BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 09:12 PM

Me too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 09:21 PM

I remember that night by the single light
With the guards gathered 'round in a ring
Training with batons on Shame's foul bottom
As outside a buzzard sing.
He says to me, "Well, Rap," says he,
"I forgot what I was going to say,"
But if I do I hope that you
Will not forget someday."

Well he was the lowest of the low
And I couldn't say "No"
And neither could I say "Yes"
So I did my part
With an answering fart
Which relieved my great distress.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 05:57 PM

That is the stoopidest flippin' pome I ever seen in my life. You are a flippin' idiot Rapparee. That's right...a idiot! You hearn it right hear and strait from the hoarses mouth.

I been moved to a nuther fasilitee, eh? They desided that their was no flippin' need to keep me in the hole I was in. They said I was not smart enuff to be dnagerous so it was okay to move me and I am in a low securyity place that has a liberry fer the prisners and I can go thair at least ones a day. But I cannot get to no dirty videos or nothin' cos the compyuters won't 'low it! What a flippin' waste of good compyutin' harweware! Anyways, I am here at last to tell you that you are a flippin' waste of space and lower than a snake's ass!

Good news! The fliphead Blunder ain't got permishun yet to visit me in the new lockup. A day withuot Blunder is like a day without crabs, know'm sayin'? That guy is worser than a flippin' toothacke. I hope he gets runned over by a flippin' truck while he is out kampainin'.

Officer Dana says that the cops who bet on me have won the pool cos I lasted until the move. They are selebratin'. That is my job, man. I make cops happy and I give 'em stuff to look forwerd to, eh? What a sorry flippin' fate! But it is better than havin' to be a biscycle seat on the Boston men's psyckle team anyways, so I ain't complainin'.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 10:11 PM

Shame, being called an "idiot" by you is like being called a "poet" by William Topaz McGonagall. In both cases it becomes a compliment because neither knows what their talking about. I'm sorry I disappoint you with my poetry because now I have to have you killed, and that always distresses me. Here's a picture of the guy who will do the "wet work" -- he was, of course, on another job when the picture was made. Don't worry though...you won't see him, but you will know it as your life slowly and painfully drains away.

Perhaps you should have listened to Mr. Blunder after all....hahahahaha!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 10:35 AM

You know, Shame, I don't think I will have you killed after all. Instead, I'll tell Don about you stealing his beer, rent money, and dope as well as hittin' on his girlfriends. Then I'll tell Officer Dana about that...well, you know what. That thing in Sudbury with the Piglet and Winnie-the-Pooh dolls and the raw clams. You remember, I'm sure. I'm not sure even God can forgive that one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 01:09 PM

Clams? Not oysters? THAT is fuckin sick man!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 02:47 PM

Gnu, we ARE talking about Shame McBride here you know. There is no depravity to which he would not stoop, no filth and slime in which he would not roll like a hound in a week-old gut pile. It has been verified that the stink of his breath knocks unconscious buzzards on a night soil wagon and his shoes and socks run away and cringe lest they be put on his feet. His skin is so foul and cratered that his pictures are often mistaken as lunar terrain and light shines from one earhole to the other (when the dirt allows it). He's been banned from swimming the Blind River sewage lagoons because he pollutes the water, and because of him alone every day in Blind River is an air pollution alert day. Where he walks grass never again grows, but foot fungus becomes rampant. What he does in private is actually of no concern of mine, but that thing with Pooh, Piglet and the clams went beyond all previous measures of indecency and sank him to a low not even achieved by Pope Alexander VI or Caligula.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 02:51 PM

Gee... Big Hat Al and Cal were bad dudes. Shane must be a real reproBATER!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM

He's a master at it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 04:41 PM

Now there's many a misguided Canuck lad
Has spent a night in a jail,
WHen he's guzzled down too much Beaver Beer,
Intent on chasing tail.

But boys are boys, as the saying goes,
And mostly, they grow upper.
They learn what's their and what is not,
And to wash their mitts for supper.

But Shane was not the learning kind
Growing up was not his way,
And when he did time, for his petty crimes,
Unrepentant he did stay.

He retained his sneer, and his crude veneer
Of long-haired, foolish punk,
And the judge grew tired of seeing him
And his dumb rebellious junk.

So the judge decided he's had enough
And he looked at the punk with a frown.
"Six months at hard in the breaker's yard!"
And he brought that hammer down.

So Shane's gone down; and the girls in town
Don't miss him at all, as yet.
They're glad to be shut of his groping hands
ANd a leer they can't forget.

And his friends don't notice he's not around
(Except them he owes money to);
And the town seems just a tad better off
With Shane McBride in stew.

And if the day comes when the boy gets out,
And shows up once more, why, then
Most likely they town will break out in signs
That say "Send him back again!"

Oh, you can talk of your rough-cut breed
And of punks with their hair cut wide
But there's no dumb fuck half as out of luck
As that asshole, Shane McBride.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 07:07 PM

Holy FLIP, Amos!!! That is FLIPPIN' GOOD, man! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! Jeezus, you got a gift with words. I am gonna get a printout of that and put it up at the Iron Horse and over to Tim Hortons and maybe in the Post Office too. Har! Har! Har! Oh, man, I am dyin' here! And so is the girlfreind.

Word is that Shane will be in the joint fer a fair whiles this time, but they flippin' moved him to the low security pen. That's good. They say they are gonna give him vohcational trainin' so's he can learnd a trade! These people are Opotmeritists, eh? I wish them LUCK!!! Har! Har! Har! The only flippin' trade Shane is innerested in is to be a marrywana grow-op manager...or maybe a porn actor.

The money I collected to get Shane out ain't near enuff so we are gonna use it instead to have a party in his honer and at least recoup some of the hundreds of beer and smokes he stole and bummed offa me and everyone we know in the last year or 2.

I am not worried about the boy now. Jail is like a second home to him, eh? He will do good there.

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 08:21 PM

""What's for eats?""

""A two day old coyote.""

""Yuk, you have anything better than that?""

""It's better than a three day old coyote.""

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 08:45 PM

I am certain that all of us, especially Mr. Blunder, are greatly saddened by the move of Shane McBride from the Blind River gaol. I have been in contact with Mr. Blunder and we will, together, see if we can persuade the authorities to allow our evangelisation to continue. The McBride boy can still be Brought Home, for no matter what Mr. Rapparee thinks there are no unforgivable sins -- God has room for all.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 11:26 PM

Rev, believe me: what Shame McBride did might perhaps maybe be forgiven by a Very Merciful God after a very, very long penance which included self-flagellation, a life of groveling poverty and extreme chastity, of living in the desert alone and sleeping on a bed of thorns while living only on what dead animals and the foulest water he could find. His...crime against Heaven and Nature...cries out from the Earth for vengeance and atonement. I can't even describe it, it haunts the lives and dreams of the few who are strong enough to carry the knowledge of it. If you knew what he has done -- worse than raping the Holy Virgin Mary! -- you too would agree that his salvation is highly improbable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Apr 11 - 01:01 PM

My salivation ain't none of yer business, fliphead!

I see I been betraiyed! My own flippin' blood has flippin' turned agenst me cos Don is usin' my bale money to, like, have a PARTY!!! And he is laffin' at that insult pome that the fliphead Amos rote about me! He is puttin' coppies of it up arownd the town too, eh? That is the worst flippin' cut of ALL! I am gonna kill him when I get outta here.

There will be blood!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 11 - 11:26 PM

Uh-oh. That's both assault and a threat to murder someone! The last one is a felony!

Boy, is Shame gonna be in the cooler for a loooooooooooooooooong time now!

Just forget about girls, because when YOU get out a) you won't like them anymore and b) you'll be too old to do anything about even if you did.

Better make nice to some of the guys you're in there with....

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 08:06 AM

Not to worry, eh? The boy don't mean half of what he says. Anyways, he is probally best off in the joint fer awhile, cos now he will eat 3 meals a day proper and get more helthy, eh?

In the meantime it is amazin' how much longer a 2-4 of beer is lastin' here! Flippin' amazin'. How about that, eh? And I seem to be buyin' less smokes too. The people at Timmies are gettin' used to the fact that Shane ain't arowned now. They were askin' where he was fer awhile when I pull in for coffee and a donut, but not now.

I put up that pome Amos wrote at the Iron Horse and people were fallin' on the floor laffin' over it. It is on the Wall of Fame over by the bar and I put a picther of Shane up above it wearin' his "I'm with the IDIOT ------->" hat and the T-shirt that says "FREE SEX - Apply Below" with a arrow pointin' down at his crotch.

What I am thinkin' to do now is raise money to KEEP him in jail! Killer idea, eh? I figger people will contribute big bucks to that flippin' cawse and I can maybe retire on it soon.

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 06:56 PM

He got them arrows mixed up again, didn't he?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 07:39 PM

Let's get straight to the point, man. How much money are you willin' to send to help keep my little brother in jail? Remember, you will be helpin' to clean up society by doin' this. Give generusly!

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 07:50 PM

I'm tapped out. I gave all of my pocket change to the Sea Cadets today at the liquor store.

Odd... the young lass said, "Thank you" and I said, "Thank YOU." I was met with odd stares from the cadets and their parents??? Was it not obvious what I was "saying"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 10:42 PM

I have already sent all of my money to the Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers in the probably futile hope that he can arrange for the salivation of Shame McBride.

There's a fund set up for that purpose.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 11:11 PM

You have got to be kiddin' me! What a flippin' waste! He will just spend all the money on whores and hard liquor. I know what them holy rollers are really like.

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 11 - 10:51 PM

Some of them spend it on young men and dope....

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 07:17 PM

Do you think Shame is getting enough to eat, or is this thread going to change to "The Starvation of Shame McBride"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 12:24 AM

I think the food in the Sudbury Jail is adequate...if a bit uninspiring.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 03:57 PM

I shall be leading a Salvation March to the Sudbury gaol this Saturday evening. We shall kneel outside and pray for all prisoners there, especially Shane McBride. We shall continue this until dawn on Monday, hoping that Salvation will come with the New Dawn for all imprisoned there. All who are saved are invited, and those who have not yet recognized Their Saviour may wish to also attend.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:00 PM

Can I bring my shinpads even if they have a Habs logo?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:47 PM

An occasion NOT to be missed!!! This ranks right up there with the Royal Wedding!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:59 PM

Of course, I really wouldn't give a nickel to be in Sudbury.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 05:04 PM

I can think of one or two places I'd rather be....

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 05:10 PM

Big nickel.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 11:11 PM

Woweeee! (Is there any actual evidence that anyone has ever gone out of there way by 20 feet to see that?)

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 01:20 AM

I sure don't know anyone who has.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 10:05 PM

In his post of 13 Apr 11 11:47 PM, Reverend Blunder ask us to aid his ministry by sending financial contributions to a post office box in Massey, Ontario. Accordingly, I wrote out a cheque and sent it along with a covering letter. I was hoping to receive a vial of sacred annointing oil or perhaps a sanctified prayer cloth by way of acknowledgment and over the long months of waiting I have continued to invoke the blessing of the almighty on Rev. Blunder and his works. But today, sadly, my letter to him was returned, marked "Unknown". The envelope, which had been resealed with scotch tape, contained the cover letter BUT NOT THE CHEQUE.

I can only hope that divine providence will move in mysterious ways to deliver the funds to Reverend Blunder, since Canada Post has once more proved itself a witting tool of Moloch the Destroyer of Souls, and, believe me, I should know.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 10:38 PM

That's for damn sure. A whole bunch of payments from the USA have failed to arrive here, again courtesy of Canada Post.

As for Shane, he's back out of jail. Reverend Blunder's program failed to have any salutary effect on him. He remains unconverted, unrepentant, and damned. Don's beer continues to vanish as fast as it is replaced.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 11:00 PM

Sigh., Just such unwholesome figments, Little Hawk!! Really!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 11:28 PM

I understand from certain friends of mine Up North that he picked up a case of...ah..."social disease" while in durance vile.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 13 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM

.................and that ain't nothing to "clap" about either! Poor Shane!

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Gurney
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 03:43 AM

You lot obviously missed the fact that Shane is in good spirits and has contributed to the car visibility thread.

Unless that was Max's hacker?

Naah. That spelling was pure McBride.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 09:24 AM

Shane is indeed back "on the street" and hale and happy as I type these words. He is drinking Don's beer, harassing local girls, bumming cigarettes, offending without knowing, and just being Shane...the one thing he really knows how to do. His erstwhile compadres, the Ontario Provincial Police, are eyeing his activities with amused detachment and a degree of tolerance. They know that he is essentially harmless. They will slap his wrist if they must, but only if it's absolutely necessary. After all, there are more serious threats to society than Shane out there to deal with, right?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 10:23 AM

The rot starts at the bottom. If something isn't done soon, I greatly fear that Shame McBride will go on a beer-swilling chain-saw massacre, dismembering ten, if not hundreds, of his fellow Blind River dwellers before he is shot down in a hail of bullets by the OPP, deluding at first by thinking it was just another of his "harmless" pranks.

Then everyone will say, "He was a good guy, just misunderstood" and "If he'd only drunk Blue this wouldn't have happened" and similar nonsense.

I say, take him out NOW before the worst happens! Pre-emptive imprisonment, in life-time solitary, is the only answer to such a societal threat as Shame McBride.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 03:23 PM

He does drink Blue whenever he can get it, and it seems to make little difference. He has also drunk himself blue on a number of occasions, but he always recovers within 24 hours.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 03:39 PM

This town don't tollarate flipheads like you, Rapairee. You are like a dead dog layin' in the street...nobody flippin' wants to touch it! I am advisin' you to flippin' lay off with all theese bad flippin' commints that are bein' direcked towards me! It ain't yer flippin' place to judge ME, eh? You aint' got the flippin' kredenchails to do that. You count fer nothin' around here whiles I am a big wheel in this town, so FLIP OFF!!!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 04:41 PM

Yes indeed, a Big Wheel: going in a circle from Tim's to begging butts to stealing Don's beer to begging butts to urinating in public to jail to Tim's.... You should come visit sometime and I'll let you be a Big Wheel at Legion Hovel; Snaggle likes Big Wheels because he likes to "make their bones square hyuck hyuck".

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 04:43 PM

Youse know what dogs do to big wheels eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 04:51 PM

Don't flippin' test me, man!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 07:17 PM

It's okay, Shame. You haven't passed any test except the one for having VD and you certainly won't start now.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 07:18 PM

A Big Wheel, where I come from, a-hole, is a cheap blow-molded plastic imitation tricycle meant for small brats and chimpanzees to pee on. Sounds a lot like you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 10:42 PM

Besides, Shame might have had testers in the past, but he ain't got much in the way of testees.

Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 14 Jul 11 - 11:23 PM

This is pretty good! You are gettin' the boy so flippin' upset that he is chargin' arownd the place, rantin' and ravin', and forgettin' to steal my smokes and drink my beer, eh? Keep it up! (And if ya can't keep it up, I got some stuff here that will help, and I'm sellin' it cheap, eh?)

- Don