BS: Want to meet someone?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Raedwulf
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 12:52 PM

Jacqui - male muddie. No I can't explain. Perhaps *you* can! In this instance, it's a woman thing, not a man thing, & we can't answer it for you. Why do women feel the the need to lie about their age? It's not blokes that are being called into question here. What sex was the columnist?

I'm like kendall - if you lie to me, you're history. Any other considerations (age, shape, marital staus, children, you name it) are beside the point. If you lie to me... where is the trust? No trust, no relationship, romantic or platonic. But most 'catters seem more sensible than this, a very unique & honest online community, in my experience! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Jeanie
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 02:37 PM

I've only ever once lied about my age, and that was to make myself older, when my real age was 15 (in 1968 - get out your calculators) so that I could get into the back room of the pub for the folk club. I'm sure a lot of us have done that ! I've heard Billy Connolly joking that if you *are* going to lie about your age, it's best to always make out you are 10 years older than you really are, throughout your life, then people never cease to be amazed at your sprightliness !

I think the reason why some women feel the need to pretend they are younger is because a lot of men seem to only want to consider women who are younger than they are. In these women's way of thinking, the only way to attract a man who is the *same* age as them, is to say they are 5 years younger or more.

What craziness all round !

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: hobbitwoman
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:59 PM

Oh, my - what an interesting thread!! How did I miss the beginning of this one back in August?

Just for the record, I'm female (well I guess that might be kind of obvious) and darn near 50, I've been single for 13 years now and loving loving loving it - and I am blown away by all the guys who have said, in one way or another, never trust a guy who doesn't like cats, b/c that's been my theory for a long time now and I wasn't aware others felt the same way - especially guys! Of course this is a bit of an issue in my house, as my son professes to "hate" my cat but I think this is just a bit of false-macho bravado left over from his high school days. That being said, the cat does tend to give him a wide berth, unless he's just come from Burger King with take-out.

Well, I've already forgotten what all I was going to say - oh, recently I added some "interests" to an online profile of mine, and left my instant messenger open to all - and was besieged by 30 something males hitting on me! This seriously freaked me out. I kept pointing out to these young whippersnappers that I was OLD but they seemed not to care. Finally had to shut the durn thing down. Jeesh - I'm already doing laundry for one 27 year old - if I'd wanted more than one kid, I'd have had more than one! No offense intended to any 30 somethings out there, but as for me, *if* I was going to have a relationship, I would want it to be w/ someone who remembered the things I remember - like Woodstock and man walking on the moon - and hasn't just read about them in history class.

Oh, and lately I've been letting my hair grow, and I'm tentatively planning a trip to Maine in the spring w/ my cousin & her husband. :o) Does that about cover it? Well, anyway, it's been pleasant reading for a Friday evening! :o)

Annie

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 03:44 PM

Raedwulf - Like Jeanie the only time I lied about my age was when I was fourteen and trying to get into an X-rated movie. I agree - honesty has to be paramount - otherwise there's a lot of difficult explaining to do. If I'm not wanted for what I am then I'm probably best off staying on my own. Unfortunately too many people, male and female, don't seem to have reached that conclusion, as a friend of mine who was on a dating site found out. She met some real horrors.

But the age thing does tend to be a male thing - so many of the dating sites and lonely hearts ads confirm it -check them out.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 10:20 AM

would anyone like this refreshed?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: mg
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 12:29 PM

yes..did our friend ever meet anyone special? mg

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:26 PM

Jacqui goes to Xrated movies?

Brian.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:37 PM

anyways, enough of that little thought on my mind... I am 35, and haven't been that scared off due to numbers, regarding a woman's age. I am single, and until I find someone I am looking to establish a relationship with (and hopefully she with me!), I will continue to date a variety of gals here in New Brunswick, Canada... in other words, a few weeks ago I went out with a lady who was 42 and this weekend I have a date lined up with someone who is 24. What this all comes down to is that age is a number which is a guideline and not an ends nor a means in itself. It does give an indicator on maturity, on common interests (music, books, etc), and if you have to worry about trying to sneak the lady into the bar... but I digress.

Guys and Gals: Honesty is the best policy, both to others and to yourselves... it is a lot easier to keep things going well when you don't have to make reparations for the "little white lies" along the way.

Done fer now,
Brian.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,Cretinous Yahoo
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 08:13 PM

I'll tell you why men like younger women. It's really simple. Too many women go through menopause and lose their sex drive, while a man the same age, or older is still active.Now I know there are exceptions, I'm talking about personal experience, so don't argue with that. Before you freak out ladies, realize that I have dated more women than you have.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 05:17 AM

Yahoo - ever heard of HRT? For a lot of the women I talk to it seems to have a similar effect to Viagra. Maybe the apparent lack of sex drive comes down to the fact that that seems to be the prime reason for a relationship in the minds of a minority of men and that can really turn a woman off. there is also a higher level of impotence in men over fifty so both sexes are taking what they may see as a risk. I suppose it really depends what you want from a relationship. For me I would place more value on the emotional content than the physical, although if you can get both in one package then you really have hit the jackpot. Maybe THATS more of a female thing - and I've probably talked to more females than you have about that one!

I asked a male friend why this insistence on younger women and he came out with "why have a prune when you can have a plum" which at least was honest. The fact that prunes, on the whole are sweeter and better for you obviously hadn't occurred to him.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 07:48 PM

I would agree that the emotional bond is more important, but the physical drive can not be denied. Sure, you can tie the safty valve down on a boiler, and get away with it...for a while. Then, sooner or later, Mount Vesuvius.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 08:00 PM

If Catspaw were around, Kendall...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: momnopp
Date: 27 Nov 03 - 01:13 AM

I, too have been intrigued by this thread (yeah, I know, some of you will not find this surprising...)

I fully expect that I will find and/or be found by a wonderful partner. I'm 40, mom to a most amazing 14 year-old son, cute as a button, and modest to boot! LOL I live in America just outside of Washington, DC.

I find that because I have had a tendency to dive headlong into a relationship (I'm doing my best to rid myself of this particular addiction) that I tend to burn through from one side of a relationship to the other in very short order. It also means I have a tendency to crash hard.

BUT I usually get back up, dust myself off and look at what I've learned from the experience. I always extract something good out of every situation, no matter how miserable. In fact, sometimes the more onerous the situation (shall I start a thread about people discovering their spouse is gay?) the more I am forced to learn and grow.

In recent years I've made friends with more than a couple of people who are avid fans of folk music and who are coupled with someone who does not share their enthusiasm. I've decided that if there are two things I absolutely must share with my future loving partner, they are a deep, abiding love of both music and people.

That being said, I love Kendall's "formula" for assessing the suitability of a prospective partner. Sounds like a perfectly good set of criteria to me!

I've met many people through various forms of "personals" -- and one does learn to translate what people say. How they say it, the care taken to spell things correctly (or not), the choice of subject matter -- all convey messages.

I'd like to think of myself as "non-judgemental" but it's simply not true. We all have our filters, we all categorize everything all the time, otherwise we'd never be able to get out of bed in the morning. The stimuli would overwhelm us regularly. But I think I've modified which criteria I need to pay attention to in order to narrow down the options. There are preferences and there are "must haves" and "can't stands". I think it's important for each of us to know which are which for ourselves.

And honesty remains the "best policy". As mentioned above, no honesty, no trust, no foundation for future trust. Men seem to be more likely to lie about their NAMES in my experience. This is a deal-breaker for me.

Anyway, it's waaayyyyy too late to be up writing theses on dating or whatever one wants to call it. Thanks for the opportunity once again to share my views and opinions on a miscellaneous topic of much interest.

{{{{{{{{{{{MUDCATTERS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I still say we should have a Mudcat dating service...

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 27 Nov 03 - 08:10 AM

Now Jeri, don't be modest, you can handle this...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Nov 03 - 09:44 AM

Trying my hand at Haiku:

Once sure, now I hear
The sound of straight lines, dropping
Which path do I choose?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 27 Nov 03 - 09:10 PM

YOU ARE SO SHARP!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,boocat
Date: 28 Nov 03 - 09:56 AM

I wish to meet twin foxy ladies (early to mid forties) to help me through my latest mid-life crisis.

boocat

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Nov 03 - 10:51 AM

Single, white, female, 56, well endowed (read goddess), looking for single banjo player willing to join same. Owns own home and four cats.


From: CY:
Too many women go through menopause and lose their sex drive, while a man the same age, or older is still active.Now I know there are exceptions, I'm talking about personal experience, so don't argue with that.

I am not surprised that this is you personal experience. And I strongly suspect that an equal percentage of young females lose their sex drive when introduced to your warped thought process.
SINS, menopausal and active.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 28 Nov 03 - 12:12 PM

You are too young to know from experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Nov 03 - 12:20 PM

CY said "...too many women." he/she didn't say ALL women.

"If you throw a stone into a pack of dogs, only the one it hits will yelp." (Confucius)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 10:21 AM

Thank you, Kendall,... I think.

GUEST - is the "dog" reference another shot at post-menopausal women?

SINS, who apologizes for her PMS and now will go back to playing nice.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Jeri
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 10:48 AM

My guess is it's just an expression and the use of the word 'dog' is irrelevant. If one mistakes a snarl for a yelp, one can wind up finding teeth in one's ass.

One also starts to wonder if saying women aren't interested in sleeping with them because they're post-menopausal is the geriatric version of "if she doesn't want ME, she must be a lesbian." The post-menopausal thing is true in some cases, I think. In others, a woman who's sufficiently interested would, I'd think, at least want to want to. If the relationship is such that you can't both at least talk about it, it's not a very good one anyway.

I've known (no, I didn't mean "known") lots (ok, what I really didn't mean was "lots") of guys who went for the sex first, and then waited to see if an emotional relationship grew out of it. This might work if you're 20-something, but it might not be very successful in beginning a relationship with those of us who're economizing on hormones. It might not work anyway. It might help to change one's approach, but it's very hard for an old dog (didn't mean anything derogatory by that) new tricks.

Haha! Listen to me...single, and as far out of the dating loop as I can get without falling off the edge of the planet.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 04:37 PM

Sin - I'm with you - same age, single - no cats. I would say that CY's atitude to relationships probably would turn a lot of women off. I can't think of many women of my acquaintance who would want to be thought of as primarily available for the sexual gratification of her partner - been there and didn't like it.

Making love is the closest one person will ever get, physically, to another. I just think that you need to be pretty close, emotionally, to another person to really make that work. And, Kendall - I understand what you're saying about volcanoes - I agree, but there's more than one way to skin a cat if, for any reason the normal avenues aren't available and I can think of a couple of my friends in relationships who, for one reason or another, can't have intercourse but who do manage to have satisfying sex lives.

I would love to find the guy that I could really feel happy spending the rest of my life with, and yes, I miss a physical relationship, but so far it hasn't happened and I have to accept that the likelihood probably reduces as I get older. But I ain't going to pretend to be something I'm not just for company.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 06:50 PM

I hear a lot of talk about "relationships". Given the fact that I already have lively ongoing relationships with the Earth, Nature, and the many other living things around me...plants, animals, people, and so on...why should I obsess about whether or not I have a specific female sexual companion at any particular time?

Of course, I didn't feel that way at age 22! At that point, it was the main thing on my mind. Things change.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 07:26 PM

And yeah, making love is about the most personal thing that you can possibly do with another person. Which is why it's not something to take lightly. Most women know that. A lot of men don't.

If you have two people who are both okay about taking it lightly, though, that's okay with me...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 08:04 PM

I can't speak for all women, or most women, or even many women, but I have heard a few women admit that after becoming mothers and/or going through the change, they lost all interest in sex. and it had nothing to do with their partners. (Women tell me the damdest things!)

Also, men are not immune to this decrease; when I was young, I thought about sex all the time. Now, I only think of it when I'm awake.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 08:15 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Awright, kendall! Best laugh I've had tonight. No wet dreams anymore, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Katemaryrose
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 08:30 PM

Well, Little Hawk, I think you are very mature and independant, but as well as having the earth and the beauty of nature as your companion, would not a good woman at your side.........one with whom you can share your wisdom...one with whom you can chew the cud or sift the chaff from the grain.....would you not enjoy the rest of your life with such a companion when going in to your old age?
Just wondering!
It as quite a different story at 22 for sure!
KMR

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 08:46 PM

Well, perhaps, KMR. It could be great if it was the right person. I'm open to the possibility, I'm just not looking, that's all. I do think it somewhat unlikely at this point that I'd want to spend the whole rest of my life with one other person, but you never know...

What I really enjoy in life is having a lot of dear friends whom I really love, and still living as a single person at the same time.   Suits me better than the "two birds in a nest" routine, I guess.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 03:55 PM

A friend of mine told me that his ideal relationship would be for both parties to have their own home but to be able to spend time together. I must admit that this particular guy, having come through a rather gruesome relationship seems to be in no hurry to think about commitment but I can see some sense in what he's saying. The idea of having a close relationship with someone you really care for but having a bolt hole to go back to for a little space from time to time is very appealing - so long as both of you want the same thing. The strength of the feeling I suppose would show in the degree to which each partner needed that bolt hole.

I think the majority of human beings want that intimacy that comes with a good physical relationship - enjoying life together, laughing and even crying together, knowing, if you wake during the night that that person is there. I have a number of good friends but there is only so far that good friends can go - the relationship of lovers is completely different.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 04:12 PM

Yep. It's more intense and more exclusive. It's the exclusivity that can become a problem sometimes (and I'm not talking about sex, but about available energy and attention).

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 05:58 PM

Think about what Kendall?

"he's got no falorum"

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 07:21 PM

I am always wanting to meet people, especially to play music with. Especially multi-instrumentalists. But the phrase "meet people" is so overloaded with sexual inneuendo that I no longer want to "meet people"....

As for things other than music, at my age, and with my past experiences, I prefer to sit quietly in the corner and wait until I see some lady that expresses some subtle interest in me. Dumb Blondes need not apply. Of course, many blondes are only acting dumb, either in self defence, or because they believe "Bokndes Have More Fun!"

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 04:39 AM

Foolestruope - What about if the lady's shy or was brought up to believe that a woman doesn't make the first move? How do you recognise 'subtle interest'? I know what you mean though - there almost seems to be an expectation that any friendship between a man and a woman has to be cemented as early as possible with sex. WHY? Can't adults get the idea of moving through friendship to something more?

LH - I agree with you about the exclusivity - my ex wanted that and in the nineteen years that we were together I can count the friends we made on the fingers of one hand. We very rarely got involved in anything with other people - we were this tight little unit. Since splitting up I've made a number of good friends, got involved in the music and in some voluntary work and made a life for myself. Any future involvement would have to have at least the music in common.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 05:28 AM

jacqui - guys can be shy too...

one thing I have noticed is that often if I back off even just a little from a woman who IS interested in "getting on down it" then suddenly, _I_ am the worst sort of scum that turns a lady down - what ever happened to friendship? - so I am even more cautious these days.

total exclusivity === control freak!!! Warning! Warning!

And I no longer even am interested in putting the effort in trying to know more about most women I meet if there is NO interest in performing an instrument --- behave yourselves!

subtle interest - now do you think I am going to give away for nothing all of the things I have learned the hard way?

Look for my forthcoming book:

"Everything I have learnt about Women" 5 pages, Price 50 cents...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 08:14 AM

5 pages! You MUST be an expert!

I'm sorry if some of my sex behave in such a way. I know from experience that it can be difficult to have feelings for a guy that aren't returned and to try and maintain a friendship. I suppose that the aggresive attitude is really a defence against hurt feelings - even if there was no real reason to believe that there was a possibility of anything further. Sometimes both men and women read into perfectly innocent attitudes something more - because we so want it to be more.

As for control freaks - tell me about it! Male or female they're real trouble - and it starts from the first time that they 'suggest' that you might change something about yourself. I have a friend who is going into a new relationship and the bluebirds are tweetering around her head. From the outside I can see that this man is going to take her over (and no, it's not jealousy on my part - he's already suggesting that she buys new, sexier underwear and persuaded her to drink beer, which he likes, rather than wine, which she likes) but I can't say anything for fear of upsetting a now rather delicate friendship because he is starting to go toward exclusivity.

I can't say that I'm an expert on men - if I was I probably a) would be in a good relationship now or b)would be steering extremely clear of rather than looking for one. Reading some of the threads (especially this one) gives a little bit of an insight into attitudes and motives but it's so difficult, when somple friendships with the opposite sex seem to be a minefield, to really get a handle on their behaviour. Maybe that's a good thing!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 08:20 AM

Learn to read body language. IT doesn't lie.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,hotoy
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 09:28 AM

Since so many women (especially you older ones) seem to be desperate to be loved by a man why do you refuse to put out da nookie when we ask for it politely? Carseats and truck beds are good enough for us guys...why not you? Remember (in the words of the king) if you don't, your sister will! Soooooooooooo, wise up ladies and be prepared to lose the laundry wherever you happen to be when the mood strikes.

Albus

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,plusmama
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 01:43 PM

I am an "older" mama and am plus sized. So come on boys, if I can find a siazble man to stuff this quim...the back seat it is (or a truck bed) or a barn loft or even a table or a bed!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 04:09 PM

Perhaps threads like this are a good reason to ban postings by people without cookies...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,DeGaul
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM

I am an older frenchman (78) and would like to meet 2 twenty year olds to revitalize me...or perhaps I am not wired for 220.

Charles

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 08:03 PM

Well, at least he's honest.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 08:21 PM

If he's a 78, then playback at 45 or 33 would last longer... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 04:19 AM

Yes, but would he play on a modern machine?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,DeGaul
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 01:11 PM

Only if the modern machine is "slick" enough my needle! Older women are not really suitable. They tend to be less agile (they can't lock their heels behind their necks) and they also tend to be, my my how can we put this gently, a bit "loose" (Carmen Electra had HERS tightened up a stitch or two, for goodness sakes) and, alas, just a mite on the dry side.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 01:27 PM

This thread has gone far enough

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 07:11 PM

It's the obsession about being long enough to go far enough that is responsible for so much ridiculous spam.

Haven't people realised that the biggest turn on for some other people is a sense of the ridiculous?

GSOH would probably suffice.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 09:08 PM

That reminds me - has anybody got the words and chords for

"Long Playing Daddy" - please put them in a new thread...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 04 Dec 03 - 08:48 AM

Perhaps we need a little remender as to why I posted this thread...

There are some folkies out there who have had some bad luck, or even no luck at all. They've tried many ways to meet someone with no success and are a tad lonely. Some of us are loud and confident and manage to get what we want. Others aren't quite so...

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 Dec 03 - 10:35 AM

So - I'm looking - haven't had a lot of luck recently and don't seem to get to places where I meet new (and single) guys either. I'm on profiles with a photo. I'm a regular at the Hertford Club singalong on a Monday night.