BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot

Subject: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:05 PM

I received a frantic phone call yesterday form my Aunt Eva. She had been cleaning up around the house, and as is her habit, she let the parrot out of its cage. She had finished cleaning out the freezer when the doorbell rang. The freezer door was open, and she went to answer the doorbell. When she returned she closed the freezer door. About three hours later she went looking for Duffy. She couldn't find him anywhere. Yes, you know what happened. She ran to the freezer, and there on the various packages of froze foods was a frozen Duffy, laying on his back, wings spread out.

She phoned me to ask if there was anything she might do. All I could think of was to place Duffy near a source of heat--and then the thought struck me. My uncle had an old Zippo lighter and he kept lighter fluid in the junk drawer of the kitchen table. I suggested to my aunt that she put four or five squirts in the holes at te top of Duffy's beak. She did. I waited on the phone to see what the result would be. Duffy started to flap his wings and he began to soar around the kitchen. He kept that up for about three minutes. Then, he dropped to the floor.

Sorry to start a thread for this, but I had to tell someone.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:09 PM

You have got to be kidding....right?? If not, I'm so sorry...

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:10 PM

It's OK Sorcha. The bird's alive. Just ran outta gas.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:13 PM

They never tried that one on Pet Rescue...

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:17 PM

It's a good story to tell when a crowd has had a few. I never say the last line. Use my hand to demonstrate how Duffy fell to the floor. Someone always says, "Dead?" Then ya use the punchline.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: pdq
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:17 PM

Is the bird's name Ross???

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 08:56 PM

Brucie-

That reminds me of Aunt Melvene who's fondest childhood memory was waving goodbye to her family and friends at the railway station as her train was leaving, and then shouting "Don't forget to feed the parrot!" and they all dutifully shouted back, "What parrot?"

Actually, I was expected you to come up with some awful pun such as "polygon" or the mother of all parrot puns "polymer."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: pdq
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:01 PM

If the parrot fell in the water and were dried off, would it then be polyunsaturated???

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:07 PM

no, that would be BEFORE it fell in the water...

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:36 PM

And when the parrot was done defrosting he looked at Auntie and said "I don't mean to be rude, ma'am, but what did the chicken do wrong???"

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 01:29 AM

Ah ha, Amos, I know that joke.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 01:38 AM

That what you call a shaggy parrot story?

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: freda underhill
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:03 AM

true..

I have a friend who lived in the 80s on the north shore of sydney - a beautiful part of town, except for the funnel web spiders which hide there. Funnel web spiders are large, black, thick, hairy, extremely poisonous and very aggressive.

she found one in her backyard, whipped a tupperware container over it, and put in the the freezer section of her fridge. after it had frozen, she dipped it in epoxy resin and made an earring out of it.

freda

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: fogie
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 06:12 AM

I like the idea of making jewellery out of insects, and other living things! A dab of superglue on the back of a stag beetle or tarantula, and leave it dangling its legs from your ears! Hours of ticklish fun and a great talking point at a party? Not as sure about parrots.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 07:59 AM

Of course, I once heard a shagging parrot story, but I couldn't repaeat it here...

It was trendy during the 1970/80's to attach a chain to a beetle and wear it as jewelery... and they say we are NOT have a revival...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: freda underhill
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 08:00 AM

..oh parrot I slossed..

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 10:46 AM

A young, punky looking fello with earrings, spiked hair coloured purple, blue, green, red, yellow and shades in between was being foul-mouthed on a bus. An older gentleman asked him to please keep it down. The kid got abusive with him. The older fellow began to look at him, fixedly. The kid said, "And what the f#ck are you lookin' at?" The man siad, "Well, I used to be in the navy. One evening in Singapore I got terribly drunk, and my mates tell me I had sex with a parrot. And I was just wondering if you might be my son."

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM

Upon reaching his seat on the airplane, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
   "Whatcha lookin' at, asswipe?" squawks the parrot.
   "Nothing. Sorry." answers the man looking away.
    When the stewardess comes around, the man asks for a coffee with one cream and one sugar. And the parrot flaps his wings and blats out "And you can get get me a gin and tonic, sweet tits!"
   The stewardess, flustered, brings back the cocktail for the parrot but forgets the coffee.
   The man politely reminds the stew that she forgot his coffee. And the parrot drains its glass and bawls "Hey! You should smile for the customers, baby! And show a bit more cleavage. And while you're at it, you can bring me another gin and tonic, bitch."
   Quite upset now, the girl comes back shaking with another drink for the parrot, but still no coffee.
   "Excuse me, my coffee?" asks the man, getting irritated by the parrot's preferential treatment.
   "And one more drink, ya gussied-up crack-ho!" squawked the parrot. "This time, try getting a little gin in it!"
   Once again, the drink for the parrot comes, but the thouroughly flustered stewardess forgot the man's coffee again.
   The man decides to try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you three times for a coffee, you dizzy bitch. Now go and get it right goddamn now or I'll have them fire your dumb ass!"
   She rushes off and a few moments later, both the man and the parrot have been hauled up out of their seats and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
   Plunging together towards the ground at an acceleration of 9.8 meters per second per second (I remember my high school Physics), the parrot cocks a feathery eyebrow at the man and says "You're pretty nervy for a guy with no wings, asshole!"

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 03:43 PM

LOL!!!

Damn birds think they own the earth!


A

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:12 AM

... subtle one freda - only for those with classical Educations though... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 09:26 AM

only an aussie would get it, ft!

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:12 PM

Or someone who's heard of John Milton.

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Peace
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:33 PM

Who?

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 05:00 PM

Freda-

Only with help from my friends..................................LOL

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 07:05 PM

if you're interested in finding out more about the seminal work of Afferbeck Lauder, tiger look at this..

http://www.geocities.com/jendi2_2000/strine1.html

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Joybell
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 07:48 PM

A friend of my True-love's did his PHD thesis on "Parrot Jokes". I don't suppose he's become a Mudcatter or he'd have been here by now. Joy

Subject: RE: BS: My Aunt Eva's Parrot
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 09:11 PM

Simon Mayor & Hilary James' Parrot Song.

Funny as hell when seen performed live as I did in Goderich years ago.