BS: Can I be Scottish please?

Subject: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 04:58 AM

Here I am. Born and bred and never lived more than 5 miles from the fair city of Manchester. Polish Father. English Mother. Bits of Russian, Welsh and, way back, some Irish.

Yet I love all things Scottish. My favourite tipple - Single malts (most types). Favourite bands - Runrig, Battlefield. I find Scottish 'sessions' far more enjoyable than Irish or English. Scottish ceilidh bands are the best in the world.

Just spent a weekend in Edinburgh and instantly fell in love with the city, people, culture, food. EVERYTHING. Felt really sorry, and for some reason a little ashamed, that a lot of the streets were named ater English kings, queens and statesmen. C'mon Edinburgh, when the parliament building is done have a purge and get rid of all traces of collonianism!

Question is - before the borders are closed and Scotland becomes completely independant (grin) - how can I get citizenship?

Cheers

Dave the McGnome

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:04 AM

This is a pathetic attempt to disassociate yourself from the english cricket team and it will not work!. The thing is Dave- are you man enought to wear a kilt?

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:14 AM

Can I volunteer to look up the kilt & check please?

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:25 AM

You could ask 'What's worn under the kilt?'

To which I would of course reply 'Nothing. It's all as good as new!"

Or if you looked up it and said "Arrggghhh! It's gruesome!"

I could say "Hae another look - it's gruesome more...". But I wouldn't do that.

*BG*

As to cricket. Well. That IS another good reason to emmigrate. But then again they do take football very seriously up there as well. Perhaps I had better not mention my views on any sport on my application;-)

Och aye the noo (Just practising)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: pavane
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:51 AM

Ewan McColl did it.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: JulieF
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:54 AM

DtG - Of course you can be Scottish- well honoury if you like. The Irish in England have a tendance to welcome all who want to be Irish - they just get a little confused that you want to hang onto your own culture. I think we should be as obliging as well. One word of warning - some groups of exiled scots can be a little intense about it all. If you want I'ld adopt you as an honoury member of my family ( Scots, Irish, a wee bit in English,and a interesting historical trace of French), then you should have some chance come independence.

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:55 AM

At least he didn't have a fat arse like the ugly, piggy eyed, annoyingly loud (name removed) Jesus is dead, honey! Has been for a long time, and will continue to be...

Silly cow

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 06:13 AM

GREAT point pavane! He was born 2 miles down the road from me in Hanky Park and was known as Jimmy Miller then. Wonder if I can match some of his songwriting skills though?

Guest, let me practice my dialect a little further.

'Has ye ma got a sewing machine?'

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Dita (at work)
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 08:22 AM

Dave, you've got a long way to go to make it as a Scot. You turned down a free beer at T in the Park, no Scot would ever have done that. Your answer to my offer should have been - "I'm driving, have you got a couple of unopened ones I can take home"- remember I was only offering it 'cause it was from hospitality.
If you get that side of your character sorted out I will be pleased to propose you as an Scot.
love, john

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 08:32 AM

Bugger! I knew I was doing something wrong. I think I need to work at rolling my 'r's as well;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Dita (at work)
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 08:50 AM

Naw Dave, I saw you leave the tent, it was rollin' fine ;-)
love, john.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Angie
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 10:35 AM

ha, ha, ha

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,shona
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM

weel weel ma wee laddie, if you really like scotland and scottish things that muckle, then i can see nae problem at a'! ye dinna need tae ask ma loon! Shona

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: ScottyG
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 03:34 PM

DtG,

A've been telt that, "if ye can say it's a braw, bricht munelicht nicht, yer a'richt, ye ken."

If you're familiar with the Battlefield Band, then you know who Mike Katz is. Mike was introducing a couple of his own tunes last time I saw the BFB live, and he nailed the Scots accent. Couldn't tell in the slightest that he isn't Scots, born & raised. ANYbody who plays the pipes like Mike MUST be Scottish, at least a wee bit. Fact is, he's a Yank from "La La Land" (LA, California), AND, he's Jewish! (or so I've heard). Go figure! If he can "dae" it, "sae" can we (I share your aspiration).

My wife adds: "Here's tae us! Wha's like us? Damn few, and they're a' deid."

ScottyG

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Mr Red
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 06:10 PM

There is a way of being "scotch by absorption"
or "osmosis" in other versions of the joke.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 06:45 PM

If ye loo' Edinburgh sae dearly, cam an' bide here. Ah ha'e daed jist that an' ah mind ah wis bred up in England (but ah wis born in Glesca toon) Tattie B

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,ROSSEY
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 08:10 PM

DID YOU KNOW - according to historians the Scots as a named nation - are Irish. The Scotti were a part Irish based tribe, who gave their name to Scotland. Therefore by virtue of the power vested in me as a highlander I mame you a Scot, by your Irish ancestry - going back a millenium and a considerable bit.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 09:57 PM

Dave, just tell people you're Scottish. I do it all the time, and I really am, on my mother's side - Scott and Campbell. But, alas, my last name is Garcia, and trying to convince people that I'm Scottish can be a trying experience, but if I can be Scottish, so can you. Last names mean nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 10:20 PM

Ranger Steve, I can assure you that if you go to Edinburgh and visit the Tartan Shop in Princes Street, they will have no difficulty locating the appropriate tartan (=USA plaid)for the clan Garcia.

Murray

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 10:30 PM

Thanks, Murray. The chance that I'll ever get to Edinburgh are slim, but I'll keep it in mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug (at work)
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 04:37 AM

Yeah...

Actually, we're just coming around to the semi-annual Naturalisation proceedings in the Scottish Parliament just now.

This allows currently resident non-Scots to become naturalised, and non-resident non-Scots to get naturalised too.

The closing date for applications is looming, so if anyone wants, I'll happily process their applications. The submission fee is a (very reasonable) £125.

If you want to send me a cheque, and your personal details, I'll happily do the paperwork, and send you back your Naturalisation Certificate. Just make cheques out to "Cash" or "Bearer", and send to :

I. M. Abigliar c/o HMP Barlinnie Riddrie Glasgow

Cheers

SD

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Aodh
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:11 AM

The question is what type of Scot do you want to be? A)Lowland (AKA sissy almost english) B)East Coast (Almost Dutch, but without the whakey bakey) C)Orkadian (Not even Scottish) or D) West coast/ Islander, (true Gael decendents of the Scotti)

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug (at work)
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:23 AM

Hmm.. in Aodh's post (what kind of name is that anyway?) I'd like to point out that included in "A)Lowland (AKA sissy almost english) " are Glasgow, Coatbridge, Sighthill in Edinburgh, etc, etc..

I may be wrong, but I'm betting that Aodh would not be over keen to repeat that description in ,say, Possilpark in Glasgow, or indeed most parts of the Central Belt...

Cheers

SD

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,MJ
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:27 AM

I think Aodh is Gaelic for Hugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Aodh
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:36 AM

Ah, It was ment as a joke! but if you Lowlanders can not have a laugh, you thus prove my point!?! And whilst we are on the matter someone called 'Scabby Doug' has no right to question the name 'Aodh' It is derived from the old celtic for flame, or fire!

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug (at work)
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:49 AM

What's up with my name, then , eh? eh?

What are you looking at, pal?

You getting wide?

Ahh, the friendly banter of the Lowland Scot....

:-)

SD

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 11:06 AM

Aodh- I was amused, as I'm sure Scabby Doug was too...

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,BigDaddy
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 11:52 AM

for a funny take on becoming scottish, see the film, 'local hero."

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Maryrrf
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 01:57 PM

Dave, I could second that request. My first trip to Scotland was in May and I absolutely loved it! Can't wait to go back. (That was when I attended the festival in Girvan). Although I can't become a Scot, I did join the local St. Andrews Society which promotes Scottish culture here in Virginia.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Paddy Plastique
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 02:22 PM

Scabby Doug ...

Nowt wrong with your name that a course of treatment with a good cocaine-rich homeopscychopatic dermatological cream won't put right.

Sent some to that address you gave - but I suspect the warders'll sniff it out an' sniff it dry before it gets to ya.

All would-be Scots - if you're over 4' 6" (1.5M) have above 10:10 vision and at least 3 of your original limbs still intact, they'll be interested in ya as a goalkeeper

They'll very probably give you Scottish nationality, a small but unpronouncable Island and a lifetime's supply of whisky to entice you to declare for them.

Beats sending cash to yer man in Barlinnie, anyway

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Arnie
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 02:53 PM

On my first visit to Scotland in 1977 I was sitting in a bar with my mother-in-law who is in a wheelchair. At 10 o'clock precisely, the landlord switched off the lights from behind the bar and exited through a rear door, leaving us and few other customers in pitch darkness!!! We found our way to the door by dint of me kicking aside every table and chair I walked into and finally got out reasonably intact. So much for Scottish hospitality thought I - and my father-in-law's from Leith! Think I'll stick to Yorkshire where complete strangers have been known to buy me a drink for no particular reason - become a Tyke - you know it makes sense (unless you're from the wrong side of the Pennines1)

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Megan L
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 03:31 PM

Well DtG I would sugest you becoming OrCadian but come the revolution we will probably return to the motherland and learn Norwegian.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 04:20 PM

Dave T G, I hope I am not taking you more seriously than you intended.

I am not a Scott. I was born and raised in WV, though I do not now live there. Over the years I have met a fair number of WV wannabes. These are people who were born and raised elsewhere, but are attracted by the culture, or some facet of it, or some myth about it, or some misconception of it. Their attempts to adopt WV can be flattering, but they can also be amusing, and sometimes downright annoying. There might be Scots who feel the same way about Scottish wannabes.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM

There are probably Scots who feel that way about other Scots! I know it was true of Cape Codders and Cape Codders.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: lady penelope
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 05:21 PM

As ma wee mammy would say " ach ye heed zips up the back an' it's fulla choud breed". ( trans. - You're all daft! ) Dave, repeat after me.....

"Halloo hen!" ( hello friend )

"D'ye fancy a piece an' som'in'?" ( would you like a sandwich?)

" Jings! S'conny cum doon!" ( my, it certainly looks like rain)

"gonny geeza lenya broon drinks voucher?" ( could you lend me ten pounds , please?)

"Hawd ya whist!" ( Kindly be quiet )

" Where's ma cuddy?" ( Do you happen to know the location of my horse? )

That should keep you going for a bit.

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 05:48 PM

Lang mae ye lumb reek, Lady P. Howzaboot sackin' that smarmy cockney lackey, Parker an' tackin on oor Jimmy insteed?

Cheers

Deeve the Gnome

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 05:52 PM

Arnie, the licensing laws have changed jist a wee bit since 1977. We went doon to England for the Calcutta cup (rugby) in 1999 and we couldnae get a drink in central London efter 11 p.m. unless we went in some heidbangers club or cared to pay £5 a pint in oor hotel. In Edinburgh noo it's midnight maist nichts and plenty places ye can drink till later! Tattie B

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Arnie
Date: 11 Jul 01 - 03:28 PM

Tattie Bogle - well I did say that it was my first visit in 1977! I've been back since, in fact last year I was in Portobello which you probably know well. I visited a few fine drinking establishments and was pleased to see that the 10 o'clock drinking up time is now a thing of the past. I was also impressed with the hospitality - people in Edinburgh couldn't do enough for my wheelchair bound mother-in-law eg. when we went to see the Scottish crown jewels in Edinburgh castle we had a warden allocated to help us and bypassed all the usual queues! Had a good time and will no doubt be back to sample a few malts that I didn't get round to last time! My father-in-law, who was brought up in the tenements around Leith docks, could not believe how gentrified the area has become - he was only sorry that the kipper-smoking sheds are now a thing of the past!

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dita
Date: 11 Jul 01 - 05:30 PM

I think, Arnie, you jist misunderstood the landlord's intentions. The lickt was just pit oot fur the Bobbies benifit. You were ment to stay on drinkin'.
I have been in a pub where the landlord went to bed with the words "Just leave the money for what you hae on the till, I'll get it in the morning".
love, john

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)
Date: 11 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM

Saw a Scottish crime movie the other night. It had subtitles. Some of the words are spreading, however. They translated taking a kip (nap), and wallies (false teeth) but these are entering the language in the States and Canada. It takes a while to get the ear adjusted to the rhythm and pronounciation. A few weeks over a bottle in Glasgow would be needed before all (much?) of it became intelligible.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Big Tim
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 01:39 PM

Richard Wilson (One Foot in the Grave)when asked in next week's Radio Times "what makes you proud to be Scottish" replied "my genes".

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM

I already have a darlin' Scottish wife, and I've always been ready to immigrate on a moment's notice. Also I promise to join the Scottish Nationalist Party. Please Lemme in!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 07:26 AM

Rick...

No problem as far as the SNP is concerned.. I'm no longer involved, but in my wild and foolish youth, I was a member of that political organisation. One of the members of our local branch was the proprietor of a Chinese restaurant. I have many criticisms of many aspects of SNP policy (with which I won't bore you) but I could never fault their willingness to welcome anyone into the party (in my experience).

Others may have had different experiences..

If you plan to head this way, even for a visit, come and see us at Milton of Campsie Folk Club. (Same goes for anyone, really)

Cheers SD

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Naemanson
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 08:44 AM

It's easy for a woman to become Scotish. Just marry a Scot and you can become Scottish by injection. Unfortunately the reverse doesn't hold unless you are into an alternative lifestyle.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 10:49 AM

What is it about Scotland? My wee Granny was a Stewart and I'd love to learn more about my ancestors, but all we know is that Robert Stewart came to America around 1840- can you guess how many Robert Stewarts there were?

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: lady penelope
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 05:14 AM

Lots.

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: karen k
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 08:45 AM

I'm a Scot in my heart. Don't know if it's in my blood. Like Rick, I'd move in a heartbeat and never look back.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 01:32 PM

I have Armstrongs, Murrays, Scotts, Bogles, and more in my family tree, (as well as a few Vassars and Fugates from 'other places')...I have 'felt' an affinity for Scottish things for many years...and when I discovered the music, I KNEW!,,,then came single malt and the deal was sealed!

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Mooh
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 07:58 PM

I hail from the Bruce Peninsula, a long way from Cape Breton and an even longer way from Scotland, though it seems to me that there are certain similarities. Me Mum just returned from Scotland yesterday, gushing about how wonderful is the land of her parents. There for Robert the Bruce's birthday too. Someday I'd like to visit, and that for a long time, even become an honourary Scot or something, but I belong in Ontario's Bruce. I'd be heartsick otherwise.

Peace. Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Can I be Scottish please?
From: Whistleworks
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 10:35 PM

Hey Dave,

Being Austrian, I became Scottish by signing up with the Clan Mozart. Clan Schwarzenegger was full up.

Cheers,

Bob Pegritz