BS: Amuse me

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 02:41 PM

Game that teaches the effects of different drugs on the brain.

Well mouse brains

Mouse Party

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 01:08 PM

"a stick"

bah, humbug! *grin*

Juvenile grammatical whimsy.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 01:02 PM

Whats brown and sticky ?


A stick !

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 10:39 AM

you asked for it

still going


hmmm... will have to scan more pages to continue, but life is like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:46 AM

I never knew it was Randy Newman that wrote "Tickle Me" - Thanks for the info. Alan Price did indeed cover it - B side of "Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear". Another funny song with a much deeper message.

DeG

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Gurney
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 12:23 AM

Second that!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:58 PM

Bill D.

Love it so far. Bring 'em on!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:53 PM

or, perhaps The Meaning of Life

yes, there's more

always more

it never ends


surrender? I have 15 or 20 more..

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:47 PM

More? sure...here you go

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Alice
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 09:34 PM

Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 14 Oct 09 - 08:25 PM

Time go up .25 on those reading glasses, Spaw.

Now, tell me, what's yer henway?

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 11:58 PM

Okay Janie.....I'm your man! I got this slipper and a really neat riding crop plus a really snappy cane and this great 2 inch leather belt! But first I think we'll start with the classic over-the-knee and bare handed.......Yeah......Nothing like the trad way! So you just drop those pants and we'll get started! Yeah, I guarantee you're gonna' love.........................say what? Yeah, I read the title..........it says ..........uh..................................hmmmmmmmmmm.....................................AMUSE huh?   Well.........................that's different see, cause I thought................well shit fire................................aw ta' hell with it.........never mind........


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 10:43 PM

Well, I'll be dipped...!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Gurney
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 10:40 PM

All guttons can go to L.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Stower
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 02:19 AM

David el Gnomo, "Didn't Alan Price do a song called 'Tickle Me'?" That was Randy Newman, who wrote it (or maybe Alan Price covered it, also). Fab song, funny yet profound. It's on his live album.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:40 PM

Oops. (ok, think fast, Janie, and never, never, own up to a typo....)

A gutton is a late middle aged person with too much belly fat who desires to lose some of it (or at least firm it up) by engaging in deep belly chuckles, often at their own expense.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Alice
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:34 PM

What's a gutton?

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 12 Oct 09 - 11:29 PM

More entertainment, please. I've become quite a gutton for it....

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 11:10 AM

Ok, that's a lot better
so, anyway....


"'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'

'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 11:08 AM

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?' 'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.

'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening' 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.

Oh, hold on...I need to add more ink to my joke reservoir

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:22 AM

The last man on Earth was depressed, so he threw himself off the Empire State Building. As he passed the seventh floor, he heard the telephone ring.....
From a Benny Hill song.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:21 AM

And somewhere sounded the flush of a distant toilet... :)

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:15 PM

The 3rd shortest...

"The last man on Earth sat alone in his room. There was a knock on the door."

The 2nd shortest:

"The last man on Earth sat alone in his room. There was a lock on the door."

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: John P
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 12:07 PM

The world's shortest science fiction story. I don't know who wrote it:

She smiled, and cast her eyes upon me. They bounced.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Acorn4
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 05:55 AM

Some good sales calls ripostes;_

I sometimes use:

"You'll have to speak up, I'm a bit deaf!"

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: DMcG
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:32 AM

"Wall me up with that amontillado". I read that as armadillo.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:46 PM

TALK to him, Bubba! Offer him a Pall Mall....

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 09:49 PM

So there's Bubba, looking deep into the eyes of an irritated Sasquatch, in significant discomfort from having caught some short hairs in his zipper in his haste....

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 06:35 PM

A few years back, I was called by a cemetary plot salesman.

Before he could give me the full sales line, I said that I was most interested in a plot. "Please send me all the brochures and information you have on the plots, and as quickly as you can" I concluded.

Surely enough, in a couple of days a big package arrived.

About a week later I got a call from the same sales fellow who, not recognizing my voice, asked for me.

I replied, "Sorry, he died two days ago, and I just got back from the funeral, so sad, he went ever so quickly, he did say he was not feeling well for the last couple of months".

I am so sorry to hear this bad news replied the dissapointed salesman, before he hung up.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 04:25 PM

Hmmmm - the puppy in the tavern is starting to look good...

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 04:24 PM

Pull my dangling string.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 04:14 PM

Toggle me!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM

What sort of light switch? There are many different kinds, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:57 PM

The only pluperfect genitalive in these parts is a past pluperfect gentialive belonging to Rapaire's altered memories. The phrase "hung like a light-switch" comes to mind.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:44 PM

Rapaire, I emknow I heard MOM say you had to stay in the yard until you decided to quit using that kind of language. You better git home to MOAB, or I'm gonna tell on you!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:32 PM

"Amuse me" is Latin. It's the past pluperfect genitalive of the verb "amur" which, in English, means "amer". An exact tranlation of the phrase isn't possible, but as close as we can come in Modern English it means either "Wall me up with that amontillado" or "Beat me, baby, eight to the bar."

In either case I'm not certain what exactly is wanted in this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:23 PM

There are a couple more where that came from (at the bottom of the page).

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 12:40 PM

Ohhhh...I gotta have one of them!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 10:57 AM

Speaking of BMW: In the recent tradition of retro designs based on classics from the past, they have just introduced The BMW 58e

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM

I was asked to give a talk on sex to a group of adults who were studying Child Care methods and teaching children about sex/love/relationships. When I arrived at the College just before my appointed time to speak... the woman in charge said that the talks were overrunning badly and would I make the talk on sex as brief as possible....Soooo the time came.. I stood erect and said "Ladies and Gentlemen...It gives me great pleasure" and sat down again.
Hope that made you laugh.......

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 04:19 AM

Hey kids! How many times have I told you not to do that!..You'll go blind!!!!..................................................................................................... VVVVVVVVVV v
v
v
v
v
v
v
Hey dad, ..we're over here!

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: DMcG
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 03:33 AM

April fool Jokes: BMW usually do something clever, but I feared they'd all be too serious this year. They aren't.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 01:13 AM

I'm kind of enjoying it. Since I have no expectation that the calls will stop I plan not to get uptight about them.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Gurney
Date: 01 Apr 09 - 12:02 AM

How about a few serves for those cold-callers.

"Have you been saved?"

"Are you calling to cancel a termination?"

"You'll never take me alive, copper!"

Anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 11:44 PM

Ebbie that is exactly the same call I got about 12 times over the last 2 months.

It only ended after I said "nice business you got there, it'd be a shame...

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 11:06 PM

I got another of those calls a few minutes ago What happened to the warning that it was the last time they were going to call?)

Again I pushed 1 and when a young woman's voice said, Please state the make and model of your car, I said in a pleased, friendly voice, Hi! Good to hear your voice! How are you?!

There was an instant of silence then click.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 08:47 PM

Janie:

Q. What do Welshmen sing when they get together?
A. Cwm Rhondevous.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: GUEST,mudcat cartoon dept.
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 08:05 PM

mudcat press 2009

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: Alice
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 07:44 PM

But his troubles were only starting.
"Ah, geez, the guys will never believe this", he said, as he turned to stare straight in the face of a Sasquatch, not too happy that Bubba had just peed on a tasty huckleberry bush.

Subject: RE: BS: Amuse me
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 07:33 PM

... vowed to drink cans of Bud from now on. Safety first.