Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM

101 [in Big Brotherly tones].

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 11:11 AM

"You know, the guy who produced the Bond films",he said broccoli.

"Of course I want to be a professor" he said charily.

"I refer to your ugly little dog", said Tom repugnantly.

"Don't make assumptions just because I'm from Wales", he replied sheepishly.

"Anyway, the upshot was, the dog said 'So does anyone fancy sex'" he ended shaggily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 03:56 PM

"So I bought a raffle ticket, and won an old Manchester United player!" he said in surprise.
"A mugger tried to rob me in Bangkok, but I fought back and he fled", said Tom, tyranically.
"Someone cut off the entire left side of my rugby kit", he said in short.
"O Cod!" he said, oafishly.
"No, that lens goes at the bottom of the microscope tube", he said objectively.
"Fifty-one? Six? Five hundred?", he shouted, LIVID.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:46 AM

How about a variant: Jonathan Swifties?

"I'm writing a travel book", said the Dean, gullibly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 03:21 AM

Ah, yes, Paul ~~ A Modest Proposal indeed!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 08:31 AM

Have you read any Enid Blyton books? Only 5, he nodded famously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 08:46 AM

Lily, put the kettle on! I will, she replied shortly

Its cutting edge technology! He said incisively

It'll be wedding bells soon! She announced engagingly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:52 AM

"I'm rather stiff from living in a low ceilinged loft", said Tom rheumatically.

"Brackets to the lot of you!" (he said) parenthetically.


"Only I can commentate on a royal wedding", said Richard Dimbleby.

"I don't give a feck!", said Jack fecklessly.

"I've discovered a way to hold my glasses on", said Tom spectacularly.

"I only read one page of that D'urbervilles book", said Tom infinitesimally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 04:59 PM

I have read the whole of it, I reply Hardily

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 02:07 AM

"It's involved and boring, I don't..." she said, like a trollop.
"H-heller!", she exclaimed, with hell in her heart.
"I can't hear anything with this ear", she said definitely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 10:14 AM

I really need to urinate! He said peevishly

Is there a doctor in the house? He asked philosophically

I feel I'm going to throw up he said nauseatingly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 11:01 AM

I keep getting tinnitus, complained the campanologist belligerently

The boat's sprung a leak! He said balefully

There's a pressing need for this ironing to be done, he said ironically

You really shouldn't make it a rush job, he said scurrilessly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:18 PM

"I threw up and the dog ate it!", said Tom cyclically.

"I love bread and treacle", said Tom surreptitiously.

"I'm the almost accurate knife thrower", he said cosmologically.

"I'm looking for an invisible plane", said Tom stealthily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 01:39 PM

"Well, you missed that flying saucer", replied Mary euphemistically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 01:53 AM

"Whatever they say about Judas, he invested our money wisely, so when I'd finished teaching, preaching and working miracles, I could settle down on a good pension and write science fiction", he expostulated.

"Milliband, it's time to return to the party's roots", he belaboured.

"I play pibroch, but only the variations", he droned on, groundlessly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 06:35 AM

I hear you've a degree in engineering.

Affirmative, he answered mechanically

In for a penny, in for a pound, he remarked pensively

You're poor at tiddlywinks? I play very well, he countered

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 04:16 PM

"Do you like stories, little girl, or would you like your photograph taken?" carolled Lewis, dodgily.
"I expected you 'alf an hour ago, did Emu 'old you up?", he ululated.
"That flying fish had roundels on its fins!" he said raffishly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Feb 12 - 09:59 AM

My eyelids were surgically removed following an accident, he said unblinkingly

Intermittently, I get cramp in bed, he said spasmodically

We've amassed a good supply of logs for winter, he said lumberingly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 06 Feb 12 - 03:43 AM

I can't cut the grass, the machine's broke, he bemoaned

Why do people say 'haitch' instead of 'aitch' ? he aspirated

It's so shiny, I can see my face in it, he reflected

The moon's looking gibbous, he gibbered

That lost golfer's been located, he said profoundly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 06 Feb 12 - 06:02 AM

"Turn round three t-i-i-mes at the full m-oo-oo-oo-n", he intoned enchantingly.

"That acting was rather wooden", said Annie Oakley.

"Pump up the volume",said Tom gainfully.

"Just don't call me 'Flash Gordon' said Buster crabbily.

"How does that thing stop reverberation?" asked Tom bafflingly.

"Dover to Calais? No problem",Mr Webb said swimmingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 06 Feb 12 - 07:38 AM

Well bugger me said Quentin Crisp hopefully.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 07 Feb 12 - 02:01 AM

"Someone's poured black liquid all over my jazz/ rock collection!", he said in confusion.

"I'd like a pint of Chester's" she said mildly. "It's your turn to get them in!", he replied roundly. "No, I got you Boddington's last time", she responded bitterly. "That was before I bought you a Guinness", he countered stoutly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 07 Feb 12 - 05:49 AM

"Try 'Old Rosie'", I appealed". "I'm not sure", he said undecidedly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Feb 12 - 06:27 AM

We are not amused, she mused

No nay never, he sang negatively

As I roved out, he rambled

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 07 Feb 12 - 07:44 AM

"I can't stop this horse", said Tom woefully.

"My object was to win Irish freedom", said Patrick piercingly.

"It's like living next door to a brothel!" Said Tom hormonally.

"I am Master of The Queen's Music", said Arthur blissfully.

"Time for my postprandial walk",said Erskine constitutionally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 10:12 AM

I've lost a glove, have you seen it? He asked searchingly

I had two, but one's gone, he said onerously

The sentry's dead, he said guardedly

It's very smoky in here, he fumed

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 11:31 AM

"I see Harry Redknapp got off" he said guiltily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 12:16 PM

"Help me to find a new boyfriend", she said mandatingly.

"Sorry but I dropped the Captain Morgan", said Tom rumbustiously.

"All art is sex; all sex is art", said Tom conceptually.

""Do I look like I give a shit?", said Tom constipatedly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 01:36 PM

...as he sat completely motionless.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 05:38 PM

...on a stool.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:31 PM

"I could never really understand Kant," she said categorically.

"Last night I dreamed about a wigwam and a teepee," he explained all too tensely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:34 PM

One of his front teeth was knocked out when he fell against a hatchet, accidentally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:35 PM

He sailed his boat out to the deeper waters on porpoise, just to see the dolphins playing.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 09 Feb 12 - 06:52 AM

"I'm trying to develop a manure spreader with a less random distribution pattern", said Tom scatalogically.

"No;it's not a concertina, it's a melodeon", said Simon carefully.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Phil Beer!" Said Steve nightly.

"I don't believe in all this Jesus stuff", said Tom irredeemably.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Feb 12 - 08:14 PM

"Sinatra sucks!", said Tom frankly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 02:42 AM

"I haven't eaten in 3 days," Gertrude said, speaking very fast.

"When I sing this song, I start out in C, then shift to D, and finally finish in E," explained Roberto, who was too keyed up.

"I don't look good in khaki," complained Beetle Bailey, fatigued.

"Irish setters are the most beautiful breed of all," Fiona doggedly insisted.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 04:05 AM

"Oops! Damn tree root!" exclaimed Homer trippingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 05:33 AM

"I laid turf but it didn't grow", said Tom forlornly.

"That's because I stole it", I replied graspingly.

"Just because I like 'Saves the Day' and have black hair doesn't mean I'm suicidal", he said emotively.

"Nigella and Delia are Kitchen Gods!" Said Tom pantheistically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 07:39 AM

I've proved the theory of creationism! he exclaimed unconvincingly

But I can't explain it, he said inexplicably

Onward Christian soldiers, he said ambiguously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 07:50 AM

"And this piece represents the beginning of life", said Tom conceptually.

"You mean some people actually buy smoothies?" Asked Tom innocently.

And over you I'll build a bridge..", sang Tom archly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 09:39 AM

I'm undecided, he said uncertainly

I'm uncertain, he said indecisively

I've loads of money, he boasted fortunately

My donkey's really mulish, he said asininely

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 09:51 AM

"This is the stick we beat the new boys with", he said arcanely.

"I'm even better than La Petomane", Said Tom gastrically.

"You'll never guess what I call my cross-eyed teddy bear", said Tom gladly.

"To prove how sorry I am, I'll let you have twelve marquees for a shilling", Tom said penitentially.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 10:09 AM

There is much evil in war, said Evelyn Waugh evilly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 10 Feb 12 - 02:57 PM

"Oh, wow! I'm t-r-r-i-i-pping!!!" Timothy cried acidly (though leerily).

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 09:41 AM

"It's a hawk.. or perhaps a buzzard..." said Tom orchestrally.

"I was caught in flagrente with a young soldier in Wellington Barracks", said Tom, taken off his guard. "Then there was the time I shagged Gallagher", he continued uproariously, "And this is where I had sex with Pete the folksinger", he went on incoherently.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 02:08 PM

"Some sonofabitch has trodden black fluid all over my new white carpet", sobbed Tom inconsolably.

"That little Jack in the corner is off 'is 'ead", he said ornamentally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 11:09 AM

"Thank goodness, I've finally found my long-lost stupid brother," she exclaimed, dumbfounded.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 03:26 AM

I'm in a hurry, he said hastily

There's no rush, he said unhurriedly

I don't care what happens, Tom said inconsequentially

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 08:52 AM

"I detest 'The Threepenny Opera', he said curtly.

"In fact it's total shit" he added vilely.

"This view of Whitby is stunning", said Tom picturesquely.

"I am referring to your the bottom of your legs", said Tom subliminally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: redhorse
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 05:44 PM

"He's doing something obscene with that potato!" she shrieked dictatorially.
"Calm down, dear" said Michael winningly.