The Nice But Dim Knight

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM

"Mrs. M'Grath," the Sergeant said,
"Would you like to make a soldier outa your son Ted?
With a scarlet coat and big cocked hat
Now Mrs. M'Grath wouldn't you like that?"
"Hell no! Get outa me yard ya smarmy bastard!"

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 03:44 PM

I'm puzzled by "Jellion Grame". Rosie Flower is mounted, yet Grame, on foot, is able to kill her. In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down…"

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,DMcG
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 05:02 PM

Too soon to bed out of my bed
Too soon to be back at this bus queue caper
Or fumbling for change for my picture paper
On a Monday mor ... hang on, it's only Sunday.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 06:40 PM

Every mornin' at the mine you see him arrive
He stood six foot six and weighed two forty-five
Kinda broad in the shoulder and narrow at the hip
He wore skin-tight jeans and had bright red lips
Big John.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM

We were forty miles from Albany
Forget it!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM

"In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down…""

.... I am unable to continue ...

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:31 AM

When a young girl fell in love with me and found I was a maid
She went unto to my officer me secret she betrayed
Unbuttoning my red tunic and he found that it was true
"It's a shame", he said "to lose a pretty drummer boy like you"

"But we could keep it our little secret--- if you play your cards right"

Mike

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:55 AM

O Captain, take gold, O captain, take money

Never mind the money, gerremoff!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:57 AM

Slight thread drift :

Behold a bright light shone in the East, and the sky was riven with angels singing ; and one Wise Man said to the other "Told you this was good acid".

I'll ger me djellaba . . .

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:15 AM

Where have you been all the day, Henry my son ?

Mind your own bleedin' business.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:28 AM

When John Henry was a little baby
Sitting on his mama's knee
He said Driving steel is hard, hard work
Gonna take up accountancy...

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 06:25 AM

OK, I've posted this elsewhere before, but I still think it's a considerable improvement on the original.

"Ah, must I go," Matt Hyland said
"Ah, must I go without my wages
With ne'er a penny in my purse
And wander like some poor lost stranger?"
"All right she said, just hang around
Till they come for you in the morning,
Then ask them for your fifty pounds-
Don't say I didn't give you warning!"

There is a ship lies in the bay,
It's setting sail for far Australia,
And in the hold Matt Hyland's chained
Because he's such a hopeless failure.
And in her chamber sits a maid,
She's busy writing out a letter-
An advert to the servant trade-
Let's hope the next one turns out better.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:52 AM

Farewell sweet, lovely Nancy
ten thousand times adieu
I'm bound away o'er the ocean wave
For a two week holiday in Normandy...

and

Sally, free and easy...
Phwoar!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 08:04 AM

We all know that he was aquited for 'shooting Polly Vaughn', but did you know the R.S.P.B. had him hung for shooting a swan?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM

Away unto the west'ard
There's a place a man can go
Where the bars are always open
And the service is never slow.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM

Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
With your musket, fife and drum ?

If it's all the same to you, love, I'll use a ring, like everyone else.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Michael
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM

An oxymoronic song:-

One Monday morning as we set sail
The wind did blow a pleasant gale

Wandering Minstrel:

The line that gets me:- "Took a sailor's loving for a nursery game"

Does that mean wearing a nappy and getting his bottom spanked?

Mike

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM

Don't mind the rain and the rolling sea

Well, I f*cking do !

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM

As I was a-walking down London, through Wapping to Ratcliffe Highway,
I chanced to step into an alehouse to spend a long night and a day.
A young doxy came rolling up to me and asked if I'd money to sport.
'I'll have half of shandy, here's sixpence.' She said: 'Piss off we don't serve your sort.'

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:27 AM

You started today on your journey, alone on the highway of life
You will meet with a thousand temptations, each city with evil is rife.
The world is a stage of excitement, full of evil and sin,
But if you are tempted in weakness, have courage, my boy, and go in.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:27 PM

My name it is sam hall chimney sweep chimney sweep   my name it is sam hall chimney sweep             central heating do i rue now theres bugger all to do..,

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,dmcg
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:45 PM

One morning in May
I chanced for to rove
I sat myself down by the side of a grove
It was there I did see the dense motorway smog
And you have to gasp for breath
[You have to gasp for breath]
You have to gasp for breath when the traffic fumes clog

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM

Oh! My boat can safely float in the teeth of wind and weather
And outrace the fastest hooker between Galway and Kinsale;
When the black floor of the ocean and the white foam rush together,
High she rides, in her pride, while I feed fishes o'er the rail.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 03:54 PM

Now I'm warning yer all! They're not gonna like it the next time you're sat in a serious singaround and Mrs Scroggins has just reached the fortieth verse of Barbara Allen, and you suddenly burst out laffin'! Mark my words, there'll be tears!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM

He was much reduced, which caused great confusion,
And that was the reason that he consolidated all his debts into one affordable loan...


As I was going to Aylesbury,
All on a market day
A pretty little Aylesbury girl
I met upon the way
Her business was to market
With butter, cheese and whey,
And we got chatting and discovered we had several mutual friends and quite a number of common interests.
Which was nice.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM

Twas homeward bound one night on the deep,
Swinging in my hammock I fell asleep,
I dreamed a dream and I followed through
I was jolly-rogered by that cursed crew!

There was Captain Thompson from Scarborough Town,
Brave Griffin and Parry of great renown,
There was Captain Ross and so many more
Had all been at it since we left the shore.

And now my backside it gives me pain,
To regain my innocence I'd cross the main,
Ten thousand pounds I would freely pay,
To save my passage for another day.

With apologies to Lady Franklin.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Gurney
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 06:01 PM

A fine young man, it was indeed,
came a-riding on his milk-white steed.
He rode and he rode, he rode all alone.
He'd heard all about 'lovely' Joan!


In the interests of punctiliousness: 'Outlandish' didn't mean strange, just that he was a Geordie.
Hold on, let me think about that.....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM

...He had not gone but a mile or twa,
When he heard the dead-bell knellin'
And he turned his horse's head away
Sayin', "Screw you, Barbara Allen."


See who comes over the red-blossomed heather:
It's Sam, Bill, and Jenny and the lovely blonde, Claire....


'Twas down by the glenside I met an old woman
A-plucking young nettles, and she ne'er saw me comin'
And I listened a while to the sounds she was makin'
"Ouch! Dammit! Ta hell with the lot of 'em! Ya want bloody nettles ya pick the buggers yerself!"

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 05:08 AM

The Gallant Frigate Amphitrite.
She sank in Plymouth Sound

End

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Kevin Parker
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:49 AM

Said Red Molly to James 'that's a fine motor bike'

'No, actually mine's the Honda Civic parked behind it'

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:58 AM

With me doorum dah, fol the diddle-ah, di ree fol the diddle derry o.

I really must learn the correct words one of these days.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 07:02 AM

Perhaps not "folk", but here goes :

Some day my Prince will come

said Snow White, changing hands again . . .

I'll get me coat.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM

Sovay, Sovay, all on a day
She decked herself in girls array
and with skein and scissors all at her side
She sat in the garden
she sat in the garden and her needle plied...

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: quokka
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM

I wonder what is keeping my true love this night?
Happy hour at the pub

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 09:03 AM

One pleasant evening in the month of June
As I walked, weaving, toward my room
A peeler stood by an ivy bush
And I was taken up for drunk and disorderly, resisting, and a bunch of other things.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:12 AM

As it fell out upon a day
As many in the year
Musgrave to the church did go
To see fair ladies there

And some came down in red velvet
And some came down in Pall
And the last to come down was the Lady Barnard
The fairest of them all

She's cast a look on the Little Musgrave
As bright as the summer sun
She said: "I've got the vicar coming round
Do come for tea and buns"

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:21 AM

Wheear 'as ta bin sin ah saw thee?
Buyin' meesen a bleedin' 'at!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: SqueezeMe
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:23 AM

The gallant frigate Anthracite
She burned in Plymouth Sound

also....

The gallant frigate Araldite
She's stuck in Plymouth Sound

(Thanks for the inspiration, Ralphie!)

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM

Come all you tender hearted chaps,
I hope you'll lend an ear.
And likewise pay attention,
To these few I lines I have here.
It's all in praise of a pretty maid
I mean to use my quill.
She was the blooming rose of Antrim,

And I hope she's on the pill......

No excuse I know.....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM

Absolutely none whatsoever!!!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 08:32 PM

Of some antiquity:

A Maraschino cherry, it has no stone.
Chicken a la king, it has no bone.
The story of stupidity, it has no end.
A baby when it's strangled, there's no cryen.

On various occasions I have supplied the wife's side of a certain story:

My husband never tires of lying around.
He drinks like a fish, and he sings like a hound.
He eats like a pig and makes love like a troll,
And the day he drops dead, I will fathom the bowl.

-- and tied up the loose end of another one:

The middle daughter ran off with the prince,
Bow down, bow down,...
And neither of them has been heard from since.
I will be true,...

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 09:57 PM

As I was a-goin' o'er the far-famed Kerry Mountain
I met with Colonel Farrell who was pissing like a fountain....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,bardan
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 08:39 PM

I took off my pants and i did salute her

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM

...If there's anyone can help me it's my brother in the Army,
He's never been much help before and he's really very barmy....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Ralphie
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 02:40 AM

THE DRUMMER BOY OF WATERLOO

When battle roused each warlike band
And carnage loud her trumpet blew
Young Edwin left his native land

And decided, on reflection, that he'd prefer to go clubbing in Ibiza this summer.....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Surreysinger
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM

THE MISTLETOE BOUGH (extract)


I'm tired of dancing now she cried
Here tarry a moment, I'll hide, I'll hide
And Lovell be sure thou'rt the first to trace
The clues to my secret hiding place.
Away she ran and her friends began
Each tower to search and each nook to scan
"Oh where dost thou hide" Young Lovel cried......

.........Oh there you are ... gotcha!!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: DMcG
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 07:46 AM

I've travelled east, I've travelled west,
I've travelled by Kirkcaudy
But the bonniest lass that e'er I saw
She was stalking her collier laddie.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Singers Knight
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:00 AM

There were three score and ten
Boys and men
Heard the weather forecast
And came home again!

and

The gallant frigate aconite
grew well on Plymouth Sound

The old 'uns are definitely the best!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM

The FULL readers Digest version of Rapaires !

One night in the Wild West town of El Paso

I met a girl and I got shot and died !

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM

Which gives me another 100 th !!