BS: The trouble with the US

Subject: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Raptor
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:02 AM

I've finally got it figured out!

The answer to everything boils down to Ketchup!

Alow me to explain...

Sept 11 most US airplains are diverted to Gander Newfoundland in the morning,
By lunch all of those people are eating lunch at the homes of complete strangers. They were shown kindness, taken in, sheltered, and fed.

During hurricane Kat. when a lot of people needed help, food, and shelter even thier own fellow countrymen ignored them (cops ran away) and they were forsaken by the government that they elected to serve and protect them.
WHY?
Ketchup!

The answer was in my fridge.
Two weeks ago I went down to Buffalo NY to see the Bills Led by JP Lossman trounce the Green Bay Packers.
In the intrest of National security the Government of The United States of America have determined that it is very unsafe for us lowly Canadians to bring Food of any sort in to your wonderfull Country.
We had to buy our sausages and condiments at a very strange place called Wegmans(more on this later) for the tailgating parties. We could bring lots of beer and a BAR B Q with a big old Propane tank however.( I guess getting shitfaced and lighting flamable gas in a parking lot with 10000 vehicles full of gas is less of a threat than a Canadian Bratwurst)

At the tailgate I thought someting was strange with my saugage but bieng shitfaced I chauked it up to the forigen meat.
It wasnt till later that I figured this out.

Last week I was having a good old Maple Leaf Hot Dog when I reached into my fridge and pulled out the Ketchup that came back in my cooler.
Guess what... It tasted funny!

The Heinz ketchup made in Pittsburg PA tastes totally different than the Heinz ketchup made in leamington Ontario.

US Hienz ketchup is more bitter and less apealing!!!

That is why there is such a tremendous difference in the people from our countries!

If we were to wholy benifit from free trade we should let you have our far superior Ketchup!

I was going to talk about the Wegmans experience since it was big enough to fit the city I grew old in but I think that the subject warrants its own thread and since I do the two finger typing slower than some morepheine addicts I know and it took me 3 hours to type this little stroke of geinus I invite someone else to start the Wagmans thread!

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Peace
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:28 AM

Ketchup can also be used to polish brass, but it takes a little elbow grease with it.

This thread is genius on par with Bee-dubya-ell and his spatulas. You guys oughta get together and give some thought to a third way to cross one's legs.

Genius I say.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:44 AM

I agree Raptor. I would also include your bacon, which beats ours six ways from Sunday.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 11:37 AM

Your brilliance never ceases to amaze me, Raptor. Other than Don Cherry, I think you would make the best prime minister this country could possibly have!

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:03 PM

I recall when I was a kid that the Coke tasted better in Canada. I don't drink it much anymore, so it's a moot point.

Actually, almost everything tastes better in Canada... ;-) Maybe because one is usually a bit more relaxed here.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:11 PM

ok, you've convinced us.....we'll all be moving up there in the next week or so. I'd like my ketchup with Pepsi, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:11 PM

Having never, to the best of my knowledge, eaten Canadian-brewed ketchup of any brand, I cannot speak to the central issue of this thread. But, then again, when has total ignorance ever stopped anyone from posting to the Mudcat?

If Canadian ketchup is to US ketchup as Canadian beer is to US beer then it's doubtlessly a far superior product. But, the question that immediately comes to mind is "How good would ketchup have to be before anyone would put the stuff on food that is palatable without it?" Ketchup is meant to cover up the taste of substandard food items like fast-food French fries, catfish from muddy environs, and toilet paper. Why anyone would ever put ketchup on decent sausage, good home-made French fries, or anything else that doesn't merit a biohazard label is a mystery.

Anyway, even the thickest ketchup is to thin to be spread with a spatula and anything that leads to spatula unemployment is bad for the economy.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:13 PM

"When has total ignorance ever stopped anyone from posting to the Mudcat?"

Damn straight. We oughta have a whole thread going about that.

I knew a guy who put ketchup on or in everything he consumed except for his coffee.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:23 PM

It's true. US ketchup sucks. Canadian ketchup is waaaayyy better than US ketchup. A big part of the reason is corn. They put corn sweetener in the US ketchup and they put actual sugar in the Canadian ketchup. Even Heinz ketchup is different in each country, even though it's the same brand. A lot of food tastes better in Canada for this reason... corn sweeteners / vs. sugar.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: sian, west wales
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:26 PM

I think we did Red Rose Tea in some other thread. ("Red-red-red Rose")

I was over visiting mum when that restriction got set up - around Labour Day last year, wasn't it? We're only about 25 miles from Buffalo and go for picnics with lots of American friends over there every summer. We were worried about taking our hamper over but thought we'd risk it. Had it out in plain sight in the back and the border guard didn't blink an eye. Maybe they've tightened up?

Now that I'm travelling on a British passport, getting my little bit o' paper that gets me into the US at the border is too much of a pain, and the staff there are complete idiots, so I guess if our friends want the pleasure of my company from now on, they'll have to come to Canada!

siân

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:31 PM

HP Sauce beats ketchup hands down in every application

We have HP in Canada... The US does not.... we win

:-P
Heh

"the border guard didn't blink an eye. Maybe they've tightened up?"
No... the biggest issue with the border is inconsistancy... IF the guy in the booth wants to be a d!ck and follow the letter of his 'law' he can keep you there for hours... IF you happen to get a booth with a guy who's lazy or hung over, he'll often just wave you through, no questions... Some will let you bring food... others won't even allow McDonalds over (Meat that was imported from the US in the first place...) This inconstancy makes it impossible to plan for any cross border jaunt...

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: John Hardly
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:36 PM

great, now we've got someone from the Ketchup Advisory Council posting here. *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Pseudolus
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 12:40 PM

I am extremely dissappointed to find out that I don't like my ketchup. I thought I did, I WANTED to like it, but apparently and unfortunately...it sucks...

I'm moving to Canada.

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 01:36 PM

In 1977, I crossed the border into Canada. They were searching all the cars from the US to Canada that day- even checked inside our boxes of crackers and inside the sleeping bags. This was on the Canadian side. No problem getting into Canada, even with the 105mm shell casing.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Tam the man
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 01:51 PM

is the president

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 02:00 PM

Ah, but compare the MARS bars made in Canada and the U. S. of A. They are entirely different in taste. In this case it is the bars from the U. S. that win hands down.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 02:08 PM

how Heinz deals with ketchup in the US
with & without High-fructose corn syrup
about the same price.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Azizi
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 02:15 PM

Just a minor correction from a Pittsburgher.

Our city's name is spelled with a "h" at the end.

And as to Heinz catsup in the USA not tasting good-what blashemy!!!

[well since I never tasted catsup in Canada I really wouldn't know if you're "on to" something instead of "on" something}

;O)

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Stu
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 02:20 PM

Have you chaps over the puddle in the Americas got Daddies?

Surely the best Tomato Sauce ever made?*

*Apart from the very dark red stuff we had a school that dried into a crust on your plate. Sounds revolting, tasted superb.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 03:05 PM

Whole different animal, Azizi. I used to think the Heinz ketcup made in the US was the best ketchup in the world. Until I tasted Canadian Heinz ketchup. It is so much better, it tastes like it's a whole different product.

Bill D, I use the Heinz organic ketchup because I'm allergic to corn. But the regular non-organic Canadian Heinz ketchup still tastes better than the US organic Heinz ketchup. I have no idea why.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 03:32 PM

no doubt that's true. I guess I'm glad I don't eat a lot of Ketchup or have the memory of better flavor. (Same goes for original Guiness Stout, which I'm told is so much better on tap in Ireland, that it almost a different product)

The US has some foods and products that are just fine, but BOY we suffer thru some tedious compromises because of 'business decisions')

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: RangerSteve
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 03:45 PM

You put mustard or horseradish on sausage. Ketchup is for burgers and meatloaf. When you Canadians learn that, then you can gripe about our ketchup.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 03:55 PM

Ketchup is a whole food group all by itself. Some foods exist entirely for the purpose of conveying ketchup to the mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 03:58 PM

HP sauce is for chips (french fries), but it's much better than ketchup on ANYTHING... when you Yanks learn that, then you can talk to me about food....

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:00 PM

What does HP stand for?

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:02 PM

House Of Parliament....

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: pdq
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:06 PM

Hewlett-Packard

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:16 PM

I can't eat HP sauce. It's got corn starch in it. So that leaves more for you.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001590V4/002-8513982-2069668?v=glance

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:34 PM

Holy Puck.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: pdq
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:39 PM

Horse Puckey

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:50 PM

Since when can't we get HP in the US? [I'm typing on a Hewlett-Packard zv5200z notebook computer right now, but that's beside the point.] We've had a bottle of HP steak sauce on the shelf for as long as I can remember. Not the same bottle all this time, however. It does get used, but not necessarily for steak.

Where do people get these cockamamie ideas?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 04:55 PM

Hot Patootie

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 05:07 PM

HP sauce ingredients look VERY much like A-1 sauce and several other sauces. Molasses, Tamarinds, spices..etc. I know stores where I have the choice of 20-30 different sauces used for garnishing meats and other items....some hot 'n spicy, some sweet, some tart....every flavor you could want......but that damn cornsyrup is hard to avoid.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 05:20 PM

HP blows A1 outa the water...

Maybe it's that Michigan doesn't have HP sauce... every time I ask for it over there, I get looked at like I have lobsters crawling outa my butt...

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Peace
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 05:42 PM

People who put sauces on steaks also wear socks in the shower.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 05:44 PM

I digress, but...I just read that you can have better and more orgasms if you wear socks during sex. Specially women. Why? Cold feet interfere with available energy.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Peace
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 05:48 PM

Condoms would be much safer than socks, Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Raptor
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:20 PM

You must have wierd shaped feet Peace!

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Peace
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:29 PM

LOL

I just reread what LH wrote. LOL. Non-skid socks of the future, but not for those with an allergy to latex.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: bobad
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:43 PM

FYI the ingredients in Canadian HP sauce differ from the one linked to at Amazon, to whit; water, vinegar, dates, glucose-fructose, black strap molasses, tomato paste, modified cornstarch, salt, orange juice concentrate, onion, spices, tamarind extract, apple juice concentrate, garlic, chili peppers, mustard flour.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:48 PM

So what are the ingredients in Canadian HP sauce?

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: bobad
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:51 PM

What I listed above vs. Amazon HP which is: Ingredients:

    * Vinegar, Tomatoes, Molasses, Malt Vinegar, Glucose-Fructose Syrup, Dates, Sugar, Salt, Modified Corn Starch, Rye Flour, Tamarind Extract, Spices, Onion Extract

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:01 PM

ah, well! garlic & chili peppers! That would make a difference!
Since Clinton is a fan of the hot 'n spicy, I see why he'd prefer it....(as a matter of fact, I probably would too! I just happen to be surrounded with family & friends who do NOT care much for hot food...)

On a scale of 1-10, I like maybe 4-5 and can tolerate 6...beyond that is a matter of acclimatization and pain tolerance.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: bobad
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:10 PM

Pleasure, pain activate same part of brain: if you can get past the burning tongue.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Sidewalk Bob
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:20 PM

Well, gol dangit... This is about the last straw... I'z been kidnapped and beat up by Mudcatters fir it but now it's the Ketchup Wars...

Hey, bring it on... I'z personally had 'nuff of thew US gettin' sand kicked in it's face by you north-of-da-borders... Hey, we din't elect Bush so give us a break...

Now, I was jus' down at the Hawksbill Diner today and ordered me some French Fries with my sammich and but some Heinz ketchup on 'um and it was better than sex... Okay, maybe not, but reall good stuff... I mean, like yummy plus..

Yeah, I know that LH 'er Peace 'er nuther of them Canooters gonna say that thet bottle of Heniz prolly waas smuggled all the way down ot Luray, Va. an' thats why it taste so good but I ain't gonna but that...

Like why would someone smuggle down a bottle of Canadian hetchup to Virginia???

Answer me that one???

You know what, I'z beginnin' to thing that you north-of-da-boarder's shoulda been included in Bush's "Axis of Evils" folks...

You mess wid out ketchup today and it'll be F-16's and sorties tomorrow....

Sho nuff...

Sidewalk Bob(ert)

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 12:03 AM

You'd have to be an idiot to wear condoms on your feet, whether or not it was done during sex! They'd be way too tight, and infernally hot at the same time. If you don't believe me, Peace, try wearing surgical gloves on your feet sometime. I haven't done it, but Chongo has, and he says it feels horrible. He was trying to avoid leaving footprints on a gun at the time. He is quadridextrous, like all chimpanzees.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 12:29 AM

Now you are getting really personal!

Every morning I have to put elastic stockings on and believe me, putting a condom on is much easier and probably not as uncomfortable.

In the first place it has to be done before you get out of bed in the morning. Before the blood rushes into your legs.

You put a silky, blue, half sock over your toes, don a pair of rubber gloves and then slide and coax the stocking up your leg.

It is very similar to wearing a condom on your feet and you are right, "they are way too tight and infernally hot at the same time."

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 12:47 AM

Hey, LH...maybe Chongo needs that condom, and some instructions!

He and his relatives seem to be ...ummm...popular

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 01:33 AM

" I just happen to be surrounded with family & friends who do NOT care much for hot food..."

Me too... when I cook, they cook for themselves!

Actually since the wife and I have been eating healthier (Give her a high-5 next time you see her... she's lost 30 lbs!) she's also taken to trying hot-sauces, and I may have created a monster... she still can't take anywhere NEAR as hot as I can, but progress is progress!

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 01:55 AM

Kree-GAH!!! Fer chrissake, Bill, I HAD that very Tarzan comic when I was a kid. I remember it well. It was one of the best Tarzan covers ever, showing the Apeman comforting his little pal N'Kima, while they shelter from a sudden rainstorm. The monkey is scared of the thunder and wind outside. I think I recall seeing the Rifleman one too, although I did not have it in my collection. I may still have the Tarzan one...I think I saw it a few years ago.

That guy with the website is indeed a "mean-spirited, immature, asshole", just as he admits...but I must say he made me laugh pretty loud when I saw that familiar old Tarzan cover once again, but given a brand new interpretation!

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: sian, west wales
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 05:07 AM

The acceptable list for french fries is:

1. vinegar
2. cheese curds and gravy
3. HP sauce (Canadian or British)
4   Ketchup


siân
ex-pat Canadian

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 05:50 AM

Well. I have seen Ontarians put ketchup on darn near everything... even scrambled eggs and pancakes. Makes me gak just to remember it.

Point? None, really. Just an observation.

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: ChocolateLover
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 07:52 AM

No, no, no. Chips and Heinz mayonnaise is the best thing ever. Ketchup is no where near as good. None of that vinegar, either - you need the proper chippy "non-brewed condiment" to get a full, rounded flavour (and the taste buds stripped from your tongue).

ChocolateLover

Subject: RE: BS: The trouble with the US
From: Cool Beans
Date: 07 Sep 05 - 11:41 AM

Yes, it all comes down to food but the real trouble with the US--Canada, too--is dog bakeries. My Gawd, people are starving and we're making, selling and buying cute little confections for canines. These places ought to be burned down. Non-violently, of course. Hey, Catters, they got these in Europe? Oz/NZ? Asia? Africa? South America?