BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!

Subject: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 08:21 PM

Yeah, I know...dangling preposition.....Bugger off.

Christmas is now over 10 days behind us and I'd like to know what gifts arrived at your home on that blessed day that you NOW want to DESTROY!!!!

Case in point...................

AS you all know, my son Tristan is MR/DD with autistic traits and sometimes things make him exuberantly happy so Mom and Dad are suckers for those things. A few months ago he saw something at the grocery store that he'd seen on TV and you'd have thought it was the most wonderful thing ever placed on this earth. He would stand fixated but abundantly happy in front of the display and would throw a fit when he had to leave it. So when Christmas came, we HAD to buy one for him and though he got wonderful things and his favorite "big truck" and "backhoe" from Santa, the hit of the day and the season was.............yeah, that's it.......That inimitable rubber fish on a plastic plaque, The Boogie-Woogie Bass.

For those of you who aren't familiar, its a "talking" and "singing" rubber fish that has 8 or 9 smart-ass phrases and 2 songs AND a motion sensor so it will speak to you as you pass. BTW, on one of its phrases, it farts with a little tail twitch and fart noise and then says, "Pardon me, I must have had some bad flounder."

Now it was delightful to see how happy he was......And when it said "Kiss me Baby," and Tris DID, it was a Kodak moment ....that I missed of course. And it was a lot of laughs watching the cats with it at first. BUT NOW.................I don't think I can take much more of the "Pretty Woman" parody ("Pretty Fishy, what a lovely bass") and if I hear that "Limbo Rock" shit anymore I may commit mayhem and be on my way to the NYCFTTS for an extended stay.

So................What have you newly acquired that you'd like to trade?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 08:32 PM

Pat, Furbies come to mind.....I don't have one, but would like to. My 16 yr old daughter has forbid them in the house. Have you tried just taking the batteries out and telling Tris that is is broke? One of those "so sorry,son, tricks? I do sympathize, but you know who bought the damn thing.........

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 09:39 PM

What is Xmas anyway? I believe you mean CHRISTMAS.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Allan C.
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 09:41 PM

Yeah, Pat, one would think you'd know better than to purchase ANYTHING that makes a repetitive sound.

Many years ago some well-intentioned relative gave my youngest daughter a "Rap Rope". This little marvel had a battery storage chamber in the jump rope handles which powered a chip that delivered an all-too-audible rap beat along with a few squeeks and squawks. After enduring this torturous item for a few days, I gratefully discovered that it quickly decended to the lower portions of the toy hierarchy. The "Rap Rope" disappeared a short time after that.

Not long after that a late gift was given to the same daughter by some people we were visiting who lived about a two-hour drive away. It was, I thought, just a plastic horse. Oh, but it was much, much more! As we pulled out of the driveway to head homeward, my daughter put the horse through its paces. She flicked on a switch which was located where a horse's navel should be. Then, by tugging on one of the horse's legs, the horse would NEIGH a couple of times. Tug again, it would SNORT twice. Tug once more and it would make a galloping sound, CLIPPITY-CLOPPITY. All of these sounds were a bit loud. It was especially loud in the small confines of our compact car. In fact, I was quick to point out to my daughter that, although I thought the horse was totally cool, I suggested that she have it make all of its noises just one more time and then switch it off for the rest of the trip. She did just as I asked.

However, the cycle of NEIGHS, SNORTS and CLIPPITY-CLOPPITIES failed to stop. The switch had chosen that moment to malfunction. Undaunted, I examined the horse and discovered the battery compartment. Once the batteries were removed, the NEIGHS, SNORTS and CLIPPITY-CLOPPITIES would end.

No, they did not. There must have been a capacitor or something tucked away in the bowels of that horse. The NEIGHS, SNORTS and CLIPPITY-CLOPPITIES continued for the entire journey home - although they were partially muffled by the coat in which the horse was quickly wrapped.

The very moment we arrived at home, the horse was placed in the freezer for the night. Peace at last! The next morning when I checked on it, the horse was still NEIGHING, SNORTING and CLIPPITY-CLOPPING. The horse spent the next few weeks in the barn and batteries were never again allowed to be within ten feet of it.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 09:52 PM

LMAO Allan......James Thurber would have loved that story!!!

I thought the batteries that came with Boogie Bass would be the demo type and would crap out quickly enough, but it seems to be related to the horse! Tris just loves it and I'm a bit too soft at times.......I'll pull the batteries one day and save Woogie boy for a day that Tris needs some cheering up......He just loves it though.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 10:15 PM

Well, you all know what I'd like to take back.....

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: R!
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 10:25 PM

It wasn't noisy and I didn't get it this year BUT I did receive a bad taste giftie a few years ago from my old china's son and his wife. It was a sofa throw in which Santa and a couple of reindeer featured VERY largely. Santa, whose head is the size of a large serving platter, has a leer on his face. It makes me uncomfortable to sit on the sofa. The reindeer look very menacing, too. I think they're outlaw reindeer. This throw is carefully spread over the sofa when all the decorations are hauled out for the season. Today was a very happy day - I came home from work to find that Christmas had been dismantled. I will miss the tree because it looks just like magic with all those tiny lights on it. I WILL NOT miss Leering Santa and the evil reindeer.

Rowana

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 10:28 PM

First a haunted horse and now "OUTLAW REINDEER"??????

This thread is already cracking me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 10:32 PM

*LOLOL*...half the people who give me presents READ the Mudcat...I wouldn't dare comment...(fortunately, they are mostly VERY clever & and thoughtful folks!)....My dear sainted mother used to give me clothes SHE thought I should wear....but her taste was polyester.....

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Allan C.
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 10:41 PM

BTW, Guest:

Xmas \kris-mes also eks-mes\ n [X (symbol for Christ, fr. the Gk letter chi (X), initial of Christos Christ) + -mas (in Christmas)] : christmas

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Melani
Date: 04 Jan 01 - 11:58 PM

Spaw, we have a similar situation. My developmentally delayed semi-autistic 12-year-old is into...John Tesh!

When he saw the ad for the TV special "John Tesh--One World", he squealed, "Oh, boy! I love John Tesh!" Since for him that is an unusually long and gramatically correct sentence, I was charmed and, like an idiot, taped the show.

That was a couple of months ago. I now have the soundtrack memorized. Daniel wants to visit all the places in the show, and is planning our next family vacation on top of an arid mesa in the Southwest.(There's a great scene in the accompanying "The Making of..." showing them airlifting a portapotty to the top of the mesa by helicopter. I can hardly wait.)

We got him a second copy of "Over Ireland" for Christmas to replace the one that got broken, but since he had already spent two years straight watching it, it only gets occasional play, in between John Tesh marathons. At least the music was better.

For God's sake, don't ever show him your fish.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 12:08 AM

LOL Melani!!!! that's great........You just gotta' love them don't you? They can get so locked in on something and it really is both humorous and hair pulling. That bit of the "Rain Man" persona is truly a mixed blessing isn't it? When Tris gets locked on something, after awhile either Karen or I will look at the other and say, "K-Mart, 400 Oak Street, Cincinnati, Ohio." He is truly the light of our lives.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Quincy
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 05:28 AM

Oh Spaw.....how could you?????

My house is full of those singing rubber animals! I have Rocky the Lobster, Max the Mallard, Cool Catfish, Big Mouth Billy Bass, Travis the Trout, Jaws the Shark.....the one I don't have is a Buddy Buck (a talking stags head!) Well I thought I had most of them until you mentioned one that I haven't heard of!!!

If I work this html stuff it would be green with envy just now!

Right, have to go and trawl the shops for a Boogie-Woogie Bass...can't stop..

best wishes, Yvonne

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Gervase
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 05:55 AM

'Spaw, I think I'm with you on the singing fish.
In a moment of madness a few months ago I bought a Big Mouth Bill Bass to go in the downstairs khazi - being a nasty sort of chap I liked the fact that it had a motion sensor (not THAT sort of motion!) and could terrify the crap out of any unsuspecting visitor to the loo.
Oh my did we larf - for a few days at least, when guests would mutter about just popping to the loo and we'd wait for the shriek as "Take me to the River" shocked 'em out of their skins.
Then the cat overcome his own fear and loathing enough to start slipping into the khazi to spark up the fish, and very soon it all got toooo much and the motion sensor was switched off.
Still, at least it lets me know when my daughter's used the loo, as she's the only one who now turns the darned thing on.
What's the betting that every church bazaar and boot sale for the next decade has a few of those sodding singing fish (some, like mine, with what looks suspiciously like cat tooth marks).

By the way, you mention the amazing battery life of these gizmos - mine, I swear, came with a little socket for a mains adaptor. Now that's for REAL gluttons for punishment!

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Naemanson
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 08:46 AM

Once upon a time we bought our little daughter a book with an electronic gizmo molded into the back cover. Whenever you moved the book it would play Jingle Bells. It was so sweet. Then it got old but in the way of little kids she misplaced the book and had enough other books that she didn't really miss it.

But we couldn't miss it for long. For months a muffled Jingle Bells would sound from beneath the couch cushions or under a chair. Then it would get shelved. And found. And then the song would come from yet another location. And the sensitivity of the device increased so that the song would come out at the slightest provocation.

AND IT HAD NO OFF SWITCH! AND THE BATTERY LASTED FOREVER!

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: alison
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:00 AM

I've just sent you another singing fish Spaw...... check your email.. its a beauty.....

we have a Furby.... BUT.. its a Furby baby... and I think they sleep longer.. in fact ours has been asleep all week......

it wakes up every-so-often... farts, says "night night" and goes back to sleep........ all the same attributes as a man.. but you don't have to feed it.... hahaha

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:29 AM

Well our neighbours gave my daughter a lovely Christina Aguilera doll for her birthday. It played a short clip of some song or other. To save my sanity I found the switch that made it play the song through. Fortuneately my daughter got tired of it within a week so I only hear the song once every couple of months.

The worst thing I can remember is my Mom once getting a small travelling alarm clock that played the Canadian National anthem, flat, as its alarm. She kept it in a large bag with a lot of other useful items. Now and again it would go off unexpectedly and she would be frantically pawing through the bag to get to it and switch it off. I think that's one clock she was very glad to lose.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:33 AM

LMAO.......I got it al..........I know Karen will appreciate it too. You might also want to send a copy to Gervase!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Kim C
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:49 AM

My auntie gave us a paper towel holder in the guise of a little plastic penguin. It has a button on its head that you push and it makes what's supposed to be a penguin sound. It sort of grows on you but I have no idea why in the world she decided we needed one.

My friends' baby daughter got one of those Let's Pretend Elmo dolls for Christmas... he was telling me that in the middle of the night he heard something that made the cats scatter and him sit bolt upright in bed. He sat there for a minute, listening... and he heard... "Okay. We'll play later."

Mister and I have already decided that Big Mouth Billy Bass would make GREAT target practice. :)

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: annamill
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:56 AM

My sister and I had a competion going with our children. It started simply enough when they young. She gave my daughter one of those obnoxious push toys with the bubble with little balls in it that went clackety-clack. When I called her to tell her never to do that again she laughed extensively.

So... on the next present-giving day her son got a toy instrument of extensive loudness. tee hee hee (leer grin)

My son recieved electronic drum sticks on his next present-day. I almost commited murder on my beloved sister, but instead HER son received a very load tommy gun.

And so it went for may years..

Now it's over. Our children are grown and mostly gone.

Kinda miss it.

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:11 AM

They may be distributed only in Alabama, but there are singing catfish down here--whiskers and all. I think it's a Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Naemanson
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:18 AM

Annamill, there are grandchildren to consider!

My ex once thought it would be great fun to give my nephew one of those fireman's helmets with built in siren and loudspeaker. I pointed out my sister's capacity for vengence and that derailed that plan. After all we had two kids of our own...

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Allan C.
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:20 AM

I checked the clock. 2:45 AM and outside it was as dark as could be. Then I again heard the sound that had awakened me. It was a whirring/buzzing noise that reminded me of an electric drill. I thought, "Which of my %*@# neighbors is doing a home improvement project at this hour?". There it was again. It never lasted long enough to get a fix on the direction from which it was coming. I quietly proweled about the downstairs of the house, peering out of every window to locate a potential source for the noise. Not a single light was burning in any of the surrounding houses.

I decided that I would try looking through some of the upstairs windows to see if I had overlooked one of the possible culprits. I wandered into the wooden-floored spare bedroom.

The whirring/buzzing happened yet again only this time I found the source. My younger daughter had gotten a very tiny kitchen set for Christmas. A miniscule wind-up blender was part of it. The blender had apparently been wound and then somehow buried under the edge of a small rug. The blender's spring seems to have had just enough strength to overcome the pressure of the rug in order to emit short bursts of blender noises. This noise had been somewhat amplified by the vibration against the wooden floor.

Mystery solved, I headed back to bed.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Morticia
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:42 AM

When my son had finally outgrown his Terminator toy ( eyes lit up red, Arnie voice says Hasta La Vista etc) I put it, with a whole load of other junk in a very deep cupboard......over the months the cupboard filled up, as they do, with a thousand odds and ends...too good to throw away,too useless to keep, you know the kind? So in the middle of the night I guess something shifted and from the very depths of the cupboard Arnie decides his moment has come.....Hasta la vista and machine gun fire could be heard through out the house. After praying it would switch off,I eventually gave up and, at 1 o'clock in the morning I have to empty out the damn closet which goes back 9 feet, find the doll, switch him off and put everything back.
Obeying natural laws, nothing would stack the way it had before, I am also trying to work silently so everyone else can get some sleep and it is 3 am before I crawl back into bed. When I got into work the next day, looking like a road accident, everyone says " So what happened to you?"......I didn't bother to explain, I didn't have the energy.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Seth
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:47 AM

A few years back, when my grandaughter was not two, we got her a talking Barney. She adored her talking Barney, but at 20 months, she began to tire of its repertoire of phrases. We used Barney to record a message on our answering machine ("hello again to all my friends"), but then he retired to the big pile of her toys at the bottom of the stairwell. But Barney is an emotionally needy dinosaur. He would be quiet for days, then without a human touch- "Can you find something blue?" and then back to silence. Barney could not be turned off. My cat developed a particular loathing for this non-human, non animal thing. We were really happy to see Barney leave with Samantha a few weeks later. He was last seen in the back of a car that my son-in -law was taking to the junk yard about two years later. By this time Samantha had grown to hate Barney as much as our cat did. Barney still uttered the odd phrase every few weeks. He's probably at Al's U-PIC-M auto parts even now, scaring people who are scavenging for their cars and trucks.

Seth from China

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 10:59 AM

Damn but ol' James Thurber would have LOVED this thread. Maybe its his ghost that haunts these things..........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: harpmolly
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 11:50 AM

Spaw et al,

Oh!!! I remember all too well the first time I encountered Big Mouth Billy Bass in our local Walgreen's. I was innocently wandering in search of some random item when suddenly I jumped out of my skin! After examining the offending article (singing rubber fish, to wit), I was overcome with relief--obviously it was just a silly novelty item, and really so obnoxious--who would ever actually BUY one?

How very, very wrong I was.

The next week, when my friends and I showed up for our weekly sushi date at the Takahashi, what should be lying in wait for us by the counter but--ack! BMBB! I attempted to fork the evil eye at it, which it derisively answered with a rousing chorus of "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Did I forget to mention that this particular restaurant is usually very crowded and requires waiting at least ten to twenty minutes--BY THE COUNTER--to be seated? And, of course, every minute or so, new blood would waltz up to the counter, take a gander, say "What's this, then?" and press the little red button. Murder and mayhem, anyone? It was horrible.

Rather tame story compared to most others, but I feel your pain :)

Moll

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 04:02 PM

There's a certain all piddling, all puking, all crapping baby that I'd be glad to see the back of.....

And I nearly bought Micca the singing Catfish, but I decided that not even I could be that cruel.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 04:39 PM

Well, Spaw, I guess I see it more from Tristan's point of view. I have a Christmas tree that sings and dances and it has a face.

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Gypsy
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:24 PM

Well...i haven't recieved, but certainly have given. We are childfree. So, of course, siblings with children are fair game. I recall the Christmas that we sent my sisters kids: 4 ocarinas. In four different colours. In four different boxes. They get snowed in during December. Kids are only 2 years apart. Don't know if sister has forgiven me yet.....

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 09:36 PM

This thread is just great. We went to the mall to get Michael his first pair of glasses and shopped around a bit. Exiting Waldenbooks we encountered a stack of talking rubber0 fish, one a shark, and Tris went nuts! There was a little boy there with his Dad and he was loving it too. I said to the Dad, "Yeah, we got one and he just loves it, but I ain't buyin' the shark!" The Dad grinned and replied, "Yeah we got one too amny at our house too." Cracked me up!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: mmm
Date: 05 Jan 01 - 11:25 PM

thank- you for giving me a good laugh, i am glad to know i am not the only billy bass hater in the world lol we have 3 different talking fish at my house (thanks to my normally sane husband ) and for christmas each one of our 5 sons recieved one also, something i am sure they will eventually forgive us for , i am surprised no one mentioned the talking frog he sings i like spiders and snakes and of course jerimia was a bull frog my one dughter recieved that one. makes you wonder what kind of mind would come up with these oh well they are good for a laugh ..... the first 10 or 20 times lol mmm

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: kimmers
Date: 06 Jan 01 - 12:47 AM

With no kids, we're safe from the vast majority of these. But my father-in-law has scored some real winners. He's a sucker for every novelty sold by the hucksters at the state fair... slicers and dicers, magic chamois cloths, things like that.

Last year he gave us one of those tiny fountains. You know the kind: a ceramic bowl, a bunch of pebbles, and a simple pump that recirculates the water. We live in a old house with old wiring and we never have enough outlets, so we had few options for it. In the bedroom it kept us awake, in the living room it became a kitty drinking fountain, and when resting on my desk it spattered drops of water over important papers. It's now in the basement in the 'give-away' pile.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Jan 01 - 02:24 AM

I had one of those Dancing Christmas trees, I loved it! I almost got Kate the Talking Shark for Christmas, but talked myself out of it.....I told my maw in law the first time I was pregnant that any noisemaking toys would live at her house.....haven't rec'd one from her yet. I STILL want a Furby.....I could teach it all kinds of stuff. My brother (US Army) told me that Furbies are banned on US Military bases...because no one can predict what they will pick up and repeat......

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Elise
Date: 06 Jan 01 - 03:30 AM

My mother in law bought us an evil talking thing. They gave us our gifts in a parking lot when we had dinner with them last weekend. We put our bag full of wrapped goodies in the back seat and headed home, which was a 45 minute drive. After about five minutes something from the back seat started whistling and yelling "are we there yet?". Then it would say "ohh, I'm feeling a little sick here!". I wanted to throw the whole bag out the window, but it would've caused an accident.

I still don't know what it is, as I've refused to unwrap it. I'm looking for someone with a kid to give it to. Hey, Melani, think your kid would like it? I'll bring it for him tomorrow! Every once in a while I kick it out of spite, and the cat hides under the couch for a while.

My in laws usually give me something that says "as seen on TV" on it. I am usually suitably impressed.

All of this is cosmic retribution for the kid-sized hockey stick we once gave a three year old with ADD. He spent all of January trying to kill the cat and beating up people's ankles.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: alison
Date: 06 Jan 01 - 09:03 AM

glad you liked it Spaw...... Gervase if you want a singing fish getting what he deserves.. send me your email addy......

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Jan 01 - 10:29 PM

Hey! Spaw? Umm... do you get the Dr. Leonard's catalog? You know it has some really interesting.... I'll drop one off next time we drive through Odiana to ChiTown, or failing that, when we drive through Indihio on the way back to Pennsyltucky. I mean Newvania.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 07 Jan 01 - 09:30 AM

Of course there's the "Jingle Bell Rock" that sings. And the Buzz Lightyear bank that heads for infinity and beyone for every penny...

Dennis Leary does a really funny routine about the talking Terminator doll on one of his tapes.

Has anyone else here ever been gifted with one of those little crates that shouts "Help! Let me out of here!"???

(No kids, but my friends give me furbies anyway...)

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 01 - 06:29 PM

Yeah, those singing, talking fish are a royal pain in the ass, no question. If someone gave me one, I would donate it to the local firing range...in the shotgun section.

A similar pain in the ass is those stupid dancing and singing Santa Claus figures. They are also triggered by a motion sensor, and they sing inane Christmas songs over and over again, while doing the twist, from the looks of it. Another great candidate for the firing range...

Just yell "Dance, partner!" and then shoot the blasted thing when it does.

GUEST - Xmas actually means Christmas, because the letter X is a symbol for the Christ, and always has been. It symbolizes the fact that Christ "crosses" the boundaries between one world and the other. It's a geometrical symbol of that. If you don't believe me, read some esoteric literature on the subject...

It's no coincidence at all. X is an ancient symbol of both the cross itself and the crossing between Heaven and Earth...as well as some other things.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Burke
Date: 07 Jan 01 - 07:52 PM

I've got different gifts I've had it with.

Just before I left town for 10 days people at work & another friend gave me: homemade fudge, homemade peanut butter/chocolate balls, homemade toffee, 2 8oz. cans of salted nuts, homemade cherry filled sweetbread, and finally a mammoth gift box with nuts, candy, shortbread, etc.. I put all of these in my tiny freezer while I was gone. For Christmas my sister gave me a 1 lb. box of dark chocolate.

For the 10 days I was gone, I ate all the Christmas stuff that was so encouraged before the holidays.

When I got home I found my cat sitters had left me a plate full of cookies & candy.

At the doctor 2 days after I came home I discovered that I am 10 pounds heavier than I thought I was & 30-40 more than what I want to be. I have never really dieted but thought I'd reached a point of at least not gaining.

I don't know what to do with all this delicious stuff. Fortunately I forgot the pound of candy at my sister's when I was packing, but I still have the nuts & candy. There's always a chance she'll mail it to me as well.

My freezer is too small for me to push the stuff to the back & forget about. I live alone so all this stuff is for me alone. Anyone for a Mudcat party to get rid of all this food we don't need or want?

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Jan 01 - 08:13 PM

I seem to remember this plastic lawnmower/push toy with bells and clackey noises as the 2 year old pushed it around..I HID the thing occasionally...(seems to me we had 2 of 'em)

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Pelrad
Date: 07 Jan 01 - 11:59 PM

Bourke, bring some of that stuff to your local hospital. The nurses especially love chocolate. I brought candy to the nurses who recently helped deliver my daughter, and it was gone in under two minutes. :-)

My own personal "give it back" gift: wooden train tracks. Good lord, who thought this was a good gift for a two year-old? Yes, he loves it. He plays with it constantly. We have to set it up five times a day. But you should hear the frustrated shrieking it causes! The trains fall off the tracks, the bridges are balanced precariously and are jarred every time a train goes over them, and one of the stupid engines gets stuck in the tunnel every single time (my son is smart, but he just doesn't GET it that Toby is too big to fit). I'd love to lose these damned tracks until he's more coordinated. I've considered nailing or gluing them to a board, but half the fun is being able to change the pattern.

Thank God nobody gave him a singing fish. He insists on playing with them every time we go to Walmart.

Oh, while we're at it, I'd like to trade anyone for two really obnoxious Blues Clues toys. One is not too bad as it is a sort of electronic twenty-questions game, but the cats are constantly walking over it in the middle of the night. They are amazingly good at solving the mystery; we often bolt upright at 3am when Steve yells out, "You did great! Let's play again!" The other toy is a plastic refrigerator. You press various food items inside and Mr. Salt shouts in a fake french accent, "Yum, zee broccoli! Zee carrots! Yum, zee eggs!"

Any takers??

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 01 - 02:05 PM

This is not quite on topic, but it's a true Christmas gift story:

When my mother was a kid her family had a terrier, a rather hyper little dog, named Spanky. One year at Christmas, my mother and her siblings (3 of them) were unwrapping the presents. The dog was participating, enjoying the whole thing, and was busy with a piece of cheese or something, when my mother opened a package containing a mechanical bear. It was furry, and had one of those wind-up motors, and looked rather real, if a bit small for a bear. My mother wound the bear up and released it, and it took off across the carpet, lumbering, making a growling sound, and shooting little sparks out its mouth.

The dog, Spanky, leaped straight up in the air and instantly launched himself at the bear, barking furiously. He seized it in a death grip, and the two of them tumbled into the Christmas tree, scattering presents and decorations in all directions. My mother said it was a hell of a fight, bear and dog growling, sparking and struggling, and everyone was laughing so hard that they couldn't be bothered to stop it. In less than 30 seconds of frenzied activity, the dog managed to "kill" the mechanical bear. It never growled again. Spanky was VERY proud of himself, having saved the family, and retired to the hearth to sleep it off.

My mother said the whole incident was entirely worth the price of the toy as far as she was concerned.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 08 Jan 01 - 08:17 PM

I once gave a friend's dog a stuffed duck that sang a little song if you pressed it right. Then I went on vacation. When I came back, the entire household sang the duckie song for me, because they had learned it so well.

It was only fair, though. The previous Christmas she had given me a pufferfish in a sombrero windchime...

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: black walnut
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 02:03 PM

our family was smart....we gave away 6 of those singing sea creatures to 6 different relatives....resulting in lots of group laughter on christmas weekend. they took them all back to their various homes.

and we did NOT give one to ourselves!

~'nut

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 03:25 PM

Well, Herself collects hippos and usually she or thos in circle end up giving me some( for her collection)'cos I'm such a strange guy who just wants books and records (and bottles). However, this year She gave me lots of CDs, mostly on my wants list, and a couple that weren't but should have been ( a Greek one and a Frank Crumit) so my only dud (well, yes, I got some socks but I did need them!) was a jigsaw which She will do!
So thanks, Santa, especially for the Dylan, BB King and double Skiffle CDs (and to my nephew for the bottles!)
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 05:19 PM

When I was about six years old my brother had won this really ghoulish stuffed thing at the fair and gave it to my for Christmas. It was blue and had orange flamey hair and big ugly feet. The face was plastic and the little SOB was smoking a cigar! He gave a cigar-smoking troll to a six-year-old girl! I was mortified. I wanted a bear or a bunny or a puppy - something cute.

I don't know what happened to that thing. Of course, my brother denies it all.......

I forgot to mention that this year my Auntie also gave us a thermal coffee carafe with a Christmas tree on it --- the exact same one she gave us about three years ago --- so now we have His and Hers.

My mother did this same thing awhile back. One year our house was burglarized and my jewelry box was stolen. (the joke was on them, though, because I don't have anything expensive and if I did it wouldn't be on the dresser top) Mom gave me a new jewelry box for Christmas that year. The next year she gave me ANOTHER jewelry box, saying, I thought you needed one. I think it's still in the box in my closet.

We ought to all get together and have a swap meet.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: GUEST,Ickle Dorritt
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 05:32 PM

I got more church candles for Christmas than the bloody Vatican.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Hollowfox
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 06:11 PM

Kimmers, I was actually thinking about getting one of those pretty little fountains, except that every time I passed the display, I wanted to head for the bathroom. (Nature/environmental tapes of mountain streams and waterfalls have a similar effect; not quite what I really want to relax)
Berke, you're too virtuous. Send the stuff to me.*g*
Ickle Dorritt, at least you can burn the candles. I'll trade you even up for seasonally decorated coffee mugs. Can't kill those suckers with a stick.
'Spaw, it's small comfort, but there was an article in the Wall Street Journal just before Christmas that said that according to Amazon.com, those very fish (and presumably the rest of their ilk) were listed on the top ten most despised gift list.
Speaking of talking stuffed animals, I got two this year. One was a fox. I named him Vergil, but if you push the proper rib, or thereabouts, he says, in a cheesy pseudo-French accent, "I am Fabian Fox, would you like a cafe au lait?" I thought I could ignore this, or do some minor surgery, but then somebody pushed the button a second time, and the thing howled, as though in gastric distress from the cafe au lait. I love it, but thank heavens my teenaged urchins don't push the button very much. (Other buttons, yes). I also got a plush frog, complete with crown that says in a raucus voice something like "Come here, get real close, I'm gonna kiss ya!", followed by the loud, vulgar sound of a big sloppy kiss. The givers have *that* kind of humor. But they certainly didn't expect me to grin and yell,"I've been snogged by a frog!"

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 09 Jan 01 - 07:01 PM

For several years no I've wanted a special kind of Chia Pet. It's a plaster ARM PIT that grows grass instead of a "Harry Tuft" (no folk pun intended, of course).

Love,

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 10 Jan 01 - 01:44 PM

Stupid Christmas presents are great, as long as there not expensive.

My wife gave her father the 'Big Mouth Billy Bass', its' not in my house.

But, I gave my wife a 'singing dancing snowman', she was wondering for a couple of weeks what the kids and I were laughing about. We call it 'The Stupid Dancing Snowman'.

I hide noisy toys too!,right in my daughters room.

A friend at work has one of those mini fountains on his desk. It does not make any mess, but I would have to pee all day long.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 01 - 06:57 PM

As a toddler, I was given one of those clown things that has a round bottom and is weighted, so that no matter how hard you hit it it always comes back up for more. I was about 6 or 7 at the time, I think. I used to whack that clown all the time, and it was really irratating how the damned thing would always bounce back with a stupid smile on its face. I started to hate that clown. I went after it with a baseball bat one time, but even that wouldn't finish the blasted thing off. I'm not sure what finally happened to it, but I got sick of it pretty fast.

I also had an inflatable alligator named Albert that I used to fight with all the time, and I really liked him. It was sort of a Calvin & Hobbes type of relationship...exactly like that, in fact...best of buddies, fighting like cats and dogs! It was a lot safer than fighting other kids, that's for sure.

I always wanted a stuffed gorilla to wrestle with, but never got one. Waaaahhh!

Which brings to mind Maggie Thatcher and Madeleine Allbright....AAARGHHH!!! Scary! Scary!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 01 - 07:20 PM

Hawk, you had a variant of Al Capp's "Schmoo."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 01 - 07:24 PM

Well, I'll be darned! Deck us all with Boston Charlie...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Jan 01 - 12:44 AM

HOW did I miss seeing this thread?!! It's hilarious! Thanks, Spaw!

Bill in Alabama - it's only a *real* Mudcat if it plays folk or blues! None of this "new-fandangled" stuff, ya hear me?

Kimmers - I just got one of those fountain thingys. I love it! Perfect for a reading area. If you really want to get rid of yours, send it here! My friend (not a mudcatter, unfortunately,) is getting married and buying a house, and it would be perfect for her!

Burke - Sometimes I really wish that I wasn't allergic to dairy and chocolate and nuts... *sigh*

Isn't it funny how some gifts are just completely horrible, and then other gifts that you hate, other people would totally LOVE?

The thing I hate is when people give me nightgowns. I never wear the things. They ride up during the night, and it's really uncomfortable. I would wear PJs, but the patterns aren't that great, y'know?

This older lady I knew when I was about 11 years old, gave me a nightgown every year for a few years. It always fit, at least, but I hate the things! And we weren't that well off at the time, and could have used useful things, like a soccer ball or something. About the same price as a medium quality nightgown...

And don't buy me a book I don't want to read instead of getting me a gift certificate at a bookstore.... Grr! I'm not interested in ALL spiritual books, especially not the cutesy ones with smooth sayings of concepts I've learned already!

This year, I got one software thing that I'm not too sure about, it's called "Catz" and it's some kind of digital pet game. I have real hamsters, so why bother? And I haven't even installed it yet cause I need hard drive space.

Everything else this year was great!

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Grab
Date: 12 Jan 01 - 01:03 PM

There's a site (it was on /. the other day) about hacking your talking fish. Seriously, some guy has designed and built an electronic add-on which allows you to reprogram it to say and do whatever you fancy. His example is one he built for a friend which turns round and says "PORK", for some reason.

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 01 - 03:52 PM

They should do a talking fish for Canadians that says things like:

"Take off, ya hoser!"

"How's it goin', eh?"

"Where's the puck?"

"Where's the beer?"

"Where's the pizza?"

"Too bad about Gretzky, eh?"

"The Leafs lost again, eh?"

"Lotta snow, eh?"

"Geez! It's cold out there! Darn near froze my nuts off!"

"Too bad about the Raptors, eh?"

"Joe Who???"

"I voted for Mike Harris!"

and.... "I voted for Mulroney!!!"

Man, would that thing be perfect for garage sales and firing ranges...

"Terminate with extreme prejudice."

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: CamiSu
Date: 13 Jan 01 - 01:45 PM

I took WAY too long to look at this one! By and large we do pretty well, though we always consider a noisy gift for one nephew whose parents gave my youngest a VERY noisy train once. We were so glad when it stoped working. That's funny because we enjoy the sound of the real trains that pass by on the other side of the sheep field a LOT.

I gave my husband a fountain thing, or more accurately a waterfall, for the office, and we love it. Guess we're not bothered by running water.

Perhaps the gift that got oldest in a hurry was the fact that the furnace quit for the third time in 2 weeks. Hoewver, we decided that Santa came in a red and yellow truck, when the repairman was there in less than an hour, and well and truly fixed the bleedin' thing!

CamiSu

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: R!
Date: 13 Jan 01 - 02:38 PM

We just assembled the gift from the Old China's other son (not the one who gave us the outlaw reindeer throw). It's a tabletop fountain probably because I'm into a lot of holistic, new age-y type things. I know others of you have gotten fountains BUT NOT LIKE THIS ONE! Instead of the gentle tinkling of water over the tiny stones, this fountain allows us to relax to the sound of JET ENGINES because of a really noisy motor. I'm thinking odd thoughts about the pursuit of tranquility and Hari Krishnas at the airport. And I'm starting to get a step-mother complex about these gifties.

Rowana (who thinks CDs are the greatest gifts ever)

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 01 - 07:58 PM

Yeah, I bought one that had a noisy pump too, which totally defeats the purpose of the thing! It is now collecting dust. Got another one which works just fine.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: X-MAS GIFTS YOU'VE HAD IT WITH!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Jan 01 - 08:46 PM

Hawk, your first one was probably made by the same folks who built Major Tom's space capsule.

Spaw