Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!

Subject: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 11:12 PM

Here are a couple of samples. This is a great site!

How do you get two bagpipes to play a unison?

Shoot one.

What is the definition of a minor second?

Two bagpipes playing in unison!

For more Phunny Pipes

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 11:26 PM

DOn't get me wrong! I love bagpipes and could listen to the for hours. Here's another:

Bagpipes-(noun)-I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig.

-Alfred Hitchcock

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 11:34 PM

ANCIENT PIPING JOKE: The lads are marching into battle, with the piper playing away like mad.............The enemy's arrows, swords and spears are creating bloody slaughter all through the Irish ranks................Ten men down, and the piper plays on................Twenty men down, and still the pipes ring out.

Finally fifty men have fallen, and the chieftain says to the piper, "For heaven's sake, can you not play something they like?"

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jul 99 - 11:35 PM

BAND STRUCTURE OF THE ARGYLL & SUTHERLAND HIGHLANDERS Drum Major: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Faster than a speeding bullet More powerful than a locomotive Walks on Water Talks to God

Pipers: Leaps small buildings with a run-up Is a crack shot Pulls railway carriages Fords rivers Listens to god

Side Drummers: Vaults over fences Is allowed his own sidearm Can read a railway timetable Knows how to put on fishing gollashes Believes in God

Tenor Drummers: Can open and walk through a door Knows which is the dangerous end of a gun Has his own train set Wears Wellington boots Talks to himself Bass Drummers: Trips over matchsticks Is NEVER allowed near firearms Says "Look at CHOO-CHOO" Plays in puddles Nobody listens to him and finally.

THE PIPE MAJOR: Lifts tall buildings and walks underneath them Catches bullets in his teeth and chews them Kicks locomotives off their tracks Drinks entire oceans He IS GOD!!!!

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 31 Jul 99 - 03:08 AM

Gee, Kat, here I am coming to your aid again--and all to revive a bunch of banjo jokes (although I loved the one about the octopus--he'd fit right in at the hot tub).

--seed

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: Musicman
Date: 31 Jul 99 - 05:38 AM

Here's another one sent to me by Helen is Australia:

here was a man in Scotland who walks into a pub with his octopus. He puts the octopus on the bar and announces to the patrons that he bets that his octopus can play ANY musical instrument! So people in the bar take him up on it.

They put down their money and somebody brings the octopus a fiddle. Sure enough the octopus can not only play the fiddle, but he plays a jig and plays it well too!!! And everyone is impressed and says how amazing it is that the octopus can play the fiddle.

So then someone brings the octopus a harp. Well sure enough the octopus plays a strathspey on the harp and plays it well too! And everyone is impressed and says how amazing it is that the octopus can play the harp.

So someone brings the octopus a flute, thinking how can an octopus play a flute? But sure enough the octopus play an aire on the flute and plays it well. And everyone is impressed and says how wonderful it is that the octopus can really play any instrument and in Scottish style.

Then someone brings the octopus a bagpipe. Well the octopus looks at it and turns it over and over and over and over; looking at it every which way. And the patrons in the bar are whispering to one another that the poor octopus is finally stumped. So the man whose octopus it is finally says, "What is the matter, can't you really play the bag pipe?" The octopus says "Play it!! If I can get the pajamas off the thing, I am going to mate with it!!!"

Subject: RE: Big Page of Bagpipe Humour Link!
From: Banjer
Date: 31 Jul 99 - 05:57 AM

I too, love the sound of well played pipes. I have driven quite some distance to see and hear the Blackwatch Pipes and Drums when they were on tour several years ago. However, being a player of banjos I also have the good fortune to be able to enjoy the jokes and I hope that pipers have equal dispositions.

It is my understanding that the pipes were originated in the far east, then migrated and were rejected by one civilization after another until they wound up in Ireland. The Irish, not knowing what to do with them gave them to the Scots as a joke but they haven't caught on to the joke yet!