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BS: Christmas Tavern 2015
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: frogprince Date: 09 Jan 16 - 08:08 PM Back at his home pond, frogprince takes the cod out of the freezer, intending to bake it for dinner. He turns it over and reads, printed on the skin, "D.T. Gnome: gardens guarded, 24 hours, competitive rates", with a phone number. "I'll be darned", he says, "I thought he was just joking". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 09 Jan 16 - 03:48 PM Severn, having secured the padlock key to the tunnel that led to the Mudcat Recovery Ward, exits back to his bed, hoping nobody finds out about his expertise on the flying trapeze. Mrs. Squid locks up behind him and rehides the key so that there will be no squidlet escapes or invasions by Nurse Ratched as in years past. Severn slips quietly back into bed, and if he's still a little sticky and smells a bit of green Jello, nobody will pay to much attention in these surroundings. He'll let a nurse take him into the shower later. Time to make the Mark Of Snorro...... "Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z........" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 08 Jan 16 - 10:18 PM The wonderful chap with the rapier awakens, shakes his head, and calls Bossy, his horse. Bossy comes, as usual, when called and the swordsman mounts. Bossy moves off at a smart canter, collecting Elsie the packhorse on the way past. Janie is snatched up, wheelchair and all, and taken back to her abode (riding double with the Aussie was fun as they played pinochle all the way). And MMario sighs and nails the door, which Bossy had knocked down, back up again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 08 Jan 16 - 07:46 PM we can walk together till we reach the parting of the ways, Janie, or maybe your ride will remember you & come back sandra (who does not like walking) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Janie Date: 08 Jan 16 - 04:57 PM The guy with the sword had a big swagger, but no follow through. Passed out and fell flat on his face, unable to light the match. Several denizens of the tavern breathed a deep sigh of relief. Sinsull cackled as she walked out. Everyone else save MMario slipped away into the fog of early morning. He leaned against the bar for a few moments, a pensive expression on his face. Shaking his head as if shaking off a dream, he straightened and snapped his fingers. He and the squid got busy cleaning up the place of anything that would rot or draw roaches before the next time the tavern opened it's doors. Decided the best they could do at present once the perishables had been tossed out into the woods behind the tavern was to spread a tarp over the hole in the roof. That done, the squid headed back to the jello pit, not too worried about what had become of the squidlets. MMario lifted up the door with it's busted hinges and nailed it in place from the inside before slipping out the back door. Meanwhile, Janie, who had been sitting out in the parking lot, too entitled to help with the clean up, realized her ride had left without her and she was stranded. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 08 Jan 16 - 11:11 AM The tosspot, revealed to have been the ghost of James Thurber, slowly turns into an invisible cartoon of a dog, who unheard, barks twice before leaving the tavern by dissolving into invisible gasses,which smell bad. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Megan L Date: 08 Jan 16 - 03:22 AM hip hip Gnu oh sorry that should be eye eye Ung. Granny picks up her basket filled with wet sphagnum moss and gently starts gathering the squidlets to hand to their mum, she cant reach very high but a few wee taps wie her stick and they summersault intae the basket. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: gnu Date: 07 Jan 16 - 09:10 PM A round of Turkey Turd Beer for all in celebration! The doc declared today that the replacement of the catawrecks in both my eyes, left and right, were 100% successful. That's 200%! Perhaps I can now join in on such banter as is herein without the impediment of poor sight, would that it be contributory for any matter. None the less, my gain is, perhaps, your loss, I wax, rhetorically. Or do I? Another round KEEP! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Janie Date: 07 Jan 16 - 08:11 PM Old Christmas Morning has come and gone. As the band strikes up Breakin' Up Christmas, the fellow with sword rouses from his drunken slumber, the squid waves all 8 tentacles in the air, a squidlet squidding from the tip of each one. The Orc herder with the walking stick starts thumping her cane in time to the music and Eliza rises up and commences to buck dancing. All the denizens of the Tavern are up and moving toward the door - quite a parade! Out the door they go. Janie grabs a box of kitchen matches on the way out and tosses them to the guy with the sword as she careens down the steps in her wheelchair, deftly saving herself from toppling sideways with swashbuckling moves of her cane. To tosspot tosses itself out the door with the greatest of ease. Sandra at this moment does not think of the long walk back to down under, caught up in the excitement and drama. The Prince of Frogs coats himself in auroch grease to avoid going dormant in the cold outside. Some fellow in a cowboy hat and a fine resonant voice to match the fine resonance of his guitar brings up the rear, leading the stringband and trying to stay out of the way of the furiously moving arm of the fiddler. There is a moment of quiet. A small voice from somewhere in the crowd is heard to say "It's too cold out here, let's go inside." Even in the chaos of the stampede back into the tavern, folks manage to grab up the fireworks, arsenal, etc or whatever y'all want to call it, and the pile ends up, as if by magic, deposited on the floor of the tavern, squarely under the hole in the roof. The guy with the sword takes a kitchen match from the box. He is pretty sloshed and if it were not for the gnome sitting on top of his hat, it likely would slide off, to be trampled among the dancers. The swashbuckler lights a match. Squiddy grabs the youngins faster than an eye can blink and ducks for cover in the jello pit. Time to break up Christmas. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 07 Jan 16 - 06:42 PM Knight mimic! shouts the tosspot... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: frogprince Date: 07 Jan 16 - 10:09 AM It's not JULIAN, it's JULIUS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 07 Jan 16 - 02:50 AM Merry Christmas Julian! :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Mrrzy, at work Date: 06 Jan 16 - 05:57 PM Epiphany! shouts the tosspot, suddenly realizing it was the 12th day of Christmas. Where have the 4 calling girls been? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Severn Date: 06 Jan 16 - 01:26 PM I know of some songs about the Cod Wars...... Dave steps up to frogprince, fish in hand, and in his best imitation of a New England accent, offers it saying, "My cod, sir."..... Rap, If the green Jello tsunami doesn't get you, the Lime disease from the reindeer ticks might..... The green Jello turns out to be sugar free, so Severn, who dropped like a lemming, gets to bask in the Lime Lite for awhile...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: frogprince Date: 06 Jan 16 - 11:16 AM Cod piece roasting by an open fire, Jack frost nipping at your nose.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Jan 16 - 08:28 AM ...or is it a piece of baked cod? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Jan 16 - 08:27 AM It's Christmas Eve! Shouts the Gnome, coming out of the Polish spirit induced coma. Time for my baked cod piece... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 05 Jan 16 - 10:58 PM The gentleman with the sword -- no Roundhead he! -- continues to sip his hot drink and ruminate upon the reindeer fallen through the hole in the roof and are now clinging precariously to the tottering tree. Oh deer, he thinks. I hope that they don't horn in on the rescue work. Antler all, that's the fire brigade's job and it would just sleigh them if they failed at it. Eight reindeer, not so tiny, who carry bootiful things at Christmas, Old and New. He had successfully dodged the jello tsunami by jumping up and clinging to the rafters until after it passed, when he dropped softly back into his seat, drying it before he landed. Lime jello plays hell with white breeches. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 05 Jan 16 - 09:39 PM The tosspot cackles - galoshes, indeed! and dodges the Jello wave more nimbly than ought to have been possible. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 05 Jan 16 - 06:33 PM Severn makes a splash that turns everything around him green from an overwhelming Jello sea......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Janie Date: 05 Jan 16 - 06:12 PM Severn and Janie make one last high swing. At the apex, Severn raises his arms, tossing her upwards, and lets go. She curls into a tight ball, rotates 3 times, then extends and does a lovely swan dive into the jello pit. All she can think about is how she must get loose of squiddie and the pit and to those two women who managed the wee orc(k)ie so expertly before Old Christmas. The sign up to apprentice with either one of them ends on Little Christmas. Wiping jello out of her eyes, she spies the (umph) Cavalier sipping his hot buttered bum. He becomes a blur behind more plumes of jello as Severn splashes down in the jello pit in front of her. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: frogprince Date: 05 Jan 16 - 01:32 PM " guylásleves "... Obviously some kind of European dialect for "golashes"; what an odd custom! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Mrrzy, at work Date: 05 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM When we shall all have an Epiphany... True story: I said I was going to cook guylásleves for Epiphany, and one of my kids asked who she was. Epiphany, that is. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Janie Date: 04 Jan 16 - 08:54 PM Jeez. And Old Christmas still 3 days away... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Megan L Date: 04 Jan 16 - 02:06 PM A wee auld wifie wie a big stick (tae walk wie) and a whip(Don't ask Gnu) stomps in the door. Aw right which tattie hied gied the Orc the buttered crumpet? Noo Magnus wis it you wit knocked on the door have telt ye tae get wee Thorfin tae dae that at least he useually leaves the hinges so we ken whaur tae pit it back. The Orc who is totally smitten with the wonderful provider scowls at Granny Dom and is quickly reminded tae mind his manners wie a swift clout wie the stick. She orders all the orcs back tae Orkney but has a bit of bother wie Magnus as he grabs haud o the wifie whit hid gien him the magic crumpet "Grannie kin a tak her hame wie me?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: frogprince Date: 04 Jan 16 - 01:28 PM While the regular denizens of the tavern have no real objection to the presence of a few fallen women, no one wishes to see anyone injured... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 04 Jan 16 - 01:23 PM In through the broken door stream a perfectly coordinated flock of Orc-Kestrals, their natural enemies, grasping all orcs in their talons as guided by their talon scouts and carried out the door while all the while, singing in perfect harmony. It was like an orcle had forseen and preordained the whole thing. Seemingly, not an add-hawk thing at all. Our collective hearts with raptors thrilled.... People try to prop up the tree and put the ladder back up to try to save the policeman. The firemen finally arrive at the tree, having been delayed by a short battle in which their hoses proved more than a match for a gang of squidlets that had pelted them with water balloons on arrival. The firemen wave everyone away and attempt to take over the rescue effort. The people holding up the tree scattered as ordered and now the tree begins teetering again, to the dismay of the firemen,,,,,,, Unlike the Falling Wallendas and the Mickey Mouse Club, aerial daredevils Severn and Janie are perfectly capable of working without a net, a soaring sight for eyes...... The floor is now quite slippery from all the water expended in the recent battle, and the dancers below are having trouble keeping on their feet..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jan 16 - 11:30 AM Severn has teamed with Janie and is doing a trapeze act above the tottering tree -- no net for this fearless duo! And they do it without spilling their drinks! Wunderbar, thinks the man with the sword (which he is using to roast marshmallows over the fire). And he quietly sips his hot ruttered bum amidst the confusion and gaiety. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 04 Jan 16 - 03:23 AM ...followed by a buttered crumpet, a mince pie and some sliced haggis... (which she just happened to have in her apron pocket) She pulled out a ukulele and with the orc singing the descant they warbled 'Auld Lang Syne' and wished everyone a Happy New Year. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jan 16 - 12:34 AM And, seated on the floor, the orc is balancing a ball on his nose, clapping his flippers, and going "Orc! Orc! Orc!" Finally, Eliza takes pity on the poor thing and throws it a fish. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 03 Jan 16 - 11:55 PM You remember how (if you read the book, mind you!) the Hobbits won in the end? Easily accomplished here in the Tavern. Said Orc had better just shuffle on out the door and count his lucky stars that Frodo or Samwise weren't here to Sting his butt. Back to the story . . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 03 Jan 16 - 11:07 PM Not all the fruits are in the orc...hard. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 03 Jan 16 - 01:04 PM Uh, oh. A rare orc-currance for the tavern. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Janie Date: 03 Jan 16 - 11:35 AM The was a loud crash as an Orc, a'straited in a jacket, busted the door to the tavern down with only his left shoulder. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jan 16 - 10:29 PM Orcs? Not yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 02 Jan 16 - 02:47 PM Did someone mention Orcs? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 02 Jan 16 - 02:30 PM Someone asked Mmario where he found the Auks. " They were helping the lambs keep time over by some manger", he explained. The ladder falls out from under the policeman, who was reaching for his hat, and he cries out for help, desperately hanging near the top of the Christmas Tree. The alligator calls the Fire Department down the street and tells them, "Please com help us down at the Tavern. We have a policeman stuck in a tree." "Don't worry", said Amos, rushing to the rescue. We should be able to handle it." "Yes", says the alligator. "But I just had always wanted to say something like that over the phone....." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 02 Jan 16 - 02:16 PM No more squabbling, Mmario. AUKward, HO!...... Here's how those nasty "Put it back on!" rumors got started. I was minding my own business, dancing with the lovely Acme, throwing in what little we remembered from the Frug, the Watusi and the Hully Gully when.... SPLAT! .....I got hit with a water filled balloon thrown by a squidlet. Now the rest of them may have been throwing regular water balloons, but not Billy The Squid, the worst rapscallion of a scurvy bunch, had added a strong dose some of the worst dime store perfume imaginable, Eau d'Amitalle or something of the like, and I got told that I smelled like a French whore house by a few that looked like they'd know. The bandleader called a waltz, "It's WALTZ Time! TAKE IT, WALT!...." ....and dear sweet Acme was still game, but I was even yet still gamier to the point of being out of season, so she said "Game Over!" about halfway through and left at a run. I went into the locker room, stripped down and found an Out Of Order sign on the shower door, so I stepped back outside in only my Speedo trunks and seeing a group of squidlets, armed and ready, I asked whether their balloons were filled with plain water and when they nodded, I put my thumb to my nose, stuck out my tongue and said, "You mangy little octopi (the worst insult you can give to a squid) couldn't hit the broad side of a whale!"...... SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! Severn pirouetted so that he could get a thorough soaking, ducked back in the locker room and completely toweled himself off and finding fresh dry clothing except for clean shirts, reemerged dry but bare chested back into the party. The rest you know, and now he lies comfortably on a big couch with Inger the Swede cuddled up next to him, thinking the New Year isn't all that bad...... He didn't suffer the worst of it, though. Billy had hit someone with a sepia filled balloon, but I don't know who, as they were rendered unrecognizable. He'd also hit DeFrosty with one, changing his color completely. "How does it feel to be a Negro snowman?" asked Gnu. "No problem", replied DeFrosty. "People still come and talk, even if just out of curiosity. At least, it didn't make me look like an oriental. NOBODY, but NOBODY will go anywhere near YELLOW snow. So it coulda been worse, I guess....." The policeman has found a long ladder and is ready to attempt to retrieve hit hat way up near the top of the tree...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jan 16 - 10:19 AM Well, the auroch is finished, teeth and toenails. MMario, bring on the roasted Great Auk and Passenger Pigeon! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 01 Jan 16 - 11:08 PM Oops, interesting disappearing act on the html. What was in the parens was "j'ai trop mangé" but it was in French quotes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 01 Jan 16 - 10:19 PM < |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 16 - 09:55 PM Bossy neighs again, enjoying giving the squidlets rides. Severn has collapsed from the throws of Bliss, one of the Swedish ladies, who used him to demonstrate her jui-jitsu abilities, and is snoring peacefully. Only five more days of Christmas, thinks the man with the flagon and sword. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Severn Date: 31 Dec 15 - 10:31 PM Severn only actually got as far as taking off his shirt. The burn scars from having accidentally catching fire in his kitchen a few years ago were enough to start them yelling. "They don't mind when I go walk for excercise in the municipal swimming pool. And those undershorts aren't mine. If you look, there's several other ones hanging on the tree, along with the watches, purses and that policeman's hat. In fact the revised topography of my chest from the skin grafts is not uncomfortable at all. Just try it....." Severn lies on his back on the couch and one of the Swedish ladies lays next him and gives it a try. "Mmmmmmmm....Interesting.........Comfortable ..........Ni-i-i-ice texture......." says Inger. "Let me try", says one of the other Swedes. "Not 'til she's through", says Severn. "That might tad some time....." Inger makes anoise like the purring of a kitten and drifts off asleep.Severn grabs his shirt and the famous "Death By Accordion" T-shirt that was sent to him by LeftyD off the floor to keep them out of the greedy tentacles of mischievous squidlets......... The policeman pats the bald spot on top of his head and finally realizes his hat is gone. Can the long arm of a rather drunken version of the law possibly prove a match for the longer arms of a pack of wild squidlets? Plus, his hat is hung near the top of the enormous tree........ " |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 31 Dec 15 - 01:57 PM The tosspot, back in out of the weather, recalls mistily that first encounter with bombadil as a verb. And sends another goblet out, this time to Tabster, in gratitude. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: MAG Date: 31 Dec 15 - 12:18 PM oh wow; how did i miss the reopening of the tavern? if anybody starts singin' Auld Lang Syne, you better get it right. and she launches into "Child's Christman in Wales" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 31 Dec 15 - 11:40 AM People are screaming at Severn. "Put it on! Put it back on!" Then a tentacle reaches out from the jello pit and hands Sev his clothes, a series of bubbles sounding remarkably like "PUB IB UN!" The squidlets, however, are running around the room waving a pair of men's heart-covered undershorts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 31 Dec 15 - 09:17 AM Hey! Says the Gnome, suddenly waking up and rolling out from under the table. If it already News year Day in Sidney, you can give us the results of the racing at Cheltenham in advance. We could make a fortune here. The snowman slowly shakes his head as the Gnome pulls himself up to the bar to order some rather expensive Polish spirit... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 31 Dec 15 - 08:41 AM the recent roaring of rockets, a plethora of pyrotechnic, an explosion of explosives here were folks greeting the New Year. Happy 2016 to all, especially those still celebrating Christmas (how very 2015!) sandra (40 mins into 2016) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: Rapparee Date: 30 Dec 15 - 10:21 PM From outside there is a roaring of rockets, a plethora of pyrotechnic, an explosion of explosives. Roamin' Roman candles toss their balls into the black velvet sky, burning holes in the fabric of space-time. And from one of those holes a Hand reaches down, scoops up the pile of bursting bombs, and is withdrawn. The night is again quiet, except for the melee going on in, over, under, through, and around the Tavern. Not bad, he thinks. Divine intervention? That BATFE agent might have injured himself, dropping a lighted cigar into the fireworks like that. As it is he just set his clothes alight, and he stopped, dropped, and rolled right into the pond. Slipping off his handcuffs and shucking off his shackles he heads back inside. There he wraps himself around a superb eggnog with potcheen, nutmeg sprinkled on top, of course. Severn has reached the point where he is disrobing to the music. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Tavern 2015 From: GUEST,Severn Date: 30 Dec 15 - 03:16 PM Severn walks through the tavern door and brushes off the snow, still thinking about his crazy dream, when a snowman at the bar sitting next to a hatless policeman greets him by leading all at the bar in "Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow". Severn thinks, "No it can't be...." and walks over toward the fire pit to get warm. Over by the fire pit he sees what looks like the bottom part of a Polaroid photograph, the top of which had burnt away, showing part of a uniform and part of what looked like a robe. Turning the photo scrap over he sees the inscription, Severn, Happy Landings, Captain Noonan He throws the picture into the fire and walks away, saying, "Lord, how can this be happening?" when in a puff of holy smoke appears Mother Mary, saying "LET IT BE!" I ask her "Do you ever say anything other than 'Let It Be!'"? and she nods. "What else DO you say?" "Leave it alone! DON'T MESS WITH IT, BUSTER!", and a puff of sacred whatever, she vanishes....... Acme comes up behind Severn and asks him "What's the matter?" "Did you just see that?" "See what?" "Never mind. Hey, do you want to dance?" "Sure, but you seem to be a little shaken..." "If they start up a fast one, there'll be a lotta shakin'", and taking her hand, says "May I?" The band starts rockin' and Severn starts dancing on paper the way he can no longer do well in real life when he can't write the script and he tries to get lost in the music and forget...... |
