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BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!

Kim C 10 Sep 02 - 03:52 PM
Rick Fielding 10 Sep 02 - 11:06 AM
GUEST,Lepus Rex, grr, cookie... 10 Sep 02 - 01:00 AM
Steve Latimer 09 Sep 02 - 05:50 PM
Liz the Squeak 09 Sep 02 - 05:43 PM
McGrath of Harlow 09 Sep 02 - 05:18 PM
An Croenen 09 Sep 02 - 04:44 PM
katlaughing 09 Sep 02 - 12:52 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 02 - 12:33 PM
Art Thieme 09 Sep 02 - 12:21 PM
Amos 09 Sep 02 - 12:08 PM
GUEST,bbc at work 09 Sep 02 - 12:00 PM
Rick Fielding 09 Sep 02 - 10:28 AM
SharonA 09 Sep 02 - 10:21 AM
JudeL 09 Sep 02 - 06:55 AM
Liz the Squeak 09 Sep 02 - 02:35 AM
hesperis 09 Sep 02 - 02:21 AM
Amos 09 Sep 02 - 12:43 AM
katlaughing 08 Sep 02 - 10:36 PM
kendall 08 Sep 02 - 09:57 PM
DougR 08 Sep 02 - 09:00 PM
bbc 08 Sep 02 - 08:45 PM
kendall 08 Sep 02 - 08:37 PM
MMario 08 Sep 02 - 08:12 PM
McGrath of Harlow 08 Sep 02 - 08:03 PM
An Croenen 08 Sep 02 - 06:31 PM
GUEST,Russ 08 Sep 02 - 06:27 PM
DougR 08 Sep 02 - 06:00 PM
Joe Offer 08 Sep 02 - 05:33 PM
McGrath of Harlow 08 Sep 02 - 05:28 PM
Rick Fielding 08 Sep 02 - 05:22 PM
McGrath of Harlow 08 Sep 02 - 04:52 PM
Rick Fielding 08 Sep 02 - 02:22 PM
Morticia 08 Sep 02 - 02:19 PM
Joe Offer 08 Sep 02 - 12:31 PM
Amos 08 Sep 02 - 11:37 AM
Tinker 08 Sep 02 - 09:47 AM
Pennny 08 Sep 02 - 09:29 AM
Mr Red 08 Sep 02 - 07:48 AM
maire-aine 08 Sep 02 - 01:58 AM
katlaughing 08 Sep 02 - 01:18 AM
Ebbie 08 Sep 02 - 12:20 AM
Art Thieme 07 Sep 02 - 11:03 PM
Rick Fielding 07 Sep 02 - 09:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Sep 02 - 08:26 PM
GUEST,Fred Miller 07 Sep 02 - 07:49 PM
kendall 07 Sep 02 - 07:27 PM
Jeri 07 Sep 02 - 07:22 PM
Bill D 07 Sep 02 - 07:17 PM
GUEST,andi 07 Sep 02 - 06:25 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Kim C
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 03:52 PM

Well, I'm a Libertarian and I'd probably hug Kendall too, just because I like him, all political stuff aside. Us Grandpa Jones fans gotta stick together, after all. ;-)

I guess you could say I am a hugger by nature, although I don't really remember if it was a family thing or not. My brother is not so much a hugger. Mister is quite a hugger, because his dad never stopped hugging his sons just because they grew up. And he will hug his male friends that he knows really well. I mean, heck, if you hug everybody, it kind of loses its meaning.

I have had strangers hug me before because they liked my singing. And I don't mind that. They are showing gratitude and that's all right with me.

Some folks aren't huggers, and that's all right with me too. I am not a social kisser, however. There's maybe one or two people I would kiss on the cheek, outside of family, but not many. I personally don't mind being kissed myself, just don't expect me to return it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 11:06 AM

My friend Tam Kearney does "The Glasgow Kiss" to perfection! I run like hell when I see him!!

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: GUEST,Lepus Rex, grr, cookie...
Date: 10 Sep 02 - 01:00 AM

I pretty much only hug my grandmothers, or very, very close friends, so, uh, I'm a non-hugger. I'll occasionally hug my mother, on mother-related holidays, and my niece, when I want to annoy her, or sometimes my aunt when she's in town on a rare visit. But otherwise, I try to keep hugging non-girlfriends to a minimum.

Also, I dislike it when I'm eating in my car, in a parking lot, and some jackass pulls up next to me, to eat his meal. I mean, if I wanted to eat with cretins, I'd go inside. This may be related to the hugging thing, somehow...

---Lepus Rex


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 05:50 PM

'Spaw, great story. Unfortunately, teachers today (at least here) aren't allowed to make any physical contact with children.

Liz, ah the Glasgae Kiss, that's almost another thread. (I've felt like giving it to some of the phonies who've laid a hug on me).


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 05:43 PM

The kissing the air several inches away from the face is known in the UK as the 'Mayfiar Kiss' and is a term of affection guaranteed not to smudge make up or mess up hair. It is not to be confused with the 'Glasgae Kiss' which is guaranteed to smudge make up and mess up not only hair but quite often facial features as well.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 05:18 PM

Then there's slapping people on they back and punching them in the stomach. When to punch and when to slap and when to hug and when to kiss...Life gets complicated.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: An Croenen
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 04:44 PM

I visited the States when I was 12 and remember the very first hug I got, there (my mum had prepared me for this thing called hugging). In Belgium, people don't hug generally; they're more into kissing. So the first hug I got, in the States, I surprised the lady by kissing her (just out of habit, I'm afraid). And there are codes as to how many kisses you give depending on the social circles. In France it's very usual to give four kisses: 1-2-1-2. Belgians will give you three when you're friends, and perhaps one when it's family, unless you haven't seen eachother for a while. Funnily enough, I have noticed that people in England start with their first kiss on the cheek opposite to the one we pick first (which potentially leads to kissclashing :), and they only give two. Unless they hug. Arh all so confusing. My question is: is hugging not more commonly done in the States than in England? I just wondered.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:52 PM

Geez, Spaw...my keyboard is all wet. That's plumb beautiful.

I'm glad to find I am not the only one who came from a family of huggers! Shoulda known!

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:33 PM

Interesting.

Opposed to most of you, I come from a very touchy-feely family and as an adult I've had to learn to read the person so I didn't overdo it. Let's face it, some people just aren't into hugs. But I'm still touchy-feely and it's worked well in situations where it was not an accepted thing to do. For instance, you must be very careful how you express love if you're a foster parent....sounds a bit nuts, but it's letigious country. It didn't stop us, but it took some time with the kids for them to accept what we gave in the manner we meant it.

The best experience came in teaching. I taught 16-19 year old males who had a hard time expressing caring type emotions even when they wanted to. I had them as juniors and a different teacher had them as seniors. I treated them as adults, he didn't. I was a teacher, but I was also their friend (who they often referred to as "Big Dog"). I got them used to the occasional hand on the shoulder and the generally touchy things like that along with the usual teen slap fight games. When the senior teacher had problems, the admin got used to calling me in to mediate until one day the Director saw it wasn't really working because they would cool down only for awhile. His line was, "Patterson comes in, puts his arm around a few shoulders, gets a few laughs, and all's right with the world."

When that group graduated it was a high point of my life, a time you know you've had success. We had also spoken about how only a few simple words could express the way you felt as in the men saying good night to Mr. Roberts in the movie. I even showed them the movie! As they came across and received their diplomas, they shook hands as they were supposed to until they got to me. It actually took me a moment to figure out what was going on. They had it worked out though and each one gave me a hug (remember these are teen males in front of their peers) and said, "Good-bye Mr. P. and thanks....."

Still can't think about that one without crying.............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:21 PM

Please see the "Rasmussen Regales Royal Rile" thread...

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:08 PM

Dang!! Another dream up in smoke!! LOL!!

I unnerstand, bbw. Just funnin' witcha.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:00 PM

Hey, kendall, I hope it was my political affiliation you forgot, rather than the hugs! I like to think they are somewhat memorable. ;) More seriously, I will hug almost anyone who acts like they need one or is open to receiving one. As far as I can tell, hardly any of us are getting as much physical contact as we need to be emotionally healthy. I'm willing to do my part! For the record, I came from a family w/ an affectionate mom & a reserved dad; I've been a toucher from Day 1. Yup, Doug, I'm still around & hoping you'll come by NY sometime, so I can hug another Republican! Amos, I just couldn't help myself! BTW--thread creep--I draw the line at kissing. I prefer to reserve that for family & SO, particularly lip-kissing.

best,

bbc


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 10:28 AM

I guess I've hugged:

Republicans, Democrats and Naderites in the States.

Progressive Conservatives, Liberals and NDPers here in Canada.

Tories, Labour, Liberals and Raving Loonie Party-ites in England.

I like to think that I'm an equal opportunity hugger.

Cheers

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 10:21 AM

I, too, come from a non-hugging family. Most of the physical affection seemed to have been reserved for the cats! So I'm still not comfortable with hugs from anyone but an intimate partner (when I have one in my life!). I have a Quaker friend who always greets me with a hug and a kiss; I hug her back (uncomfortably) but I draw the line at kissing!


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: JudeL
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 06:55 AM

All these people that come from non-hugging families, I didn't realise that families hugging was so unusual. I grew up in a family of confirmed huggers. To me, a hug is an expression of affection and fellowship. Intelectually I can understand how for someone that confuses a simple hug with sex the idea of hugging their parents or children must seem repulsive, but emotionally it must be very lonely. BTW Liz - you have my number, anytime you need a hug call me. Jude


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 02:35 AM

I come from a family that is so non tactile, I sometimes wonder how I was conceived!

Even now, the most tactile contact I have is with a) my daughter and b) my best friend - but he's being a git at the moment and hasn't been round for months.

Shame, because I love a good hug, and a snuggle from behind is even nicer.... Ah well.... perhaps I should get myself a koala - if I can find one that doesn't have halitosis, permanent eucalyptus body odour and that stoned expression....

Maybe I should rethink the Koala thing.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 02:21 AM

I'm huggy, but not with some people... I detest those fake polite hugs that aren't really hugs... and the cheek-kissing thing freaks me out...


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 02 - 12:43 AM

Aw, bbc!! Couldn' you wait until his spirits are up before you tell him he's been hugging REpublicans?? LOL!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 10:36 PM

Kevin, I think a handshake is more like a tail wag with dogs, rather than sniffing the behind. That sniffing usually follows the nose touch, the tail wag, and the stiff legged tango..'course not always, depending on how the other god dog smells.:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 09:57 PM

Not so Doug! Believe me, if I wanted to "jab" you, you would know it! LOL. bbc, sorry, I forgot.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: DougR
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 09:00 PM

Hey, bbc! Good to see you are still around! I have a hunch Kendall rarely asks any woman what her politics is before he hugs them. He just likes to jab me. I don't know why, I'm always nice to him.

DougR


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: bbc
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 08:45 PM

kendall,

I'm sorry to break this to you, but you've hugged me many times & I've been a Republican ever since I was old enough to vote! : )

love & hugs,

bbc


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 08:37 PM

Don't worry Doug, I only hug people I know, and, the only republican I hug is my daughter!


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: MMario
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 08:12 PM

I give good hug - I like getting hugged - usually - sometimes - it depends.

there are people I could hug for hours - there are others I don't weven want to touch.

Some people I don't need to hug because just being around them is as good as the best hug.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 08:03 PM

Well, dogs have different ways of communicating. We haven't got tails to wag, so we have to rely on smiling and that, and hand signals.

After all, as Chesterton pointed out:

They haven't got no noses,
The fallen sons of Eve;
Even the smell of roses
Is not what they supposes;
But more than mind discloses
And more then men believe...

And Quoodle here discloses
All things that Quoodle can.
They haven't got no noses,
They haven't got no noses,
And goodness only knowses
The Noselessness of Man.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: An Croenen
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 06:31 PM

I enjoy a good hug, but I rarely take the initiative for a hug, except with my kids. My friends will hug me mostly to say goodbye, rather than when we say hi. I will hug a friend in distress, but I worry about coming across as patronising and I'm really careful with it. Within my family it is not part of our body language, even in terrible situations where a hug could be ace. It surprises me that noone has mentioned the body-odour yet. To me, hugs can be great or awful because of how someone smells. I'm not even referring to perfume or sweat, just the natural smell of someone is so prominent in a hug. I read somewhere that we subconsciously check out other people's smell and prefer those people with the set of antibodies furtherst related from ours, in other words (if I'm saying this correctly) the ones that would produce the most resilient offspring. Innocent hugs, ha? Who were you fooling? ;) An


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 06:27 PM

The ususal story here. Non-hugging family. Hugging is now one of my standard options for greeting people.

I have tended to think of hugging as a "boomer" thing. I don't remember my parents and their peers doing much of it. I remember hugging more as something adults did with children.

I usually hug only people I know. It is not my default greeting for first contact. But I don't hug everybody I know. Some people come across as more standoffish than others.

The only realy dilemma I sometimes face is when to start hugging in the relationship. I try to err on the side of hugging.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: DougR
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 06:00 PM

I came from a hugging family, and I hug when appropriate, but Kendall you come at me with "arms wide open," and I'm gonna run!

Bobert, I do have to admit that you have a good hugging technique, but I've been meaning to tell you ...the pat on the butt is not really necessary.

DougR


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 05:33 PM

Gees, Kevin. Can you think of a more graphic way to describe that?
Are you calling me a butt-sniffer?

-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 05:28 PM

Well, it's the human equvalent of a dog rolling over on its back. Whereas handshakes are more like sniffing round the rear end.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 05:22 PM

TRUST THE OTHER PERSON NOT TO STAB YOU IN THE BACK!!??

Jeez McGrath, I've let AGENTS hug me! I'll be more careful in the future

Here's the other thread that sort of goes with this.

handshakes from Hades

Cheers

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 04:52 PM

The thing symbolised by hugging is you trust the other person not to stab you in the back.

Handshakes express a lesser degree of trust - holding them at armslength, while mutually checking that there's no weapon in the other person's hand.

As Bill D says up there: "Hugs express something more than a polite handshake". It's when hugs get used in place of a handshake that I distrust them - it's a bit the way you get salesmen calling you by your first name as a technique.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 02:22 PM

Jeesus Joe! What was that Nun doing coming up on you from behind!!??

OK, now that we're gettin' down to the nuts and bolts of greeting-etiquette, I've got a REAL issue to deal with....and I even think it may warrant another thread. Lets keep this one for "hugging techniques and reactions" and I'll call the new one. "Handshakes from Hades"!

By the way....hate to be so much in the majority but I ALSO come from a family where hugging NEVER occurred...it's a wonder ANY of us can tolerate it now...Thank Goodness for the folk community!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Morticia
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 02:19 PM

also from a non-huggy family....although we are getting the hang of it now. I don't hug unless I know you or feel I know you or the situation seems appropriate ( weddings, funerals,.... that sort of thing).Howsomever, I feel like I know lots of people here so when I get to the Getaway please take this as an open invitation to hug if you would like to *BG*.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 12:31 PM

After twenty-five years in exile in California, this Wisconsin boy has learned to tolerate hugs, with reluctance. I still prefer a hearty Midwestern handshake. My tactic is to offer my hand first, and avoid the hug.
I have learned to accept hugs with some modicum of grace, but I was appalled the other day - a nun kissed me on the cheek...
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 11:37 AM

The air-kissers have a world? Cool!! I always thought they were just a sorta fungus on this one! LOL!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Tinker
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 09:47 AM

For business reasons I now spend some time in the world of air-kissers with my husband. Coming from a hugger type of family I don't know if I'll every get this right....As I've grown older ( my life experience, well expanded) I find my hugs more situational than person specific. Somedays I just don't want to hug on meeting and on others I can't resist... Go figure...

Tinker


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Pennny
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 09:29 AM

An elderly woman was telling me about how shocked she was when she tried to give her sixteen year old grandson a goodbye hug and he froze with his arms hanging at his side. She interpreted this non receiving or giving back hug as a sign of something very odd. Not everyone likes to be hugged by everyone and before we impose our squeezes it might be better to take someone's hand between both of ours and look at the person and gently smile. That says alot too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 07:48 AM

Hugger
but it took a situation to make it stick.
death of sister in my case.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: maire-aine
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 01:58 AM

I also came from a non-hugging family, but I'll take being hugged just about any time I can get one. But to follow up on a comment Rick made in his most recent post, about using the guitar to get women's attention-- have any women guitar players noticed it working in reverse to get guys? I haven't noticed that effect, even among other women, not just myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 01:18 AM

My family has always hugged and I am glad of it. However, we do NOT force hugs on anyone, well...a couple of my sisters just take it for granted that they can hug family anytime without asking and that bothers me sometimes, but I've learned to pick my battles and that ain't one of them.:-)

I've got one daughter who always wants a hug and another who is very private with her bod and doesn't let anyone get in her personal space univited, though she does offer me hugs and accepts them from me. My son has always been open about hugs, too.

I do not like hugs from people I've just met and had no history with or a complete stranger, unless it is in an unusual circumstance. Having worked as a nurses' aid and emergency medical tech, I saw a lot of people when they were at their most vulnerable and generally needed some kind of touch, whether it was a hug or just a touch on their shoulder, so I learned how to read people and guage my offerings on what seemed acceptable to them.

Rick...you'd definitely get one from me...as long as you looked comfy with it!**BG**


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 12:20 AM

Like most of us, it appears, I come from a non-touchy, feely family. My daughter taught me to be more demonstrative; it's simply the way she was born.

There is an element of risk in offering a hug. Every once in awhile I really admire someone's willingness to be vulnerable. Like a couple of months ago when I visited Oregon last. My long-time ex-husband touched me on the shoulder; when I turned, he held his arms wide. We hugged for the first time in more than 40 years. I'm afraid I wouldn't be brave enough to offer myself up like that but I really admired him for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 11:03 PM

I have not ever felt comfortable with the modern huggers. I endure it rather than cause a confrontation. More often than not, though, now that I've had 3 discs pulled from my neck and replaced with cadaver bones, it can hurt like hell and actually cause numbness down my arms when the hugger inists on emulating a hungry python. What am I supposed to do/say? "PLEASE-----BE GENTLE" ?? No, I think not. So I go with the flow, put my hand out for a shake and when that's not enough for someone, the ensuing hug will most likely be halfhearted at best.

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 09:05 PM

Why shucks you're all (well most) just a big bunch of huggie-bears!

So Lucy...you went to a "hugging Workshop"!!?? Hmmmm, that probably would have done me a HUGE bit of good when I was about 14. I think some "confused huggers" (which I used to be) got that way because they didn't feel sexy or cute when they were teens. I used to be terrified to go to parties because I KNEW they'd play "spin the bottle" and some girl would say "Kiss HIM???" "Yuchhhh"! And of course, I couldn't dance...so I didn't have much to barter with. This all changed when I got to be a really good musician. I discovered that attractive women weren't ALL into handsome jocks! The other interesting thing was, that the weirdo musicians tended to age interestingly, while the Jocks just went bald and bought white plastic belts and plaid pants.

AHHAHHHH! PETER T!! Yes indeed, I introduced him to my buddy Mary, who is indeed a vision. Now Mary is SUCH an accomplished hugger, even an amateur like me, does it right!!

Hi Bruce. I hug my cats and guitars a lot as well.

Cheers

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 08:26 PM

Don't do much huggin' these days.

Used to belong to a very non-traditional church. We hugged a lot.

Used to belong to a group of people who shared a mutual problem we were trying to overcome. We hugged a lot.

Used to belong to a loosely knit bunch of city folks who "communed with nature" by heading to the woods for a couple of group campouts a year. We hugged a lot.

Now, I live in the woods we used to "commune" in, haven't been inside a church in years, and haven't felt the need to pursue any types of self-destructive behavior for at least as long. So, since I no longer get to hug truth-seekers, hippie-wanabees, or recovering drunks, the hugs have gotten kinda sparse.

However, I do hug my wife, my four cats, my pig and a few trees every day. And my wife says I hug guitars way too much. I'm satisfied.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 07:49 PM

From a non-hugger family. We left notes for each other on the fridge. At family gatherings we'd say Did you see my note? Mn. Yeah, and you saw mine, I take it? Mm.

Married into a family of huggers, loud, demonstrative operatic people, kind of like a Scottish mafia. People ask me exactly how they are like a Scottish mafia, I say Imagine a Scottish Mafia--There! Like that. Also, they fart, sometimes in conjuntion with a pre-amble or public announcement. My family doesn't fart, to my wife's amazement, never have.

I've learned about two things--how to hug, and how to pretend to be a regular guy. But unlike a previous reformed non-hugger, I never supposed a hug from a woman promised something more--in fact I'm the reigning champion in a local contest of Who Is Slowest to Pick Up on Subtle Signs From Women. My winning entry was Having decided years later that being invited to sleep beside a woman in her bed might have been a little clue, but still, she probably just worried if I was comfortable.

I don't find it all that difficult--you catch a person's eye, do the "Hug?" gesture, and if they pick it up, hug, if they miss it, or prefer not to catch it, you pass on the hug. I've also got much better at picking up signs from women, now that it's of no use to me, so I train younger guys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: kendall
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 07:27 PM

Coodle is the English way of saying cuddle. I'm not open to hugs from just anyone, and, when I'm not feeling well, it's not safe for anyone to hug me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 07:22 PM

Andi, I think it's beyond rudeness to hug someone you know doesn't want to be hugged. It's not an expression of affection - it's more like assault. I wouldn't do it, and I don't believe I know anyone who would.


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 07:17 PM

yep...you MUST respect those who do not wish hugs...for whatever reason! It is 'usually' not hard to tell....I seldom start hugging someone the first time I meet them, but sometimes it is just automatic after awhile...women, some men...it depends.

Hugs express something beyond a polite handshake...they say "I care" in a way that is hard to say otherwise. And in a group, you get a good idea of who knows whom by watching the hugging...It's funny...there are folks I like and respect, but never think of hugging...and it's hard to say why...perhaps they just give signals that they don't wish it...*shrug*


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Subject: RE: BS: Huggers, Non-Huggers, and Huggees!
From: GUEST,andi
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 06:25 PM

I am a definate non hugger. and I hate it when forced. Someone said "contact=good" I disagree. I don't wish to be touched, ever. my body=my rules. I just had a situation where a "friend"walked up grabbed me in a hug and forced it on me..this after beeing told numerous times that I do not like or accept them, her husand theen decided he could. I told him "NO!" he resonded with "fine then I am just going to take one" I took too steps back and he threatened me. Not Acceptable. I suggest that those of you who like hugs/ contact might want to ask before touching someone, whether in a hug or simply on our arms or other part of ourbodies. andi


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