BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Eiseley
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:12 AM

Odd as it may sound, solitude seems to be a cure for loneliness for me. Solitude, thinking, writing, or if those don't seem to work, going for a walk in the hills.

Eiseley

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: LadyJean
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 12:23 AM

I have three very fine cats, who are excellent company, though, at present, they are avoiding me. I've done something odd to my left leg and I'm using Bengay. They don't care for the smell.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: ClaireBear
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 04:04 PM

We had a chipmunk as a housepet when I was 6-7. My brother rescued him from a fallen nest as a tiny baby, so he became completely tame. He was such a good friend to all of us! He had a cage, but was rarely in it as he also had the run of the house. He slept in my dad's bedroom, in a curtain "hammock" lined with sunflower seed husks. He most loved to sit on our shoulders and chirp along as we talked through the long, pre-television evenings.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Becca72
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 03:53 PM

For the first 4 years of my life my best friend was a chipmunk...

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 02:42 PM

Chipmunks are cute...until they build a nest on your sills and start polluting the place with their droppings and urine.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: ClaireBear
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 02:29 PM

I never feel lonely when alone, because I am comfortable with my own company.

I feel loneliest in a throng, because I know I am not one who can mingle gracefully; I am terribly shy, and crowds have always intimidated the heck out of me. So when I'm lonely, what makes sense to me is to get out of wherever I am and walk, walk, walk until I have dispelled the panic the crowd brought on. If that walk can take place in the countryside and at night so much the better, but any walk will do in a pinch.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 01:36 PM

By the bye. I wrote this last night when I got in bed after having posted here...

Lonely is a lonely word

Lonely is a lonely word: I hate it when it calls on me
A hole inside me opens up: It takes away what once was free.
I try to seek a place to go, to fill the hole that lonely brings,
Inside my heart, in side my mind, an echo echoes as it rings.

I seek a solace somewhere close, the quiet waters calm me down,
I watch the moon and stars dance by, seeing bedtime on their own
They step below that far off line as I can see the horizon clear,
But lonely haunts me, brings me down, taking calm by bringing fear.

I look within myself for strength, to take away the pain I feel,
And realise it's beating me, eating on me like a meal.
Oh lonely is as lonely does, perpetuating great despair,
I cannot let it get a grip with my emotions lying there.

But then I see a distant light: In my minds eye it grows and grows
What is it made of? Whence it come? My spirit lifts and starts to flow
For Lonely sometimes is a switch that when turned off there is no fright,
Allowing you to feel again all life's wonder: life's delight.

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 12:48 PM

Ebbie - I have lots of red squirrels here, lots of chipmunks too, and a few grey (black) squirrels. The one I've made friends with is a chipmunk. I find that the red squirrels are pretty standoffish, and they're usually up high somewhere in the trees or on the roof of the house. They use the roof as a quick highway and they have a lot of territorial squabbles with one another.

There's also a grey cat who has been visiting, and hunting and killing my chipmunks for years. I would dearly love to find a "final" solution to his existence! (but I settle for just chasing him off every time I see him)

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 12:35 PM

I go home. Even when my wife isn't waiting there my dog will be. Ebbie, so sorry for your loss.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:21 AM

The TV?! Just when you could finally... ah, er, um... nevermind.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 09:12 AM

Where do I go when I feel lonely?

The Folk Club. It's what I did when I discovered I was 3 weeks into divorce. The missing TV & wifey was a bit of a clue.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 09:07 AM

Oh, I forgot....

When you're alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go - downtown

Petula Clark, "Downtown"

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Becca72
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 09:07 AM

Like Sins, I work among a large group of people and look forward to going home to my quiet apartment and wonderful kitties - just me and my boys.
However, when I'm feeling out of sorts and need some company I generally head for my sister's house. She and my B-I-L are two of my favorite people and I enjoy the hell out of both of them. An added bonus is my "nephew" Owen who is the cutest pug in the world (and not at all spoiled).

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 07:47 AM

I am sorry, Ebbie. It hurts to lose a good friend.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 06:38 AM

Ebbie, so sorry to hear this. It will pass, but it hurts like hell until it does. (((((((((((((((((Ebbie))))))))))))))))).


We have to be careful about negative thoughts. Dwelling on them makes them worse. My EX, the therapist called it, "Energizing the thought." Of course, you can energize a happy thought too.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 06:33 AM

The pub

if that seems a bit shallow, I take my inspiration from Richard Thompson;

"You can be gambler, who never drew a hand,
You can be a sailor who never left dry land,
You can be Lord Jesus, all the world will understand,
Down where the drunkards roll."

Floats my boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 06:01 AM

Ebbie... so sorry to hear that.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 05:12 AM

Ebbie: am so sorry to read of your loss. 'Losing' a loyal pet is as bad an empty feeling I have ever felt. I think it's because they trust you so much and you actually take them off to their death. BUT... you have to remember too that that you have a solemn duty to your pet to care for it.

Sometimes having to have your pet taken out of pain is all you can do. Losing kith and kin is terrible enough and I have a hole that will never be filled in me where a certain person is missing from life. I manage most of the time but, every now and then, that hole sucks me in. I never mind though. To be reminded of them when I am not remembering them myself at the time is fine.

I hope things ease soon for you but always remember you did for your pet something very speciall. It never feels that way but, in reality, that is what it is.

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Bert
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 02:30 AM

I sing.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 02:17 AM

I guess loneliness is a state of mind that can be controlled or dispelled. I have been on my own for 8 yrs now and to start with I missed her company often. Now I am so glad to have the freedom to do whatever I want, when I want, with whom I want and only occasionally do I think I could do with someone here... as company/companion...... I have many friends and it takes little effort to go see them or invite them to visit.... For the most part I enjoy being on my own...... but I don't have to be. However, there are places I like to visit and they too are usually water or beautiful landscape... A good hike is good for the soul too.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 02:03 AM

Yeah, LadyJean- although I head for the 'Cat even when I like being alone. I'm fairly well hooked, I am.

Thank you, Little Hawk. I know that you know. By the way, is that a chipmunk or one of the little red squirrels that both you and I have? Here in Alaska we don't have the big greys. In any case I like your little story.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: LadyJean
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 12:57 AM

I'm alone most of the time. When I decide I don't like it, I can head for the mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 11:15 PM

I have a wild chipmunk here that I've befriended (which took time and patience), and he now expects to get treats every time he sees me. I usually give him peanuts. Today he came right over and walked onto my outstretched hand to get some. He's extremely gentle and quite calm around me. I could feel the soles of his tiny little feet on my hand and they felt distinctly cool against my skin. You wouldn't believe what joy I get from seeing this beautiful little creature right up close like that and knowing he trusts me! It's a small matter, but it is one of the things that definitely cheers me up.

Ebbie - My condolences on your loss! I know what it's like when a beloved pet dies, and I guess most of us know that by now.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 11:09 PM

Thank you, Janie. I'm having a difficult time with it.

I was talking with a bus driver today (Mick, KT) and he was telling me that last winter he made a trip alone to Egypt and had a great time. We agreed that it is nice to have someone to share with and to reminisce with later but that somehow many experiences tend to be deeper when you are by yourself. It's probably a character flaw :), on the other hand it is most awfully nice to like being by yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Janie
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 10:57 PM

Ebbie,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}. Grief is such a deep loneliness.


Like LH and Sins, I don't tend to get lonely, but I can isolate myself to the point that I begin to feel disconnected. I'll garden, watch birds or take a hike, or take a good book to a decent restaurant. Sometimes, very rarely, I'll even call a friend and get together with them!

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:38 PM

Interesting time to have that question pop up.

Like y'all above, I can't say that I actually get lonely but on occasion I get to feeling uprooted (Like Daniel Boone is supposed to have responded when a gushing lady asked him, Oh, Mr. Boone, don't you ever get lost out there in the wilderness? and he drawled, Waal, I can't rightly say I've ever been lost but I once't was mighty bewildered for three days)

This week I had to put down my little Cairn Terrier and you wouldn't believe how empty and quiet and hollow the apartment is. I fidget a lot and am having trouble settling down to anything. So maybe that's lonely?

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:24 PM

Yeah, I've got a place like that too, just a few minutes drive from my place.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: frogprince
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:13 PM

There's a state recreation area ten minutes down the road, with a little lake, and paths far enough into the woods that things are pretty quiet. If I'm lonely, it's usually when my "child bride" is at work for the day, and there are usually no more than a handful of people there on weekdays. I usually just land on a bench, or at a picnic table, and make a book go away.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:07 PM

I rarely feel lonely. I am my own best company and need a lot of alone time to survive.
I find working around people all day very stressful and love to come home to my cats and an empty house.
If on the rare occasion I feel lonely, I sleep and it goes away.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: mauvepink
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 08:39 PM

Some wonderful answers so far

The thread was prompted by my slightly melancholic mood earlier. I felt the need (want) to go to some quiet lakeside and just sit there in the still night air, watch the moon and stars dance their way toward their bedtime below the horizon. I had had a glass of wine so would not drive out to find such solace. I just got to thinking and wondering: "How do others deal with such moments and what do they like best?"

Thank you all. Do keep them coming :-)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 07:46 PM

All of the above, but solitude and quietude can be wonderful things.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 07:33 PM

I simply turn inward and think of all the great people I know, and all the lucky breaks I've had.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 07:29 PM

Had the problem today. Played music- imagined my friends were playing with me. Not a solution, but a palliative.

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: skarpi
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 07:02 PM

up to the mountains , or join the hiking clubs walk with people
, go to concerts , walk around , .

Subject: RE: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 06:13 PM

I'm not sure "lonely" is the right word in my case. I prefer being in solitude most of the time. When I'm feeling depressed or down, however, I seek refuge in going out somewhere for a meal, reading a good book, occupying my mind on the computer, or doing stuff outside if the weather is nice. Yes, being near flowing water or a body of water does seem to make me feel better. Sunshine works that way too.

Subject: BS: Where do you go when you're lonely?
From: mauvepink
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM

Where do you go or what do you seek when you're lonely?

Does it change as to your mood of wishing to stay alone a time or actually be less alone?

Do you seek out water (the sea, lakes, rivers, canals), the hill-tops (mountains and hills), wide and wild open spaces? The nearest bar/pub, your church, do you reach for a good book or your headphones?

Do you simply get lost in your mind?

Where do you go or what do you seek when you're lonely?

Thoughts and comments appreciated

mp