BS: For Men Only

Subject: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:30 AM

Old age must be creeping up on me.

The wife and I were having an amorous session this morning and at the peak of the activity I could hear my hip joints gong scrump scrump scrump.

There was no pain but I have never heard this before. Do I have a problem?

Has anybody else had this experience?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Barry Finn
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:43 AM

Do you have a problem? Ya, that was just way to much info.

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:49 AM

Did it hurt?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 02:00 AM

Sure it was your hip joints? perhaps it was your wife. Does she know Scrump?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: skipy
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:10 AM

If they only went scrump three times then yes you have a problem!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:11 AM

Scrump ain't gonna be happy about this.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:22 AM

One suggestion is that you might consult the Kama Sutra¹ for a better position that places less stress upon your hips, or on whichever "sensitive" part next presents itself. The experimental approach to finding a "new way" can be a lot of fun, and for some of the positions the giggles will probably cover the "scrumps."

¹ As a reference manual, the KS is much over-rated; but there are any number of quite good modern manuals in back corners of the book shops.

My experience has been that the young ladies at the checkout counter are able to suppress their snickers until you're out of earshot - unless you're s.o.o.o.o. old that they find your interest inconcievable. (You're welcome to use my "it's a stag party gift for a nephew.")

John

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: John O'L
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 05:27 AM

Scrump, eh? Let me see, how do I explain this without offending anyone?

There's this old bull and this young bull on a hill overlooking a mob of cattle. No, no that's a different thing altogether.

When you were young you used to bang all night and never give it another thought. Well a scrump is a bang savoured. A bang could be thought of as a scrump frittered away in one's reckless feckless youth.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 06:14 AM

John, you're waxing poetical!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 07:37 AM

You could have a hip replacement or your wife could get a man replacement.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Beer
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 07:46 AM

Try calling "The Wife" "MY WIFE" It may help.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Mr Red
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 07:48 AM

Well there is always the er - not too sure what it is called - but lets refer to it as the doggy fashion lying on your sides.

It will put the stresses in different positions and as in different positions go it is not indifferent........................

or you could try getting well-oiled though as age is a factor alcohol may also be.

I'll get my dirt old mac.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: 3refs
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 08:06 AM

"Well there is always the er - not too sure what it is called - but lets refer to it as the doggy fashion lying on your sides."

I think it's called "spooning" or the "spoon position".

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 08:15 AM

Try it with her on top.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Scrump
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 10:42 AM

I 'eard that - pardon?! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,ib48
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 11:16 AM

Iwish i had a chance of hesring my joints scrumping on a morning you lucky old bugger

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 11:30 AM

Perhaps you're turning into the Tin Man.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 11:31 AM

And I always thought that "going scrumping" meant something totally different... How innocent can one be...

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: number 6
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 11:44 AM

"There was no pain but I have never heard this before. Do I have a problem?

No ... after all these years you finally have the 'act' down right.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 12:14 PM

By the way, as long as you've broached the subject... what kind of noises were you hearing from "the wife"? If they were encouraging ones, dwell on that.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 12:15 PM

A daily dose of flax seed oil can help lube scrumpy old joints.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 12:21 PM

Flax seed oil is a good supplement to take. But if you are on prescription meds, be careful when you take it. It can prevent absorption of oral medications.

See here.

I prefer to use the flax seed itself often to get the fibre benefits. Tastes good on a salad or on oatmeal.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 12:37 PM

Why Men only anyway? last time I checked, both genders have hips, and any number of ways to do stupid things to them. Plus we're a nosy bunch round here, so a title like this isn't really productive anyway...

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 12:42 PM

Elephants found a solution for this problem millenia ago. They don't thrust with the hips at all. They have a sort of pneumatic penis that pumps in and out all by itself while the elephant(s) both simply stand there and enjoy it.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:05 PM

Pneumatics might produce some noteworthy sounds.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:08 PM

Or, put another way, pneumatics might trump gymnastics.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:11 PM

(chuckle)

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 01:23 PM

Do it again tomorrow, count the average number of "scrumps" per minute, and divide that number by 12. If the result is a prime number between 2 and 59, seek medical attention at once!

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 02:58 PM

There were more that three scrumps but I am afraid they woud exceed one screen so I only iterated three scrumps.

I just had a thought. Maybe somone way back in history heard the scrumps and coined the word scrumptious.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 03:19 PM

nice word for scraping rump...scrump.....mmmmm

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: fat B****rd
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 03:54 PM

Dickey, Shouldn't a person be glad to be "scrumping" at all, never mind the creaking.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,scrump doctor
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM

Are you sure the "scrump" was coming from the hip area?

Was there a smell of burning?

Try lubricating your appendage next time.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:30 PM

Did you have a knee on one of your balls?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Slag
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:36 PM

As "Willie" Wonka said to the UmpaLumpa, "Scrump-diddly-icious!" (he was getting his lumps, going 'umpah, umpah, umpah...).

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Michael
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 04:43 PM

Scrump:- I heard that; pardon? Uncle Mort right?

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 09:31 PM

The scrumpee was not bothered by the sound at all.

C'mon baby, let's do the scrump.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Mr Red (who watches documentaries though)
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 07:58 AM

3refs
Spoon - is I believe - more of a sitting position legs akimbo so that the porno camera has a clear view - or so I am led to understand - not being a voyeur.

But yes - it was said to be descriptive.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 11:34 AM

Could it be that, rather than your hips getting worse, your hearing is improving?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Scrump
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 11:44 AM

Scrump:- I heard that; pardon? Uncle Mort right?

Close - it was Uncle Staveley :)

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Den
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 01:02 PM

Some very helpful information there and WLD you had me laughing out loud.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 06:02 PM

Cod liver oil (although it takes a couple of months to feel the benefit) and a different position.

Lucky bastard.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Schantieman
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 07:02 PM

...and what exactly do you do with the oil. Liz?

Inject it directly into the offending joint perhaps? ahem ;-)


S

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: kendall
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 07:29 PM

I'd give up sex before I'd swallow that crap! The only thing worse is CASTOR oil.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Beer
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 07:56 PM

Mum use to go down to the fishing shacks and scrape off the cod liver oil that floated to the top. Once home, boil it let it cool then we had to have a spoonful every morning before going off to school. Man that stuff was horrific. Just the mention of it I want to puke. Good for a lot of things though. Since the moratorium on cod maybe they will run out.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: frogprince
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 09:05 PM

I've heard a whole lot of euphemisms and expressions for "getting it on", but first heard "scrumping" from a young co-worker just a few years back. Afterward I asked her "What do you have if you make love deep in the woods?"






....Forest Scrump.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 09:34 PM

I'm still thinking about the wonders of a pneumatic penis! Oh, honeee...lookee here what I learned on the Mudcat!**BG**

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 10:45 PM

If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the cod liver oil.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM

At least no-one recommended garlic capsules.. that way you'd have no worries - only another garlic lover would get close enough to scrump!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:02 AM

I see some ladies? peeking in on this thread.

It reminds me of a restaurant in Miami. I can't remember the name but in the ladies restroom there was a mural if Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Over Adam's penis there was a leaf carved out of wood, hinged at the top. Under the leaf was a switch that activated a loud buzzer that could be heard everywhere.

Whenever someone set off the buzzer everybody would be watching as she exited the restroom, red as a beet.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 05:40 AM

Was that exited or excited? Dickey?

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:24 PM

Don't look, ladies.

Dickey's hanging out here.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:07 PM

LOL! How diabolical.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Mr Red as a beet
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 06:24 AM

Reminds me of the bottle of pills I bought as a joke way back. Sex Lax.

I always kept them on view in the bathroom and forgot I had them there at a party.

Halfway through the evening I noticed the erstwhile full bottle had reduced to half empty.

No one mentioned it - I was too amused to let on!

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 08:22 AM

There is a solution to this problem, guest, but it involves yoga, a crowbar and some emu linament.

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: bassen
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 04:00 PM

I respectfully submit that this thread should be moved above the line, for example to one of threads about the music scene at coffee houses and cafes in the 50s and 60s...since it's about new sounds in a hip joint;-)

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Feb 07 - 04:30 PM


The joint is jumpin',
It's really jumpin',
Come in, cats, and check your hats,
I mean this joint is jumpin'!


Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: For Men Only
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:41 PM

WOMEN OVER FORTY

This is a piece [NOT] written by Andy Rooney - CBS 60 Minutes.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just
a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will not lay next to you in bed and
ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman
over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining
about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something
more interesting. A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured
in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past
the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match
with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of
course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think
they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often
undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40
has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger
woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't
trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're
attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing
bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her
younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell
you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever
have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for
a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every
stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy
relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old
waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the
cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize:
it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.