BS: Want to meet someone?

Subject: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 06:15 AM

I have a friend (male) who would like to met a like-minded lady for friendship and evenings out. He comes from the South of England, but attends many festivals all over Britain. He's a very talented musician/singer and a brilliant ceilidh dancer. He's in his 40's.

Is it possible for us to start up a meeting area for the shy?

PM me and I'll give you his Mudcat name.

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:16 AM

Gargoyl will have a field day with this!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:22 AM

Kindly done, Ms L. Were I in like circumstance I would put myself in your hands in a trice.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM

Put yourself in her hands Amos!! Shame on you Santee, that's no way to talk to a lady.
Still not smoking I hope?

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM

Er.... define south please? And does he have all his own teeth?
LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:06 AM

I didn't mean literaly, y'auld sot!! No, statying clean as the driven smog!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jimmyt
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:11 AM

Liz, never mind if he doesn't have all his teeth, I will gladly drop a set of dentures (or even better, a jar of extracted teeth ) in the post,. and he'll be good as new!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:26 AM

Can you do the same with an E type Jaguar Jimmyt?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jimmyt
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:29 AM

Liz, Only a damn fool would try to replace the teeth in a jaguar!! You would get the hell bit out of you!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:57 AM

iS YOUR COOKING THAT BAD?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:54 PM

For heavens sake, Liz, what have we told you about inter-species dating? Remember that aardvark? It all ended in tears.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jimmyt
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:06 PM

MOrticia, I had no idea aardvarks could weep!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:56 PM

I have known some rerlationships to successfully transcend the species boundary, but they are few and far between. And none of them involved dentistry.

Aardvarks don't usually weep unless provoked in the extreme; more commonly they hold it all inside, and snuffle quietly to themselves in a grating, piercing sort of snorky way. Most unsettling to hear.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Mudlark
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 05:30 PM

Most unsettling, yes, and dont they know it, too, the snivelling little passive aggressive little plonkers.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,Susst
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 05:57 PM

After evenings out etc...-get my head done in and endup
in hostipal with what I have to putup with. The aftermath

No thanks

I'm goin for cars houses etc. yeah I might even get some diamonds!

They last

I'm keepin my mind sapce for myself

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 06:10 PM

does this person have and interest in re-locating state side?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 09:18 PM

Does he have an older brother? Preferably independently wealthy.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:18 AM

Morty - find me a bloke with a tongue like that aardvark......

And an E-type Jag.....

Oooooooooooh nurse, the screens!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 07:34 AM

Woo Hoo are you guys getting excited!!! Calm down, calm down.

Yes, he has his own teeth. He is self employed, so might run to a diamond (ish type thing)but hasn't got an E-type!

"After evenings out etc...-get my head done in and endup
in hostipal with what I have to putup with. The aftermath..." This guy is a friend of mine and I can assure you he's harmless. Don't jump to conclusions.

Actually, can we be serious here. There are some folkies out there who have had some bad luck, or even no luck at all. They've tried many ways to meet someone with no sucess and are a tad lonely. Some of us are loud and confident and manage to get what we want. Others aren't quite so...

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:58 PM

The problem is that the shy ones aren't going to come out on the Cat because it's too public. How do you get round that one? Maybe it needs a special thread with a PM run by someone with enough time to sort out the messages. Or maybe we need more local Mudcat gatherings..

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:25 PM

The interspecies thing can work out. Just look at Karen and I .... We do fine, get along great!!! Karen is Homo sapiens of course but they're still trying to find a genus/species where I fit in............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:34 PM

LOL, spaw...i always figured you were a possum....or a skunk...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,Susst
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:31 PM

Ms lemon I was only havin a mess, I ment no offence to your friend
I am sure he is lovely. Good luck, it is a very nice thing to do.

Excuse me, I will try my best not to mess but it one of my favorite
things to do, could someone start a thread on how not to mess I'd
love a look at that and I promise I wo'nt mess

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: MAG
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:46 PM

YTou mean all I have to do to find a guy is to buy a Jag??

Sure, no problem. I'd just have to get rid of my house ...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:50 PM

ER... I'm not a guy, but heck, if you're a girl with an Etype, I'll learn to like tuna.....


Well, maybe not....

Seriously - what is this guy after - is it just company to folky events or something.... 'else'.....?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:56 PM

ROFLMAO! you crack me up LTS!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,I'm shy, Ms. Lemon, I'm shy
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 07:26 PM

Jacqui C has hit the nail on the head - it's a real dilemma. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to read the title to this thread and think to myself "Yes, I'd like that", then discover that I could be a possible person for Ms. Lemon's friend to meet....and then get the total jitters about doing anything about it.

Although the world of sessions, festivals, dancing is a very sociable world, with a lot of fun, joy and laughter in it, I get the feeling that there may be a lot of us out there who have been more than once bitten and are more than twice shy when it comes to the possibility of developing a relationship. This then leaves the false impression that there's no-one around in our regular social gatherings who may be interested !

I still think that meeting someone by getting to know them naturally, socially, is the best way, though. Once you start arranging things, all kinds of (false) expectations and hopes come looming over the horizon and they are very hard to shoo away.

Perhaps we could all decide on this thread on some kind of secret masonic-type signal we can use at sessions and festivals ???? Post your suggestions here, fellow Shy-Catters ;)

I wish I wasn't, but, to paraphrase the old song: "I'm shy, Ms. Lemon, I'm shy !"

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: kendall
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 07:56 PM

This could turn into a dating service. How many of us are single and available?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 09:45 PM

Kendall old Bro, I think that you too have a species problem.....The llahma probably has something to say about your availability.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Deckman
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 10:29 PM

This has got to be a talking blues. What key is it in? Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:51 AM

Bugger single and available - I just want to go out and have some fun!

Particularly in an E-type!

Just because we have no money, doesn't mean we can't go window shopping, and if we want to try a few things on for size......?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:29 PM

Liz the Squeak
"Seriously - what is this guy after - is it just company to folky events or something.... 'else'.....?"

Company, laughs, singing together... it would be what ever you wanted. It wouldn't have to go any further than your PC until you were ready, if ever.

I'm just the messenger really... don't shoot me!

PM me if you'd like to know more.

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: MAG
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 01:48 AM

One of the planets in the Miles Vorkosigan sagas has this whole system whereby ear jewelry indicates status: single and looking; single but not looking; straight, gay, or hermaphrodite, etc ... made a lot of sense to me. Has to beat the personals any day. A good friend married a guy she met through the personals and it was a disaster from day 1. (She's very happy w/ someone else now; she tells me to never give up.)

M.A., silver haired and overweight

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: HelenR
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 08:57 AM

Yep, I wish there was a code. Little coloured lapel badges or something. It would save an awful lot of guesswork, deduction and emotionally draining cul-de-sacs, wouldn't it? Everybody has to guess everybody else's aims and rules of engagement, or find out the hard way... gah!!

It's hard to take the dating ads/online approach though. You never know if it's got that zing till you meet somebody face to face, however well you might get on by email. Not that I've tried, actually. But I've met quite a few people in real life after meeting them online and you just never know how the two will differ.

x Helen: 37, single-and-looking, as it happens... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Kelly
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:51 AM

Online dating seems to have about the same average success rate of bar-scene and other common places for meeting folks. 50% or so. Its just all in what you're comfortable with. I've met bf's online, at work, at clubs, bars and through friends.. and there was relatively little difference. However, those stats are for wide-expansive online services such as random chat interractions, or broad-swath dating sites like Match or Yahoo or whichever. Specialized sites (such as a site not devoted to dating at all, but rather a specific interest group ..ie Mudcat) have a higher success rate, 'cause ya know you already have something fairly major in common. *my two cents*

-Kelly (Single-ish, nawt lookin' hehe.. erm.. unless you have one o' them great Victorian houses in downtown San Francisco. Then we can talk! :P j/k)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Shelley C
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM

I beleive that in certain Gay clubs they use a code based on coloured handkerchiefs hanging out of your back pocket. By this you could tell if someone was single, looking for fun, commitment or whatever.
But I saw a gay guy interviewed on TV who said he found that approach too clinical. You had to dedcide what 'category' you were in and stick to it. Sometimes you just want to go with the flow and see what develops.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 06:46 AM

It's not easy. I am happily single and I think I'm getting set in my ways :-)))))))) but it would be nice now and again to go out on a date sort of thing. My best friend and I keep conjuring up adds to place in mags but lack the courage to do it. Man wanted: own hair,own teeth, all parts in working order, must like music!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe we are too fussy????

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Peg
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 09:01 AM

I have a friend (married, whom I had a crush on for years,   but we addressed this issue and decided straightaway we would    not pursue it) who I was talking to about not being able to have a real relationship. I never met anyone interesting, or if I did, they were always unavailable or uninterested, etc. he suggested   lowering my standards! I thought this was strange advice.   When I mentioned it to a married female friend, she said "absolutely not!"

After several years of having only brief, impossible relationships (with guys who lived in other countries, for example),I am now    seeing someone I first met (and became friends with) two years ago, he was married then; got divorced this year. He does live far away (Ohio, and I am in Massachusetts) but at least it's closer than England! But speaking of standards:   though I liked this guy right away when I met him, he is not normally the "type" I go for. He is steady and normal and not the least bit glamorous, and though he is quite nice-looking and in good shape and all, he is not the calibre of handsomeness I usually am attracted to (I have dated   male models, some of them clearly out of my league, not sure how I managed it). But none of it seems to matter. Anyway, I am getting older so I think looks become less important as time goes by.

I have to admit this dating stuff gets more and more   difficult...and I wish there was a way to bypass it all. I have made some attempts at the online or personal ad thing over the years but without much luck. I am very much a person who responds to the actual "flesh and blood" of someone, to their energy and voice,and I think "getting to know" a stranger via email can be very misleading! at least, this has been true in my experience...

Good luck all!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: bbc
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 09:31 AM

I'm a 50-yr old unattached female, in NE New York state. I haven't decided yet if I'm available. My experiences, so far, haven't encouraged me to have a lot of confidence in my ability to find & keep a good partner. I'm not sure if I've given up on trying or not.

best to all,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM

Meet someone? Naw...I've met plenty enough someone's already for one life. Anyway, I've passed the point of thinking that happiness will be found in something (or someone) outside of myself. Being "alone" does not trouble me in the least.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Allan C.
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 10:28 AM

Peg, it has been my experience that there is nothing at all wrong with having an interest in someone as far away as England.

bbc, whether or not you give up on trying, someone is sure to notice what a treasure you are and treat you accordingly.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 01:06 PM

I've been single for about four years now and, while I enjoy the independence there are times when it would be so nice to have someone to talk over a good night's singing or just to snuggle into at night. I do think though that you have to be sure that it is the right person - otherwise things can go wrong so fast. I do agree - it is very difficult to meet anyone - how can you tell who's looking and who isn't? I think the only way is to make friends and see where things go from there. I've got fed up, in the past with guys to say that they are interested in the same things as I am and who later show that they aren't. Why do they do that? Just to get into a relationship? Crazy.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,married moaner !
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 01:32 PM

Hi all,

What an interesting read this thread is !

Well, I want to say two things. First, if someone is looking for a mate I don't think there's anything wrong with doing unusual things in an attempt to meet someone. The guy wants a "partner" ? Well, recognise that as a fact, and then think how you are going to do something about it. Apart from the obvious safety concerns, why not ?

Secondly, spare a though for those of us that are in a relationship and still don't get the amount of love and affection they crave for. Poor us ! Ok, back to the point ! I would be happiest if I could reach the way Little Hawk feels. She says "Being "alone" does not trouble me in the least. "

Oh yeah, and if I could have Liz the Squeak's sense of humour, please !

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 02:15 PM

Hey, I'm a male. And you're right, it's a big relief not to be "needing" that one special partner anymore in order to feel okay. I do enjoy having friends, don't get me wrong. I'm not recommending becoming a hermit by any means.

Jacqui - Yeah, that's exactly why they say they are interested in the same things as you...just to get into a relationship! (To be merciful to these guys, they may not all be consciously quite aware of what they're doing at the time...) It all starts when you're 12 or 13 or thereabouts. You've been profoundly affected by all the books, movies, songs, and social mythology...plus your rapidly emerging and ever-increasing sex drive...into thinking that your life is UTTERLY BEREFT and WITHOUT HOPE unless you can get your arms around some desirable female, the queen of all your hopes and dreams...or several such, depending on whether you're a hopeless romantically monogamous type (like I was) or a "kiss 'em and leave 'em" play-the-field type of guy. The former type convinces himself that he IS interested in the same stuff as she is, the latter just outright lies, figuring that anything that works is justifiable.

Sometimes it leads to pregnancy, it most cases it leads eventually to marriage...and a host of other complications. Them as wants it are welcome to it. :-) If I was 16 now, I'm sure it would be the main thing on my mind. Such is life.

Being a householder and raising a family is the toughest job there is, but for most people it is the centerpiece of life, and that's okay with me if that's what they want.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 02:32 PM

LH - I agree with you about being a householder etc. the problem is that a lot of people don't recognise that fact and REALLY work at the relationship. In my experience there seems to be an attitiude of 'OK, now we're married I don't have to try so hard' and that's when the real work should start.

I now would not go into a relationship unless I felt that there really was a strong tie with the guy, and a lot of shared interests. Otherwise I think I have got to a point where I can accept that I may never have another romantic relationship for the rest of my life. So be it.

Now I make sure that I be myself - a good friend says that that is what we are most qualified to be. I found it hard at first to be confident of my own opinions, even if they were not shared by the majority, but have now realised how many people will accede to the majority view, just to avoid seeming out of step. I now have a great circle of friends who seek my company and accept me as I am. If I find a guy who does the same, fine. If not life's too short to worry about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: GUEST,married moaner
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 02:37 PM

Sorry Lh for inadvertantly giving you a sex change !

Now, since we are talking about what guys want and what gals want, can I ask if any female mudcatters have managed to live life in true love 'em and leave 'em way ? You know, the way men seem to like things !I'd love to do that !

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: jacqui c
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 02:45 PM

I have a friend who is quite happy to bed guys but doesn't wnat to wake up beside them in the morning. She's quite happy with that situation, but I think that our hardwiring doesn't usually allow us to do that. Goes back to basic instinct, I think - men may have the urge to spread their genes as far and wide as possible but women have more limited options for reproduction and have the responsibility for the resultant sprog, so try to 'pin' the man down as a provider - to ensure the survival of their genes! No wonder there's such a gender gap!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Kelly
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 08:34 PM

Re Allan C's comment:

Hehe dad, no kidding. But, you and I both know the effot it takes to make a long-distance relationship into something successful. So I understand the urge to look a tad closer to home. (Im glad you didnt tho. *waves big to Morty*)

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Peg
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 09:34 PM

Allan C: true enough, but so far it hasn't really worked out for me to have a boyfriend there...though I would like to move there at some point and give it a shot!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to meet someone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 10:39 PM

Very sensible attitude there, Jacqui. Well said on all counts. I knew one woman who was into casual sex in a big way. She seemed to be collecting notches on her gun or something. She was odd. You don't meet too many females with that attitude, and I think it has to do with the genetic hardwiring, as you say.

When societies (mostly very ancient ones, but also some Native American ones) traced lineage through the females it made a lot more sense, because mothers are in there for the duration (normally) and there's no doubt who the mother is either! The father could be anybody. It's downright silly to trace lineage through the fathers...one of a number of silly things that have occurred since the takeover of patriarchal social orders.

- LH