Song Challenge! Part 30

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:46 AM

Lost your 'Olympic' spirit? Here's a little story that should help to inspire all of us to 'go for the gold' . . . So, Go For It Challenge!rs!!

Thirty contestants from around the globe recently gathered in London for the second annual round of the Official World Dung Spitting Championships. CNN's Amanda Kibel was there to witness the 'action':

"It might not be the most physically demanding sport in the world, but mentally, it's a real challenge. All you need, say competitors, is a good lung capacity, limber lips, a strong mind and stomach, and a prime pellet of animal dung. The aim of the game is simple: overcome the resistance to placing the dung in your mouth and then, spit it out.

The all-important dung selection is first, and the competition was fierce for pieces of the finest droppings, gathered on a game farm in Africa, yielded by the Kudu, a small deer-like animal. And clearly, not just any old dung will do. A worthy pellet must be firm, not crumbly, and preferably, not too fresh.

As the first training session unfolded, interest from some passersby was high, but controversy dogged this competition from the start. One woman passerby commented, "You're spitting! And there's a rule about spitting in this country. There is, there's a bylaw about spitting."

The games must go on. Competition day dawned, and competitors embarked on the vital warm-ups (gulping large portions of golden ale and dark stout). Mouths well lubricated, they spit their best, but in the end, it's a sudden-death playoff.

The Dungmeister, the reigning champion, the man who, in the past, has spat a mighty ten meters, faces off against an unknown, a rank outsider! A new champion is born, and he pays tribute to his technique: "I use the little pointed end (of the dung) towards the back. That seems to work."

But it takes more than just technique. Dung spitters say that what it's really all about is a simple case of mind over waste matter."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:51 AM

*oh my god. and we thought 'Spaw and Cleigh were bad!*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 11:52 AM

This is absolutely disgusting! Now if it were only cow chips...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:07 PM

Come on, lads -- The potential for parody is Pythagorean in its perplexity!!! Why do you think it's called a Challenge!?????

Now put your thinking caps on and remember to DUCK!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:12 PM

Is capraphagia the term? And what rhymes with it?

Neuralgia?
My pal Gia?
Maybe this could be told from the deer's point of view?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:26 PM

No, coprophagia involves actual consumption.

Here ya go.

~Susan

PS, NOW do you see how multidimensional a Christian can be????


COPRO-EXPECTORANT BLUES
By Praise


I was back in London, baby, and I was thinkin' of you.
I was back in London, baby, and I was thinkin' of you.
I was broke and all downhearted,
And thinkin' what to do.

Well I heard about a contest, and I wanted first prize.
Yes I heard about a contest, and I wanted first prize.
When I saw just what they wanted, though,
I nearly popped my eyes.

So I got a country rabbit, and I fed him real fine.
Yes I got a country rabbit, and I fed him real fine.
Gotta feed him good and proper,
And serve with just the right wine.

Then I fed him cake and honey, till his droppings smelled sweet.
Yes I fed him cake and honey, darlin', till his droppings smelled real sweet.
'Bout as sweet as your goodbye, babe,
The day you knocked me off my feet.

Well I dried them in the oven, and I called your name.
Oh I dried them in the over, baby, I was cryin' your name.
Tried to put my head in that oven, too,
But saved my anger for the game.

And the day dawned bright and early, and I took my place.
Yes the day dawned bright and early, and I took my place.
Been so mad ever since you left me,
Spat that anger out my face.

Ole Bre'r Rabbit dung went flyin', see this madman spit.
Yes Bre'r Rabbit dung went flyin', see this madman spit.
Specially thinkin' about his true love, darlin',
When she turn his world to shit.

Now I am the new Dungmeister, but honey I don't know.
Yes I am the new Dungmeister, but honey I don't know.
You know I was only spittin' on your sorry ass baby,
Rememberin' watchin' you go.

I won't defend my title when it comes due next year.
No I won't defend my title when it comes due next year.
Cuz by then I'll have a new song,
And you can stick it in your ear.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:30 PM

Oh my dearest versatile Praise -- ROTFLMAO!!! It's gonna take me a while to recover from this one -- oh, oh, oh...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:49 PM

*grin*

Come on guys! If I can, you can!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:56 PM

Speechless, Praise...

And laughing.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:31 PM

Interesting how much information there is about this on the web. The formal term is evidently koedoebokdrolverspoeg, but informally the sport is known as koedoedrolspoeg. I am assuming a pronunctiation of co-doe-droll-spo, and the tune is "Down in the Valley"

DUNG IN THE BUSHVELD

Down on the bushveld, what is that smell?
Pellets are flying, or so they tell.
Pellets of dung, dear, spit high or low
And they will call it, koedoedrolspoeg!

chorus:
Koedoedrolspoeg, Dear, koedoedrolspoeg!
Pellets are flying, koedoebokdrolverspoe!
Spit out the dung, dear, spit out the dung
run up to the sleeper*, and spit out the dung

The kudu has horns dear, that grow in a twist
But that's not the end, dear, that gives you to spit
The kudu eats mopane, acacia and grass
And your ammunition, falls out of it's ass

chorus

You choose just the right one, and soak it in beer
Or mampoer or witblitz, or liqour that's clear
Put back a few glasses, to get up your nerve
then pop in the pellet, and spit out with verve

chorus:
A good shot's nine meters, The best is fourteen
Now why is the audience, all turning green?
Try not to inhale,dear, it's really bad style
but you'll get the hang of it, after a while

chorus

* A railroad tie, or "sleeper" is used to mark the firing line

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:43 PM

Now this is just not FAIR! How can I be expected to finish my entry, when I can't stop laughing long enough to get up off the floor?!?!?

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:52 PM

ROFTLMAO!!!! MMario and Praise, good bloody jobs you two. This topic reminds me of a certain little known (and longlost) verse Woody Guthrie wrote in his first draft of his Hard Traveling.

I've been doing some dung spittin
I thought you knowed
I've been doing some dung spittin
Way down the road
Gettin drunk to stand the taste
Of that dried animal waste
I've been doin some dung spittin, Lord

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 01:59 PM

Ain't we all wonderful. This is exactly how I envisioned my life in music.

No shit.

~S~

:~)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:14 PM

cheat to win! cheat to win! CHEAT TO WIN! CHEAT TO WIN!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:23 PM

I'm gonna get me some poo tomorrow
Poo tomorrow, poo tommorow
I'm gonna get me some poo tomorrow
So I can spit it a long long way

I'm gonna spit some poo, poo, poo
And you can spit some too, too, too
But I'm gonna beat you, you, you
I'm gonna spit some poo, poo, poo

Drink me a pitcher of dark brown lager
Golden ale, stout, and some dark brown lager
So I can be a competition hogger
And I will win the day

Got my dung fresh from an African Kudu
A little bitty deer called an African Kudu
He makes the best first-rate Gold-medal doodoo
So I can win the day

Gotta be a round, firm, perfect little pellet
A not-to-crumbly perfect little pellet
And matured by times so you can REALLY smell it
So I can win the day

Lady on the sidewalk won't stop dinnin'
"Spitting is illegal" she just keeps dinnin'
She's got it right up there with mortal sinnin'
But I don't care what they say

I spit my dung farther than any other player
I got more distance than any other player
I spit 'em so far that they haven't got a prayer
I'm gonna win the day

Now I'm the final with the big Dungmeister
The record-breaking reigning champ big Dungmeister
But I shut his ass down like a big city scheister
And I have won the day!!

Now that I've won, I'm so happ-happ-happy
I'm the world champ, and I'm happ-happ-happy
Wish my breath didn't taste so crap-crap-crappy
But I have won the day!!

Yes, I spat some poo, poo, poo
And you spat some too, too, too
But I went and beat you, you, you
I really spat some poo
Poo
Poo

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:31 PM

That's right! Let's keep Áine laughing so hard she can't stand up, let alone finish her entry.

Mbo - fantastic!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:43 PM

Y'all are all a bunch of little basties today, ain't ya? Cheaters! I'm dying here . . . y'all are killing me . . . I can't breathe!!

Help! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:47 PM

Don't worry, we'll ask 'spaw to send Cleigh over to give you mouth to ....uhmm...let me rephrase that...give you first aid in breathing...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:51 PM

GRATUITOUS PRAISE, THREAD CREEP

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN AINE

What a friend we have in Aine,
All our Mudcat songs to share.
She invites us to the Challenge,
We respond, so quick to share.
All the music in our pea-brains
Tumbles out at her command...
When I see her next weird topic,
No doubt I'll say, "I'll be damned!"

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SLINGING?

The songs roll on, in endless stream,
Amid the threads of Mudcat.
The Songbook's Keeper once again
With Challenges to have-at.
A strange vocation she does have
To find the News We Can Use
On which she feeds we Cats in Mud--
How can I keep from slinging?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:52 PM

PLIP!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:53 PM

Mbo!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:58 PM

*STANDING OVATION

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 02:59 PM

Ok, ok, ok . . . after crawling to the bathroom to change me knickers, I managed to scrawl this on the library floor. I'm not sure whether Lennon/McCartney wrote the tune, or whether they ripped it off from Rogers/Hammerstein, but here ya go (ya bunch of buggahs!):

Would You Promise Not To Chew?
(Tune: If I Fell In Love With You)

(Intro)
If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise not to chew,
In contests "dung-kudu"?
When I knew that you were "it",
Was when I saw how far you spit,
Oh, the marks that you could hit!

When I fell in love with you,
I have to say,
Was when you rose to spit Kudu,
On a bright sunny day,
And oh!
As you puckered up to blow,
I knew
That I had to have your dung,
And you!

The gentle breeze that blew your hair,
And your fair share,
Of brown pellets through the square,
From here to there,
Was so,
Oh so sweet as each one left
Your cheek,
Though I had to hold my nose,
From the reek.

As the contest it wound down,
To mounds on the ground,
I tried hard to catch your eye,
Let you know I'd found
My love,
But I could not stand to go,
You know,
For I was stuck from head to toe,
In offal doe.

As I watched you walk away,
With the grand prize,
I knew I'd never fill the cup,
Come up to size,
For you,
Were a champion of poo,
And I,
Just could never measure up to
Kudu doo,
If I fell in love with you.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:05 PM

HA HA HA! Yicky yicky yicky!!! If Dungmeister became President...."I spat, but I never swallowed."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:08 PM

Now Áine, koedoebokdrolverspoeg-ologists should be clamoring at your door any minute with recording contracts, so make sure your knickers are dry and for heaven's sake stop rolling around on the floor.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:08 PM

She's good. She's very, very good. I think she does it by just not reading our posts at all till hers is done. Or else she writes them before even issuing the challenge.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:16 PM

Good job, Mbo and Aine!!! ROFL!!

Here's my entry, and may the ghost of Woody Guthrie haunt me for what I have done....

Dungmeister
(Tune: Deportees)

The judges are all here and the shitballs aflyin
The folks are all watchin the turds to go splat
They're spitting them as far as they're able
To see who will become the champion

Chorus:
Oh look at that one, there goes another
Johnny can spit farther than that Heather
You won't have a name if you win the tournament
All they will call you will be dungmeister

My father's own father, he spat in the contest
He never did lose a game in his whole life
It was ten bloody meters across the English topsoil
They all watched in it fly in amazement and awe

Chorus:

Some say it's illegal, to others it's madness
To put that crap into your rotten mouth
And to spit it out in the public places
This kind of thing will just have to stop

Chorus:

The shitball was flyin over the London park soil
The great ball of turd it turned brown our land
Who was that dear man that won the competition?
The newspaper said, "the Dungmeister"

Is this the best way to fertilise the parklands?
Is this the best way we can get all our kicks?
To spit animal dung all across the topsoil
And be known by no names except "dungmeister"

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:24 PM

Dear Mbo - I may have to think of a brand new Cow Chip Award for 'greatest lines' -- your "Wish my breath didn't taste so crap-crap-crappy" is a Challenge! Classic!!!

And Praise - thanks for the 'Odes to Áine', that was sweet . . . I think it's 'high' time to get the waders out . . .

Amergin -- Like I've said before, you are one of the Greats in Challenge! land . . . but I would sleep with a night-light from now on -- you might be having visitors from beyond after that (wonderful) little ditty...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 03:26 PM

Aine, I already do sleep with a nightlight on....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:35 PM

*********** SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! *************

Dear Challenge!rs -- A little bert, er, bird, has informed me that if one of us sends one of these wonderful Challenge! entries in a format playable on the Mudcat Radio Show to him, that this thread will be named THE THREAD OF THE WEEK on tomorrow's show!!!

Come on now, me darlin's, this is your chance for "fame beyond all price" -- So, who's it gonna be???? Mbo -- Praise -- Amergin -- MMario????

Don't Be A Doo-Doo Head -- Send In Your Entry Today!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:43 PM

Aine, I would if I could play and knew how to format it in realaudio or whatnot.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:45 PM

won't bert be surprised when he gets 292 megs of wav files in his mailbox....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:49 PM

I'LL DO IT! He'll have it tomorrow morning!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:52 PM

Yay Mbo!!!!!!

Hey-- Can you do all of our songs!!!!??? Mine is just any old blues thing....

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 04:56 PM

I knew that Mbo-baby would step up to plate!! Yeah! I can't think of a better representative. I'm going to try doing mine acapella this evening . . . maybe I can get Dear Hubby to do a really schmaltzy organ bit for break . . . ah, the possibilities are just astounding!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:35 PM

Ain't it amazing how fast we can come up with songs about shit?

A SHITTY POEM by WHOFLUNGPOO aka Dharmabum

You've heard about the goodwill games,

Where every one's a sport,

Well grab a glass & park your ass,

Cause this story ain't too short.

There is a game that's gaining fame,

It's running rampant through the nation,

Where you stand & spit little balls of shit,

It's called Projectile Defication.

Now the games are held in Londontown,

Where spitting loogies is illegal,

But on this one day it is OK,

For the spitting of the fecal.

30 men all gathered round,

They were men all stout & hearty,

As the sun rose high into the sky,

The air smelled kind of farty.

First up was a scottish lad,

20 feet he shot his dung,

He smiled north & south as he wiped his mouth,

And said "it pays to have a pipers lung".

Next up was an Irishman,

Like a batter to the plate,

The poo flew like a B 52,

He said "now I've gotcha mate".

Then walked up an asian lad,

From Japan I heard them say,

To represent his homeland,

On that sunny London day.

Without a word he spit that turd,

That dung it went a flyin,

It sailed for nearly 30 feet,

I swear that I ain't lyin.

He rinsed his mouth with a can of ale,

Said "Osaka is the name"

Then he spit to clear the shit,

& out came a bright blue flame.

Competition went all afternoon,

Each one still farther more,

Until up walked a scawny lad,

Who came from a distant shore.

Said"I'm here today from the USA",

"To take the crown back home",

"But I don't spit little balls of shit",

"You see I've brought my own".

With that he reached into his bag,

& Prepared for the next round,

In a word it was an elephant turd,

& It weighed about a pound.

He slowly walked up to the line,

This day he beamed with pride,

The other men took one step back,

The women & children ran to hide.

He stood there with his eyes closed shut,

He was deep in contemplation,

"If only I can pull this off",

"I'll be the hero of my nation".

He took one last deep cleansing breath,

& Let go with a smile,

It shot out with a rockets force,

And flew more than a mile.

The crowd it cheered it whooped it yelled,

He was the victor for his nation,

They said you are the one to wear,

The crown of defication.

Now when he came to Londontown,

He felt just like a zero,

But now he's on his way back home,

To wear the crown of a great hero.

Now It's absurd to think an elephant turd,

Could fly more than a mile,

And if you ask him how it's done,

He'll just look at you & smile.

And say "It's no big secret",

"It's all mind over matter",

"You see,If you don't mind the taste"

"It really doesn't matter".

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:40 PM

Oh THAT'S what it is about those USA'ers! What a mouth he must have had on him!

And rhyming illegal and fecal!!!!

Too good!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:45 PM

Whooohaaa DB!!!! I'm picturing a kind of tense, Johnny Cash-like narration for the music, with a key change at every new verse...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:01 PM

Dang it! And after I'd cleaned up (and down) and gotten up off the floor! Ron, that's a Grand Prize Two-Fer Blazing Cow Chipper if there ever was one -- YOU DA MAN! Now, did you have a tune in mind for that one?

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:05 PM

Aw shucks guys, Thanx.

Hey Meebo, ya think Jonny'll do it?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:06 PM

DO it Ron? Hell, he'll prolly PAY ya for it! Or ask you to join his band!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:07 PM

Sure, just include the work "black" in the song, and he'll eat it up faster than a baby chicken! (Corny Johnny Cash joke)

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:14 PM

Wrote it as more of a recitation Aine, but I'm open for suggestions.

Praise, you'd be amazed at how few words rhyme with fecal.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:43 PM

Dharmabum, I got something rolling around in my head, keep thinking Big Bad John, but am not sure if that's what I'm thinking of...But it is something along those lines...

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 06:49 PM

Reminds me of "The Ben Crawley Steel Company" by The Move.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:39 PM

Those are better than anything I've come up with guys. I hate to admit it but the only tune I've come up with is the song for the slinky commercial.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Amergin
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 02:35 AM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:49 AM

Hey! Who said the Challenge! was over?? If we're gonna be the Thread of the Week, let's don't be the "Dead" Thread of the Week, OK? Keep writing, Challenge!rs!!

And to put my Kudu where my mouth is (yuk!), here's another little romantic ditty for you all:

A Summer Song
(Tune: A Summer Song by Chad & Jeremy)

Turds flyin' in the summer breeze,
Snappin' off the silver leafs,
As they whiz by.

Soft spongy dung on summer days,
Spittin' all our cares away,
Just you and I.

Sweet tangy smells of summer nights,
Remembering long distance flights,
In the noon day sky.

Chorus:
They say that all good things come out one end,
All great turds must fall,
But don't you know that it hurts me so,
To breathe but not to spit,
Wish I didn't have to taste,
These wads of shit.

But when the rain
Washes the chunks down the drain,
I'll think of summer days again,
And dream of you.

Second Chorus:
Although I tried so hard to be the best,
A great new Dungmeister,
I breathed in, not out, and lost the bout,
And then I turned bright blue,
I could hardly breathe to talk,
Much less to shout!

But when the rain
Washes the chunks down the drain,
I'll think of summer days again,
And dream of you,
And dream of you.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 08:52 AM

HA HA HA AH HA!! I LOVE Summer Song AND C&J--this is a riot!!! Woohaa!

--Mbo (who is about to record his song for MCR tonight)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 30
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 09:01 AM

Glad you like it, Mbo. I wrote that this morning at about 2:00 a.m., right after I finished sending my little ditty off to Bert. At least, I thought I sent it to Bert . . . Mmmmmm, maybe I better check that out . . . Can you imagine the shock of getting one of these little goodies in your email when you weren't expecting it??? (hehehehehe)

-- Áine