BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds

Subject: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: GUEST,Buster
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:08 PM

A computer geek located somewhere in the Boston area has hacked into the weather and media satellites over North America and is using them to broadcast high frequency signals that torture dachshunds all over North America and as far south as Guatemala. Because of this many dachshunds have reported symptoms such as shortness of breath, increased salivation, itchy hind end problems, tenderness in the testicles, skin twitches, dermatitis, short temper, increased sexual frustration, and ravenous hunger pangs that keep them in an endless state of extreme stress.

The unknown hacker apparently is on some kind of sadistic vendetta against the common "weiner dog", a breed known for its cuteness and playfullness. Investigators hope to turn up evidence soon in order to end this scourge and are asking the public to assist by passing on information about anyone they know who has a grudge against dachshunds.

As one who has suffered a number of these unpleasant symptoms lately, I am sounding the alert and I encourage anyone who can help indentify this malefactor to come forward at once. Spread the word. This fiend MUST be stopped!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:12 PM

LH?

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:15 PM

It sure sounds a lot like what is ailing our dogs. This bastard has definitely got to be stopped.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:17 PM

An antidote is here.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM

Word on the street says it's William Shatner doing it. I can't confirm that as of yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:35 PM

Knowing dachshunds, I wonder how anyone can tell.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:36 PM

Either that...or they've all been affected!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: number 6
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:44 PM

Sounds like Chongo is up to his usual devious shenanigan.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:50 PM

And there must be a geek somewhere beaming beams at Irish Setters, too. No dog could be that spacey naturally!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: number 6
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:52 PM

English Springers are almost as bad Rapaire.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:54 PM

Peace -

Shatner should not be accused of being a geek. Although the term is patently and deliberately offensive, the popular association with "nerdness" renders inclusion of THE SHAT in the membership of that community, even by mere suggestive reference, rude, insulting, offensive, blasphemous, obsecene, and not at all nice - to the nerds of the world.

Now if the classic definition: a side show performer who swallows rats and bites the heads off of chickens, bugs, and snakes is clearly indicated, it's probably okay.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:57 PM

This poor guy used to be a bird dog before this satellite stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:03 PM

What the hell is THAT??????????????

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:05 PM

Them sattylites are the reason that I never, ever, venture outside my house without a shotgun. Them sattylites come whizzin' over and I ups and shoots 'em down! Better'n skeet shootin'! Some of 'em are disguised though, like as police hellycopters and robins and starlings and even iggles. One of 'em came over when I was on the way ta work tother day and I whipped out the ol' 12-gauge and nailed that sucker! You ain't never see such a to-do, though! That sattylite was disguised as a traffic light and was beamin' red and green laser beams at all the folks who'd stopped.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM

"What the hell is THAT?????????????? "

It's one of these before all this satellite shit started . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM

LH - Y'all ain't never seen an albino 'possum? They ain't 'xacly rare, but that's the first one I've seen in a while all that clean 'n purty.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:10 PM

Dang. I almost had him there, John.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:12 PM

I thought it was a possum, but wasn't quite sure. It's a hell of a lot better looking than Cleigh.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:13 PM

I think I saw one of them critters down on the banks of the Portneuf River tother day, Peace. Iffen I remember rightly it was wearing the old Rafter Rockin' B brand.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:27 PM

Well, he looked like this just a few weeks ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:33 PM

You should see him today!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: John O'L
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:34 PM

...many dachshunds have reported symptoms...

Patient Dachshund: "Doctor doctor my balls are itchy!"
Doctor Dachshund: "Hmmm. They don't smell itchy..."

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM

She was struck by the beam . . . . I shit you not.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM

They all get itchy in those areas. It's one of the curses of being born a dachshund.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:49 PM

Yeah -- and you know what they're like in the snow!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 11:16 AM

Something has been affecting my littlepuppydog too.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:55 PM

This just in: Thousands of dachshunds are planning a "March on Boston" to protest the clandestine attacks on their breed that are emanating from somewhere in the Boston area. As the news spreads, more dachshunds are expecting to join the marchers. It may not be unrealistic to project as many as 3 million dachshunds descending on Boston en masse by July 15th.

"On the Ides of July," says Oscar Meyer Weiner, spokesman for the Mighty Association of Aggrieved Dachshunds (MAAD), "we will enter the environs of Boston en masse, and when we do we'll sniff out this computer geek and see that he is brought to justice. He can run, but he can't hide. We'll shut down the highways and major thoroughfares. We'll take over the parks and recreation areas. We'll pee on the fire hydrants and rob the garbage cans. We'll raise sheer bloody hell day and night without letup until this malefactor has been caught and incarcerated!"

Already groups of MAAD dogs are gathering in communities all across the USA and Canada, and others have promised to fly in from Europe to lend their support to the protest, with more than 50,000 pledges in now from dachshunds in Germany alone! This promises to be an event which no one can ignore.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:59 PM

Wanna bet that I can't ignore it?

I think MAAD should have to post a bond for street, sidewalk, and lawn cleanup. Not to mention the squirrels they're gonna traumatize.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 01:07 PM

You'll have a hard time ignoring it, Rapaire, if a few thousand of them pass through your town on their way to Boston. There are very few spectacles that match the sight of a large number of dachshunds all together in one place at one time. Not too many that are noisier either...they tend to get a bit hysterical when they are gathered in large numbers.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 02:48 PM

Dachsies don't live at this altitude. I mean, they can, but if the eagles don't get them the cougars will. Besides, all you have to do to distract them is to put out some food or toss a doggie treat.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 03:01 PM

Yes, they'll do anything for food. Bribery is the way to go.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: GUEST,Disgusted Woofer
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 03:03 PM

HOW LOW CAN YOU GET

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 03:09 PM

Not much lower than this, that's for sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: number 6
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 03:51 PM

Yeah, not much lower ... hell, dachshunds have very short legs.

Rapaire ... now that you mention it ... about 5 years ago down in Maine an eagle actually did swoop down on someones yard and flew off with their pet dachshund. The eagle did eventually drop the beast. The dog did survive but was much traumatized and roughed up some. True story.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 04:32 PM

Every dachshund spends its life fearing that just such an incident will occur! It's not easy being that short. They also fear things that go bump in the night and rustle about in the bushes. Ours refuse to venture into the woods at the back of the property. They figure there are predators in there, just waiting.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 05:25 PM

Stupid eagle! Pomeranians taste better and are easier to fly off with. Leave the dachshunds for the alligators and coyotes.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 05:40 PM

" They figure there are predators in there, just waiting. "

And, ?

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 06:25 PM

And *GULP!*

"Ah, that went down nicely. Yummy!"

That's what. Dachshunds are keenly aware of their mortality at all times, and they suspect the worst.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 08:35 AM

As the inestimable Mr Les Barker wrote in one of his more serious moments "...dachsunds with erections can't climb stairs".

When the doggie hordes arrive just make sure you're on a step ladder and stay there till they pass on their way. A few pictures of lady dachsunds may help.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 08:39 AM

Put your fingers in your ears, and go Tingalingaloo!

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 10:04 AM

Being a Mainer, I can attest to sIx's story, though I honestly don't remember the breed of dog (very well could have been a dachshund). I know my sister and her husband have pugs and there was an eagle circling their back yard right around the same time...they had to go out and corral the dogs in quickly.

When I was a teenager I had a dog, Ginger, who was 1/2 dachshund and 1/2 german shepard, poor dear. Funniest looking dog you've ever seen.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 12:55 PM

Which end was the tall end?

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:41 PM

Friend of mine back in the 'hood had a doggie that was part daschund and part greyhound. He'd enter it in dog races and win a lot of money, 'cause the back end was the high end and the dog was therefore always running downhill. He got into a race one time though where the track was on the side of a hill and the other guy's dog had short legs on the right, giving the dog an advantage on the counter-clockwise track. My friend's dog (who was name Bugles) did his best, but he came to the first turn and skidded off the downhill side. Poor old Bugles got to runnin' faster and faster and faster and by the time he reached the bottom he'd plumb wore hisself down to a chihuahua and he ran off and hid to hide his shame.

My friend lost five hunnerd bucks on the race, too. Poor chap had to take an honest job digging out blocked sewers for over a month, and he never was the same after that.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 03:02 PM

Duh.

That is not a possum. It's an albino racoon.

This is a possum.

SRS*

*What's in YOUR back yard?

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 03:08 PM

Thank you, Stilly, you are quite right about that.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 04:16 PM

I have a pic of 650 pound albino black bear and a thousand pound albino moose squaring of in a bog in early spring before the snow melt. No sense in posting a link, on accounta it looks like this here...


                                                                     *


                  



That's the moose on the right, kitty corner from behind.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: number 6
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 04:46 PM

Rapaire ... question here ... your friend had a part greyhound and part dachshund ... how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate? Letting my imagine flow here I can't but help laff at the possible ways.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 05:01 PM

"how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate?"

On a very steep hill, sIx. Very steep.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 05:02 PM

Well, sIx, they did it the same way it's always done, I guess. He said something about the greyhound standing in a hole, but I never asked for (and didn't want) any details.

Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 05:32 PM

"how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate?"

He brought flowers.