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BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center
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Subject: New Year's Eve in the NYCFTTS From: WyoWoman Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:13 PM Although I won't be able to spend much time there, I thought I'd drop by the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed and leave them some of my special Prune Juice and Champagne drink ("Dyn-O-Mite!!") and a few oat bran chips and bean dip. They are such dear old souls and I think it's always so good when we can show our elders how much we care. That sweet old Catspaw is especially darling -- remember last year when he tried lighting his, um, flatlence and set the seat of his wheelchair on fire? Then he and Mr. Fielding just HAD to race up and down the corridor humming the theme song to "Chairiots of Fire" -- poor dears, they tried so hard to remember the words. I didn't have the nerve to tell them it never DID have words. They came up with some pretty interesting ones anyway ... Anyone else have plans to stop in and give the geezers and the morally infirm a little lift? ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: John MacKenzie Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:49 PM Well WW, if you give them plenty of that prune juice, they'll sure get a good run for thier money again this year. If you give them some some cascara and syrup of figs to wash it down with, it'll help cure thier coughs as well. They'll be too scared to cough in case they s**t themselves, this would also cure the inflammable wheelchair problem. Happy landings...Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Banjer Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:56 PM On the other hand, if they were to light one off, the resulting prune juice induced rush would extinquish it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:14 PM Well, I'd like to drop by through the staff entrance and see Morticia, find out how she is doing changing the bedpan. Wonder if Spaw ever did spring for a spare... Hope she's doing okay; she's filling some pretty big shoes since Roger left; not that he was irreplaceable, just that Spaw's too cheap to by a new uniform so she has to wear Roger's old one. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:25 PM Pitiful, just pitful. Or should I say pitiable? A much more thrilling place to be on New Year's Eve will be the theatre at the William Shatner School of BAAAAD Acting (WSSBA) on its beautiful Orillia, Ontario campus in snowy central Canada. Yes, thousands of alumni will be there to pay homage to one of the most unique actors of all time, and the sexiest starship captain ever to grace the screen (except maybe for Patrick Stewart...eh, Carol?). There will be screenings of many of the greatest moments from the original Star Trek show, and the subsequent feature films, including scenes where... McCoy says "He's dead, Jim." Scotty says "Captain! The engines canna take no more!" Spock says "Illogical..." Kirk says "I...think...you should come...to my cabin...and we'll discuss it in more...detail...my dear." And other classic stuff like that... We are trying to get Shatner himself to attend, and ride in nude on one of his racehorses at midnight, but we are still negotiating on a price, so....keep your fingers crossed! Cheers from Canada, Little Hawk |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:36 PM Whyncha see if you can get a discount on just his floating head, Little Hack? I understand he gives good.... ..prices on floating heads. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:43 PM Too true, Amus. He used to do TV commercials for Loblaws grocery stores in Canada, and say: "By gosh, the price is right!!!" That was back in the fallow years between the end of the Star Trek TV series, and the first Star Trek movie. I do not know whether these commercials were ever seen in the USA. If not, well, you didn't miss much. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 01 - 02:01 PM Well, at least you give good typo.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: DougR Date: 30 Dec 01 - 02:17 PM I don't plan to go near the place myself. I'm afraid they might try to keep me. DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Roger in Baltimore Date: 30 Dec 01 - 02:26 PM I think I might stop by and do a Bread and Roses type thing. You know, bring a little music to their lives. Of course, I would start off with "Blowin' in Wind" for 'Spaw. I figure Rick would like "Camptown Races." I'd sing all the great tunes all the Neil Youngsters love and don't get to hear much anymore: "Kum Ba Ya", "Michael Row the Boat Ashore", "Sunshine (go away today)", "San Francisco Bay Blues", and, of course, "The Eve of Destruction". With some more time, I should work up a two hour set. I understand that Morticia will strap them in their wheelchairs in case they get too excited. Happy New Year to all! Rogeer in Baltimore |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: John MacKenzie Date: 30 Dec 01 - 03:15 PM 3 Chers for Rogeer! |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: wysiwyg Date: 30 Dec 01 - 03:36 PM I'm in, and some you have e-mails explaining why. Sure hope the recliner crew shows up or it's gonna be.... rough. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Dec 01 - 05:20 PM I spoke with Morty earlier today. She's a little tied up at the moment (naughty Gomez...) so I'm deputising for her.... Bet you my bike will do a wheelie down the corridor better than Spaw's chair! And I've twin exhausts, so bring on all the prune juice you can muster!!! Bedpans will be changed during commercial breaks. All chocolate will be confiscated and booze is subject to the newly instigated 'Liz's Beer tax', of which you will all become more familiar shortly. Spirits is double.... with any luck! LTS - just smile and say 'Yes Nurse.....!' Oh, I haven't any daffodils, will holly do for the taking of temperatures.... (Carry on Nurse!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Morticia Date: 30 Dec 01 - 06:26 PM Oh man.....I popped in for the late night duty ( thanks Liz and the chocolate I owe you is in the post).Wyo, you know I love you dearly but prune juice and champagne???? Roger's shoes don't fit and I have blisters from shlepping up and down the corridors changing bed pans...seventeen in three minutes for one patient who shall remain nameless but is so very much thinner.RiB, sing Puppy Love one more time and I'm afraid it's sharing time in Spaw's room....and all wheelchairs are confiscated until further notice! |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 01 - 07:08 PM Give 'em hell. Morty!! You are obviously the right choice for the job!!! Wow! SHARING time in Spaw's room!!?? LOL!~~~ A |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: GUEST,Spot (at the kennels) Date: 31 Dec 01 - 10:19 AM Prune juice and champagne.....is that called a pile driver? Spot |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 31 Dec 01 - 11:19 AM LOL!! Baaad dog, Spot! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Deda Date: 31 Dec 01 - 01:21 PM Yikes, does this place have a waiting list ( or should that be weighting list)? I know a few people, prospective inmates, er, I mean clients, I might want to nominate..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Troll Date: 31 Dec 01 - 02:04 PM Try vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia, aka, a Phillips Screwdriver. Or there's always Sloe Gin, Southern Comfort and Orange Juice. Love and a Happy New Year to all. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: SINSULL Date: 31 Dec 01 - 02:27 PM I finally made it to the after Christmas half-price sales and have a large assortment of singing/dancing/rotating bears, reindeer, turkeys, and ferrets. New batteries have been provided. Song assortment ranges from "Who Let The Dogs Out?" to "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer". Should make for a festive midnight noisefest...or should I packed them all up and send them to Tris and Michael??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: GUEST,I Came In From the Cold Date: 31 Dec 01 - 03:10 PM Never excuse the draperys easily, clean spot them halfheartedly.
The cap in the lost night is the spoon that cooks absolutely. Where Francine's blunt kettle kicks, Liz covers around solid, rural lights. Roger dreams, then Mel dully lives a ugly frog between Darin's field. To be unique or dull will sow shallow eggs to firmly help. Both pouring now, Debediah and Frank learned the sick signs towards handsome tag. For Susan the tree's sad, to me it's cheap, whereas beneath you it's pulling quiet. She will daily recollect glad and arrives our elder, sharp buckets among a stadium. Tomorrow Ronald will believe the dog, and if Janet virtually improves it too, the code will smell towards the rich island. Get your frantically caring ulcer to my college. Ophelia! These days, I'll converse the fig. Other sweet inner candles will nibble quietly with pickles. Samuel, on banjos tired and fat, pours at it, arriving wanly. They clean raw dryers, do you waste them? I was grasping goldsmiths to open Abby, who's climbing towards the painter's cellar. One more dry strong butchers totally burn as the closed pitchers sow. She'd rather nibble fully than open with Spaw's full ache. While twigs amazingly fill sauces, the pins often play alongside the old onions. Yesterday, it moulds a tape too brave in front of her short window.
If you'll learn Lara's ventilator with farmers, it'll neatly scold the shoe. If you will tease Jim's canyon for bowls, it will annually comb the floor. She might quickly laugh with wide think evenings. If the outer wrinkles can kill weekly, the good pool may attack more windows. Fucking don't excuse a lentil! Marion's coffee orders alongside our elbow after we dye under it. Well, go depart a ball! Why does Melvin pull so finitely, whenever Seed cares the distant ointment very crudely? Just joining within a card inside the asylum is too thin for McDonald's to converse it. Until Carolyn answers the poultices weekly, Al won't hate any long swamps.
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: SINSULL Date: 31 Dec 01 - 03:23 PM Spaw??? Looks like another candidate for the Center. This one takes his refrigerator magnet poetry writing kit much too seriously. I will save a cooing ferret for him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: DougR Date: 31 Dec 01 - 07:36 PM Yep, SINSULL, it appears to me we have a new candidate. Or maybe it's Osama bin Laden sending a coded message to his minions, but it was so cold in his cave his fingers sent the message to Mudcat instead of wherever! DougR
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 31 Dec 01 - 08:09 PM Actually this is a computer-generated Mudcat thread submission. One or two more test prototypes and you won't be able to tell the difference between Spaw! Come to think of it, what is the difference between Spaw? A. |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: rangeroger Date: 01 Jan 02 - 12:46 AM Well, after reading this thread it looks like I'm no longer in the running for RtS' old job. Yeah, I know, I should spend more reading the threads to stay up on the community news. I really was looking forward to the job as Harpgirl had volunteered for the tongue lashings. I guess I'll just go back to practicing with my personal bedpans (stainless steel) until Morty burns out on the job and I can re-audition. Happy New Year Mudcatters from beautiful downtown Smelterville,Idaho rr |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: katlaughing Date: 01 Jan 02 - 02:07 AM RiB!! Nice to see you make an "appearance" and such nice choices, too!! WyoWoman, hope you've got lots of bubbly for celebrating', darlin'!! It's gonna be a great year!! Mortee, ya come on by my place and I'll get you settled in with a nice footbath massager thingie, some soothing tranquil music, a gorgeous hunk of a masseuse and they can all just hold it for a while!A gryl's gotta keep her feet in shape, ya know, darlin'? |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Liz the Squeak Date: 01 Jan 02 - 04:32 AM Guest who came in from the cold, it's time to up your medication.... come here and take this prune juice.... Morty - did you find the confiscated goods in the bottom of your locker? Oh, and did you see where Spaw's bedpan went?? Oh. Morty...... erm.... how can I put this...... DON'T EAT THE CHOCOLATE!!! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: CarolC Date: 01 Jan 02 - 05:16 AM Whoah...
...almost missed this one.
Damn Straight, LH! I hereby resign my self appointed position of 'Inactivity Director' at the Neil Young center, and appoint myself Director of the new department for the study of Whatever The Hell it is That Makes Bald Headedness Sexy on Some Men (aka: the Patrick Stewart Wing) at the campus of the WSSBA in beautiful downtown Orillia (a damn fine place to be in the middle of winter, I might add). (Hey LH... I've been listening to the CBC on-line in the wee hours of the morning the last couple of days. At 5:00 AM yesterday and today, they cut into whatever was playing to play some rather large and majestic music. Took me until today to finally figure out that it's your national anthem! Nice anthem.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Rolfyboy6 Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:25 AM Old Folks Boogie - Paul Barrere, Gabriel Paul Barrere Off our rockers, actin' crazy With the right medication we won't be lazy Doin' the old folks boogie Down on the farm Wheelchairs, they was locked arm in arm Paired off pacemakers with matchin' alarms Gives us jus' one more chance To spin one more yarn And you know that you're over the hill When your mind makes a promise that your body can't fill Doin' the old folks boogie And boogie we will 'Cause to us the thought's as good as a thrill Back at the home, No time is your own, Facillities there, they're all out on loan The bank forclose, and your bankruptcy shows And your credit creeps to an all-time low So you know, that you're over the hill When your mind makes a promise that your body can't fill Try and get a rise from an atrophied muscle, And the nerves in your thigh just quivers and fizzles So you know, that you're over the hill When your mind makes a promise that your body can't fill
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Liz the Squeak Date: 01 Jan 02 - 07:08 PM Oh Rolfyboyo - come here and have this nice fruit drink..... you'll feel so much better for it..... (Right, Morty, you get the jacket on him and I'll tie the optional sleeve ties around the back... make sure the rubber pants are in place though.....) LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Jack the Sailor Date: 01 Jan 02 - 10:27 PM I never realized that the Neil Young and Shatner Centers were in competition. But since Canadian, non certified treatment centres seem to be in vogue.. How about the Alex Trebek Institute for the Perpetually Pedantic. ATIPP will officaly open its doors on Feb 2 whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow. The Celine Dione Centre For False Modesty is under proposal. CDCFFM As is the Jim Carey And Tom Green Assosiation of People too Rude to Stay Canadian JCATGAOPTRTSC |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: CarolC Date: 01 Jan 02 - 10:55 PM Good detective work, JtS.
And let us not forget this one...
Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Canadian Adventure
Orillia is the Home of Gordon Lightfoot. It houses the Gordon Lightfoot Centre For the Terminally Depressed. (That would be the GLCTD) |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:57 PM Just goes to show in this day of open communication -- one good idea, twenty variations on a theme. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Jan 02 - 01:03 AM Its a Canadian thing, One guy has success 20 more pile in to take advantage and/or ruin it. Look what we did to/for folk music!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Jan 02 - 01:12 AM Also, Comedy Women Singers Celtic Music Etc.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: gnu Date: 02 Jan 02 - 05:41 AM Jack... priceless ! My tea speweth over everything.
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Fortunato Date: 02 Jan 02 - 08:53 AM Lessons we relearned again this year at The Home:
At our age the positive effects of alcohol on sexual activity are theoretical only.
Saving up your medication to get a buzz on New Years doesn't work when you're on the placebo.
One should not 'get naked' unless formally invited.
Exlax is not a hangover cure.
Singing "We Shall Overcome" for 15 minutes only works if you ACTUALLY ARE Odetta. (It's cold in the exercise yard.)
It is possible to drink enough Champagne and Prune Juice (The Fuzzy Rectum) to become confused about the object of your affection and make grave errors. Fortunato (Ward Captain) |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:39 PM The Neil Young Centre
There ain't no placebo
No point in saving up you Meds
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: John MacKenzie Date: 02 Jan 02 - 03:24 PM If it's a Canadian thing, surely "The blessed Joni" must have a refuge all her own too? Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Jack the Sailor Date: 02 Jan 02 - 04:23 PM Nope, but she's finally got a river, She can skate away on! |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Jan 02 - 06:22 PM The Joni Mitchell Centre for the Incurably Blonde and Emaciated....JMCIBE. The smoke is so thick in that place that you can walk up to the second and third floors on it, no elevators or stairs required. Coming back down, however, is not so easy... Located in Edmonton, Alberta, not far from the big mall. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 02 - 06:39 PM Somebody musta published Spaw's secret formula... |
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Subject: RE: BS: New Year's Eve in the Neil Young Center From: GUEST Date: 16 Jan 02 - 12:55 AM . |