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Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)

The Fooles Troupe 01 Aug 04 - 09:10 AM
Georgiansilver 01 Aug 04 - 07:40 AM
Peace 31 Jul 04 - 12:17 AM
The Fooles Troupe 31 Jul 04 - 12:07 AM
GUEST 30 Jul 04 - 08:40 PM
Georgiansilver 30 Jul 04 - 07:34 PM
Georgiansilver 30 Jul 04 - 01:46 PM
GUEST,MMario 30 Jul 04 - 01:16 PM
Georgiansilver 30 Jul 04 - 01:04 PM
Georgiansilver 30 Jul 04 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,noddy 30 Jul 04 - 07:01 AM
Georgiansilver 30 Jul 04 - 03:54 AM
Amos 29 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM
GUEST,Literal genius 29 Jul 04 - 06:59 PM
GUEST,frogprince 29 Jul 04 - 04:40 PM
GUEST,noddy 29 Jul 04 - 07:37 AM
Amos 28 Jul 04 - 03:21 PM
GUEST,Rosalind 28 Jul 04 - 02:37 PM
Amos 08 Nov 03 - 08:52 AM
Lonesome EJ 08 Nov 03 - 01:56 AM
Amos 07 Nov 03 - 01:33 PM
katlaughing 07 Nov 03 - 01:14 PM
GUEST,Noddy 06 Nov 03 - 04:53 PM
Cluin 01 Nov 03 - 04:36 PM
GUEST,tbm 01 Nov 03 - 03:24 PM
The Fooles Troupe 04 Oct 03 - 05:00 AM
GUEST,noddy 03 Oct 03 - 11:28 AM
GUEST,noddy 03 Oct 03 - 11:05 AM
Amos 03 Oct 03 - 09:51 AM
The Fooles Troupe 03 Oct 03 - 03:22 AM
Amos 02 Oct 03 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 02 Oct 03 - 05:38 PM
GUEST 02 Oct 03 - 02:43 PM
GUEST,noddy 30 Jul 03 - 08:19 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 03 - 10:58 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jul 03 - 12:02 AM
Cluin 28 Jul 03 - 11:45 PM
JennyO 28 Jul 03 - 10:51 AM
GUEST,noddy 28 Jul 03 - 04:45 AM
Rapparee 27 Jul 03 - 11:19 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 27 Jul 03 - 08:07 PM
katlaughing 27 Jul 03 - 07:17 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 06:09 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 27 Jul 03 - 01:54 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jul 03 - 12:53 PM
GUEST,noddy 16 Jul 03 - 05:13 AM
greg stephens 10 Jul 03 - 08:25 AM
Cluin 09 Jul 03 - 07:05 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM
greg stephens 09 Jul 03 - 06:20 PM
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Aug 04 - 09:10 AM

Spam is a great source, but I can't be bothered reading it all. Note that improper punctuation, spelling and spacing are important. The last part of the message appears to lack proper grammar as well, but it just could be really bad modern poetry...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey there sExy,L00king for A d a t e?
search out women from all across the US F O R free
Waiting to talk to you now. Thousands of babes to choose from
Your 0ne click away from finding that right some one special tonight

sincerley


tease alley start carom tails abbot cream madam knead abort as until lover

storm alias knife aspen inner ulcer alias abide the angry proof panic abuzz



craze lives jolly as as paint an covet niece digit thing noble

james was egypt break spray madam craze jiffy was north hands where safes stuck wispy,

craze a the keeps spent riots eight where radar tough laugh chose abbey.

dives also dream woods brain worry sleep white brain

the white wiser occur blush kinds xylem pacts joins apart.

basic jolly goals liked cream worth.



leave races camel ashes craze cacti story pants tenth march modal hauls

eerie a abeam heads lower kayak files kings table abyss judge was weigh these paste,

merit major hello asked china wants popup pools creep goose pages mouse begin.

juicy means abide shall sound plain grill vivid plain

abort macro racer entry waldo wilde digit the quota helps.

jolly allow broth fresh video store



as water named tears mount lunch falls jolly stirs mouse,

obese salsa oscar cadet bluey world.



death

canon paper.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Aug 04 - 07:40 AM

Still waiting Martin.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jul 04 - 12:17 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Mideast: View From the Eye of the Storm
From: CarolC - PM
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 11:50 AM

Fuck you brucie.


She missed the comma.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 31 Jul 04 - 12:07 AM

Marty has arrived???!!!!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 08:40 PM

there is a horrid story around here about a dog who eats alot. i wish that idiot who wrote it would rethink writing a piece of trash like that or at least rethink posting it and sparing us the inanity of it all. like who gives a fuck.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 07:34 PM

Still waiting!!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 01:46 PM

To continue with the story by literal genius:-
Realising what a pathetic character Martin was under that hard, Chicago business man exterior, Georgiansilver(GS) decided to give him a break. He showed Martin pity and asked if there was any way he could help him to come to terms with the reality of life in the modern world. Martin broke down! the tears rolling down his sad little cheeks. "Everyone on the Cat seemed to know that I was only acting a role on those threads" he sobbed. "They all knew I was different in reality but if they had seen the truth they would have mentally destroyed me"
"Now, now" said GS, "If only you had been a little more honest with people on the Cat in the first place, they would have been far more charitable with you. They may have liked, nay even loved you".
Poor Martin wept even more as he considered his plight. What could he possibly do now??????
Well Martin..over to you my friend for some of your literal genius.. Best wishes.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 01:16 PM

wow;like it's really great to see like just how many really bad writers have like joined up to the mudcat since this thread was last refreshed-like and brought upwards to the top recently in the very short past.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 01:04 PM

Hope Martin has read this. I did PM him to enlighten him as to its existence.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 10:07 AM

O.K so we don't want a soap opera here do we? ROFLOL


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 07:01 AM

"But I tell you what Georgiansilver" says Martin "if you do it again and only half as good I wont tell anyone. Honest!".
Marty thought for a while......




"Oh all right then but just once!" He replied, beads of sweat running down his balding head and across his ruddy cheeks.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jul 04 - 03:54 AM

Oh No was it really me?....No way!!! but very amusing.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM

There is no question about it, this is some of the worst writing it has ever been my sorrow to read.

A


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,Literal genius
Date: 29 Jul 04 - 06:59 PM

Georgiansilver could not believe that a woman of such beauty could be in his Hotel room, in his arms and allowing him to delicately stroke her ample breasts. He slid his hand down over her slightly oversized abdomen and inside her underwear. "What's this"? he shouted as he quickly removed his hand. "You are not a woman at all" he uttered
"No" she/he replied "you have been deceived as have many others, I am the legendary Martin Gibson". Once again Martys deception had almost paid of. S'pose you cant win em all!!!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,frogprince
Date: 29 Jul 04 - 04:40 PM

What this country really needs is more men with real two-fisted guts on their shoulders...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 29 Jul 04 - 07:37 AM

Gaud. She's got it bad. Don't she know he ain't never comin back. I tol her so that night way back when ...well it were long time now but I knew he would go. She'd find another if she stopped her moppin an whining. Hell everybody knew he'd go when he did. Why din,t she. He was always foolin around behind her back with that floozie in the bar for all to see. Hell she wouldn't believe me. I tried tellin her. Ol Jake he tried an he don't mess in anybody's business. He just sits on the porch and sips his beer.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 04 - 03:21 PM

Sometimes, in the evening light along the strand, she would walk for hours contemplating the white fingers of surf coming in from the Atlantic, clawing the shore, and she would feel the essence of endlessness in her waiting, as though she was an actress in the longest possible movie, and it would never end.

Other times it seemed more pleasant, somehow, such as when she was getting her hair done at the beauty parlor, listening to the low-pitched gossip among the beauticians. It always made her feel better to get her hair done, but she could not say why, exactly.

She wondered almost every evening and almost every morning whether he would write, or even magically appear unexpectedly that day. She could always hope, after all. Couldn't she?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,Rosalind
Date: 28 Jul 04 - 02:37 PM

And so, to put him out of his agony, he smited that wooly booger of a dragon. Henceworth being known as Carl, the wooly booger slayer. The End. LOL


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 08:52 AM

LOL! Nice to hear from ya, LEJ!!

A


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 01:56 AM

"Been busy?" asked Luke.

"Busy?" Tracy replied. "Been busier than the toilets at an all-you-can-eat Buffet on the day the social security checks come out."

"Hmmm," grinned Luke, spitting into the red dust at the toe of his cowboy boots. "Busy as that huh?"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 03 - 01:33 PM

Shore does conjure up a picture, don't it??? :>)

A


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 03 - 01:14 PM

FoolesTroupe: Flush curtains? Love the images that conjures up!

noddy, wow!! Now, please go start a thread and tell us how it really went! Sounds like quite an adventure.

I picked up a book at the used book store the other day. It was by a person born and raised in Wyoming, same person had been a journalist there, like me, so I figured I'd give it a try. I read the first paragraph (should have done before I decided to buy it, but jeez, Gerry Spence, one of the most famous Wyomingites said it was "compelling" right there on the cover!) and gave up. When I read it to my daughter over the phone, she said I should enter it in this thread, so....

Ralphie Skates was a nasty, leather-necked son of an oil-patch whore who once served ten years in the state pen in Rawlins for beating his wife's lover to death with a lead-weighted baseball bat. But for all his mean and swagger, he wasn't tough enough to stop the bullet that had torn off the bottom half of his face and driven most of his teeth out the back of his neck.

Lying on his side in the dust of Tess McAfferty's corral, the fingers of his right hand rested in a pile of cow shit. His left arm, pinned beneath his heavy body when he crashed to the packed ground was twisted at an unnatural angle. His pants bagged around his knees, and a couple of shiny green bottle flies snacked on his flaccid penis. A puddle of black blood congealed beneath his shattered head.


Gregory Bean: No Comfort in Victory published by St. Martin's Press in their "Dead Letter Mystery" series.

Yuck! Apparently a first and only novel of his.

kat


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,Noddy
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 04:53 PM

Cluin, Who is this guy "Leeway" ? I never seen anything posted by him


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Nov 03 - 04:36 PM

Well, I don't have any room for leeway.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,tbm
Date: 01 Nov 03 - 03:24 PM

henry where bill had had had had had had had had had had had the teachers approval

Henry, where Bill had had 'had had', had had 'had'. 'Had had' had had the teacher's approval.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Oct 03 - 05:00 AM

I hope there's no typos, or this becomes gibberish. But It DOES make perfect sense...

"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"

Robin


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 11:28 AM

We lay huddled together for warmth and comfort. The tent fabric collapses against our faces leaving trails of cold wet condesation and as the wind eases it spings back flicking droplets of ice cold water everywhere. As the hours pass the snow fell steadily building up a layer on the tiny tent. You hear each flake hit. Pit pit pit pit and then ...quiet. The first time you think its stopped snowing. But no the tent is fully covered with snow. Quickly you shake the tent vigourously and hear the snow slowly slide down and light comes once more into your tiny space. Hours and hours go buy. Shake the tent... shake the tent... keep it clear. It is possible to be entombed and suffocate and wake up dead. Not the best of nights. Fitful sleep. Shaking the tent. Dripping condensation. Soggy sleeping bag.The roar of rocks falling then the smell of sulphur. That was big .That was Close! Nerves are on edge. Is there more . Oh yes. another and another crash and another smell .And all for that moment of glory when you stand on the summit for the first time. The first time for anyone on the summit. I awake its quiet! I must have been asleep? I shake the tent. No sound if sliding snow .No Pit pit pit. I struggle to unzip the door .Its frozen the tent fabric crisp and stiff like carboard. I peer out into the night. What light the full moon sheds is amplified and reflected on the snowscape. The glacier clearly visible below shimmers. Beautiful. Our summit bid is put off. The threat of avalanche is very high with 9 inches of fresh snow. We should have started hours ago to have had any chance. But not in that storm. I close the tent zip and snuggle down into my pit and try for some sleep. Angie lies there breathing softly. Great holiday.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 11:05 AM

just to let you all know I survived my trip to Kyrgystan. Made the first ascent of 4 mountains all of which were over 4000metres with my wife.
We all had a great time.
Only one slip of note ,one of the group fell about 80 or 90 feet and took a chunk out of his shin.Otherwise apart from a few big bruises he was OK.
P.S.
There is now a mountain called Peak Angela ,after my wife. AAHHHH!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 09:51 AM

Toby-guy:

It's brill in its way, certes, but not as a communication to others. It would wqualify as a serious contender here, though.

A


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 03:22 AM

Well, I was going to say, just try any of my posts, but I was beaten to the punch on that.

For an example of my best work try this one
Toby Day Afternoon, or Babel in a Miner Quay.

I once read this out in a writer's workshop evening, and they asked me to please stop.

The guy with the strange eyes said that it reminded him of LSD flashbacks from his earlier wild days of his drug-sodden youth, which is the reason that he was now under treatment for schizophrenia.

Then you could try my humourous writing...

Robin
Author of The Fooles Troupe
The Virtual Fooles Troupe


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 03 - 05:45 PM

There are more forms of bad writing, Horatio, than in all the books in the library where you go to see if there is a new Clive Cussler book out yet or maybe a Stephen King or one of those spy things like Robert Mitchum could act in -- something, at any rate, that was more exciting than your own life, more vital than your own mind, and at least breathing faster than an emphysema patient in a near-death experience. That's the point. The rules become kind of self evident as soon as that is clear. You'll see -- just think about.

A


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 03 - 05:38 PM

Brilliantly put, GUEST, but could you expand a bit on that thought?

Let's put it this way. Simply look up any of teribus's political harangues (especially those justifying Bush's war in Iraq) and you will find splendid examples of a certain form of bad writing: the kind that kills nonexistent gnats with a sledgehammer...over and over and over again...relentlessly...supplying lots of pertinent details and "factoids" that you certainly will not find the time to wade through or analyze. The stupefying effect (on the reader) is amplified by the author not providing any paragraph breaks whatsoever.

I guarantee that if you do that for a few hours you will understand at least one kind of bad writing quite well.

And that is just the beginning.... :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Oct 03 - 02:43 PM

I don't understand your rules for the game a much as you think some people do


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:19 AM

GO Rapaire ..GO.

Please GO!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:58 PM

In the morning they would awaken, eat their toast and eggs, drink their coffee, and he would drive to his job. She would stay at home until noon or so, and then go out shopping until three. At exactly three-thirty she'd begin dinner, and when he arrived home at five-thirty it would be ready. No matter how hot and humid the day was, they would have hot coffee.

In cold weather they would stay inside and watch television. Because she could stay home all day and watch television, he always got to pick the show to watch. Whenever possible he would watch wrestling or reruns of Lawrence Welk, because he said that both were slices of real life.

Sometimes, when they watched television, she would make popcorn. She would smother it in butter and salt. Afterwards, she would gently suck on her fingers so that she could enjoy the butter and salt that had stayed on them

On hot summer nights, when the mosquitoes buzzed incessantly and the air hung like a wet, smothering sheet, they would sit on the front stoop and hope for a breath of breeze. Almost always they were rewarded only with the cloying scent of honeysuckle, which hung around them like miasma.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 12:02 AM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Gasp! Omigod! I do believe that was the best (worst) stuff yet! Even Bill Shatner would grin in helpless resignation reading those, knowing full well he could not outdo that degree of literary ineptitude no matter how hard he tried, not even if his tongue was planted so firmly in his cheek that it would make Monica Lewinsky look like a rank amateur in comparison, cigar or no cigar. That stuff was as brilliant as, like, whatever...know what I'm sayin'?

- LH


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 11:45 PM

30 Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city where Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River .

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do..

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 10:51 AM

Actually Gargoyle, they are different pages on the same site. Very funny, anyway.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 04:45 AM

Rapaire why stop there .. it was just getting interesting?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:19 PM

On hot summer nights, when the mosquitoes buzzed incessantly and the air hung like a wet, smothering sheet, they would sit on the front stoop and hope for a breath of breeze. Almost always they were rewarded only with the cloying scent of honeysuckle, which hung around them like miasma.

Sometimes a car would speed by, rubber tires crunching gravel, sometimes flinging it like shrapnel towards them. It never reached them, ending up in the lawn, waiting to chip the mower blade.

There they would sit, he in his underwear and she in her slip, feet bare and bodies glistening with with sweat. No lights to attract the insects, but the mosquitoes found them anyway.

Eventually they would go inside and would be immediately slammed by the temperature inside the house.

"Goddamn," he would say, "it's right nice in here since we got the air conditionin'."

"Yup, shore is," she'd agree and then they would shower and go to bed.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:07 PM

THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT SITES ! Read PLEASE!!

OMeara = http://www.bulwer-lytton.com

Gargoyle = http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2003.htm

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 07:17 PM

LH, The O'MEara mentioned it about 2 months ago in this thread.:-)

Anyway, you might also enjoy Mudcat's own answer to the Bulwer-Lytton contest a few years ago. Like this thread, it was a lot of fun.

kat


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 06:09 PM

Thanks, gargoyle! That link leads to some of the most gloriously bad opening paragraphs to novels that I have ever read in my life. The drek just goes on and on. Bloody marvelous! I urge everyone to read it and find out just how bad BAAAAAAD writing can get.

- LH


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 01:54 PM

Scott Rice, a San Jose State English teacher, who really does like to teach writing, sat there thinking, alone on a dark night in 1981, and as the nights were then and are now even without storms, which are dark too, he pondered how to get students writing more and thinking about good writing and bad writing, although spoken language is good too, the professor would have hastened to add if were asked that night, which he wasn't.



BOTTOM LINE - the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest celebrates the best of bad writing - and this year's results are in:

http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2003.htm



It promises to provide laughter.



Sincerely,

Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:53 PM

Dylan has been in trouble lately for plaigarizing those very words in his last 758 songs....

- LH


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 05:13 AM

if I put in "the" "and" "if" "he" "she" and "buts" That should account for say 5,000 words and I get 10%.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: greg stephens
Date: 10 Jul 03 - 08:25 AM

Little Hawk: ah, you have to write 30,000 words do you? I knew there must be a catch. Tell you what, you finish it off for me and we'll split the proceeds 50/50. You might think that is a little unfair, but I think the "original(?) idea" ought to carry a bit of extra weight.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Jul 03 - 07:05 PM

Actually, I didn't write that one, noddy. Someone sent it to me in an e-mail. Okay, I rewrote a few words of it to make it slightly better (worse). A few grammatical errors, etc. But I see I still forgot an apostrophe.

Well done, Greg. Reminds me of a lot of the dreck I read as a gawky, spotty teenager. I think Conan the Librarian still needs to be written. Have a bash.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM

If you can add another 30,000 words you are on your way to an acceptance slip, greg, but I can't name you a suitable publisher just at the moment.

- LH


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Bad Writing Contest (Enter Often)
From: greg stephens
Date: 09 Jul 03 - 06:20 PM

Well, thanks you for those kind words, Amos and LH. I was rather enjoying myself actaually, know any publishers who might like that sort of thing?


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Mudcat time: 16 June 2:42 AM EDT

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