BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada

Subject: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:17 PM

...nada?

I am willing to do anything that will help at this point. Even move to "the colonies". I've heard that most things are better in Canada. Is it true? I feel that I have suffered enough in Great Britain and I am ready for a change. What qualifications will I need to emigrate to Canada?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: number 6
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:22 PM

F&$k ... oh well.

Yeah it's true. Contact Canada House in London. They'll provide you with the particulars.

Good luck.

Jeeeeesh.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:26 PM

"Canada House"? Excellent. I'll get right on it. I am highly qualified in a number of rare skills, so I don't foresee any great obstacles.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:28 PM

Dunno - but ours might....

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:28 PM

No Wilfred......I'm sorry to tell you they will probably get worse. Should you settle in some quaint little place like, oh, say, Orillia for instance, you'll be under constant aggravation by simple shits and broke-dick mamaluccas often named George which will cause your 'roids to swell, fester, and rupture, to the point of needing a pouch attached to your u-trou just to carry the fuckers around.

Don't do it dear lady! Stay where you are and get a case of Preparation H and a rubber donut.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: GUEST,Howard the turtle
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:29 PM

Forget it. They don't allow constipated old bags like you to immigrate into Canada. Now matter what or how many rare skills you have.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:39 PM

Odd that you should say that, Spaw. There really are a LOT of people around here named "George" and they're almost all over 50 years old. Almost no one around here is named "Rej", but you can throw a stone in any direction and have a good chance of hitting someone named George on a sunny day.

However, I think Wilfred is a somewhat younger man (20's? 30's?), not an older woman. In fact, I know he is. He lives in Soho and he collects doilies. I fear you may have seriously hurt his feelings with your unkind comments.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:45 PM

The guy is named Wilfred huh? No wonder the fucker is eat up big hairy 'roids................And how do you really know he's a he and not a she or a she-he or a he-she or even a holee sheeit?

The whole thing is quite mysterious as are all men named George as well.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: number 6
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:46 PM

Thanks for the clarification LH.

Lives in Soho and collects doilies eh .... hmmmmmmm.

Good luck to Wilfred Pennifere.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:47 PM

I totally reject your need for hemmorhoid relief, Mr. Pennifere, as I reject everything else about your totally unworthy self! Keep your worthless, hemmorhoid-infested carcass on the eastern side of the Atlantic! The entire North American continent rejects you!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:55 PM

Well, I'm simply going by the information that Master Wilfred provided in this thread, which I believe was his first appearance on the forum...

Wifred Pennifere's search for rejection...

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:56 PM

Right on the mark, Bee-dub! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: number 6
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:59 PM

Actually Bee-dubya I think your post was a bit harsh towards Wilfred. But I do totally agree with ya.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:46 AM

Well I think there might be something in it. You never see a mountie with piles , or a lumberjack.

You'll love it over there - singing about Rose Marie and swinging your chopper.

I bet within a within a week you'll be wiping your bum without a whimper.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:04 AM

No need to take your pain in the arse with you to Canada, you will find there are plenty bleeding pains in the arses there already.
G. ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:19 AM

Hey! My Grandfather was named George!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:52 AM

Within a month, you'll be walking into the chemist with your head held high and saying, I want the rough, tough toilet tissue that only the mounties use when they're on the trail in the Yukon. Cos I'm Pennifere of the Rockies - I can wipe my bum with the best of them and I know more open tunings than Joni Mitcell and I can pot a ball faster than Cliff Thorburn - although the red ones have unpleasant memories for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 05:15 AM

There never was a woman yet named Wilfred...unless as a surname.

Maybe some of you chaps are getting mixed up with the feminine name of Winifred?

Unfortunately I have no advice to give on the subject of 'Clements', or on Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 06:54 AM

They might be happier if you learned to spell their name correctly.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 01:39 PM

You might get complete relief with the change you are considering. Most everyone I've met from Ca is a perfect AH.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my haemorrhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 01:53 PM

They might want you to spell "haemorrhoids" right as well. Which is more than the Google spellchecker can do.

"Piles" is preferable, I tend to think.

Isn't "Ca" generally an abbreviation for California?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:02 PM

Yes. And, ca is the one for ca on the net.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: akenaton
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:13 PM

They won't ease, but they may change their position :0( ..Ake

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: IWTATBM
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:15 PM

Go on, shove of to Canada Winifred, you won't be missed in Britain.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:21 PM

I don't want Wilfred on this side of the pond. I didn't want him on the 85 Billion thread and I don't want him on my continent. He is, in short, a pain in the arse.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:21 PM

Moving to Canada might allow you meet more a**holes, and you could compare notes!

hemorrhoids or haemorrhoids....either is correct, depending on where you live. (We colonials don't feel the need for extra letters in so many words...*grin*)

(out of curiosity, do you pronounce it HAY-mor-oids, as 'hae' would seem to indicate?)

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 03:30 PM

More assholes? Bleeding pains in the arses? Etcera.

I agree. You should all stay away... way, way away. Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Becca72
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:11 PM

As Bill D pointed out, it's spelled hemorrhoids here in the States (and presumably in Canada as well).

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Bert
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 05:06 PM

But you'd have to pass a physical before they'd let you in and that would entail some quack sticking his finger.....

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: autolycus
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 05:24 PM

What people who move countries in the hope of improvement tend to ignore is that they take themselves with them. Insofar as the fundamental problems actually lie within oneself, migration is a false solution.

   



       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 05:59 PM

Actually, I've read somewhere that the ingredients in Preparation H are FAR more effective in Canada. This is no lie. Whatever I read said that the most important active ingredient, used in the Canadian formula, cannot be used in the US, and therefore our American Prep H is more placebo than anything.

Dani (who worries about the brain capacity taken up by miscellaneous details like this)

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM

Try prunes first.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 10:15 PM

It's true but you can also just buy a block of ice to sit on.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 10:16 PM

But it melts after awhile! Besides, it's bloody uncomfortable.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 10:49 PM

Once again I must refer you all to the powers of magnetism and the story of

THE MAGNETIC ASS-HEALING RING

Paw's flattulence when combined with his passion for 'shine and hot wings used to be a big problem for him whenever his 'roids would flare up....so to speak...and it got to the point that the little rubber donut pillows and Preparation H just weren't doing the job anymore. Clete's 6th wife was into all the weird and wacky cures so Cletus was always coming to Paw with his suggestions that he'd heard from her. When Cletus told Paw about acupuncture, he disappeared for about two weeks and I'll be damned if anyone could find him.

The Reg Boys too had their share of wacky cures for everything from the Great White North of Canada, but most of them involved bear grease and other vile and foamy liquids. Then it happened. The whole lot of them were watching TV down in my den one night when I couldn't seem to get them homeward bound. That happened way too often back then. Anyway, they had been subjected to at least nine hours of infomercials while they slugged down Iron City. I had learned from experience to unplug the phone and hide my credit cards on these nights which only took place when Karen was gone. I'm still paying for that quonset hut in the Aleutian Islands and I have the complete collection of Pan Flute Favorites but I have learned......albeit slowly. I think the one that finally got me was the "Great Michigan Getaway Weekend" which they bought and gave to Karen and I for an anniversary present. It was a month before I found out that they had billed it to my Visa and when we went for "rest and relaxation" in beautiful Michigan, it turned out to be clapped out motel run by a Pakistani in downtown Flint, just across from a closed GM factory.

I guess it was about 5:30 AM when Cletus woke me up and said they had the cure for Paw's hemorrhoids. This was more than I wanted or needed to know at 5:30 so after verifying that it wouldn't cost me anything, I said have at it and went back to sleep. When I woke up about 7 I had one of those vague feelings of dread. You know what I mean? Nothing was wrong that I could think of and yet I just felt the world was going to come after me that day. It turned out to be Old Man Rafferty instead....but I'll come to that.

The "boys" arrived back at my place about noon having already left when I woke at 7. They were lugging some huge electric motors into my garage and looking about for tools when I walked in and asked what the hell was going on. Cletus then launched into their "cure" and the reasoning behind it. It seems they had watched an infomercial about the "healing power of magnetism" and saw immediately that this was the way to fix Paw's 'roids. Slowly it all began to come together for me and I began to wonder how in the hell these guys could even remember how to breathe!

In any case, they'd picked up the motors from out back of Bernie's Electrical Supply and were now going to remove the large magnets inside. They idea was to cut a slit in Paw's rubber donut, insert the magnets, and then duct tape the thing back together. I noticed that Buford had an old jockstrap (with cup) that they evidently were going to use to strap the magnets to Paw's ass, again using liberal amounts of duct tape. Listening to Cletus explain all of this and their newfound theory made me begin to question my own existence, as though I really didn't exist in the world I had come to know, but was simply a bit player in a leftover Rod Serling story.

Things started going downhill pretty quickly as the magnets were removed and now were flying across my garage, affixing themselves to various steel things....like my van, my lawnmower, my golf clubs, and a little steel reinforced concrete rabbit that someone had once given us as a joke. I figured that I was going to be better off if they'd finish up somewhere else so I suggested they take all the stuff and head for the pleasant little roadside picnic area on the edge of the village where they could finish rigging Paw up and with any luck, I'd never know anything more about it. After removing the magnets, scratching the hell out of my van, breaking off the head of a 5 iron and the left ear of the rabbit, they left. The picnic area was only about a half mile off, just a bit down Rt.664 and I told them to let me know how it all worked out.

Curiosity is a terrible thing sometimes and about an hour later I grabbed my Weimaraner and his leash and set out as though I were just walking the dog. As I turned on 664 I saw the Boys all walking towards me from the little picnic grove. Paw's ass seemed to be a bit large and he was walking funny, but from a distance I could tell they must have done a good job circling his ass in magnets because outside of a slight limp and a big bulge at the rear of his bibs, Paw looked pretty normal. Then it happened. Trailing the others, Paw walked past Old Man Rafferty's mailbox, a new heavy duty steel one to foil the kids with cars and bats. He first slowed, stopped, then flew backwards and before you could say "dumbfuck" he was hanging from his ass on the mailbox. Ol' Man Rafferty was washing his aging Electra deuce and a quarter and looked up to see what was happening. By that time, Cletus, Buford, and the Reg Boys all were tugging on either Paw or Rafferty's mailbox and though they got him off the mailbox was smashed in and the pole was a goner.

Well I tell you, Rafferty came flying down the drive, gravel spitting up from his shoes, and swearing a blue streak. Paw was laying about 10 foot up the drive where he'd landed after the force of being ripped from the mailbox sent him sailing through the air. Rafferty bent over him and started yelling in his face and Paw was trying to stand up but being weighed down by the Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring. I got up there and tried to get Rafferty to calm down some as the others stood around looking bewildered. Rafferty started blaming me for allowing such "dumbass shitkickers" to stay here and how I should let them rot somewhere else. Before he could say another word, things continued to deteriorate. Paw had gotten to his feet about 15 feet from the Buick and there was a loud clanging thump as one of the hubcaps flew off and affixed itself to Paw's rump. Rafferty grabbed the hubcap and started pulling for all he was worth swinging Paw round and round in a circle. The hubcap folded and broke loose and Paw landed by the side of the road while Rafferty began to rage about his rump-sprung hubcap and twisted mailbox. I got out my checkbook and with a stern look to Cletus asked how much this would cost to keep from calling the police. The sight of my checkbook calmed Rafferty down and my Weimaraner had gone over to the side of the road and was licking Paw's face. Rafferty calculated a sum which I figured was enough to buy a new set of tires and an exhaust system for the Buick and build a brick mailbox, while forcing me nearer to bankruptcy.

Cletus and the rest were circled around me as I handed Rafferty the check and when I turned to go, I saw Paw had gotten to his feet again and was bent over stroking Jaeger's head. The dog has always had a soft spot for Paw and when I whistled for him he reluctantly came back up the drive. Bending over to pick up his leash, I heard Cletus say, "Aw Sheeitt!" Right then I couldn't imagine how things could get worse, but I looked up just in time to see Paw lifted from his feet and his ass attach to the exhaust stack of a passing Peterbilt. I watched as the truck roared off, Paw flailing around and in a blind spot where the driver couldn't see him, and the dumbass Reg boys waving "bye-bye" as the Pete rounded a curve down by the Hopewell place.

We found Paw at the truckstop at Rt.37 and I-70 where the driver had stopped for fuel. When we arrived, the Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring was nowhere to be seen and Paw was sitting on a bag of ice trying to cool the burns from riding 27 miles on an exhaust stack. But I tell you what.....Perhaps it was the scar tissue from the burns that did it, but Paw hasn't had trouble with 'roids since then. Maybe there is something to the power of magnetism.....................
Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 10:52 PM

Sitting on a block of ice doesn't really get rid of hemmorhoids. It just changes them to polarhoids.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 02:54 AM

Actually you GET roids from sitting on ice doncha' Bee-Dub? They'd develop all by themselves in less than 60 seconds.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:00 AM

What makes you so knowledgable about this kind of stuff, Spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: GUEST,dax
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 05:15 AM

No need to come to Canada at all. We can ship you over the Canadian cure. We don't use Preperation H , but insread a mixture of spruce gum and turpentine, and after applying this exilir we wipe our arses with birch bark. Them piles will never dare return!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 10:21 AM

The only true way to dispose of painful haemmorhoids is to place a large firework preferably a bomb type,in the affected area(up your ....) and light the blue touch paper

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Scoville
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 10:48 AM

I swear that Magnetic Ass-Healing bit sounds like Red Green gone bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Tweed
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 11:29 AM

Must be Christmas time again!!
Thanks for unearthing that gem spaw. You as always, are the one true voice of sanity screaming from the wilderness.

We have cures in Florida which involve sea-salt poultices and vigorous daily scrubbings with dried palmetto fronds. As you can imagine there is aslo a lotta screams coming from the wilderness in these parts...but sadly they are completely devoid of any sanity at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 02:19 PM

Sanity? Ha! He's the one true voice of ridiculosity babbling from the outhouse vent....

He mocks David Bowie's song "Space Oddity" and he admires Vaughn Bode's tasteless comic "Cheech Wizard". What more do I need say? The man is a gibbering idiot, devoid of either sense or reason. It's a good thing his weimaraners are there to keep a close eye on him at all times or I fear something might go seriously awry and we would end up hearing about it on the Darwin Awards.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: IWTATBM
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 02:26 PM

It's your haemorrhoids I feel sorry for Penniferre, having to put up with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:25 PM

Well. I hardly know whether to be pleased or insulted. I have received significant amounts of rejection here, and that can't all be bad, but they are laced with an undercurrent of what I can only describe as a decidely nasty lack of respect!

I've changed my mind. I shall not move to Canada. You are going to have to do without Wilfred Pennifere! Don't try to change my mind. You had your chance and it's gone now. I am withdrawing my interest in your isolated and unfriendly shores. You can suffer in your figid solitudes without ME. Some other nation will benefit from my inestimable talents and gifts. Some other nation's beautiful women will thrill to the chance of becoming "Mrs Pennifere". You had your chance, Canada, and it's gone. Over. Done with. Finished. Kaput.

This is "Goodbye" from Wilfred Pennifere.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:40 PM

(All children)
There's a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple, too
And up in the nursery
An absurd little bird
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

(Brigitta, Gretel, Marta) (Fredrick, Leisel, Kurt, Louisa)
coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
coo-coo But firmly they compel us
to say goodnight
coo-coo
(All)
To you

(Children)
So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight
(Marta)
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

(Children)
So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
(Fredrick)
Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

(Children)
So long, farewell
Au revoir, Auf Weidersehen
(Leisel)
I'd like to stay
And taste my first champagne
(talking to the captain) yes?
(Captain) no!

(children)
So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye
(Kurt)
I leave and heave
A sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye

(Brigitta)
I'm glad to go
I cannot tell a lie
(Louisa)
I flit, I float
I fleetly flee, I fly

(Gretel)
The sun has gone
To bed and so must I

(Children)So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

(guests)
Goodbye

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 04:00 PM

Baffin Island, they have snow there you could sit in all year.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: RichM
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 09:40 AM

Here you go. Your own personal-VERY personal-iceberg!
Hemorr-Ice®

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 09:58 AM

Well good riddance to ya' Willie.....and I still can't figger iffen ya' got one or not. I never met no womens name of Wilfred, but then again I never met no men with a weirdo name like that either. I still think you're one of them hesheit dudes, all mixed up in the gonad region.

Just goodbye and kiss my ass......or maybe not.....

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: gnu
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 11:26 AM

Oldie, and not quite about roids, but..... here are the basics of the joke. You flesh it out.

Bartender to cowboy about horse after a couple of drinks, "Yesiree, you must really like that horse to have watered, fed and groomed him before you came in for a drink. But, just before you came in here, why did you lift his tale and kiss his ass?" "Chapped lips." "That cures chapped lips?" "No, but it'll keep ya from lickin 'em."

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 02:27 PM

GAHHHH!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: 3refs
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 02:35 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Ca
From: catspaw49 - PM
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:28 PM

No Wilfred......I'm sorry to tell you they will probably get worse. Should you settle in some quaint little place like, oh, say, Orillia for instance, you'll be under constant aggravation by simple shits and broke-dick mamaluccas often named George which will cause your 'roids to swell, fester, and rupture, to the point of needing a pouch attached to your u-trou just to carry the fuckers around.

Don't do it dear lady! Stay where you are and get a case of Preparation H and a rubber donut.

Spaw


You can't be talking obout MY Orillia?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 02:40 PM

I don't like what you are implying, catspaw49. You are slandering a man who has disappointed women all over the greater London area in his search for love and companionship, a man whose masculinity is beyond question, even if it has not succeeded in achieving its romantic objectives very often! Yes, I have been rejected many, many times by many, many women, but NO ONE has had the nerve to accuse me of being of indeterminate gender! You sir, are crap! You heard me. Crap! I don't usually use such strong words, but you have gone too far. If you were within physical range, I would be hard pressed to resist giving you a good thumping.

If all Canadians are as witless and offensive as you are, catspaw49, then it must be the most ignorant country on Earth, and I wouldn't consider moving there. So go on now, and crawl back into your igloo, you pathetic colonial. Shiver in the dark with the rest of the Canadians, I say! Ha! I am living in London, England, the centre of world culture, and you are not. Nyahh! Nyahh! Nyahh!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 02:51 PM

Oh, my. Dear me. The worm has turned. Wilfred is showing us his angry side.

How is Canada, our Canada, EVER going to LIVE without him?????

Yes, 3refs, I think it is our beloved Orillia that Spaw was speaking of. There can only be one Orillia. "Orillia...It'll thrill ya, chill ya, and fulfill ya..." The home of Gordon Lightfoot. The home of McGill Porta-Potties. The home of the William Shatner School of BAAAAAD Acting.

What a cool place, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: 3refs
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:12 PM

We should invite Wilfred to Orillia. I'm quite sure he would fit in at the world famous Orillia Opera House.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: 3refs
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:14 PM

I'm not sure how it would help his roid problem though! Well......then again!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:15 PM

You know, I think you are onto something there... ;-) But only true Orillians will understand just what it is that you are onto.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: 3refs
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:19 PM

Little Hawk

I'm so glad you said "onto" as opposed to into!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:26 PM

Nothing like a small town scandal, is there?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: number 6
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:39 PM

"But only true Orillians will understand just what it is that you are onto"

Let's leave it as that.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 06:22 PM

Don't worry.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 06:28 PM

Sounds like you're experiencing an Anus Horribilus, dear Wilfred

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 07:05 PM

HAW!! It's only khandu in one of his many alter egos. They come upon him only after he's been drinking from mason jars or dog bowls.

Now he's an Englishman with hemmorhoids!

HAW! HAW! HAW!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: GUEST,dax
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 08:25 PM

I think Wilfred should take all of this sage advice and shove it up his arse!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:41 AM

Visit Blind River and meet a guy named "Shane." He knows all about hemmorhoids, being one himself. He's even been diagnosed as a "pile," although one left by, and not in, the anal region.

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: 3refs
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 12:21 PM

How cold we forger? You can't discuss Orillia, The Sunshine City and not mention Prof Stephen Leacock, Champlain, the Parking Ticket lottery and the largest pot bust in Canadian history.

Check out the Orillia Song on youtube. It speaks(sings)volumes!

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Cana
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 01:48 PM

You mean Lake Champlain?

Subject: RE: BS: Will my hemmorhoids ease if I move to Canada
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 02:25 PM

The "Parking Ticket Lottery"??? What the heck. I must have missed that one somehow. Please explain.