good thoughts on their way to LA, family and YOU, Janie. Take good care of that beautiful heart of yours and all the best to you as you transition into the new job.
KT

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 12:02 AM

I got the book title wrong, above. It is Love is the Lesson, Guilt is the Teacher, by Joan Boryensko (or something like that, never could remember how to spell her name.)

Thanks KT.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 01:26 AM

{{{{{{JANIE}}}} Good news on your heart!

Good thoughts and thanks givings for your friends and you. A coma can be the body's temporary way of keeping our minds from interferring with the healing process; a respite from fear, etc. May LA's body mend safely and completely.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 07:01 AM

best wishes to all from the other side of the world.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 10:01 AM

As unsettling as all this has been for me and my few remaining colleagues, it has been much more difficult and threatening to many of our clients. My caseload is heavily weighted with people who have experienced not only the continuing trauma of poverty, but who also have extensive histories of emotional, physical and sexual abuse and the intense issues around trust and abandonment that go along with trauma.

Mindful of some of our past chats about these folks, I'll keep them in my prayers (by first names if you want to PM me a list). But I also want you to know that MANY people whose stories I have heard have gained an ENORMOUS amount of strength and trust from even one, brief, casual encounter with a caring person who made sense to them. So I am SURE that your work with them has planted many seeds in their fertile, inner-health garden, that can and will grow. I'm sorry you will not be up close to see it, but how and when it happens for them is in their time, and our Lord's.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 10:18 AM

All the best to your friends Janie.

It was so good to see you this weekend - make sure you follow the doc's advice - we need you to be around for the Getaways for a long time yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 06 Nov 07 - 11:49 PM

My friend began to emmerge from the coma, but is having seizures, so they are now keeping him in an induced coma. Please continue to hold him and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 07 - 12:15 AM

Ah, it may take some time, but I *feel* he will come out of this well and good, Janie. I am giving thanks it is so for the highest good of all concerned. Give yerself a hug, too, darlin'...from me.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Nov 07 - 04:42 PM

I'm taking the liberty of passing this on, that I just got from Janie.

It doesn't look like Larry is going to pull through. All brain activity has ceased and the family has to decide about when to remove him from life support.   I just feel stunned.   My heart aches for his wife and family as he makes his long journey home.

Janie

Please keep our Janie in your thoughts and prayers as well.

((((Janie))))

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: RangerSteve
Date: 07 Nov 07 - 07:49 PM

Keeping you in my thoughts. Your friend, too.
Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 08:40 PM

Larry died Friday evening.

exerpted from "There Are Some Men" (Leonard Cohen from The Spicebox of the Earth)

There are some men
who should have mountains
to bear their names to time....

He was a quiet man, seemingly nondiscript to those who knew him casually. But his family, his clients, and those of us privileged to have worked and consulted with him knew him to be extraordinary in the depth of his compassion, insight and his commitment to serve.

In truth, he would never have wanted anything so grand as a mountain to be named after him.

Rest in peace, Friend. Rest in peace.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 09:34 PM

Ah, Janie, my hugs and sympathy to you and your co-workers as well as his family.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 10:35 PM

Janie, I'm so very sorry. Take good care of yourself, OK?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: KT
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM

my condolences, Janie.......rest easy, dear. lots of love coming your way....

KT

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: jacqui.c
Date: 13 Nov 07 - 08:25 AM

So sorry Janie. What a loss! Good thoughts going to you and his family.

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: GUEST,SINS at work
Date: 13 Nov 07 - 08:27 AM

I am sorry for your loss, Janie. Good thoughts to you and his family.
M

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Tinker
Date: 13 Nov 07 - 08:32 AM

Ahh Janie,
Tides are turning dear and even when it feels as if we are being swept agains our will -- Keep your head above water and don't forget to float for a minute or two and enjoy the stars.


Love Ya to bits

tink

(who know maybe we can find a tropical paradise at the end of the ride)

Subject: RE: BS: Another request for good thoughts et. al
From: Janie
Date: 13 Nov 07 - 09:47 PM

I'm going to trust that "things" will work out ok by-and-by.

Even though I had begun to tell clients I was leaving, I held off handing in my resignation to the Division office after accepting the new job - afraid if I gave too much notice, I'd get kicked out early. I was typing my resignation Friday when I decided, merely as a precautionary measure, that I should find out what I was going to have to pay for medical benefits when I made the switch.

Good thing I did. It was a deal breaker. When the agency divested the clinics to the private company I now work for, they suddenly had 1/5 the number of employees, so their medical insurance costs skyrocketed. It was going to cost me $500 more per month than I pay now. Combined with the pay cut, I just couldn't swing it unless I dropped coverage for my estranged spouse.   While the risks of being laid off where I am are significant, it might not happen.   He is 62 years old and meagerly self-employed. After 25 years together, I can not, in good conscience, drop him from medical coverage while I have the ability to provide it when he is only 3 years away from Medicare.

So, I'll just hope I don't get hit by another round of lay offs while I build the private practice, and be grateful that, at least for the present, I can continue to do the work I love and believe I am called to do, the sleaze-bag Company be damned.

I run a small dual diagnosis Substance Abuse group, but don't have a strong background in Substance Abuse treatment. It is a motley crew, most of whom entered the group because of legal woes and/or positive drug screens by probation and parole officers. I sweat bullets in that group each week, trying to get them to utter more than 2 word sentences and talk to each other or to me. It is the toughest group I've ever facilitated, and each week I walk out of there sorely questioning my own efficacy and competence. They mostly stay clean, but I attribute that to the increased frequency of drug tests their P.O.'s usually initiate after the first dirty screen. I neither saw nor expected much reaction when I told them I was leaving at the end of the month.

I was taken conpletely aback when they stood and cheered and high-fived each other today when I told them I was staying after all. I have to say it felt pretty good.

Janie