Really Really Important Poem

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: BobKnight
Date: 15 May 09 - 11:56 AM

Here's a wee poem I made up last year.

Nostalgia:

Nostalgia, oh, it's not what it was,
It's lost all it's magic somehow.
For the things I remembered were better back then,
Than the things I remember now.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST
Date: 15 May 09 - 09:09 PM

My favourite Milliganism

The boy stood on the burning deck
melting in the heat
his sad brown eyes were full of tears
his shoes were full of feet


anon
The worms go in and the worms come out
they go in thin and they come out stout OOOOOOOooooooow

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 16 May 09 - 02:45 AM

As I woke one morning,
When all sweet things are born,
A robin perched upon my sill,
To signal the coming morn,
He was so sweet and gentle,
As softly he did sing,
Sweet thought of love and happiness,
Into my heart did spring,
He sang his song so gently,
Then as he paused a lull,
I swiftly closed the window,
And crushed his fucking skull.

anon

Dave H

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 May 09 - 04:55 AM

A young lass I know from Black Rod,
Is having a baby from God.
But 'twas not the almighty,
That crawled up her nightie,
'Twas the vicar, the dirty old sod!

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Swithun Goodbody
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 07:24 AM

There was an unusual trucker,
Whose manners were awfully pukkah,
If he picked up a lift
That he wanted to shift
He'd invite her for tea and then fuck her.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: treewind
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 07:26 AM

A wise old owl sat in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Now wasn't that a wise old bird?

(learnt from my grandmother)
Anahata

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: treewind
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 07:41 AM

...and now that Jack and Jill verse reminds me:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
At least that's what they said they did
But now they've got a daughter

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 08:37 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown,

But not for carrying water.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 12:49 PM

Of all the lovely sights on earth
there's nothing to compare
to a girl who pulls on high-top boots
and then her underwear.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 01:20 PM

A badge doing the rounds at the Stainsby Festival circa' 1980.

WHALE
OIL
BEEF
HOOKED

Tony Capstick, bless him, used to say;

"I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high, along trees and river banks
I trod upon a bloke's bare arse
And heard a woman's voice say "Thanks."

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:11 PM

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.




Manchester Piccadilly, and Alsatians to Crewe
For a day at the end of platform two.
Butties in duffle bag, tea in a flask.
Why do you do it? Why do you ask?

From Sir (wot no knighthood yet) Les Barker




The boy stood on the burning deck.


TWIT!

From Mike Spilligna

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 11:41 PM

Of all the fishes in the seas,
The strangest is the bass.
It climbs into the tops of trees
And slides down on its hands and knees
To frolic in the grass.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 05:04 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
His arse against the mast.
He dared not move a fucking inch
Till the dreaded bummer passed.

This bummer was a crafty sod
He threw the lad a fritter.
The lad bent down to pick it up -
WHAM !! Six inches up his shitter.

In the merry month of Liverpool
In the City of July,
The rain was snowing heavily
And the streets were desert dry.
The elephant is a bonny bird
Which flies across the sky -
It makes its nest in rhubarb trees
And yodels like a fly.

Davy Crockett
Built a rocket.
The rocket went "bang !",
His ball went clang
And he found his prick in a pocket.

When I was young I had no sense
I ripped my bollocks on a barbed-wire fence.
Off to the doctor's I did go
Balls and all I had to show.
He set me on a ten foot stool
And cut four inches off my tool.
When I came home my sister laughed
To see a broom without a shaft.

(I'll get me Barbour . . . )

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Cuilionn
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 09:41 AM

BERTHA'S WISH

I wish my eyes were green instead of brown.
I wish my stomach went in instead of out.
I wish he would stand on the top of the tallest building and shout,
"I love you, Amanda!"

One more wish:
I wish my name was Amanda.

--Judith Viorst

[MISERICORDIA!]

Misericordia!
College of Cardinals,
Nervously rising to
Whisper its will:
"Rather than being so
Unecumenical,
Can't we just quietly
Swallow the Pill?"

--James Lipton


EGGOMANIA

Consider the egg. It's a miracle,
A thing so diverse for its size
That we hardly can help growing lyrical
When given the Pullet Surprise.

The scope of this peerless comestible
Must drive other foods to despair
Since it's not only fully digestible
But great for shampooing the hair.

It's boilable, poachable, fryable;
It scrambles, it makes a sauce thicken.
It's also the only reliable
Device for producing a chicken.

--Felicia Lamport

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Cool Beans
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 07:26 PM

See the happy moron.
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I was a moron.
My God, perhaps I am.
---Samuel Hoffenstein, "Poems in Praise of Practically Nothing"

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Bill in CT
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:01 AM

America's a wondrous place
And full of awesome things --
For here the fish have fingers
And the buffaloes have wings.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: LadyJean
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 12:42 AM

Mary had a little lamb
A little pork, a little jam.
Some ice cream soda topped with fizz
And oh how sick our Mary is.
(Grandma taught me that one.)

Help murder polce!
My wife fell in the grease!
I laughed so hard I fell in the lard!
Help murder police!

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Swithun Goodbody
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 03:58 AM

As an epicure meticulous
I relish roast rhinoceros,
But when I'm feeling frivolous
I start with pickled octopus.

While partaking of my polypus
I just eat each metatarsus;
The legs I find monotonous
And slightly cartilaginous.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Cork
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 02:04 PM

I remember these from reading selections from the Science Fiction Book Club in the 1950's [but not the authors]:

Little Willie made a slip
While landing in his rocket ship
See that bright actinic glare
That's our little Willie there

When they settled the nightside of Mercury
The settlers named the dome Mayfair
But they soon rechristened it June
Because what is so rare as a day there?

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,Mary Gillis
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 06:28 PM

The peanut sat on the railroad track, His heart was all a-flutter. The 5:15 came rolling back, Peanut…peanut butter!

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Helen
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 09:24 PM

GUEST,Mary Gillis, the version I remember was:

Ooey Gooey was a worm,
A worm was Ooey Gooey.
He climbed onto a railway track
And oh, Ooey Gooey!

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 24 - 09:28 AM

My friend is quite the omnivore,
Like many who have gone before.
And you may have heard before,
That a cow is just a herbivore.
But if you are an Aquarian,
You may be vegetarian.
Or even a pescatarian,
Or even the reverse.

Michael J Hill © Aug 2023.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: gillymor
Date: 17 Jun 24 - 09:59 AM

She offered her honor,
He honored her offer,
And all through the night,
It was on her and off her.

-some graffiti

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Jun 24 - 10:53 AM

Two wee birdies sittin' on a barrow
One was a spug, t'other was a sparrow

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jun 24 - 01:50 PM

As I was lying on the green
A little book it chanced I seen
Bartlett's Soviet Princeton was the edition -
I left it lying in the same position

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 18 Jun 24 - 05:07 PM

A poem to contemplate canabalism?

I would just eat vegetables if I were a vegetarian.
What, I wonder, should I eat as an humanitarian?

Robin

Subject: On the vanity of Earthly Greatness
From: GUEST,Mary Gillis
Date: 19 Jun 24 - 08:47 PM

The tusks that clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons are billiard balls.

The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is ferric oxide known as rust.

The grizzly bear whose potent hug
Was feared by all is now a rug.

Great Caesar's bust sits on my shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself.

                - Arthur Guiterman

Subject: Methusaleh
From: GUEST,Mary Gillis
Date: 19 Jun 24 - 09:05 PM

Methuselah ate what he found on his plate,
And never as people do now
Did he note the amount of the calorie count.
He ate it because it was chow.

He wasn't disturbed as at dinner he sat
Devouring a roast or a pie,
To think it rich in saturated fat
Or a couple of vitamins shy.

He cheerfully chewed each morsel of food
Unmindful of troubles or fears
Lest his health might be hurt by some fancy dessert,
And he lived over nine-hundred years.

                      - Anonymous

Subject: Sex in Parks
From: GUEST,Mary Gillis
Date: 19 Jun 24 - 11:29 PM

Said a girl on one of her larks,
“Sex is better in bed than in parks.
I feel more at ease,
My ass doesn’t freeze,
And passers by don’t make remarks”.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 20 Jun 24 - 11:23 AM

Poem to be sung to the tune of "Oh Mr. Porter".

Oh Mr.Gupta, what shall we do.
I ordered Beef Madras, you served me Vindaloo.
I also ordered Pilau but you served me plain.
Oh Mr. Gupta I shall not eat here again.

Oh Mr. John, what can I say.
Your waiter is my sister`s boy, just shipped in from Bombay.
He was raised in Delhi, his English is no good.
Is it any wonder that he buggered up your food!.

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Pappy Fiddle
Date: 26 Jun 24 - 10:36 PM

For sale: baby shoes. Never used.

Noah tried his luck fishin out the stern
but he didn't have much luck only had two worm

About the buffalo wings...
I was in Buffalo, of course
And a restaurant claimed to be
the original source

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Neil D
Date: 29 Jun 24 - 09:52 AM

Here's a couple limericks my dad taught me near 60 years ago. They were probably already old at the time.

There was a young man from Boston
Who bought himself an Austin (very small motorcar)
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em

There was an old lady from Wheeling
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
And let out a crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jun 24 - 11:28 AM

There was a young man from Kent,
Whose tool was exceedingly bent.
So to save him some trouble,
He bent it in double, And instead of 'coming' he went.