BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1

Subject: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:37 PM

HERE IT IS! The REAL thread you've been waiting for!

I propose this thread as a home for unanswered nagging questions, stupid or otherwise. If it makes you go "WTF?" just post it here and someone will answer it... or at least try to answer it... or maybe just call you an idiot for asking. I'm depending on the infamous Mudcat know-it-all contingent to pull their fair share and contribute answers... or contribute pseudo-answers... or contribute insults... whatever fits the bill.

Yes, this is the place to get those paradoxes unraveled. What? You don't have any paradoxes that need to be unraveled? Okay. Do you have any paradoxes that need to be raveled? What the hell's the difference? Is the fact that "ravel" and "unravel" mean the same thing not, in itself, a paradox? And, if so, can we ever really unravel a paradox since, by the very act of unraveling, we are also raveling?

But that's just an aside. Here's the first thing (of many) I really want to know:

What the hell's up with all the McCain/Palin political signs still adorning people's front yards four weeks after the election? Don't these people read the news? Do they expect someone to step in and redo the election because they're unhappy with the outcome? Are they waiting until Obama screws up the first time (and screw up he will - nobody's perfect) so they can stand in their yards, point at their signs and say, "We toldja so!"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:47 PM

Why is Bee-Dubya-Ell going to pot? Is he taking too much grog, jigging and jolleying, slipping into a glazed look with every turn of the wheel? Does he have a wedging due to a slip in his underglaze?

I'd really like to know.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:50 PM

The glazed look is due to the universal shape of the universe, doughnut like, imposing itself on every chunk of pace time concurrently. The licorice glazed look--with the black hole in the middle.

Irresistible.

:

"Two protons walk into a black hole.,...".

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: quokka
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:00 PM

'Is the fact that "ravel" and "unravel" mean the same thing not, in itself, a paradox? And, if so, can we ever really unravel a paradox since, by the very act of unraveling, we are also raveling?'

- Sort of like 'flammable' and 'inflammable'?

"Don't worry - it's INflammable!" -from the Simpsons

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:16 PM

Then there's "thaw" and "unthaw"....

As to Rapaire's pottery-pun-laden inquiry above, I'm simply going to ignore it. He's just trying to pull my handle.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: GUEST,Smokey
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:37 PM

Unpeeled bananas.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 12:52 AM

Why does Amos persist?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 12:59 AM

Because it's THERE!

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 01:21 AM

Is the opposite of Constitute...Prostitute?
If you can Deify somebody, surely they had to be Ified in the first place?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: mandotim
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 01:37 AM

I want to know where all the dark goes when you turn the light on.
Tim

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:02 AM

The light blocks the dark out, and then you can't see it. In the same fashion, where does all the empty go when you fill a glass?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: John O'L
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:56 AM

Little Hawk, your logic is faulty. You could not see the dark before the light went on, it was too dark.

Similarly, the empty was never there to begin with.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:59 AM

Where does my lap go when I stand up?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Darowyn
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:29 AM

Quoted from www.msu.edu/user/dynicrai/physics/dark.htm

Dark Suckers

                Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Melissa
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:37 AM

ah, a Weekly WTF!
Good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Newport Boy
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:41 AM

Bee-dubya-ell:
What the hell's up with all the McCain/Palin political signs still adorning people's front yards four weeks after the election? Don't these people read the news? Do they expect someone to step in and redo the election because they're unhappy with the outcome? Are they waiting until Obama screws up the first time (and screw up he will - nobody's perfect) so they can stand in their yards, point at their signs and say, "We toldja so!"?

This is just another example of the poor state of the US economy. After such a huge spend on the campaign, no-one has the energy or the initiative to produce and market replacement signs.

In the UK, after Thatcher was elected, car stickers and pin badges appeared the next week. "I didn't Vote for Her!"

Phil

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Darowyn
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:43 AM

In the well known song "Puff the Magic Dragon", it clearly states that 'pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name'.
I suggest that maritime security officers should devote their attention to researching the official Honaleean archives in order to discover exactly what it was that Puff roared out, in order to add high powered audio playback equipment to any ship in the East African sea lanes.
The question to which we should turn our attention is whether the fiery saurian was actually named Puff, or whether this was a mere familiar name used by his child companion.
Did the dragon actually roar something on the lines of,
"I am Puffrapsychemordax the terrible, destroyer of worlds, tremble ye feeble humans!"?
It is even possible, if one were to parse the song line in that way, that it was young Master Paper's name that was used as such an effective deterrent.
In this case, much research is needed into the reasons for the apparent paper-phobia shown by buccaneers, as a whole new preventive measure against piracy is possible- we could simply wallpaper our ships.

Well- you've got to admit it makes more sense than WAV!
Cheers
Dave

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: mandotim
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:23 AM

I have an answer! After extensive research, I now know where the dark goes.....


















...it hides under the bed!
Tim

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:56 AM

And its not coming out until you apologise

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Will Fly
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 05:07 AM

I apologise...

Will (completely in the dark about everything)

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Paul Burke
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 05:24 AM

Bell Labs merely plagiarised the works of de Selby, with which those of you who have read The Dalkey Archive and The Third Policeman will already be familiar.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Ruth Archer
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 05:49 AM

My question: how cold, exactly, is a witch's tit?

I feel fairly certain that it's colder than that outside today, but I want to be sure...

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Will Fly
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:02 AM

Perhaps as cold as these things...

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:12 AM

So a styrofoam cup keeps the hot stuff hot and the cold stuff cold...............but how do it know?

How come Irish Spring doesn't join up with Massengill? Then they could use the same two people saying the same things in the ads. The woman says, "I just love the shape" and the big Irish bloke says, "And what a fine, fresh, scent!"

What's the calorie count on edible panties? Or does it really matter?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 07:30 AM

Nope.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:02 AM

Are there edible panties that come with chocolate "tread marks" on them? Can sadists serve them with whipped cream, perhaps with a cherry? Should you put on unchewed ones before you go out in case you're in a accident and have to be taken to the Emergency Room? How does the SM crowd make whipped cream, and doesn't it splash all over when they do?

And why doesn't a golden parachute either rip to shreds when it opens because gold foil isn't all that strong or crush the dude using it upon landing?

I have LOTS of questions.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:19 AM

Why do moronic paradoxical questions occur to me at all times of the day, but when I'm sitting at the computer posting to this thread I can't remember a damned one of them?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: quokka
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:28 AM

Did anyone ever figure out why Superheroes underwear has to be on the outside?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:45 AM

I haven't read any of the above, so naturally I'm going to ask "What is this thread about?"

I'm only here because I've shut down Facebook for the night.

.... and so to bed ...
(Pepys)

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:40 AM

"What is this thread about?" is a very appropriate question to ask on this thread. In fact, one could say that determining what this thread is about is the true reason for this thread's very existence. Sort of like a Philosophy professor asking "Why are we here?" and having some smartass from the back row answer "We are here to try to figure out why we're here."

Personally, I think Stephen Foster was the greatest philosopher of all time. It's been my experience that any vexing question can be answered by simply muttering, "Doo-dah... Doo-dah... Day." One might call it "The Zen of Doo-dah." But, then again, one might not.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:43 AM

Why the hell is Fooley addicted to Facebook? And why does it always seem to be down?

If you were in an accident wearing edible undies, at least you wouldn't starve if you had run off the road and they had trouble finding you. I still wonder why no one has started using edible air bags...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: quokka
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:54 AM

Facebook is good for when Mudcat's down,Spaw...and it's fun. There's quite a few Mudcatters on it. As if I had any MORE time to waste...oh well;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Surreysinger
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:29 PM

Why haven't I seen this thread before today?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:32 PM

Why would anyone have a Weimaraner when he could have a Dachshund?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:46 PM

Why would anyone have a Dachsund when they could have a Buffaloburger?



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Big Mick
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:52 PM

*****THREAD DRIFT ALERT*****

Amos, do they still do the buffalo roast in Old Town San Diego? The one where they cook the roasts in water soaked burlap, buried in the ground? That was sooooooooooooooooo good, just melted in your mouth. What was the name of the haunted joint there?

I now return you to your regularly scheduled rhetoric.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: lady penelope
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:41 PM

I wish to question the whole "cold as a witch's tit" thing. I know several witches and I have not noticed any of them having cold tits. Nor have I ever heard one complain along the lines of "By 'eck my tits are cold!"

Perhaps witches used to be very poor and couldn't afford enough clothing....?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Janie
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:41 PM

Why do men ask silly questions?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:46 PM

WHy do women always pass judgement on men's questions? They just MIGHT lead to something important, you know!! L:D


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM

We do it to entertain women and keep them constantly amused at how stupid we are... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:08 PM

The expression is "witch's tit in a brass bra."   Now I myself can't be sure if the brass bra or the tit is the major factor, but I am willing to conduct experiments and take accurate measurements to determine the correct answer. If you can supply me with a number of young and nubile witches, I will provide the brass bra or something similar.

If you have specific witches in mind, please send me their pictures so I can ascertain if they are fit subjects for experimentation. Nude photos would be helpful.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: s&r
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 05:32 PM

There are no silly questions - only silly answers

Stu

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM

Yup.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:15 PM

Google reveals only one restaurant that serves possum & sweet potatoes -- and it is in Alabama, not very handy to Boston.

Google reveals no restaurant that serves groundhog or woodchuck.

Why does America provide such wretched access to two great American dishes as revealed by folksong?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:35 PM

You ever cook a possum? I have, and it stinks to high heaven when it's cooking. Doesn't taste like much once it is cooked, either. Strictly food for when there is nothing else.

Now hamster or dachshund -- THERE'S a meal you can really sink your tooth into.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:47 PM

Put two of them on a roll, and it'll just about add up to one with everything.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: quokka
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:06 PM

Wow!!! Who would have guessed this thread would lead us to Enlightenment!

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:16 PM

Didja' know that possum is America's other yellow meat? Certainly is! And didja' know possums have an "ospenis?" That's a bony peter for you less sophisticated types. See, a possum comes with its own toothpick! Didja' know that armadillo is possum on the half shell?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:16 PM

Even a hot-dog vendor knows that All Change Comes from WIthin.



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:20 PM

50----You take whatever you can get..................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: quokka
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:21 PM

All together now

ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:55 PM

As you said, Rapaire, "THERE'S a meal you can really sink your tooth into."

Well, for those among us who have only one tooth left in their heads, I guess that could be so...

Me, I think that Weimaraner steaks pretty well can't be beat. Any really good delicatessen will have them on sale from time to time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:14 PM

Well, there's just about one toothful on a hamster or a dachshund.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:21 PM

Hamsters...yes. But dachshunds are meaty little guys. Think of it like a suckling pig, turning on a spit.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:58 PM

Aw, g'wan. Once the eyeballs melt, the earflaps go up in smoke, and the fur burns off, what's left but gristle and whine?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:16 AM

Wouldn't a good German brew be more appropriate than whine with yer toasted dachshunds?

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:21 PM

No, I'm thinking that a good German white wine would be perfect for such an occasion. You people clearly are not familiar with a common phenomenon: the fat dachshund. I'm telling you, there is a lotta meat on those little guys. Every dachshund secretly fears that something out there wants to devour him. They know they are a potentially very tasty dish.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 01:38 PM

Dry-Stewed Dog's Meat with Pickled Radish

Ingredients:

300g cooked dog's meat
100g pickled radish
Sliced ginger
Sliced garlic
Sectioned shallot and prickly ash peel as needed
Salt as needed
Granulated sugar as needed
Chicken essence as needed
Starch as needed
Stock as needed
Rice wine as needed

Method:

Cut cooked dog's meat into pieces. Section pickled radish. Heat oil, saute sliced ginger, sliced garlic and and sectioned shallot until fragrance is released. Add pickled radish and dog's meat, stir-fry until flavor is released. Then pour in rice wine and stock, dry-stew dog's meat until soft and tender. Season and thicken with starch. Plate and serve.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 01:47 PM

And for the feline lovers among us:

Beer Roasted Cat

1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic
1 Fine Irish Stout, like Guinness

Cover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good. Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just remember- cat is a course best served hot!

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 02:20 PM

And a cat's revenge best served cold, and when least expected.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 02:58 PM

Maggot Meringue Pie

Ingredients:

2 egg yolks
1/2 cup cold water
1 package of lemon pie filling
2 cups boiling water
1 cup maggots
1 Tablespoon butter         

Directions:

1. Add all ingredients and bring to a boil. Stir for 30 seconds.
2. Remove from heat. Stir in 1T butter and 1c maggots.
3. Pour in pie shell.
4. Top pie with meringue.
Enjoy!

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 04:55 PM

Jack Daniels Roasted Coot

4 freshly killed and skinned coots
1 liter Jack Daniels bourbon whiskey

Roast coots over open fire for 45 minutes. Throw coots away and drink Jack Daniels.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 06:00 PM

Darowyn, "Pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name." It seems obvious to me that he roared out "Puff!"
To which the pirates would say "Oooooh! Bold!!!" And lower their flags. And maybe other things.

Janie, Why do women hide things right in front of men? We stand there in front of the 'frig, looking for the butter in its little yellow tub........ Bloody green packet, that's what it's in!!

LH, it's hard to get the full flavour of a fat Dachsund, because the excessive fat drips into the fire, flares up, and all you can taste is smoke! Starve them for a couple of weeks for maximum enjoyment.

Rapaire, whether you eat edible panties or not may depend on the type of accident you experience.

Right, that's my ration of silliness. I'm off to explore Will Fly's insult site.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 08:30 PM

I saw a gizmo in the store yesterday that's supposed to help forgetful people find their car keys. The gizmo attaches to your key ring and if your keys are misplaced you whistle and the gizmo emits a beeping noise.

Well, that's fine for the whistle-endowed, but what about those of us who can't whistle worth a damn? We'd have to also buy a whistle and, of course, we'd never be able to find the whistle when we needed to blow it to find our keys.

Maybe they should reengineer the gizmo to be triggered by a sound everyone can make. Like a fart.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:06 PM

Bee-Dub, you hire someone who CAN whistle. It helps the unemployment situation!

Sheesh, I thought you'd know that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Weekly What's This About: Part 1
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:26 PM

Whistling instructions.