The Nice But Dim Knight

Subject: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM

It just occurred to me that things would have been very different if the outlandish knight had been a bit brighter, or else not had such good manners.

"Well, maybe not, but it's not exactly fitting that I'm killing you in the first place, is it? Go on, get 'em off."

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM

He was only outlandish once she'd chucked him off the cliff. He was inlandish up to that point.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:45 AM

What about if that sea captain hadn't been so stubborn about setting sail on Christmas day? Or in that gale, no matter how fine and pleasant it was?

LTS

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM

What if John Barleycorn was attacked by a parasitic fungus?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: fat B****rd
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:12 AM

What if the banjo player eluded the irate band of music lovers....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:18 AM

What if Lucy Wan had been on the pill?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:21 AM

Or is Lady Arland's page couldn't swim!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:37 AM

Or if Janet in Tam Lim didn't believe in fairies. Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:42 AM

And woe be to the little footpage
And an ill death may he die
For he's put his eye to the keyhole
As his hand into his fly

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:54 AM

Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole

Then it would have been Child #27 rather than Child #81!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:56 AM

And if Sir Patrick Spens had had any bottle…


The first line that Sir Patrick read
A loud, loud laugh left him
He screwed the letter in a ball
And chucked it in the bin

"Oh who is this has done this deed
And told the King of me
If he thinks I'm sailing this time of year
He's off his bloody tree."

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM

Hey, this is fun!

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.

Alright, just give me minute to put my face on.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: pavane
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:36 AM

Perhaps all these DID happen - but there wouldn't have been a song about them.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:39 AM

What if Barbara Ellen had opted for a night in with a pizza and a copy of 'Cosmo'?

LTS

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:41 AM

Tom Pierce, Tom Pierce, lend me thy gray mare...

NO! Sod off.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM

or

One morning in May
at the dawn of the day
I pulled a sickie
and in bed I did stay.

(thereby avoiding the paternity suit)

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:51 AM

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.


In these shoes?

(Apologies to the late Kirsty McColl)

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:00 AM

As I walked out one May morning…

…it was peeing down so I went in again.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Severn
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:09 AM

I always used the "NO!" with "Children Go Where I Send Thee". More realistic, somehow.....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM

I think it's very unkind of you to ask of me to sing...

...so I'm going to play my Banjo instead

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

If the letter of Marque from the King had been lost in the mail, there might have been one less legless fisherman on a Halifax pier....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM

Did she always return? Yes, she always returned,
Her fate, it has often been learned,
Though for years and years she tried to leave the harbour
The ship she always returned.


....
They found him in the pub with his hand on a bottle
And tucking into pie and mushy peas....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM

When first I came to Louisville
My fortune there to find
I fell in with some gay young men
Who fondled my behind....


Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso
I took one look and around left on the next train.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Lord Batman's Kitchener
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM

What if 1954 had never happened?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM

You may sing and boast and talk about your Fenians and your clans
And how the boys from County Cork beat up the Black and Tans,
But I know a little codger who came out without a scar
Since he lived in Kansas City and he never went to war.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:39 PM

and then there was the poetry

In Xanadu, did Kubla Khan a mighty pleasure dome decree
The entrance fee was 2 pounds eight
But once inside the drinks were free.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Kent Davis
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM

GET UP AND BAR THE DOOR (WEST VIRGINIA VERSION)

verse 4
Three robbers came along the way,
They walked right up and were shot dead.
(song ends)

Kent

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:51 PM

What if that page HADN'T had a duplicate key?

Nonny, nonny..

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 08:51 PM

I am a weaver, I live all alone.

End of song.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM

What if the Provost had said to his men, "Saddle your horses, we're hanging Dundee!"???

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Skivee
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Don't bother going.
There's not much there but sand.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:06 AM

What if Spencer the Rover had joined the Boys' Brigade instead?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:09 AM

isn't this fun?

I would have gone to Sammy's Bar
But the last boat had left

or even

Hangman, hangman stay your hand,
and wait wi' me a while
for I think I see my own true love....
No, sorry, it's somebody else.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Bob L
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:14 AM

...I'd never sit down with travellers who drank red wine with fish...

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:25 AM

It was late that night when the Lord came in,
Enquiring for his Lady-o
And the servant girl said she's just popped out,
To buy pegs from the Raggle Taggle Gypsy-o

Love this thread!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM

And where would folk music be in Radcliffe Highway had never been built?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM

Oh Polycell, oh Polycell
The grouting's now begun...

As I was a walking, a rambling one day
I spied a yourng couple, so sweet did they stray
One was a young man, a brave grenadier
The other was a sailor, I think they were queer...

And of course the classic blues song

I didn't wake up this mornin...

Good game, good game

:D

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM

Dave LOL!

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Dodgems, waltzers, candyfloss and spivs.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM

Are you going to Scarborough Fair ?


No.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM

Will ye gang tae the Hielan's, Leezie Lyndsay ?

You must be f*cking joking, pal !

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM

Oh, the shearing's not for you, my bonny lassie, O

Oh ? Says who ?

I'll get me phillabeg . . .

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 10:44 AM

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Don't be stupid, there hasn't been a fair in Scarborough for two hundred years

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:16 AM

Speed bonnie boat like a bird on the wing
Onward the sailors cry
But it's much quicker to get in the car
And drive over the bridge to Skye

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM

For UK 'catters:_

Oh the Shearing's not for you, bonny lassie o.

Thats Ok I'm going with Hoseason's

Mike

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:02 PM

Where have you been Lord Randall my son?
    At me local for a pint and some crisps.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:14 PM

One misty moisty morning as I strode o'er the heather
I came upon and old man who was dressed all up in leather
He was dressed all up in leather, with a strap beneath his chin
And rode a Harley Davidson that made an awful din

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Folknacious
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 12:53 PM

Well I'll sing you a song about the Old 49
Fastest engine on the Sante Fe Line
On the 14th of April she made a desperate dash
And she got there on time and she did not crash.

(From Shel Silverstein's "Inside Folk Songs", 1962 . . . It's the track before the memorable "Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh" . . .

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Oh where are our dear mothers?
Oh where are our dear mothers?
Oh where are our dear mothers?
Day is a-breaking in my soul

They've gone to Walmart, shoopping ....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 02:46 PM

Oh what's the matter with you my love?
And where's your darling's willie?
That Bobbit woman has chopped it off
And now he looks so silly.

Mike

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM

It's old, but

Slack your rope, hangman, oh slack for a while
I think I see ARWK!!