The funniest song you have ever heard!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Tiger
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM

No one has mentioned that most prolific contemporary, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

I'll vote for "One More Minute"

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you,

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 05:48 PM

'Sister Josephine' (by Jake Thackeray again, I think) has me doubled up every time I hear it. - Susanne

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: kevin
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 06:09 PM

Magpie...if you're referring to a song with a chorus that goes something like "No, No, a thousand times no ... I'll sing anything, even God save the Queen, buy I won't sing you any Bob Dylan", it's by Eric Bogel, and it's a riot.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Sionnach
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 06:33 PM

No one's mentioned Camille West. I just heard "The Nervous Wreck of Edna Fitzgerald" a week ago, and can't get it out of my head. The second verse sums it up:

Our tranquility about three miles to sea Suddenly came to an end-o When the kid started saying, No way am I staying I'd rather be playing Nintendo The captain said, ho there, you little snot I paid fifty grand for this family yacht You're going to enjoy yourself, like it or not So you'd better learn how to pretend-o (We all caught the man's innuendo)

...and it's followed up by a rollicking sea-shanty type chorus. This is the lady that also wrote "Toe to Toe with the HMO," certainly a song for our times.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bugsy
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 08:15 PM

I think Eric Bogle's "Silly Slang Song" also deserves a mention.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MaryLee
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 10:53 PM

This past July, at Esther Creek's Heartland Dulcimer Camp, Susan Trump sang "The Pack Rat Blues". I nearly died laughing. Not only is it hysterical, it hits home. HARD!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Clifton53
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:11 PM

"Old MacDonald Had A Deformed Farm" by Seamus Kennendy,performed live on his CD "Let The Music Take You Home". Hilarious, with the lisping snake, a narcoleptic pig, a perverted frog and a Tourette Syndrom chicken, as well as a dyslexic sheep.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:32 PM

It helps to be familiar with Eric Bogle's works to appreciate this broadside parody of two of his tunes: Nobody's Moggy(land) by Bob Kanefsky.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bert
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:20 PM

I don't think that any list of funny songs is complete without Cheryl Wheeler's Potato Song.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: gunner
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:35 PM

gawd! there are so many that have caught me by the funny bone over the years, clam chowder's version of "five nights drunk" comes to mind as does "please mr. custer" t.g. sheppard's "go ahead, make my day" with the help from mr. eastwood. brian bowers "the scotsman", "donal, where's yer trewsers", several by ray stevens, "the streak", the "shriner's convention" et. al. so many i cannot pin it down to any one and say "this one is the funniest". and then there's "my boomerang won't come back" and "tie me kangaroo down, sport". see what i mean. but don't let that stop you trying to find "the funniest", you'll have a lot of fun along the way even if you never arrive. "gunner"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:14 PM

The Austin Lounge Lizards have always been one of my favorite funny bands. I love "Hey Little Minivan" and "Another Stupid Song About Texas" (being originally from Texas).
Weird Al is always hilarious. Well, not always. But most of the time. I've always liked "You Don't Love me Anymore": Why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?/ That kind of thing is hard to ignore/ Got a funny feeling/you don't love me anymore.
My all time favorite funny folk song, though, is Andy Breckman's "Railroad Bill." My brother plays and sings it and I die laughing.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Alan Francis
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:58 PM

How about Tom Paxton's "Not Tonight Marie!", or "Saturday Night". Phil Ochs' "The Party" or "Outside of a Small Circle of Friends", Thackray's "Bantam Cock" or "Brother Gorilla", the quasi-traditional "Wayward Boy" or, for a real collector's item, Michael and Claire Moore's "Vampire Rag" - or, as evidenced above, virtually anything by Tom Lehrer.

Subject: Lyr Add: TERRANOVA HIGH SCHOOL (Bob Bossin)
From: Marymac90
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:16 PM

I could think of quite a few, but I stumbled across the lyrics of a great one today, while looking for something else. I don't know if I have the patience to type the whole song here, but I could fax it to somebody who types faster than me.

TERRANOVA HIGH SCHOOL or (Show us the length)
Written by Bob Bossin of The Stringband
Recorded and performed (not just sung, but ACTED OUT, hilariously) by Bright Morning Star

"Girls," said the principal of Terranova High School,
"Once each year it's a pleasure for me
To introduce you to the Mayor of the city of Pacifica
To say a few words about our annual Queen."

"Who'll be," said the Mayor, "a very lucky maid
To represent Pacifica to all of the State,
And who could go on to be Miss California
Or even Miss America herself.

I expect to see some volunteers."
When one girl rose and without any fears
She said "Mr. Mayor...

Chorus:
Show us the length of your cock.
Are you hung like a beaver, or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks,
So we can have a standard by which to compare

You men. Don't worry if it's very, very slender, (This line changes for each chorus.)
The personality is as important as the member.
Drop your trousers and make the news,
And don't judge lest we judge you.

Email me at [e-mail] if you'd like me to fax it to you. Enjoy.

Mary

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 30-Nov-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:25 PM

I go along with the Austin Lounge Lizards myself. I'm particularly fond of Old Blevins and The Other Shore. I also think Nancy White is too funny to be wasted on Canadians (ducking for cover). That is, when she's not singing about Canadian politics, and I can understand her songs. Of course, I grew up on Tom Lehrer (I bet I'm the only one here who can sing the bridge to When You Are Old and Gray and get all the words right), so he will always be the standard everyone gets compared to.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Tiger
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:57 PM

Midchuck....

I'll see your bridge - and raise you a shoe full of champagne!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:13 PM

An awful debility
A lessened utility
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility.
In all probability,
I'll lose my virility,
And you your fertility
and desirability.
And this liability
of total sterility
Will lead to hostility
and a sense of futility.
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability...

There. Of course, I can't prove I did it from memory...but I did!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Willie-O
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:29 PM

No Midchuck you've got it wrong. Nancy White is too funny to be wasted on Americans! Cause you don't get half of the jokes. That's why she has no plans to move south to the Eleventh Province.

Bill C

who spends altogether too much time trying to provide my lovely American friends with some kind of context to the Canadian political landscape.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: bunkerhill
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:37 PM

Darrren: Thought I had heard everything by greg, but you stumped me. Is there a Little Jimmy Dickens thread, perchace? Loved "never see maggie alone" and "take an old cold 'tater and wait."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:39 PM

Tom Lehrer's a good one,too..."National Brotherhood Week" and "Vatican Rag" are my favorites of his. Bow your head with great respect and, genuflect, genuflect, genuflect now!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Melbert
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 05:12 PM

Victoria Wood's "Alternative Tango" is an absolute hoot. It's theme is political correctness, and you wouldn't think there were so many ways to describe the gentle (or frantic?) art of masturbation withou using the word "wanker". Particularly funny because you wouldn't normally expect to hear a woman sing such lyrics especially on BBC.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 07:22 PM

I think The Bricklayer's Song is really funny (I only heard it a few months ago, so it's new to me.) I also think "The Spree" is funny, as well as Joe Dolan's "Trip to Jerusalem": "Met some Paddys and we had a fleidh, marched through the streets of Elat town, sang 'Sean South of Garryowen'..." If anyone has ever heard "Song of the King" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat by Andrew Lloyd Webber & Time Rice, it's really a riot!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Hagbardr
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 11:01 PM

Mojo Nixon's "Take me to your Leader" and "She's All Liquored Up" are some of my favorites.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Jeri
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 11:50 PM

Someone asked for the lyrics to "Bug Squishing Party" in a thread a while ago, and I thought it sounded like it must be a cute song. I've had the opportunity of hearing it sung twice recently, and it's my current "funniest."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Slider
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 12:15 AM

Two that come to mind are a live recording of "Bullfrog Blues" by David Bromberg and "Liberal Blues" by darned if I know on a National Lampoon album. Another song that made my wife and I roll with laughter was a recording by Frankie Lane called the "Wild Goose". Of course, it was unintentionally funny. If you've never heard it, you just won't know. So much musical intensity wasted on such a piece of B.S.....

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: dw
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 12:49 AM

just heard it yesterday. ray stevens' version of "i'm gettin' nothin' for christmas (cause i ain't been nothin' but bad)"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 06:59 AM

try The Devil and the Feathery Wife

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Captain Swing
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 10:49 AM

'The bionic fisherman' by John Conolly

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HUSBAND
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 07:42 PM

*lol* We Canadians are funny people. It just happens. I personally think it's cause we are soooo much in the shadow of the states, though..and humour is our only way of staying sane thru that fate...

Not a slag on Americans, btw, just AMERICA. I like the people, not the country.

But anyways, staying OT here, just learned a great new song, called my husband. I'll post the first and last verses.

My Husband

My husband's a bricklayer, a bricklayer, a bricklayer
And such a fine bricklayer is he
All day he lays bricks, he lays bricks, he lays bricks
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

Chorus: Oh me oh my how happy am I
Oh how I love my husband dear

My husband's an herbalist, an herbalist, an herbalist
And such a fine herbalist is he
All day he drinks tea, he drinks tea, he drinks tea
And at night he comes home and just pees

Cat

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Smith
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 11:38 PM

Well, there's a bloke here in Nuke Arsle in Oz called - er...I'd best not tell - who's written a crock of songs, including a couple that he's had to go and threaten people in the middle of the night to get some of the money they made after they got famous using his songs but claiming they wrote them. Anyhow, the one that always tickles my fancy is a thing that is, funnily enough, always heavily requested by the off-duty nurses in which ever joint he's playing in at the time. The song's called, "Give Me The Dead Rat Of Happiness". I think you get the drift. Other than that, the world's oldest professional surfer - a bloke called Jerry Prietto who hails from somewhere USA-ish, but now lives in the Stockton Republic on the Hunter River here, sings a tune called "The Winner" about a young bloke trying to pick a fight with a broken-down old biker in a bar. It's a hoot. Reminds me of me. Both characters. I was one, and I'm getting to be the other. Coo-ee... Psmith

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Micca
Date: 19 Dec 99 - 06:23 AM

AnTirKitten, That is the bowdlerised version of an obscene song called "Fall in and follow the band" the " and drinks tea" line when included often has an implied question mark after it.one of the "cleaner" verses
My husbands a Miner, a miner, a miner,
a very fine miner is he
all day he goes down, he goes down, he goes down,
and at night he comes up and goes down
If you need more/ want to shock the socks off someone drop me a line and I'll send what I have. Micca

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HUSBAND'S A MASON
From: Abby Sale
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 12:44 AM

Cray's _The Erotic Muse_ (required reading for this sort of thing) offers several versions and enough verses of "My Husband's a Mason." More are easy to invent.

I sent this up to DT in 1994 but it doesn't seem to have arrived yet. :-)

It's in Qbasic format & can also be beeped by any other PC version if line numbers are added..basica, GWBasic, etc.

' Use basic to run everything from here to the bottom ************
  ' Or don't.
  '
  ON KEY(7) GOSUB 3000: KEY(7) ON
  f$ = CHR$(34)
  CLS
  PRINT "Type  to abort"
  PRINT : PRINT "My Husband's a Mason"    

PLAY "O2 L4 MF T200 mn"
  PLAY "p16p2p2"
  time = 3/4
  PRINT
  '         /-downbeat   /         /         /
  PRINT "My hus-band's a ma-son, a ma-son, a ma-son,"
  PLAY " g  >c  c      c e  c    c d  d    d e  c   "
  '        /          /         /
  PRINT "A ve-ry fine ma-son is he."
  PLAY " e g  e  g    a  f   a  mlg2.msg2 mn"
  '          /           /            /            /
  PRINT "All day he lays bricks, lays bricks, lays bricks."
  PLAY " g   g   e  e    mle mnc e    mle mnc c    mlc mn  '         /              /             /     /
  PRINT "At night he comes home and lays me."
  PLAY " >g g     a  g     f    e   d    mlc2. mnc2"
  '                 /     /
  PRINT "    Tra la la,"
  PLAY "     g8  a8 mlg2. msg2 mn"
  '             /              /             /
  PRINT "    At night he comes home and lays me."
  PLAY "     g  g     a  g     f    e   d    mlc2. mnc2 p4"
  PRINT
  PRINT "My Husband's a butcher, a butcher, a butcher,"
  PRINT "A very fine butcher is he."
  PRINT "All day he stuffs sausage, stuffs sausage, stuffs sausage."
  PRINT "At night he comes home and stuffs me."
  PRINT "    Tra la la;   "
  PRINT "    At night he comes home and stuffs me."
  PRINT
  PRINT
  PRINT "a miner"
  PRINT "he bores holes"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a pilot"
  PRINT "he flies planes"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a jockey"
  PRINT "he rides horses"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a carpenter, carpenter, carpenter"
  PRINT "he pounds nails"
  PRINT
  PRINT
  PRINT "When sufficiently bored, type any character except "; f$; "í"; f$
  screwdriver$ = INPUT$(1)    

CLS
  PRINT
  PRINT "a glazier"
  PRINT "he blows glass"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a farmer"
  PRINT "he forks hay"
  PRINT
  PRINT "             -------------------------------------"
  PRINT    

PRINT "As printed in _The Erotic Muse._  Cray writes that it can be traced"
  PRINT "to the early 18th century - and the puns were probably old then. He"
  PRINT "gives several versions using `my father's a ...' which adds a nice"
  PRINT "incest aspect and quotes MacColl & Seeger: `the English and Scots"
  PRINT "traditional repertoires are rich in euphemistic songs and scores of"
  PRINT "trades and occupations have contributed their terminologies and"
  PRINT "their tools to the vocabularies of sexual symbolism."
  PRINT
  PRINT "Cray mentions `A German Clockmaker' as an example but says few songs"
  PRINT "of the type have much currency today."
  PRINT
  PRINT "I can think off hand of `The German Musicianer,' `The Molecatcher,'"
  PRINT "(a bit) `Bonnie Black Hare,' `The Cooper o' Cuddy."    

3000 '
  ' SYSTEM
  ' ***********************************************

HTML line breaks and preformat commands added (not that it helps a whole lot). --JoeClone, 30-Nov-01.

Subject: ADD: Wonderful World of Sex (Michael Smith)
From: Owlkat
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 03:58 AM

Hi hi, Here's my offering, care of a Steve Goodman concert that he played at the Karma Coffee House in (I think) '70 or '72. It's written by Mark Smith, the author of "The Dutchman". Oh oh! Changed my mind. Here's TWO Mark Smith songs. I had a chance to ask him about more words for the second one some years back, and he said that he didn't remember it at all. Yeah. Sure.

I could learn to read Vietnamese by myself
And I could even teach it to my good dog Ralph
And I could learn to read you every book on the shelf
And I could read your future like the oracle of Delphi
I could identify any flower by it's colour
And I could swim as fast as Johnny Wiesmuller
But I never could learn to get along without you baby
Don't you run away from me cause I sure dig sex
You can get love from your momma and your poppa
You can get hot from tortillas and lasagna
You can get steam from a turkish or a sauna
But you get all three when you make it from me, baby
I must admit it gets me in the plexus
When I hear about the differences in the sexes
Pizza and beer are neat
But when you get right down to it, it just can't compete
With good old S double E double X
Is camper than Batman and bigger than Texas
You're concave and I'm convexes
Welcome to the world of SEX
Do I love you Is the Pope catholic
Do I need you Is a rubber band elastic
Do I want you Is the atom bomb drastic
Let's be heterosexually
Entwined we fit like a Hong Kong suit dear
I dig you more than I dig root beer
Big green peas need a big green pod
And I'm just a sittin' here needin' your bod
So why don't we go walkin' through fields of clover
Then lie down and kinda talk things over
You never know what's happenin' next
In the wonderful world of SEX

---

Hokay. That's one. I use it for my vocal warmup every night when I do my summer vaudeville show. I love how people react the first time they hear it. The second one is even better.

Everybody's high except for me.
I'd love to be in high society
Even nuns are flying on tv
Everybody's high except for me

My girlfriend Lucy says that I'm so square
And her scorn sometimes is just too much to bear
My best friend Melvin takes her everywhere
What a fascinating thing to delve in
Lucy in the sky with Melvin...

Oh yeah. And anything by Mark Graham of Seattle. There. I'm done. Can I have my jello now? Bye bye.
;-) Mart

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: WriteFLyer
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 04:19 AM

More lyrics to "My Husband & Diff chorus: My husband's a glazier, a glazier, my husband's a glazier is he. All day he blow glass, he blows glass --at night he comes home and- - - - drinks tea. Hi jig a jig, kiss a little pig; follow the band, follow the band, follow the band; (repeat)last line is "follow and follow the band."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: lajka
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 01:51 PM

Hello! The funniest song i have heard is "Home boys Home" BUT there is a song ,well not realy in this cata.it´s done by Zappa.Frank Zappa. Ofcourse I´m talking about:Bobby Brown. It´s great.

Whit love from Sweden

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Wesley S
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 11:40 PM

Two songs that would get my vote are by Chuck Pyle : "The Remember Song" and "Keep It Simple". Both crack me up.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 01:47 AM

Follow the Band is in the database. Seek, and ye shall....

Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE, BY GOLLY (Lehrer)
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 03:21 AM

For Margo, here's Tom Lehrer's "Christmas Time Is Here, By Golly" the way it was printed in the first book of his songs. On a later album he had added a few more carols to the bridge.
.
.

Christmas time is here, by golly!
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "When."

Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens...
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again:

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to cheat [hate] him all the more,
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil:
"Just the thing I need. How nice."

It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is nor how heart-felt the spirit;
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark! The Herald-Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God bless you, merry merchants, may
You make the yuletide pay.
Let jingle bells celebrate
From San Francisco's Golden Gate
To the little town of Bethlehem, Pee-Ay.

So let those raucous sleigh-bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky...
Don't stand underneath as they fly by.



His "In My Home Town" is a blast, with verses like
Nobody could ignore the little girl next door,
She sure looked sweet in her first evening gown.
Now there's a charge for what she used to give for free,
In my home town.


Other Tom Lehrer songs include "National Brotherhood Week," "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park," "Be Prepared (The Boy Scouts' Marching Song)" [If you're looking for excitement of a new and different kind/ And you come across a girl scout who is similarly inclined/Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared/Be prepared."]


I love a bunch of the Austin Lounge Lizards stuff, too, like "Half a Man" and "Irving" and, of course, "Old Blevins."

But my newly revived all-time favorite funny song is Flanders and Swan's "Have Some Madeira, M'dear."

--seed

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 06:59 PM

Love the Bricklayer, and Devil and the Widow, as well as anything by Les Barker....but the funniest ever heard was a pub rendition of Amazing Grace sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island...(just try it) Midchuck: Dog of Time..from where? got lyrics?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 07:09 PM

Also go into convulsions hearing "Chipmunk with a Deathwish" I'm a rodent by the side Contimplating my last ride Chipmunk with a death wish Your car won't show a dent No indication that I went If you want a souvenir Better hit a deer *big grin*

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Micca
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 07:51 PM

Thanks Dick Greenhaus that is essentially the version I know we have one or two additional verses such as the word in the chorus tho'is not kiss but that little Anglo Saxon f word, it scans better too. I am currently listening to a lot of Flanders and Swan ( found a boxed set of 3 CDs last year) and have quiet hysterics at their song writing skill.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Callie
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 08:02 PM

Manura Manyar by trad - it's a song about shit!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: ddw
Date: 22 Dec 99 - 12:12 AM

Not sure it's the funniest — there are so many good ones by Ray Stevens, Shel Silverstein and a lot of other writers — by one of my current favorites is Joel Mabus's The Preacher And The Flood.

david

Subject: Lyr Add: WALTZING WITH BEARS
From: JamesJimFolk
Date: 23 Dec 99 - 12:38 AM

"WALTZING WITH BEARS" comes to mind (a Doctor Seuss song)

First verse:
"I went to his room in the middle of the night,
Crept to his bed and I turned on the light,
And to my surprise, he was no where in sight,
My Uncle Walter goes waltzing at night.

Chorus:
He goes wa-wa-wa-waltzing, waltzing with bears
Raggy bears, baggy bears, shaggy bears too
There's nothing on earth Uncle Walter won't do
So he can go waltzing, wa-wa-wa-waltzing
Wa-wa-wa-waltzing, go waltzing with bears

We bought Uncle Walter a new coat to wear,
But when he came home it was covered with hair.
And lately I've noticed several new tears;
I'm afraid Uncle Walter's been waltzing with bears.

We told Uncle Walter he should be good
And do all the things we said that he should.
But I know that he'd rather be out in the woods;
I'm afraid we will lose Uncle Walter for good.

We begged and we pleaded, Please won't you stay
And managed to keep him at home for a day.
But the bears all barged in and they took him away;
Now he's dancing with pandas
And he won't understand us
And the bears all demand at least one dance a day.

A verse a friend and myself added this verse and Chorus:

We told Uncle Walter it just wasn't right,
But he kept on insisting, "come with me tonight."
So we finally went with him and boy, what a ball;
We discovered old Walter's not crazy at all!

Revised Chorus:

Now we all go wa-wa-wa-waltzing, waltzing with bears
Raggy bears, baggy bears, shaggy bears too.
There's nothing on earth that we wouldn't do;
So we can go waltzing, wa-wa-wa-waltzing,
Wa-wa-wa-waltzing, go waltzing with bears.

Fun song to sing!

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 1-Dec-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From:
Date: 26 May 00 - 04:33 PM

In reply to Larry (10 Dec 99) the chorus of the song about the crew of the SS Shieldhall goes:

We're the crew of the SS Shieldhall Pull your chain and we'll answer the call Out terrible aroma Will put you in a coma We're the crew of the SS Shieldhall.

If anyone knows the verses,who wrote it (Eric Bogle?) please let me now. ( The song describes the disposal, at sea, of sludge left after aerobic and anearobic digestion of sewage from the City of Glasgow.It was taken out to sea in a vessel, I think, incidently with one of the largest triple expansion steam engines still afloat. The crew get closepegs for free because of the overpowering stench, and the Captain is slowly building an offshore island he can retire to.)

Sadly the practice was outlawed by the European Economic Commission a few years ago.Who knows, there might be another folk song in the pipe-line somewhere........ Stewart

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Kim C
Date: 26 May 00 - 05:44 PM

I love Merry Christmas from the Family; also John Prine's Dear Abby. There is a great old-time banjo player on the Grand Ole Opry named Mike Snider --- he is a young guy but he plays old stuff and is just about the only one doing any humor on the Opry anymore. He has a couple of songs that are a STITCH: If My Nose Ran Money, Honey, I'd Spend It All On You and She's Really Putting on the Dog When She Goes Out at Night.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bradypus
Date: 26 May 00 - 06:53 PM

The Bricklayer's Song, definitely.

Almost anything by Flanders and Swann - The Gnu, Vive de Gaulle, Misalliance, Madeira M'Dear?

And the Bill Hill songs, as covered by The Corries - The Portree Kid, The Sunday Driver

Bradypus

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 26 May 00 - 08:19 PM

Just when I thought it might slip by overlooked, Alan Francis weighed in with Paxton's "Not tonight Marie" - and some other admirable nominations. BSeed has made a valiant effort at listing some of Lehrer's best, but it's dodgy ground - someone's bound to take issue. For my part, I think any list of his funniest must include Vatican Rag.

Now for the funniest that so far hasn't had a mention: Dory Previn's "Twenty-mile Zone".

Subject: Lyr Add: MOTHER-IN-LAW SONG
From: mactheturk
Date: 27 May 00 - 08:34 AM

Martin Mull is known as a comedian but he's also a good guitar player and a very funny singer-songwriter. Here's a sample of his "Mother-in-Law Song" from his album "Sex and Violins.”

I look at your mother and I can see in a minute that there's nothin' in it for me.
She's got an image that spits and you’re her spittin' image Cheri....

I think of your mother and I can't understand it,
It’s not how we planned it you see,
In a year you will turn into her, 'stead of "turn on" to me.

I had a father so wise he said, "open your eyes,
Son don't you court don't you wed."
He said "if you do in a week maybe two
You’ll be right back in court over who owns the bed,"

So back to your mother, and all the men that she used,
I'm so confused, what to do.
I can't seem to grasp how such a venomous asp
Had a sweet little viper like you.

You want to be like her I tell you, don't bother.
I'd much rather see you turn into your father.
One is enough, yeah the world don't need two.
Tell her "go screw herself and be you.

Try this one next mother's day!

Mac

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 1-Dec-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 May 00 - 08:59 AM

My and my sister were laughing till the tears ran when we first heard "Our Hamlet." Also "Contrapunctus Bestiale" by Renaissance composer Banchielli was so funny I could die! Image expecting to hear a nice Renaissance polyphonic motet for voices, only to discover that the music is the singers doing a fugue of animal noises! MEEEEEEEOW!!!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 May 00 - 02:05 PM

Sister Josephine and Dear Boss, in that order.