BS: Thanksgiving

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: mkebenn
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 07:02 AM

Jon, For at least ten years I was where you seem to be, and it started when I was your age.{caught wife in bed, lost job, mother, etc}.Since then I have met and married a wonderfull woman who has two children and now I have the family I always wanted. Believe in yourself, trust in God,and put the pain into the music. God bless, Mike Bennett

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 05:41 AM

Jon, just come across this thread. To add to what others have said, you obvously have real musical and IT skills, folk who have met you online and in the flesh have enjoyed your company,so don't feel a failure. I hope you stick with the course you need to help you get a decent job, you have talents that IT companies could use. Hang in there, mate.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 05:29 AM

Thankful...to be a part of something so big and so amazing that the world has barely even begun to wake up to it. We are all people. We have each other. Sometimes we don't know it, but we do.

Thankful for the spark within me that brings life to everything I do and everything I am.

Thankful for laughter. Especially for laughter.

Thankful for joy.

Thankful for beauty.

Thankful for the natural world.

Thankful for my son.

Thankful for the Mudcat, and for all of the people who make it possible. You are all helping to make the world a better place.

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: KT
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 02:15 AM

Jon, I'm sorry things are looking so bleak for you right now.....holiday time can be very difficult, but please know this.....These feelings WILL pass. You know they do. They come and go, yes, but you will get through this. You must remind yourself of that, daily. Also, there are lots of other folks who feel like this, especially during holiday time. Is there a nursing home or shelter or some other place where you might offer some volunteer time? There are lots of folks who would be thrilled to have you visit, perhaps write some letters for them, read to them, play music for them. Maybe you are doing something like this already, but if not, do consider it. You have much to offer! Take good care....KT

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 01:09 AM

Happy 'Yank Thank' to all of you ... from your Canadian cousin! Including yous twos...Jon and Kendall. I hope your days will brighten ... Holiday Time seems unfair to those who choose not to celebrate .... I say 'Then don't' ... it's your choice and your life and you know whats best for you at this time... and I repect your choice!

Thanks to all of you...LL

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: DougR
Date: 21 Nov 00 - 12:37 AM

Jon: Get yourself some counseling man. Life is too good to give it up so easily. Take a look at "It's A Wonderful Life," again for the umpteeth time during this holiday season. I wish you the best.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 01:57 PM

Odd that this thread, started last year at this time, has so precisely matched my current mood.

Last year at this time: I was looking for work. I hadn't yet found the mudcat and all of you fine, fine people. I was pretty well sunk in debt and running out of ideas. I was playing my guitar and singing less and less.

Since that time: I found a great job. I've been playing more and more and writing what I consider to be good, solid stuff. My wife and I are on much more solid financial footing and bought a beautiful, old house with plenty of room. My family has been healthy and happy; the boys are growing stronger every day. I feel better about life than I have felt in years.

I have also been lucky enough to find the Mudcat. And for all that has occurred, not the least of which is finding this community, I give great thanks.

I wish you all the blessing of life. I hope you all can share in the luck with which I have obviously been blessed. And that mine doesn't change again.

Bart (humbled by the approaching holidays)

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Melani
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 12:43 PM

I am thankful for people who encouraged me to do things I wanted to do but was afraid to attempt. My life has changed drastically for the better in the last five years. I am thankful that my disabled son is not worse off than he is, and is also funny, friendly, and good-looking. I am thankful that my daughter seems to be maturing nicely. And I am thankful that there is a place like this for Jon to talk about his troubles.

Jon and kendall, I'm sorry you guys are having a hard time, and I hope you can hang in there till things improve.

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Giac
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 11:53 AM

I'm thankful for my dogs, 3D friends, cyber friends, Mudcat, music and, most of all, I'm thankful that the doctor who said I had six months to live was WRONG!!

Muwaaaaa-haaaa-haaaa! It's been four years seven months -- and still counting. Every day is a gift that I appreciate, although some are more challenging than others.

Last week a younger friend, with whom I used to work, died suddenly at 39. I am thankful I knew Dianna and felt the warmth of her spirit.

HAPPY Thanksgiving, 'Cat friends.

Giac

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 11:40 AM

With no disrespect intended to the thread title--I'm thankful that Mudcat broadens our minds into an international mentality. Unless I'm grossly mistaken, Thanksgiving is only a U.S. holiday, although I believe the practice of being thankful does us all good. Are there comparable holidays (harvest-type festivals) in other countries?

bbc (curious in NY)

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Kim C
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 11:25 AM

Oh, if I could only count the times I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up... but it's all the things I'm grateful for that get me out of bed in the morning... husband... dogs... knitting... food... beer... all my friends, real and virtual... music...

It's so easy to fall into that rut. I do it all the time. More since my father died. But then I remind myself why I'm here, and know that this too shall pass.

Happy Thanksgiving, all. :)

Kim

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: MMario
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 09:24 AM

One of the big things I am thankful for this year is Jon. He makes light of it, but *I* feel it is primarily through his efforts that first HearMe and now PalTalk are active at the MudCat. Night after night - Jon encourages people to sing, helps with technical problems, contributes some pretty damn good music himself and keeps the place moving. In the words of Tiny Tim "God Bless us, everyone!" but especially Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: GUEST,harpgirl
Date: 20 Nov 00 - 08:46 AM

...one more...

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 04:26 PM

Jon, I am glad you came back and shared more with us. Since we talked, you know how I feel and I am here for you anytime you need to vent some more.

luvyaKat

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 03:57 PM

Jon, we've all had varying amounts of shit thrown our way, and it sound's like you got hit with a very large pile. Don't get to the point where you start dumping it on yourself. Could you get back into that business IT thing?

My father got married to my mother when he was 45. That was his first marriage. I was born two years later.

Oh, and I MEANT every nice thing I've ever said about you!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: kendall
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 03:50 PM

I'm glad you shared your story Jon. It helps me to get some perspective. I've had a life long battle with depression, but, clearly, your burdens are greater than mine. Anyway, I'm here anytime you need to talk.

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 03:25 PM

Anyway, I'm sorry to have winged. Some days (especially when I see people being thankful for what they have) just triggers off anger in me and unfortunately, I have a tendency to react like this.

One positive that has come out of this for me is it has shown me how friendly and supportive people in Mudcat are.

I feel that I have ruined this thread about Thanksgiving and will start a new one as this has become centered around my own problems.

Thanks to everbody.

Banjo Bonnie, I had sent this to Mudcat but here is an old one (1987) of me singing 3 Score and Ten.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 03:09 PM

Well Jon, that definately is a truck load of shit for one person to have to deal with.
But isn't it a nice feeling to have some place you can dump it and people are more than happy to pick up a shovel and help?

I tend to get shit on my shoes. No joke, whenever I'm in trouble and I can't see it, I step in a big pile of dog shit. Some wake-up call eh?

Let's hear one of your songs.
I need the blue clicky thing again, it would take me forever to find it.

Banjo Bonnie

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: enelrad
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 03:06 PM

I notice that you are across the pond PLEASE....check into a faith group called ALPHA....started by Nicky Gumbel in England. It is a great , realistic, practical approach to the Christian faith. I found it very helpful AND hopeful. My life's worth of crap would have ended a few years back if I had my way.....thank God for God and prayer, it did not. I have been falsely accused of things, been to court, lost my dad, brother, father in law, mom to early death, had a Christian marriage fail...due to among other things, my spouse's adultry, raised two kids.....one who is a going concern due to being high functioning autistic,was diagnosed with MS a few years back............that is just the start.....I won't go on. My point is SHIT HAPPENS...to us all, at some point, to some degree or other. I chose to ask Christ into my life and with his help, I still LIVE in this life.....shit and all....But, I strongly believe He is with me to see me through.Thankfully, after some time, I have found a small church made up of wounded, needy, healing REAL people to be in community with. Our touchstone, besides our faith in Christ, is MUSIC....a few professionals and many lovers of......On a medical front, PLEASE seek out a health professional to work with some natural remedies...ie St. John's Wort etc. It is God's wish that we prosper , that we have NOT the spirit of fear but of love and a sound mind....I cannot give you the scripture reference ....not great at that BUT I know it is in THE BOOK. Keep praying and seeking His best for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 02:54 PM

No one ever said being a Christian was going to be easy!!!

Thank you for sharing that, I hope you know that there are people out here who are listening (sorry, lapsed into 'Frasier' for a moment there), and who care about what happens to you.

The actor Craig Charles was once accused of a similar crime, and is still fighting to clear his name now, even though, as in your case, the alleged "victim" was only out for attention and her 15 mins of fame. Because of the allegations made against him, and the fact that he is a celebrity, it has taken several years to live it down and I bet that even though you say you can laugh about it now, the laughter is more than a little bitter.

I won't spout the old platitudes, I know from my own experiences that they are as much use as a pork pie in a mosque, but I do hope you start getting something together.

You don't say where you are now, if you want to share, I'm at liz_the_squeak@ukgateway,net. Hope to hear from you soon.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 02:35 PM

I'm sorry I started my moans off but having started, I will post this before keeping quiet.

Firstly, I am not contemplating suicide at the moment (I have done in the past - last time I took about 40 paracetamol, and a few other tablets that were around after a lot of drink and went to sleep - I just woke up and was violently sick - since then I've decided that I'm not going to get out that way).

Secondly, I have just had more than I can take and can't see where it ends. I wouldn't say that life was ever great but since I turned to Christianity in 1987, it has been a living nightmare for me. I won't go on too much but here s a small part of it.

Shortly after converting, managed to get diagnosed as schizophrenic. It was a diagnosis that I disagreed with and got through it all without medication but the stigma and problems with finding work - references etc are still there.

Life has always seemed to manage to conspire to break me and I just reach the point of giving up. Here are a couple of examples. After I got out of the company worked for it took me a while but I started busking for a living and I seemed to be getting somewhere until one day I was arrested on my way into town and spent 30 hours in a police cell accused of being a rapist - through the DNA samples, ID parades etc. I must point out that there was no reason, except walked the route on which the alleged assault (when the truth finally came out, there had been no rape - just a stupid 18 yr old who decided she was not getting enough attention from her parents - she got 6 months youth custody for it) took place for this but still had to go through the "no smoke without fire" hell and although I can laugh now, I did not find names like the "Beast of Bodysgallen" particularly amusing at the time. I moved to my brothers in Sheffield for a while hoping to escape but news arrived before me and I was barred from the Porter Cottage for being a rapist on the run. Sort of set me back to square one.

Last time I really tried to get myself gong again I was studying for an HNC in business IT and getting distinctions in every assignment. I had started making some comments amongst family that one area of "proof" that my life was out of my control and there was some power damning me was the fact that I had never been able to get a girlfriend (only thing I ever wanted was wife and kids - 39 now give up on the kids bit). Amazingly enough someone (not known to my family) suddenly decided she wanted to go out with me - lasted a few weeks - till New Years Eve when found her in bed with somebody else. Then I met Jayne and things seemed great till her boyfriend (that I didn't know of) came out of prison, beat her up, had me followed and told that mustn't even say hello to her… To make things even more interesting, considering I was trying to get myself qualified and working again, somewhere in the middle of all this, my father had a severe stroke, was unconscious for a couple of weeks - we never thought he was gong to pull through and recover as well as he did and with all these pressures and worries I ended up dropping out of my course.

I'm sorry to moan (and could list a lot more) but that has been the story of my life. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, the more effort I make, the more shit life throws at me until I give up bothering.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 02:21 PM

Jon, my dear, there is always someone worse off than you, just watch daytime TV and find all the proof you need!!

Seriously, I know nothing of you or your problems, or your lifestyle but would stick my fourpence in anyway. Share what you are feeling, even if it is just writing it down on a screen and then sending it into the ether, someone, somewhere will read it and another prayer is added to the list. It doesn't matter how dark it gets, it only takes a single spark to start the forest fire, keep striking the tinder, and give thanks that you are not in the dark alone.

Liz

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: WyoWoman
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 01:47 PM

Oh, and I'm grateful for humor and laughter, which are sometimes the only things that keep my heart beating...

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: WyoWoman
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM

This is the first year in all my years that I will not be spending Thanksgiving with at least one member of my family. My kids are at least getting together in Seattle to give thanks together. There's a huge satisfaction in that for me because they're close and care for each other and I know that this family connection I worked so hard to create is solid. At the most important job I've ever had, being a mother, I've succeeded beyond my wildest dreams and nothing matters more to me.

I'm profoundly grateful to have dear friends who have helped me through this past year, which has been one of the most difficult of my life. I thought I would die of despair earlier this year and I not only didn't, I'm actually thriving. Hang tight, Jon, the wheel turns.

I'm filled with gratitude to have a profession that continuously calls me into being. It's hard, demanding, challenging and sometimes thankless, but it's who I am way down on a cellular level. I'm deeply aware that most people don't have the blessing of finding the career that's a perfect fit for them, so I humbly give thanks for that gift.

I'm grateful for a body that keeps on ticking and is remarkably healthy, despite the abuse I heaped on it some years back. I'm grateful for a spirit that keeps soliciting new challenges from the Universe. I'm grateful for the three animal friends who share their lives with me and keep me such good company.

I'm grateful for a day that reminds us to be grateful.

And in this forum, I'm especially grateful for music in all its many forms, and for my recent reconnection with music in my life. I give thanks for all the individuals who make up this community of music lovers and music makers, and for the worlds they've opened to me in the past few months since I discovered this amazing URL.

Blessed be,

WW

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 01:40 PM

Well Jon, I'm thankful you found the 'Cat too. I know from some of our talks that life hasn't exactly dealt you a great hand, but keep playing anyhow. I know you've become a valued part of our village here and I would be lessened by not knowing you.

And that's true for the rest of the residents here. I'm more than thankful for the 'Cat. It has brought new and true friendships to me in a way I would never have dreamed possible. There are times that I simply cannot explain this strange phenomenon to anyone outside of this community. Karen and I are both very thankful for the outpouring of love and support that came from here back in May. I think Karen was even more grateful than anyone to know that people like you even existed, and it certainly helped get her through that long month. Again, there is no way to say how deeply and sincerely we both feel thankful for all of you. And I suppose I ought to say thanks for tolerating me at all and the often annoying humor I force upon you...so much obliged (Bert, if you've forgotten the meaning of any words here, Peter T. is quite erudite and can send you a copy of his dictionary when the Waylon Heron is done using it to look up "pedantic").

Beyond that, I am grateful for every breath I draw and every moment I'm allowed to have with my young sons and the wonderful woman who has made it possible for me to hear "I love you Dad"......the best four words in the language!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Áine
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 01:06 PM

Dear Jon,

As one of your friends here at the Mudcat, it really upsets me that you're thinking like that. I've lost a family member and a very dear friend to suicide and I really don't want to have go through all the sadness, guilt, and anger all over again. At one point in my life, I had similar thoughts, but, I am very glad that I asked for help. Because I did, three human beings walk this earth today that would never have existed if I had not asked for that help.

I know that right now it might seem to you that the pain you feel inside will not end -- but, I promise you, Jon, it will, if you ask someone to help you. Call a friend there near you and tell them how you feel. Just getting the words out will take a big load off your soul. Please, please, take that first little step. Care about yourself, because we care about you.

With every good prayer, Áine

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 12:48 PM

Dear Jon
My Dad committed suicide when I was 25 years old. I believe he never realized how much he was loved and how empty we would all feel without him.
Though I have deep gratitude for the years I did spend with my father, I wish there had been more.
I miss him something awful.
Bonnie

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 12:28 PM

I heard a quote once - can't say to whom I should attribute it: "The bad times come to an end, the good times come to an end - Thank God they both do."

On bad days, I agree with Jon and kendall. On good days, I think I must be crazy or self-indulgent to feel that way on the bad days.

I am thankful that, compared to a significant portion of the world's population, I don't have to worry whether I or my children will have something to eat tomorrow. That, barring an unforseen catastrophe, is pretty much guaranteed. I don't have to worry about where my family will sleep, or if they will freeze this winter. Compared to most, I lead a contented life, enjoy relatively good health, have free time to indulge in hobbies and pasttimes, and to luxuriate in creature comforts.

For those things I am thankful.

Neil Lowe

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: kendall
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 11:54 AM

I hear you Jon.. I often think I just want to go home...But, suicide is out of the question. I believe in reincarnation, and if you commit suicide, you must come back as a public servant, and I've already done that. Dont mean to be flippant, but, humor is the only thing between me and an early departure.

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 11:44 AM

I am thankful that I have found Mudcat and some new people to talk to and I am thankful that I can play, enjoy and share music with others but I am sick of life and the sooner it ends, the better as far as I'm concerned.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 11:20 AM

Thank you, Roger, for starting this thread. JeffP, congratulations to Emily, but to you also. I am sure didn't get there alone.

Each morning I greet the sun and say the following. It seems as appropriate here as anywhere else:

Hey, hey, Great Spirit, I give thanks for this day. I give thanks for all of our family and friends. I give thanks for all that we have, all that we give, and all that we recieve. I ask for blessings for all of our families and friends. (Here I give thanks for specific requests for healing, prosperity, etc. and also for specific blessings in my life.) I ask for these or something better for the highest good of all concerned. So Mote It Be.

Now....my greatest gift of the year that I want to thank ALL OF YOU for is YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND CARING AND, MAX, FOR THE MUDCAT! This year has truly been blessed by your presence in my life, esp. during the difficult time when mom passed away. I've said ti before, I don't know how I oudl have made it through without all of you.

THANK YOU, THANK THANK YOU!

luvyaKat

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: bbc
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 09:54 AM

Thanks for starting this thread, Roger. It is so easy to bog down in the day-to-day & lost sight of what is important in life. I am thankful for my parents, my children, my friends. I'm thankful for a job to take care of my financial needs. I'm very thankful that I found Mudcat & have had this wonderful opportunity to form international friendships. I'm thankful for the Internet--the vehicle that led me to my life-partner. (BTW, I'm thankful for him, too! I went through a lot of years without contentment in my life.) I'm thankful for the opportunity, day by day, to make a positive difference in the world around me. And I am most thankful to God, the source of all the aforementioned. I know we Mudcatters do not all believe in the same way, but I love you all, I value you, & I pray for you.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: bbelle
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 09:15 AM

I am thankful to g-d for making me who I am. ... for my friends and family who allow me to be who I am. ... for the health of my family and friends. ... for my sisters, who have born such wonderful nieces and nephews and for allowing me to be their second mom. ... for having a job and career and coworkers whom I adore. ... for living in my section of the "free" world, while not perfect, better than the rest. ... for my mudcat friends, who accept me for my eccentricites. ... for my wonderful friend, harpgirl, who has pushed and pulled me back into what I've always loved the best - the music. ... for my health, while I'm experiencing all the moans and groans of getting older, I'm nowhere near the alternative. ... to be alive. Happy Thanksgiving ... moonchild

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: jeffp
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 09:07 AM

Wow! You two haven't left much to be added. Let me echo your feelings and also mention the phenomenal growth that my 16-year-old stepdaughter has shown in the last several months. When we finally won custody of her two years ago, she was angry at herself and the world and was not capable of thinking even 5 minutes beyond the present. She is turning into the kind of caring, considerate human being we knew she was capable of becoming. She isn't completely there yet, but we are certain she will. We are grateful for the small victories, and settle for surviving the rest. I hope everyone will join me in cheering Emily's progress.

Subject: RE: BS: Thanksgiving
From: kendall
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 08:53 AM

especially this time of the year, I am reminded that.. Happiness comes not from having what you want, but, from wanting what you have. All you folks with loving partners, keep that in mind.

Subject: Thanksgiving
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 08:40 AM

I believe Thanksgiving is an important holiday, that is if you don't count holiday sales and groaning board family reunions. It always reminds me to re-evaluate and give thanks for what I have rather than focusing on what I want and what I don't have. We did this on the Mudcat last year (CLICK HERE) and it won't hurt to do it again. Actually, I expect it will feel really wonderful.

I will be off-line for about a week. I am taking a few days away from work (and the ability to sneak onto the Mudcat) and my computer is in the shop.

That simple state encompasses much for which I am thankful. The computer has led me to an amazing group of friends whom I have grown to love and care for. It has been joyful for me to talk on the 'Cat and to actually meet some of these folks face to face. I told Max about my computer problems and he suggested the best solution would be to buy a new computer. He was more right than I imagined for the hard drive is hopelessly corrupted. The guy at the shop believes my A version of Windows 95 is part culprit. So for the cost of a new "e" machine my old one will be upgraded.

I will be off from work because my oldest son is flying in from San Francisco so he can introduce his girlfriend to his East Coast relatives. Sounds significant and makes me feel older than I care to feel. I am blessed to have two charming, intelligent, caring, and assertive sons.

I remain ever thankful for Marge who truly "lights up my life".

I am thankful for my own health and I am thankful that my friends and family have avoided deaths door this year and are reasonably healthy.

I am thankful for the opportunities to share my love of music from the stage, on this site, and with a steadfast group of friends close to home. Music has never let me down. It is a constant source of joy and wonderment for me.

I am thankful that the state of the world is not as bad as it could, knowing that it could be better.

And finally, I am thankful that for me the spirit of the '60's (to borrow from the cocaine thread) does live on in many ways, has actually become enculturated so it is the norm and not the radical. I am thankful even though I know there is much left to do to improve the state of mind of the general population of this country.

I will now step down and let others add.

With deepest gratitude, I remain,

Roger in Baltimore