BS: Python skits you have found yourself in

Subject: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: EBarnacle
Date: 28 Jan 06 - 06:41 PM

This evening, I stopped in a Chinese supermarket. Lady Hillary and I both noticed a fish at the bottom of the live carp tank. It was upside down and not moving. When I brought it to the attention of the person in charge of that area, he insisted that the fish was only sleeping and was really alive. Dead Parrots, anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 10:35 AM

Was it a Norwegian bluefish ?

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: number 6
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 10:45 AM

It was the Salmon mousse !

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 11:57 AM

Last night I invited our newest member of the Song Circle to sign his name in the closet - a tradition explained elsewhere. He went into the closet and made a series of hand gestures, turned to me and said "There. I sigend my name." Mark will fit in nicely.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: lady penelope
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 12:17 PM

Being a pagan who regularly attends moots, I've definitely been in the 'argument' sketch on more than one occasion......

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Fullerton
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 12:20 PM

I regularly steal lupins to give to the needy.

Which reminds me. Why didn't my lupins grow last year?

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: jonm
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 12:26 PM

Picture the scene, class full of students, me asking progressively more probing questions in the hope of getting some sense.

Student says "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

You can guess my response....

Total silence - students all too young and trendy to have ever seen the sketch.

I've had the same experience quoting Blackadder. The youth of today...

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 01:02 PM

They did grow last year. I stole them. Don't worry... they went to a rich family... stupid bitch... stupid bitch...

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Don Firth
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 02:14 PM

Every now and then, something similar.

Dunno how it is now, but Generation penny whistles used to come in either plain brass or nickel-plated. The nickel-plated ones were a bit more expensive.

A few years back, I walked into the Folk Store in Seattle and sez to the guy, "I'd like to buy a penny whistle." He sez to me, "All we have right now are the nickel ones."   A bit flummoxed for a moment, I responded, "Do you have any for a dime?"

As we stood looking at each other, totally clueless, a couple other people in the store were cracking up.

Don Firth

P. S. Speaking of "Blackadder," one of the greatest contributions to the culture of the Western World is Rowan Atkinson's demonstration of the infinite variety inflections possible for the word "wobble."

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Folkiedave
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 02:23 PM

We were at an international folk festival in Hungary and there was a social swimming competition. Youngest versus oldest, carrying people on your back, men's synchronised, - that sort of thing.

We - England were gradually getting hammered by the Hungarian team and my mate turned and said "They might be able to win swimming competitions but what have the Hungarians ever done for us?"

Three of us then gave him a history lesson.

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Bert
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 03:34 PM

Hey jonm, you're lucky, you should try quoting the Goons!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 04:22 PM

Actually saw Crunchy Frogs at a chocolate shop and asked if the frogs were lightly killed and coated in lark's vomit. No response whatsoever.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 06:11 PM

Don, I think the word was actually 'wibble', to be said with your underpants on your head and a couple of pencils up your nose.

I think I used to live near Wainscotting.....

I walked straight into the middle of 'Bona Pets' the other day, but everyone else was too young to understand the 'Mexican 'airless'.....

Limpit regularly shouts at other kids in the playground to 'come back and I'll bite yer legs orf!'.... and my office has a Dennis (Come and see the violence inherent in the system; help, help, I'm being repressed) who doesn't understand why I laugh at him instead of argue ('ere Dennis, there's some lovely filth over 'ere).

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 06:16 PM

First ever series of the Flying Circus was filmed in outdoor locations in the vicinity of Bradford (Wesy Yorkshire). I have walked through more than one of the "sets".
Quack
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 06:24 PM

The Goodies filmed in Dorchester (Goodies and the Beanstalk), using the very bench my brother ate his lunch on, and the fountain I used to paddle in as a toddler..... I'm a bit too young to remember the Pythons the first time round, but the Goodies... them I remember!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: David C. Carter
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 06:26 PM

I had to take my birth certificate to our local town hall,to prove that I exist.This is here in France,by the way,and I'm from London.The woman looked at it,for a good few seconds then looked up and said,"This is in English!"I was about to ask which language she was expecting to find on an English birth certificate,when she added....."And it's more than 3months old!"

David

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 06:58 PM

I wasn't allowed to enlist in the Army until I showed them my birth certificate. I had to prove I was alive in order to risk being killed, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Don Firth
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 09:18 PM

Yeah, Liz, I think you're right. It's a little hard to tell through all those pencils and the underpants.

When I was going to the University of Washington School of Music, most of the classrooms in the building had record players in them (probably CD players now). They were mounted in solid wooden cabinets. To get at the switches and the turntable, you had to lift the lid on the cabinet. When you did so, you noticed a list of instructions pasted on the underside of the lid. The first instruction said, "Lift lid."

It went on to give fairly detailed directions for turning the thing on, placing a record on the turntable, and handling the tone-arm. Way down the list was "Check to be sure machine is plugged in."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: frogprince
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 09:24 PM

Ask people around Madison wisconsin about the local flap a year or so back when some student at the U got bent out of shape at his roommate and microwaved said roommate's parrot.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: EBarnacle
Date: 29 Jan 06 - 09:50 PM

Another: Several years ago, my niece was in a music class when the teacher played a song by that great dead folk singer, Pete Seeger. She, innocent that she was, put her hand up and said that Pete Seeger was not dead...Her uncle performed regularly with him. She was told, essentially, to sit down and shut up.

When she mentioned this to me, I told her that she was right, Pete was healthy as of a few days previous, as I had spoken to him. She went back and the teacher told her "Your uncle is a liar." The next time I saw Pete, I advised him of this interchange and he wrote a note to my niece, beginning "My name is Pete Seeger. I am a folksinger and, to the best of my knowledge, I am not dead....."

My niece showed the teacher the note, she stopped that line of chatter but did flunk my niece for the term. After all, what a nerve, to be right when an adult said she was wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: GUEST,V
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 11:23 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: GUEST,Van
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 11:27 AM

Was Bona Pets run by Julian and Sandy by any chance?

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 11:56 AM

Indeed..... Inne bold!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 12:22 PM

Goodies filmed the episode when they became the Royal Family in the vicinity of the Universities in Cardiff. I was part of the crowd behind Prince Charles flapping his ears and flying off.
They caused chaos in the city centre traffic system when a horse and coach bolted and headed off down the main road bypassing the City centre.

Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 01:15 PM

There was a penguin on my telly last night.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 01:34 PM

Fish will stop growing at a certain point. Depending on the size of tank and number of fish aquired.

The larger the tank the larger the fish will become.

I believe the rule of thumb is.

One square foot of water for every inch of fish.

Can anyone tell me? Why, When first lighting a large diameter candle.
That if you dont let it burn to the outter edge before putting it out.
Will never burn anyfurther outward thereafter??
How does it remember, how far it was melted the time before?

Kindaloupehackenweez

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Bert
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 02:37 PM

Actually the diameter of wax that the candle melts is dependent upon the diameter of the wick. Most large candles have too thin a wick and will never burn to their full diameter.

Back in the old days, candles used to be well balanced and you could buy eights, tens or twelves and each would burn properly.

Unfortunately yuppies have entered the candlemaking business and knowing nothing about candlemaking just shove any old wick into any sized candle.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: Michael
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 03:06 PM

And you can only buy four.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: EBarnacle
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 03:15 PM

If you have a penguin, the fish will not grow very much. But the penguin should be well fed.

If the penguin's nest in on the TV, it could be quite messy.

Subject: RE: BS: Python skits you have found yourself in
From: The Shambles
Date: 30 Jan 06 - 03:45 PM

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/01/30/ninq30.xml

Inquisition was a mistake but legally justified, claims Vatican official
By Jonathan Petre, Religion Correspondent
(Filed: 30/01/2006)
The Vatican is preparing for fresh controversy over the Inquisition after allowing an official to appear in a television documentary to offer a defence of the "Holy Terror".

The Rev Joseph Di Noia, the Under-secretary of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith, admits in a television series starting tonight that the use of torture and public burnings were "mistakes".

But the American-born cleric argues that these methods of suppressing heresy were explicable in the context of the times, when people believed passionately in heaven and hell.

Fr Di Noia's gloss on history is significant because the Congregation is the successor body to the Inquisition and, until last year, it was headed by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI.

The late Pope John Paul II apologised for the Inquisition in 2002.
He said the Church should show penitence for "accepting methods of intolerance or even violence in the service of truth".

The four-part documentary on the UKTV History channel draws on research gleaned from Vatican files only opened to scrutiny in 1998.

It highlights periods of the persecution that began in the 13th century and ended only in the late 1800s.
The Inquisition was established by Pope Gregory in 1233 as a special court to help curb the influence of beliefs deemed to deviate from official Church doctrine.

Interviewed in the documentary, The Secret Files of the Inquisition, Fr Di Noia says: "It was a mistake to torture people.

"However, torture was regarded as a perfectly justified, legitimate way of producing evidence and it was therefore legally justified."

ENDs

Our major weapon is justification. Justificaton and.... - Our two main weapons are justification and justification..............