BS: If only this bird could post here....

Subject: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 08:25 PM

Seems like even the biird world has it's MG's.


Parrot placed in solitary for swearing at vicar
By Jenny Booth, Times Online

A foul-mouthed parrot who stands on top of his cage shouting rude words at passers-by has been isolated after swearing at the mayoress, a lady vicar and two police officers.

Barney the blue and gold Macaw has been placed in solitary confinement by his mortified keepers after he used some extremely choice language.

Stacey Clark, who works at Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary in Nuneaton, said that the bird had been handed in by a lorry driver three years ago when the man was emigrating to Spain.

"We don't know who taught him the words, but he seems to have a problem with authority figures," said Ms Clark.

"When he saw the policemen coming, he said: 'Hello, you two w*****s'. He told the mayoress and the lady vicar to f*** off. He stands on the top of his cage swaying his head backwards and forwards, singing 'B*****ks', "B*****ks'."

Normally Barney flaps around in a pen in the back garden of Geoff Grewcock's home, alongside about 300 other birds and 60 animals which have either been found injured in the wild or are unwanted pets.

But Ms Clark said that Barney had now been locked in the front room to keep him away from visitors to the sanctuary after the incidents. He was still shouting abuse at people through the window.

"The lady vicar came to borrow a bird cage, because she was preaching a sermon about the birds," she explained. "She was speaking to Barney really nicely when he said 'F*** off', clear as a bell, so you could tell exactly what he was saying. The vicar was a bit shocked but luckily she didn't mind. She even put it in her sermon on Sunday, saying she had never been told where to go by a parrot before."

Ms Clark said that Barney seemed to know what he was saying as he always picked the wrong person to insult.

"He always swears when you don't want him to," she said. "But when BBC West Midlands came round to film him, he point blank refused to say it. The reporter repeated it to him over and over and over, and he wouldn't say it back to her, so I think he knows.

"I can't wait to hear what he says when he sees himself on television tonight."

Barney does also know some marginally more polite words, apparently. When he sees someone he likes approaching, he says: "Hello, big boy."

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: number 6
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 08:32 PM

Very good !!

Thanks for posting that.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 08:40 PM

LMAO!! I wish he COULD post here! Thanks for the laughs!

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 08:45 PM

Heard many stories like it and even taught a buddy's cockatoo to say some bad (not too bad) stuff on a lark, BUT, when I read, "...so I think he knows.", I lost it. That is hilarious. Thanks SC.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Kaleea
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 08:52 PM

There may soon be millions of people around our planet who desire to adopt this dirty wordy birdie!

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: bobad
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 09:36 PM

Heard this piece on CBC yesterday. The bird would'nt perform on cue on the radio though.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 09:42 PM

A little different than the old one about the preacher's parrot that ends with, "Wut the &*@#+ do you think I been praying for all these years".

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Metchosin
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 10:21 PM

LMAO too! A bit less disconcerting than the mynah bird my cousin had for awhile though. He received the bird, from a woman whose husband had recently died of lung cancer. The bird constantly imitated the dying man's cough, as heard from down a hallway, including the echo of the coughing in the room. My cousin found another home for it.

It was announced a week or so ago that Alex, the African Grey Parrot that has become famous over the years for his ability to count things and other stuff, now appears to understand the concept of zero. I'm not certain that I understand the concept of zero some times, so I'm impressed.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 11:31 PM

"There is this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this birds foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "Quit it!". This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says "OK for you" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes around. Then suddenly, it gets really Quiet. At first the guy just waits, then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "I am really sorry for the trouble I have made. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is amazed. He cannot understand the transformation that has taken place. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 11:37 PM

LOL Bill.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: GUEST,Alix graaa parot
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 12:00 AM

bad parot swear
good parot count cooked rooster balls

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 01:02 AM

I originally posted this last year, but it is pertinent to foul mouth parrots.

Shore leave for swearing parrot to spare the Queen
By Stewart Payne
(Filed: 03/03/2004)

A parrot with embarrassing table manners is to be removed from the wardroom of a Royal Navy frigate in advance of a visit by the Queen.

It is unlikely that Her Majesty would be offended by foul-beaked Sunny, and even less so Prince Philip, but Navy top brass was not prepared to take the chance.

Sunny, an African Grey parrot with its own service number of RN Parrot No 1, will be taken ashore before the Royal visit to HMS Lancaster at Portsmouth on Friday.

Had she remained, the Royal couple would have dined to a backdrop of swearwords and catchphrases, including "arse", "bollocks", "you ain't seen me, right", and "Zulus, thousands of 'em". Sunny, an excellent mimic, can also whistle the theme tune to The Great Escape.

Lt Cdr John Pheasant, logistics officer on the Type 23 vessel, said that another reason for keeping Sunny out of the way was her vicious peck, which she is inclined to unleash when her feathers are ruffled.

The Queen, who launched and commissioned the Lancaster, will dine with its captain, Cdr Paul Chivers and members of his ship's company after its return from the South Atlantic.

Sunny was adopted as the ship's mascot and during her life on the ocean waves has assembled a considerable vocabulary, most of it unrepeatable.

In 2001, when Lancaster was in the Middle East, Sunny was locked in a broom cupboard in an attempt to silence her for a visit by senior Royal Navy figures.

During a briefing the parrot, clearly enraged, could be plainly heard, squawking its displeasure in expletives from behind the closed doors.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 02:31 AM

I've always wanted a parrot so I could teach it to swear at the vicar!! Trouble is, my previous priest would probably have taught it a few I'd never heard of!

The thought of a parrot in a cupboard shouting 'arse' and whistling 'The Great Escape' has made my day and I will go about my business with a smarmy grin and people will think I've been up to naughties... thank you!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: pixieofdoom
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 04:57 AM

I'm not entirely sure that this parrot doesn't post here.........

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: gnomad
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 05:26 AM

I read somewhere of a mynah which had been taught to greet strangers with "Bugger off! Birds can't talk."

I would like to see the reactions to that one.

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Flash Company
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 06:15 AM

A little hotel I used to stay in in Cornwall had a parrot called Cap'n Baines in a cage by the pay-phone. Every holiday, we would see someone going to use the phone say 'Hello, cap'n'.
The bird always replied 'Bugger off'

FC

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Emma B
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 07:24 AM

BTW it was mentioned on a radio broadcast that it was proposed to rehabilitate the parrot (who was said to only swear at people in uniforms) by exposing him to a relentless "diet" of Radio 4!

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: kendall
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 07:43 AM

A woman was walking by a pet store when she saw a parrot in a cage. The sign said, "Parrot for sale, $5.00" Knowing that a McCaw was worth hundreds, she asked the store keeper why he was for sale so cheap, and the keeper said "He was raised in a whore house and his language is not fit for any normal home."
She said, "I don't care I want him."
Off she goes, and when she took the cover off at home the bird said "Hey, new madam."
When her daughters came home from school the parrot said "Hey, new girls." they all thought that cute, but, when her husband walked in the bird said "Hello Bruce"!

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Emma B
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 02:11 PM

Oh dear- tonights Radio 4's comedy half hour (6.30) was preceeded by a warning that some of the material may be unsuitable for parrots :>)

Subject: RE: BS: If only this bird could post here....
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 05:18 PM

a friend of mine taught his parakeet to say "stupid bird"...best use of the ability I ever heard of!