BS: Predictions for the new year

Subject: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 06:34 PM

things we will hear:
"Hey you look like a dozen bucks!"

"Are you gonna eat those chicken feet?"


Things we will see:

"Will do global consulting for food"

"Will trade a million dollar house for $200K of canned goods."




Things that will happen:
The new Homeland security economic threat code color will be brown everyday from now on.

Instead of having a run on the bank the bank will run off shore.

Bush will be moving to his Bolivian Ranch and sell his Crawford Ranch to Saudi Arabia.

New portable electric companies will sell you 24 hours of limited electricity for $20 when your electric company shuts you off.

Neighborhood mechanics will do well keeping old GM cars running like they do in Cuba.

The Wall Mart model of telling employees to file for food stamps will become the business standard.

Now that cash is scarce you can smoke pot without criminality in Massachusettes. The law was written so loosly that people who are pursued by police in Boston for smoking pot may not even get a civil fine since they are not required by law to identify themselves. They will pass a pot licensing law next.

Kidnappings that are common place in Mexico and Columbia will visit now visit mainland America.

House Republicans will know what it is like to live in fear like an abortion doctor in South Carolina.

Sarah Palin will make a movie with Schwartzeneggar and Fred Thompson.
Al Franken will pan the movie.

When California declares bankruptcy new tolls will be put on nearly every acces road into the state.

House Republicans will revive the phrase "Communist Sympathiser".

The Atomic technology that Bush allowed to be shipped to the United Arab Emerites in the last weeks of his presidency will be resold to Iran and Azerbyjan.

Cheney will be found in a hidey hole, unshaved and filthy.

60% of Malls will close down entirely. Kids will go back to hanging out at the drugstore.

Pakistan will be accused of sending a tactical nuke into India. India will be accused of nuking themselves.

China will begin proposing new agrarian reform instead of Industry and send peasants back into the now highly polluted countryside to grow food for America.

Al Gore will become the target of right wing terrorism for his salacious and agencized claim that global warming is man made.

A 10 meter asteroid will create a major misunderstanding.

Don Rumsfeld will not be seen live on TV again.

Cheney and Rove become an "item" aka the dynamic duo and do the talk circuit.

The burglary rate will double will the murder rate remains the same.

Electric bikes will see a renaisance.

A new internet provider will emerge that undercuts the industry.

Bernie Makoff sets a good example that is emulated by more hedge fund/Ponzi managers.

The once fascination with the rich and famous becomes a battle for survival that involves private police forces.

The FDA actually prevents a harmful drug from reaching the market.

The evangelical political scheme to test the tax free status backfires.

Intelligent design turns out to describe the economic collapse of the US with amazing accuracy.

Time share property resorts all try to become Indian Casinos.

In an effort to combat current market share losses, Fox news becomes even more offensive rude and disgusting.

Comcast cuts back so much that all gurantees of service are revolked.

Concert Halls nationwide open their doors to swap meets for extra income.

Mudcat becomes a powerful political lobby.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 07:10 PM

The one policy never tried in the middle east is put into effect.
The complete cessation of all imperialistic control and war by the west.

The hottest new TV channel is the Prison channel.

The one place the free market continues to thrive will be the middle east.

Adam Sandler becomes ambassador to Isreal.

Borak becomes ambassador to Iran.

The Hadron collider measures a significant loss of energy in the collsion of elctrons and positrons which opens the door to interdimensional information transfer.

The wife of president Sarcosi goes off with Brad Pitt. France declares war.

As prisons go bankrupt a new model of prison farms emerge.

On board hydrogen production technology for small cars is discovered.

Japan accidently ignites frozen metane condensates near the Sea of Japan.

Farmers markets begin signing exclusive contracts to highest bidders.

Sunny suburban front yards turned into to vegatable gardens become politically correct.

SUV's used for artificial reefs.

Navy Seals hijack Somali pirate ship.

Underground housing becomes the new and improved model for the Habitate for Humanity.

The surplus of new cars are sold via national raffles.

High School musical 4 is made.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 07:19 PM

the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.

A great IRS scandel will reveal a systematic politization of the entire collection procedure at the highest levels and used by many individuals for profit or revenge within the organizaation.

Obama makes one mistake which overshadows the 20 great advances for 6 months in the media .

Donuel tries to be funnier in 09 and fails again.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: heric
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 07:46 PM

Too funny. But Bolivia doesn't want Bush. He should try ranching in southern Patagonia or northwest Mongolia. There was some whacky country that liked him but for the life of me I can't think of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 08:01 PM

Obama will belatedly attempt to recognize the important contribution that apes and monkeys have made to American society by appointing Chongo Chimp head of the FBI. Chongo will pull strings to make Cuban cigars legal in the USA, and will follow that up by indicting Dick Cheney and a number of other key members of the Bush administration for acts of international and domestic terrorism plus election fraud in 2000 and 2004. Karl Rove will flee to Israel in a commandeered Air Force jet. All hell will break loose.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 08:21 PM

One correction to the above: Chongo will not indict those individuals, I don't think "indict" is the right word...he will arrest them on those charges mentioned above, except for Rove, of course, cos Rove gets away on the airplane. Cheney will indeed be found hiding, unshaven and filthy, in a "spiderhole". It will be in a still unrepaired section of New Orleans. His heavy growth of beard will give him a whole new look. An attempt will be made by unknown parties to assassinate Chongo by flying a remote-controlled military transport plane at him. The plane will, however, malfunction, miss its mark narrowly, and will instead knock over the Washington Monument.

(As I said before, all hell will break loose.)

I don't envy Obama having to deal with any of this.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 10:03 PM

23 people will become fully human next year which will be just enough to preserve this planet for another year with hope that we may all become fully human, except for Chongo the magnificent who has transcended the need for enlightenment.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 10:42 PM

We'll all be eaten by giant ants.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:46 PM

Don will buy a lottery ticket but he will lose it. I will find it. When I take it in to the store I will win 50 flippin' MILLION dollars! I will buy all the beer in North Ontario and get a real nice trailer and will do nothin' but party for the rest of the flippin' year! I will give out free beers to all my new frineds. Girls will be linin' up by the hunderds to date me. I will offer my hand to Officer Dana in flippin' marrage and she will not be able to refuse, eh?

Boy, this is gonna be one flippin' GREAT year. I can just feel it, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 04:13 PM

I'm not sure that 50 million dollars would be enough to buy all the beer in North Ontario. Not quite, I don't think. But...it would certainly buy enough of it for a year's supply for Shane. No doubt about that. More than enough.

I predict that other North Ontarians would get mad at Shane for causing a regional beer shortage and that they would riot, strip the lad naked, and throw him into the nearest lake.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 05:23 PM

Well, I'll save my others for later but here's how it looks arounf Mudcat:

*Relations between the US and Cuba will be normalized and Chong will be appointed as ambassador...

*Kendall will regain his voice entirely...

*Jacqui moves into the RV...

*Amos will flip out, join a cult composed of 20 years olds and move out to their commune in the desert...

*Barry Finn will be awarded a Nobel Prize in literature for writing the first grammatically correct 500 word sentence... BTW, Congrates, Barry...

*BillD will be on 60 Minutes for turning the first 55 gallon reusabale wooden oil barrel... Has to take out door to shop to get it out of the house but, hey???

*Poor Ebbie, bless her heart, will be rear ended by Governor Palin while stopped at a traffic light... Fortunately Eb is fine but the Governor is pissed because she was in hot pursuit of a moose... The moose gets away...

*P-Gator has a dream where entire blocks of houses are built on barges to survive future flooding from hurricanes and Brad Pitt awards him with a $1M Prize... So, P-Gator, I see a new car in yer future...

*T-Bird is arrested in a Panza scheme... Says he's only stealing money to buy guns for the Iraqi Army... Sure, T...

*Big Mick becomes head of the UAW... Hey, Big Guy... Tear 'um up...

*Skivz makes the national news when he and a former landlord of the Bobert-for-President campaign work out their differences on the dueling field... Both miss... Them cap-'n-ball pistols don't shoot too straight... Better luck next time, buiddy...

*KT wins American Idol...

*Bearded Bruce finds God and writes a best seller entitled, "I Once Was Blind, But Now I See" with a little peace sign in the "O" in the word "Once"...

*Katlaughing moves to California. lives in Amos's old house and takes up surfing...

*gnu-zer discovers a new use for old Mudcat threads and cited for his efforts to "Be Green"... Also saves the US Billion$ with his inventiveness...

*Sawz is busted for burning down the local WYCA... Says he swears that "commies were meeting in there"...

*Little Hawk and Sins are married... Congrates, ya'll...

*Liz the Squeak's squeak is stolen but turns up in a 2nd hand shop and is returned... Whew???

*WYSuzie becomes Pope Sue... Hey, don't forget from wherest you came, girl...

*Donuel discovers dinousaur bones behind his house and a team of archeologiists spend this entire summer excavating and removing them so, sorry, Don, but the poll will be down for the summer and there will be wekks were you won't have any running water....But, hark, they will call ne new dinosaur Donuelasoris...

*F-troupe will be kidnapped by a band of Aborigini's but released without ransome after volunteering to sing with them...

*Rapaire will find an original handwritin' book by Abraham Lincoln in the basement of the library... It sells at auction for $1.7M, he gets half, the library gets half and everyone from Mudcat PM's him for money for surgeries for variou and sundry grandmothers...

Well, folks... That's round one for the Mudcat crystal ball...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 06:15 PM

But...what will Winona say?

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 06:18 PM

I just hope to have a 'boring' year.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Bobert
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 06:30 PM

Sorry, Sorch... Not going to be borin' at all so hold on... The crystal ball is recharging it's batteries right now but we'll see what it has in store for you when it's back up...

Sorry, LH, but Winona has put you in the rear view mirror... I think it was the Palin thingie but you know women... Can't live with 'um and ya' can't shoot 'um... Hey, Sins is a hottie... Ya'll gonn amke great lookin' kids together...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 07:13 PM

"When I take it in to the store I will win 50 flippin' MILLION dollars! I will buy all the beer in North Ontario and get a real nice trailer and will do nothin' but party for the rest of the flippin' year! I will give out free beers to all my new frineds. Girls will be linin' up by the hunderds to date me. I will offer my hand to Officer Dana in flippin' marrage and she will not be able to refuse, eh?" Blind River Drunk

Plotting to win the lottery is not a retirement plan.

********************************************************

Bobert, I think you've nailed it! I can quarrel with very little of your prognostications- and some of them I like a lot. Not the being rearended by Palin part- but better that than my rearending her. Can you imagine the ticket!!

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: gnu
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 07:19 PM

.... "saves the US Billion$ with his inventiveness..."

Yup. But, I am working on my cut. If they won't gimmie a slice, I won't.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 09:32 PM

Bobert will inadvertently let his practice session get recorded by a 50-year-old blues groupie from Innnayosnatch, Mississippi and she will sell the side to the Golden Deals Gospel and Blues Company out of Atchifazoola. It will go golden and Bobert will by a double-wide high on the hills looking out over Louray, and raise snap-peas with the P-vine.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 01:17 AM

The suggested advances in anti aging will become reality in 09.
The concentrated pill of resveritol will become available to a select few and eventually be a treatment for ancillary aging diseases by prescription. The longevity effects could add a dozen or more healthy years. When in combination with 3 other factors/treatments, the added years could be as much as 30.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 11:01 AM

The P-Vine will run off to Schenectady with a spiky-haired lesbian. Bobert will sell all his stuff, swear off women and dope forever, and retire to a Trappist monastery where he will take a vow of silence and spend his days in contemplation and self-denial.

Subject: RE: BS: Predictions for the new year
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 11:20 AM

"..Bobert will sell all his stuff, swear off women and dope forever.."


Never! LOL