BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped

Subject: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 07:58 AM

i just been to shop for some meat pies and guinneess and that, i got back and me hamster is gone, all my other valubles is still here, like me telly and video and that, so he's obviously been kidnapped.

I ring police and they not even bothered, they say ="is not an emergency", course is bloddy emergency, he could be anywere now!, and saying unless i prove he been kidnapped they not going to do nowt.

Police are rubbish nowadays, probly to busy catching murderers or burglers or drinking cups of tea.

I ring BBC as well to see if i could make a media apeal, they saying ="no, we don;t do that for hamsters", bbc are shit nowadays.

I asked them nextdoor people, if hey seen anything suspisious, but they said they dont know nowt about it.
them other nextdoor peole wasnt in, so i put a note through their door, i will go and see them wehn they get in.

If any body here knows anything please let me know straight away, (or contact the police), he is light brown, and 2 inches tall and he's called Simon.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 08:26 AM

Sincerest Greetings The Right Reverand SIR j0hn from Hull

What reward are you offering?

Have you checked the Hook Ferry schedule?

Did it have its own spending account - or access to your funds?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Last time we broached the subject (many, many years ago) there were accusations you were binding the poor beast with duct-tape.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 08:34 AM

sIR jOhn,
I hate to bring this up but a few years back hamsters were being used for sexual purposes. Have you checked your neighbor's ass? Or look under your your couch.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: MartinRyan
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 08:54 AM

Many years ago, a friend of mine was taking his daughter somewhere, one day, in the family car. She insisted on bringing her hamster with her... The hamster disappeared into a hole in the padding of the back seat - and wasn't seen for a week. Presumably, seat-stuffing was more edible in those days!

Regards

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 09:43 AM

SINS... good idea. Especially if Richard Gere lives nearby.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 09:44 AM

jOhn I think your hamster maybe here Simon the hamster

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 09:44 AM

Uh, Sins, there's that thing in the Bible about the mote in the neighbor's eye vs. the beam in one's own....?

Sure hope this duddn't apply to hamsters! :~)

It was the Tuxedo Cat, looking very like a butler, because the butler always did it, and maybe Sir John has an actually butler who made a deal with the takeaway places Sir John frequents?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 09:50 AM

Sttaw Legend - that is frightening. Why do they only use happy hamsters. It's not like contented cows producing better milk.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 09:55 AM

Check the Rodents in my Car thread. Looks like your hamster is dead.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 12:35 PM

I used to haul hay for my daughter's pony in my trunk (boot) and once I found a mouse there. I suppose it could have been a hamster instead.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 12:44 PM

As soon as I quit giggling and wiping the tears, I will make a suggestion...


















ok, that's better...
joHn... get another hamster, but put an electric fence around him, and maybe some closed circuit cameras. If the Japanese are making Hamster/Apple Curry, no precaution is excessive!

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 12:59 PM

Wait! I just posted to Jeri's thread... I think Simon is just out joy-riding!

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 01:00 PM

Yep... he has a job... testing cars.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM

Who says hamsters are color blind!

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Morticia
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 01:35 PM

is his passport missing?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 03:09 PM

Rope 'em, throw 'em, brand 'em, cut 'em, earnotch 'em, and turn 'em loose agin to fatten up. That way you kin prove they're yours iffen some rustler rustles 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM

Any sign of a ransom note?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 03:19 PM

Or a Hansom note? Maybe he took a cab?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 04:46 PM

Very disturbing news, jOhn! I feel your pain.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: bobad
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 04:50 PM

OH NO! I shudder to think about......this.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: ossonflags
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 04:54 PM

Well done jOhn!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Les from Hull
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 05:52 PM

So sorry to hear about this jOhn. Of course it's not surprising seeing as it's coming up tulip season. Unscrupulous Dutch people come over here on the ferry, capture our hamsters, take them home and boil them up with sugar. As in the well-known song 'Tulips from Hamster Jam'.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Les from Hull
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 06:07 PM

Anyway, I do believe that the young of a hamster is called a pup. So your thread title is wrong. Unless you had a very very small goat.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: ranger1
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 06:28 PM

Oh noes! Maybe something worse that apple and hamster curry may have befallen the poor little fellow! Hamster Love Scroll down and read the lyrics...

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 06:34 PM

Hamster/gerbil stuffing is 100% urban myth. There is not a single documented case of a doctor having performed a "hamsterectomy" on anyone, particularly Richard Gere. (CLICK!)

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Les from Hull
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 06:58 PM

I'm not being unkind, really. I'm sure that Simon has just gone burrowing like hamsters do. Try making a noise like a sunflower seed, and see if that entices him out.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 07:22 PM

I think you might have a wheel problem finding him, jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 02:33 AM

i offer 100 quid reward for his safe return.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Gurney
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 04:01 AM

Don't do that, jOhn! You will be inundated with spurious hamsters!

And you 'funny' people, jOhn is hurting.


Our cat kidnapped a neighbour's canary, once. Tore a bamboo cage apart and walked out with it. The cat was white, and as they often are, deaf.
Not as deaf as the two children watching television in the same room, I thought. Or do I mean preoccupied?
jOhn, pussycats have never been known to steal televisions, IPods, or Gameboys. Hamsters, mice, small birds, yes.
(Piss on televisions, yes, but not steal them.)

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Zen
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 04:29 AM

Have you looked in your hat John? They seem to like hats.

Zen

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 04:34 AM

The hamster is safe

WAiT FoR MeSsAgE

Cottingham and A1-79 with three pizzas one cheese, one anchovy, on mixed seed.

The mouse, the cat, and the canary

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 05:14 AM

I suppose you don't live anywhere near that Freddie Starr, do you?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Morticia
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 08:27 AM

I almost hate to ask it of a clearly well brought up young hamster but Simon wasn't in debt at all, was he? Bad seed habit he couldn't shake off, owed the 'boys' one too many fruit sticks, that sort of thing?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 08:59 AM

I think it is much worse than that, Mortie. Rumor has it that Simon was "playing in another frog's pond" so to speak. Mr. and Mrs. Mouse are now in counseling with some legal papers having been exchanged. Grey mice rearely give birth to golden babies so, or so I have heard, there is DNA testing being done. Simon just doesn't want a commitment and certainly is in no position to support eight babies. This is going to get ugly.
Meantime, I have it on good authority that he is under the fridge and sending phony ransom notes to cover his tiny little furry butt.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 09:59 AM

But Gargoyle, how did they know to send that pasted-up ransom note to you to forward? Looks a little suspicious to me...

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 10:27 AM

Seriously, JoHn, in the hope/expectation that the wee one is still on the premises I would put a bit of his food on the floor or wherever he can reach it. Not as much food as he's used to; when he's a little hungry he'll show himself.

And listen for little scrabbling noises in the night.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 10:43 AM

Scrabbling noises? I can see why you are so remiss... a Scrabble playing hamster must be worth a fortune!

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,Ebbie /Where'd my cookie go?
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:04 AM

You don't know JOhn's Simon, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:09 AM

The hamster ate your cookie, Ebbie.....

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:29 AM

You fed him. Now he'll hide for a week.

Is interspecies procreation illegal?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: MMario
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:44 AM

If it were - there'd be a lot less mules around.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:52 AM

Ooooh. I left my cookie hanging around. It was inadvertent, but now I have it back. Advertently, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 12:05 PM

Apparently.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Gurney
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 01:23 AM

It pays to advertentise, so they say.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 02:10 AM

I advertised.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Gurney
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 03:51 AM

As advised.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 08:24 PM

Sir jOHN-

I wonder if the disappearance of your hamster has anything to do with the recent round-up of 12 alleged Pakistani terrorists. It is truly terrifying to think that such an innocent little creature could be fitted with an explosive vest...

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 10:10 PM

Oh fer christ's sake! He's under the couch. Go get him.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 11:15 PM

He got new wheels?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: MudGuard
Date: 11 Apr 09 - 05:40 AM

Dear john, you must suffer terribly. Now that your hamster is gone, how do you get your electricity? Do you turn the hamster wheel yourself?

Check whether one of your neighbours suddenly started using electricity - if so, you might find your hamster there ...

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 02 May 09 - 08:27 AM

turns out Simon did'nt got kidnapped after all, he was hiding behind my telly, i ring police to let them know (call search off etc.
anyway = i like to thank everyone waht offred messages of support at this difficult time.

john

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Morticia
Date: 02 May 09 - 11:38 AM

thank god......what a relief.We can all get some sleep now those helicopters won't be constantly circling the British Isles anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,astro
Date: 02 May 09 - 01:50 PM

Are you certain that this is your hamster? It could be a cleverly placed alien hybrid...what could be next, maybe your cat....

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 May 09 - 02:26 PM

Hamsternapping is sadly not an offence in the UK... so hamsters often get nicked. They taste good with Branston Pickle I hear.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 May 09 - 08:20 PM

Hampsternapping? Was that something to do with Napster? No wonder they were closed down...

Glad he's back jOhn.

DeG

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: annamill
Date: 03 May 09 - 01:07 PM

Many years back I had a Hamster named Henry (who later turned out to be Henrietta) who disappeared on a regular basis. He (She) had a secret way our of his(her) hamster cage that I never discovered.

The very first time I searched everywhere in my house fearing I would never see him (her) again! I found him (her), standing up on his (her) hind legs holding a piece of bread, in my breadbox drawer.

After that, whenever he (she) disappeared, I would go first thing to the breadbox drawer and there he'd (she'd) be.

Later, he (she) had a litter of pups. That's when she became Henrietta. Turn out she was preggies when I bought her. Unless,
of course, she was meandering when she went out for bread. LOL!

So jOhn, I know just how you felt when your guy disappeared. I'm so glad you found him. Now you know where he'll be when he disappears again.

True Story.
Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 May 09 - 04:05 PM

So glad he is back, jOHn. I was afraid he had joined the apple core and the dead cat. Give him something special to eat so he knows to always come home.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 May 09 - 04:26 PM

siR j0hn the riGht reverend in hUll

Keep him locked tight for awhile.

I fear knocking up the wurst when the cat, the mouse, and the canary are involved. Mind control and indoctrination are possibilities after an unexplained absence...and the already established proclivity for duct tape is ominous.

See attached file (ignore the hen-scratches, grease stains and fishified odor.

HAMSTER REPUBLIC

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: fumblefingers
Date: 04 May 09 - 07:46 PM

I've heard of hamsters being snatched by automotive researcher. They're put in hamster wheels and made to propel prototype vehicles that certain governments intend to replace internal combustion engines.

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: Neil D
Date: 05 May 09 - 04:13 AM

Is his name Lemmiwinks?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 May 09 - 08:12 AM

Not a bad idea to check for strange implants in his teeth. He may now be one of "them".

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: frogprince
Date: 05 May 09 - 10:41 AM

Has he been sitting quietly, watching everything you do, more than he used to?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: MMario
Date: 05 May 09 - 10:44 AM

He was behind the telly for FOUR WEEKS!?!!!!

What do you have growing back there?

Subject: RE: BS: My Hamster Has Been Kidnapped
From: GUEST,Meadowmuskrat
Date: 05 May 09 - 07:04 PM

If he ever escapes again, place a wastepaper basket in the lowest part of your house ( altitude -wise- not the most decadent).Build a stairway of books to a height over the rim of the basket. Place food on each step and on the last step place the food right on the edge closest to the basket.make sure the basket has newspaper or something soft in it. The hamster will inevitably eat the last bit of food and tumble into the basket. This really works. I,ve caught escaped hamsters several times with this method.