Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Spleen Cringe
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:43 PM

Tam. Much love and good vibes to you. x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Peace
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:48 PM

I didn't know my eyes could have that many tears, Tam.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 May 09 - 02:56 AM

I suppose I say something about the events leading up to her passing. I have in so many other threads. It should be here.

Andie was diagnosed with autoimmune adrenal dysfunction, when she was 21. She only started exhibiting symptoms (mainly weight loss) shortly after I left the US and moved to the UK.

She went from something like a size 26 to a size 14 when I saw her a year later. After a life time of being overweight, she was thrilled with the weight loss. I nagged and nagged. "Go to the doctor, are you anorexic, what the hell is going on?" When I saw her a few months later (the girls visit to UK) she had gone down to a loose size 10 and her normally pale (she had her father's Scottish colouring) was orange and she was so weak.

Her sister had to trick her into going to the doctor when they got back to US and that was when she was diagnosed. Once on cortisol ( the hormone replacement for what the adrenal glands were no longer producing) she started putting on weight, feeling better, though any little thing (cold, flu, injury) can tip you into danger zone again).

She didn't like the cortosol. CLaimed it changed her personality. From her Live Journal... "I don't like this new girl. She is so afraid of everyone." She also constantly griped about not having the money to keep going to doctor and to buy medicine. Her father and sister know she was rationing it. She then got the flu. The last thing her father heard from her was a muttering "Damn Loki (her boyfriend) gave me his flu. I had warned both Andie and her father that she would need to check into hospital for saline drip and cortisol injections if she ever caught cold or flu. They both thought I was over-reacting (her father said making mountaqin out of molehills as you usually do).

Andie went into shock. Her father found her dressed and curled up in the bathtub as though to take a nap, she had even pulled the curtain closed. In hospital they got her heart going 3 times and then gave up. It was asmall hospital and not equipped to deal with her condition. The ER doctor didn't even know what Addison's disease (adrenal dysfunction) was.

In the 3 weeks leading up to her death I had nightmares every night. Not specifically about Andie (dying kiteens and nameless faceless babies) but I knew it was about Andie. I was v=calling and emailing daily trying to reach her. I had to resort to calling her Bard and asking him to talk to her as she was not answering my messages.

Her last email to me was an undramatic request to please not involve and worry her friends in her business. And to please stop interfering in her life.

So... now I need to go to work. Tonight I will add soething jolly again.

love to all

Tamara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 14 May 09 - 03:26 AM

"I was v=calling and emailing daily trying to reach her. I had to resort to calling her Bard and asking him to talk to her as she was not answering my messages."


She's answering your messages now, Tam...and every answer from here on in will be filled with love. You keep on sending those messages out to her, she'll hear them, have no fear.

You've been in a dark place for a long time, but now Andie's helping you back, out into the sunshine again.

Have a good day at work and I'm really looking forward to seeing your video of Andie if you manage to get it loaded up.

Lizzie :0) x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barry Finn
Date: 14 May 09 - 03:48 AM

Virginia Tam, what a prize package you loved, so sorry she's gone form your life now. I can't imagine anything worst than losing a child. We are supposed to she our children into adulthood before we ourselves go first.
I swear by the love of our children, there is nothing so strong.
The last time I had a transplant my wife was so fearful of my dying (I came very close the 1st time too). I knew my daughter (she's alot like your daughter form the sounds of Andie) & wife would get past losing me but I knew my son couldn't & wouldn't, he has his demons that he deals with the best he can. I told my son I wouldn't die until I knew he was fine &could be left on his own. The doctors told my wife to ask me if I wanted to keep on fighting & she camme in & told me that if I needded to go it was ok & that I could go. I told her I wasn't going any where until Gabe (that's my son) was in a better place & that I wasn't even close to braking that promise I made him. I came through that failed transplant then 12 day coma & another liver transplant. What we will do for our kids.
All the could've, should've, would've's doesn't change a mother's love, not many of us has the gift of foresight, we're all to blessed with more than enough 20/20 hindsight though.
From the sounds of your Andie, she lived life as full as she pleased, right from the start & it sounds as if she died on her own terms too. Sounds like she was asking you to let her do just that.

I'm so sorry that you feel as if you have something to blame yourself for, I'm not in your shoes but it only sounds that you had a one of kind daughter & she would have it her way no matter what you think you could've done for her.
I hope she lives on forever in the hearts of those that loved her

Barry

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 07:32 AM

Tam. Thank you for saying it here. I think I know what it cost to line it all out.... I'm confident that in the hindsight that will come, it will prove to have been healing. But I know that, for now... anyway, I know.

And I know that no parent comes through parenting kids at that age without incredible confusion at every step-- they're all just like that as they start their "adult" lives! Let me be the first to say that you took every step right.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:06 AM

VT - I've been keeping tabs on this thread - there really isn't much I can say.

Take care of yourself.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:37 AM

(BTW my last post was made in a previously-open window right after Tam's post-- had not seen others' intervening posts before mine was submitted.)

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:57 AM

Thank you all and especially Barry for sharing. I don't think I will be adding much tonight. Had acupuncture (neck and head) this afternoon and just want to drift for a while.

p.s. thanks to the people who pm'd me as well.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sue the Borderer
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:36 PM

Hi Tam
I'm sorry that we only got to meet briefly at Rochester Sweeps recently. It seems to me, having read this thread, that both you and your daughter are very, very special people.
Thank you for sharing Andie with us.

Love and hugs, Sue

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 May 09 - 04:31 PM

(refresh)

Tam, just a quick note to say I hope your "break" is going faboo, and since I'll be less online in the next few days than I am on most weekdays, please know that I'm looking forward to the next installment but never, ever urgent about WHEN or WHAT.

"Not a time-sensitive request."

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:43 AM

I really don't know what to add right now. Been quite tearful, dredging all this stuff up.

I want to go on, but need a bit of break. My head and sinuses have had enough. Besides I am killing trees with all the tissues I am going through.

Thank you all for reading and learning my Andie. There will be more.

Someday.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:59 AM

Dear Tam,

What a wonderful, inspiring tribute to the amazing, shining light that was (IS!) Andie. Thank you for this beautiful memorial thread. I honor you and Andie.

My husband and I have both had heartbreaking losses in recent years, and know how the remembrances, the pictures, the recordings, and even just hearing the beloved's name is so important.

We've also learned that life goes on, and healing happens, but the pain of the loss can erupt and ambush you unexpectedly from now on. You know all this.

But the most important thing I've learned, and have said it over and over again in this forum is this:
LOVE NEVER DIES!
Andie is with you always.

love to you,

Allison

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 10:50 AM

....it only sounds that you had a one of kind daughter & she would have it her way no matter what ....

Well I said I needed to leave this a bit, but upon reading all the posts again and hitting on Barry's line (italics above)had to say, yes.

And it brouught up more memories.

She was stridently independent from infancy.

I remember her at just turned 2 attempting to navigate her legs into training pants, (too big for diapers now). The re is a photo of her sitting on my bed, bith legs gone through one leg opening and out the waist, an expression of determination on her little face.

Not the last time I saw that expression. Riding the bycycle received on her 5th birthday. Learning to tie her shoes. My god, she spent hours sitting on the front porch, doing it over and over, howls of anger pouring out of her. Any attempt to offer guidance or help was met with fierce rejection. "I will do it MYSELF!" Theshoes were key, because she knew that she could not go to kindergarten without know how to tie them herself. More than once I suffered romonstrations from her father or my Mother or my siblings. "Why don't you just get her the velcro shoes." "Because I want her to know how to tie laces." Had the same kind of arguments about analogue and digital watches. I wanted my children to learn to read time from analog. Was I a monster Mom or what?

Anyway, Andie was something of a Houdini when she was little. She hated clothes from infancy. always finding ways of escaping. My poor brother was at his wit's end after babysitting her one evening. He couldn't keep her inside her Pampers. I came home to find her with black electrician's taped wrapped around waist of the diaper to keep her from taking it off. She was a year old. Kevin pointed to the pile of stripped off papmers and said unless we got her lockable diapers he ouldn't babysit her again.

Bathtime. She was fish. 2 favourite things. She would put her face under the water running from the tap and blow. She loved it. I don;t know where she learned it but she always did it, whe I bathed her. Getting out of bath was followed by a dripping wet hug, she always managed to dodge the towel and a streak out fo the bathroom shrieking with laughter me chasing her with unused towel in hand. What a kid.

Hated shoes to the point of screaming. Remember Striderites? Andie was knock kneed and slightly pigeon toed. Pediatrician said put her shoes on the wrong feet for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon to straighten her feet. Took only 2 bouts of her wailing to know I didn't have the heart to keep up that treatment. She learned how to get out of shoes anyway. Even the little lace locks became a game for her.

Funnily enough, though all of her life she preferred being barefoot (so do I) this girl had so many shoes as a teen and adult. She could not resist them, even the ones that were too painful to wear more than an hour.

Most babies learn how to escape a playpen by standing on a toy and climbing over. Not Andie. She tunneled her way out. Bit and chewed the vinyl skirting at the bottom fo the mesh, tand out she went. I don't know how many times I sewed up the torn spots. I finally gave up.


She learned doors and gates pretty quickly too. I spent most of her 3rd year of life with her baby sister on my hip as I ran up and down the neighborhood looking for my escaped child. You can imagine how I dreaded her learning to ride the bicycle. She would just be able to go further and faster.

Thankfully, by the time she was ready for a car, she was very responsible and even more considerate of my anxiety.   If she was going to be even 10 minutes late, she would give me a call and let me know what was up.

Should say that Andie and I didn't really bond until she was about 11 or 12. Until then she had always been her Daddie's girl, (ezcept when she was sick or a friend hurt her feelings). Suddenly, she just wanted to hang out with me and sing with me and tell me stuff abourt school and friends, when before I had wheedle. It was a year after I started working. Not being an at home mom anymore, maybe she realised she should take advantage of any time she could get.

I dunno.

Well damn, I said I was going to leave it a bit and all this stuff just bubbles up to the surface.

sorry.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 May 09 - 01:44 PM

Thanks for sharing these memories, VT. All of us who have been blessed with clever and beautiful daughters can relate to the love, the joy, and the pain.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 16 May 09 - 01:51 PM

Oh heck, don't you go saying sorry, Tam! It's really lovely learning about Andie. I've been chuckling away at your stories about her there, the little minx. I bet she ran you absolutely ragged.

Beautiful memories of your very special child. :0) xx

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 03:55 PM

More determination -

Andie was a southpaw (lefthanded - which is why she chose Zancani as her persona surname).

When I bought a second had guitar after many years guitarless, Andie was in university. She decided she was going to learn to play. I am right handed. So she started teaching herself holding it the lefthanded direction but replicating chords upside down. I could't bear to watch and hear the torture any longer and restrung it left handed for her. The pickguard looked out of place on top, but at least that way she could learn properly.


I left for the UK soon after that. Don't know she got on. Not very well I suspect, because she had the tiniest little hands and short stubby fingers (another bane to her).

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 May 09 - 04:47 PM

Tam, take your time. Your thread reminds me of a series of thread which Night Owl started on some very grave losses she experienced over many years, starting out with This One about her house burning down and how Mudcatters helped her. She found the process of writing to us, at her own pace which was very slow and thoughtful, to be cathartic and really helpful. I hope this is serving that purpose and whatever other purposes might be helpful for you, too. Thank you, again, for sharing with us.

ATB,

kat

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 05:21 PM

Kat - thanks for posting the link. What happened to Night Owl. I checked. Her last post was in 2003.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 May 09 - 10:51 PM

Life demanded her full attention for various reasons...partly taking care of her mom, full-time, who is sharp as a tack at 99, but in need of physical help. That is a full-time job in itself...but there are other things which have kept her away. That, and she gets a Mudcat Digest from me every few days via the phone.:-) She will be back some day, I hope.:-) Thanks for asking.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 May 09 - 11:17 PM

Tam, I'm enjoying (sometimes with tears) your posts about Andie & looking forward to more when they occur.

sandra

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 May 09 - 06:18 AM

Dear Andie (Dear Abbie or agony aunt to my UK friends)

This must have been what her friends thought of her. Hours (often late into the night) she spent on the phone dispensing support and wisdom to her friends (who were many).

God teenagers are so needy and Andie had what they needed. No sooner would she put the phone down after either her father or I threatened removal of priviledges, would it ring again. After midnight, schoolnights, it mattered not, there seemd to be an endless queue of callers.

Perhaps we should have had call waiting? Better to have installed a 900 number and make some money on the deal.

Well Andie's generosity and empathy was part of what made her so remarkable and caused people to seek her out. Guess this is why near 200 people converged in Hopewell Virginia from such distances to say goodbye to her. And why so many came up to say words over her. These are quite paraphrased as I don;t rememberthem perfectly. I cannot bare to look at the DVD at the moment. But you will get the gist of who Andie was, by what follows.

From SCA friend Emma
Andie was a bucket filler. She encouraged me to sing again after someone had told me I shouldn't. That person had tipped over my bucket and Adnie filled it again. My daughter will know her. I will teach her how to fill peoples buckets, because of Andie.

From SCA friend Fritz
I passed Andie on the way out into the screened back porch (smoking room). Andie was on her way back into the house now empty of all but my wife (who is allergic to cigarette smoke). I asked Andie where she was going. "You don't just leave people alone" was her answer. She spent most of the rest of the party talking with and getting to know my wife (a very shy person).

"You don't just leave people alone" prompted a number of other people to remark on this quality in Andie.

Best friend in high school - Lyara
When I transferred to Fluvanna High School (small rurual) from Albermarle (big school on Charlottesville) I was angry and knew I was not going to get along with the country kids. First day of school Andie comes boldy up to me while I sulking in corner of cafeteria and asks "What's your problem?" I replied with a surly "Nothing, What's your's?" Andie came straight back with "Not much if you don't count being in school with a bunch of normals. I guess I am a pretty happy freak." The thing is my hair was green at the time and I was dressed pretty much goth. And Andie had neon clothes pegs in her hair. I realised then that the country school wasn't all that bad. Found out that Andie only lived about 1/4 mile up the road from me. We became best friends after that.   

Several university friends made comments about how Andie convinced them to join APO (service fraternity at Longwood). They had never been joiners, but Andie was so much fun to be around they joined just to be near her. They still keep in contact with me on Live Journal.

Kimmie - friend from university later to marry Andie's Bard (Byrom) in the SCA. Yes she introduced them. They now have a baby daughter.

Told of Andie's very distinctive laugh. And how they were travellying back from an event. Andie in the back seat. It was night, cool out and they had been singing in the car so the windows were steamed up. They got to talking, telling stick jock stories (SCA fighting) and talking of other things. Byrom was driving, Kimmie on the passenger side, starting putting tally marks on the steamy windows. When Andie asked what they were doing. They had made a game of counting who could make Andie snort more often than the other.

Rescuing cows. Late one night when she and Kimmie had just met, they driving back to Farm Vegas (maybe Andie's name for Farmiville where Longwood uni is because of the lights at night in rural wasteland) they encounter cows escaped from some pasture wandering on the road. So Andie decided they had to notify the owner. But who?   Which field, what drive? So they opted for the first drive, drove as near the house as possible. Would have gotten out and knocked on door but for the guard dogs barking angrily all around. So she leaned on the horn and shouted out of partly rolled down window. "Your cows are loose." Then to Kimmie,   "nKay, I did the right thing, now let's go." Evidently this made a big impression on Kimmie.

Enough for now.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 09 - 07:01 AM

Did I already say, this girl was/is a force of nature.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 May 09 - 07:17 AM

Ahh yes. I remember why the cows had to be rescued. Because another SCA friend would never forgive her if she hadn't tried.

Can't remember which SCA friend (one who was mad for cows- please no mad cow comments). There were so many.

To best friend Lyara I am her Other Mother. She was crazy for my fried chicken. Andie made up a jingle about my fried chikcen based on the old Kentucky Fried chicken - they do it right, advert.

Can't take it fried chicken
They do it wrong
So muuma fries it up
And we take it along.

Wish I could remember more of the silly songs she made up. Wish I could remember more about what she looked like at different ages. Infuriating how entire pockets of time slip away.

I should contact my ex and beg the negatives from him. I can still take those to Jessops and they will put on CD for me, won't they?

Subject: Memories Re-filed Under "Love"
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:01 AM

Tam, it's not at all uncommon for old memories to pop back up into aware-recall-on-demand after long bouts of weeping. Painful, stored emotion can block access to them, but they aren't really gone; they're just in need of being re-filed under "Love," and the mind can do that, automatically. It's part of why we instinctively take breaks from the deepest expresions of grief-- so that re-filing can occur. If you intentionally put your attention on the beauty and goodsness around you, in the breaktimes, it facilitates that re-filing.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:53 AM

- "You don't just leave people alone" prompted a number of other people to remark on this quality in Andie."

Hey, wouldn't it be lovely if that outlook were adopted by schools over here in the UK and in the USA, in Andie's name.

I can see a whole website about your beautiful daughter being built around those words, Tam.

And YES, most *definitely* ask her father for those negatives, get those special moments right in front of you again.

You know, you should write a book about Andie. I think this thread is just the beginning of that book...and your Rainbow Daughter is helping you to start writing it.

"You Don't Just Leave People Alone"

Maybe that's your title...

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:21 PM

Watching films with Andie and Hilary. If anyone has ever seen Mystery Science Theater 2000 you will kinow what it was like to watch films with my girls.

Andie took the lead on commentary long befroe she ever saw this programme. Funny comparisons to other shows, films, songs but outraged rants about inaccuracies. They drove her a bit potty.

More than once she was warned in the cinema to stop or she would have to leave. More than once famiy and friends would shush her when we were watching TV.

To this day, Hilary and I do this and my current partner has to (gently) intervene when I start in on somehting we are watching. I did not used to do this.

I find myself watching with Andie's eye and judging with Andie's sentiment, quite often now. Always a pleasant surprise when I catch myself doing it.

Some actual examples of Andie's movie commentary may soon be remembered. Taking Susan's advice. Opening doors in my mind so the memories can come out.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:35 PM

Well, it's not really advice. Just an observation of how I think our brains are designed to work, how our intelligence brings things together.... the ADVICE I can share about it, from my first time thawing out from verbally inexpressible pain, is that it goes.... faster....smoother.... more usefully if we decide, intentionally, to let any memory/insight-- no matter how surprising or hard to accept-- bubble up to be felt-through. ("Hey, I said to myself, "I can always change my mind later!!!")

Later I learned a pile of various theories that agree with and explain all that, but the first time.... it was just what my native auto-pilot insisted upon. It's not for the faint of heart.... and we each have to follow our own path through everything in life. Tam, I trust your sense for what you need to do.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 18 May 09 - 09:40 PM

Hi VTam, I have been reading my way through your memories, and they -- and the lovely advice friends like Susan, above -- are giving you is helping me deal with the death of my mother last Wednesday. She was 90 and it was not a surprise, but the pain and sorrow and grieving catches me unexpectedly at all moments. Thank you (all) for the help.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 09 - 10:21 PM

<3(((Barbara)))<3

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 May 09 - 02:48 AM

Barbara- It appears that Andie is still helping people.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: romany man
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:14 AM

OK V.T. your turn to make me cry, XXXXXXXXX

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:06 PM

I put up pictures of my girls at work yesterday. Been at this new job since 1st October and could not bring myself to put their pictures up. Afraid people would notice, ask questions, get me started blubbering.

I never stop thinking (dozens of times a day) I want my Dollbaby back. And yet everytime I start to cry, I can almost see Andie's eyes rolling upward and hear her voice exclaiming "Too much drama, Mamma."

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:53 PM

Revisiting Andie's MySpace (only joined just before she passed away) What she wrote.

About me:
I'm a lover not a fighter. I wish that I could smell like an aroused butterfly. I tend to read, watch movies, listen to music and sing along. My reading is generally fiction-most recently read-Still Life with WoodPecker by Tom Robbins. Movies...action/adventure, musicals, and comic book movies primarily. I just saw Constintine and I absolutly loved it. Mmmmm...pretty wings! I love to sing...I sing all the time. I went to college for music and it was totally worth it. :)

Who I'd like to meet:
Hal Sparks, Ant, Johnny Depp, J.K Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe, Simon Cowell, God, interesting people with interesting personalities. guitarists, bassists, drummers, looking for a vocalist. :)

General:
I enjoy camping, medieval recreation, walking, running, I enjoy cooking and baking. I like being outdoors and I think that hammock time is an integral part of any summer vacation.

Music:
I have years of musical experience and I used to be an avid concert goer. I love to sing, I couldn't live without it. Over the years, I have developed quite a cd collection, filled with Goth. rock and roll, chick rock, alternative, some classical and a lot of randomness. I really enjoy classic rock. I try to enjoy music as a whole, so I try to get my hot little hands on everything. As far as new bands go I really like, The Killers, Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, Breaking Benjamin, Crossfade, and as far as favorite bands go...I really love Bella Morte (even though I don't go to as many concerts as I used to) and Carbon Leaf...(read what I wrote for Bella Morte.)

Music - Performance - Vocals
I sing rock and roll, goth, and opera.

Movies:
I like a lot of obscure stuff...probably because that's what my friends watch, so I get exposed to things that normal people have never heard of...like Hell Comes to FrogTown (I love this movie sooooo much) Meet the Feebles (terribly disterbing) Run Ronnie Run (*this is a hard-on, you gave that to me* which has oddly enough be said to me). I'm big on musicals, especially anything with Gene Kelly and Cyd Charrise or Bing Crosby or Fred Astaire. I'm pretty open minded on movies...but I don't watch horror movies any more...too many years of zombies (which I have a love for) and vampyres and mummies and ghosts and Steven King. I do have a big love for comic book movies...i.e. Constintine, Spiderman, the Punisher ect. :) O...and Dodgeball is ass kicking fun.

Television:
Is the creation of the devil...also known as the great satan. Except for Law and Order, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama and Inuasha

Books:
Mmmmm...for me...books are like friends. They never put you down and they are always there when you need them. They open up new worlds of thought for everyone brave enough to look beyond the cover. I tend to fiction, fantasy, some sci-fi...anything involving love I will read it. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, Stranger in a Strange Land, HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy, Harry Potter series...I'm open to suggestions. I just read Tom Robbins Still Life with Woodpecker....and it's effected me in ways that no book has since elementary school.

Heroes:
Sarah Schoper, people who stick to what they believe, all of the lovers of the world (you know who you are...and don't let the real world get you down...I will always love you.)

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 May 09 - 11:28 AM

Hello Andie Dollbaby,

Yesterday I went to a Wake BBQ for departed partners of some folk friends. It was a glorious sunny day in a lovely garden in Kent. Lots of nice people, good food, adventurous stuff to drink (I know you'd like that) and excellent music (I know you'd love that).

Would have been great if you could be there. But as you couldn't, I was given a lantern to send off into the sky in your memory.

Did you see it?

Love ya baby

mumma

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 May 09 - 11:39 AM

Aw... nice.

VT, did you hear the song olddude wrote in memory of each of the losses we've all had?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 May 09 - 05:17 PM

I have now. Thanks for directing me.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 26 May 09 - 10:03 AM

In my thought, heart and prayers Virginia

Dan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 May 09 - 11:33 AM

What a great thread this has been. I'm tracing it so I make sure not to miss any more of your posts, Tam, this year or whenever you come back to it.

Would Andie like knowing she had been "refreshed"? :~)

Love,

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: billybob
Date: 27 May 09 - 11:45 AM

I am sure the lantern went straight to her,it was sent with all our love,
Wendy,

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 01:56 AM

Thank you Dan, Susan and Wendy.

I found some memorial posts I printed from a site now defunct. I retyped the one below (punctuation added and spelling corrected by me).


Music and all that it entails. Halloween of 2004 was made sweeter for me since it is my favourite holiday. Andie came to see my wife and chat but [she] working all the time was already asleep. So we spent the night of halloweeen talking about life, love and fun, talking of music and muse and watching several really good movies.

(When someone is an angel on earth their time is so much shorter). I am not in the S.C.A family, but Andie made me feel like I was. If not in, at least part of it.
Thank you for your song, smile and spirit. You will be sorely missed by all that saw what an encompassing light you had to bring to people together.

(And with tears still fresh, I wish I could name that tune). Goodbyes are the hardest when someone that was special to you never even knew it.

In closing as for grief the tears we shednow ill only make us want to play the one song we each have in our minds for her (Sallys s Song - London After Midnight).

Blessings for all whose grief has been overwhelming and may you all know one day the peace that Andie has now.

Owen A.... Friday May 13, 2005

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 May 09 - 02:34 AM

Lovely Ms. Tam

Some where in the world there is a yang for every ying.

Surely, with all the Mudcat focus - we can make this the longest running - continual - "above the line" non-BS thread in the history of Mudcat .... sort of a continually refreshed eternal flame to the memory of a perished soul ... and a lovingly lovely daughter. we CAN . Yes! We Can.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:33 AM

BONES
(Libby Roderick)

I come from a long line of dead people
I am standing on a tall pile of bones
My people lie sleeping all under the world
Their souls turn to roots leaves and stones

My grandfather went by whiskey in an LA hotel
His father died of Ohio coal
And before him and before that they went under the ground
Fewer bones walk above than below

My grandmother's blue eyes look out of my face
Her skinny bones walk around in my clothes
You might almost hear the sound of her sweet southern voice
In this [body] I've been calling my own.

A toast to the living
As we walk down the aisle
So these bones can be married
To this flesh for a while
A song, a song for the living
Though this flesh worries when
These bones will be leaving
To join family again...

Repeat first verse.

I'll post the corrections in the morning when I can get to the words.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:19 PM

Today is the 1st anniversary of the passing of a dear friend's father. This friend, this morning found his beloved 17 year old lab mix (Figaro) breathing his last.

Today, not knowing about Figaro and also having forgeotten about his father's death, I sent my friend a little story, "I pray you enough."

An email or 2 later, I also prayed that Andie and his father would meet Figaro and play with him and that I hoped his Dad and my Andie would sit and talk and tell stories about us to each other, the way we talked about them.

I have found a shload (one of Andie's fav words shit+load = shload) of postings from friends including the eulogy from her friend and bard. I will have to retype them and will do so in the coming days, weeks and months.

I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

At the moment I am zotzed - I worked really hard last 3 days (Tuesday and Wednesday at home cleaning, moving furniture, cleaning some more and doing about a truckload of ironing - I really shouldn't put it off so long) and today at work filing in the tomb.

Gargoyle and Barbara you each squeezed eyeball juice outta me. Thank you both.

Huv and lugs too all.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:37 PM

(((VT)))

Just cuz.

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 04:06 PM

What Susan said.
Me too.
Here's a link to the corrected lyrics for that song: Bones

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 May 09 - 02:05 PM

RE: I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

That would be very nice.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 29 May 09 - 09:02 PM

This is an amazing thread. Thankyou for sharing Andie, her mischief and happiness, her determination, her caring and thoughtfulness. I wonder how your other daughter Hilary is? Can she share Mudcat hugs.

Please take this hug from a stranger, (((((((((VT & H)))))))))))

It seems young Andie had a lot to teach us all. Thanx.
Hazel.xx

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 05:21 AM

Thank you for asking Hazel

Funny you should ask about Hilary. I just, a few moments ago, sent her a PM on AIM. Gave her a big HUG.

Hilary is amazingly well adjusted, though I am sure she has her moments of rage and sorrow. They were pretty close, especially as they got older.

Hilary was always the sensible, pragmatic one. Though she has a killer sense of humour aned a gift for silliness. I think she doesn't let me know she is hurting and missing Andie. Maybe she is protecting my feelings.

Fortunately, Hilary shares a house with a young woman both she and Andie were freinds with in high school. And her family have adopted Hilary. A huge comfort to me.

Healthwise, Hilary has had some worrying issues since Andie passed. She also has autoimmune illnesses. Her health was starting to deteriorate prior to Andie's illness, she got a bit better just prior to Andie's passing, then started having problems again, until a few months ago.

She has finally been able to see a specialist regards her health and now on proper medicine. She says she feels wonderful with loads of energy. Blood pressure normal too and sleeping better. So I think (I hope) she is healing.

She is excited about auditioning again (she studied theatre in university). Sigh! I miss my Hilliebug, even though I spent time with her last summer. She is Georgia, USA. Hope to get her here to England this Christmas.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 06:35 AM

The Eulogy

Good afternoon. For you that don't know me, my name is Duane M.... I have been honored to call Andie Robbins a friend for about 10 years now. In the Society for Creative Anachronism, I had the honor and privilege to be Andie's mentor and teacher. Andie once called me her 'Big Brother' and I very much feel as though she is the sister of my heart.

Her mother has asked that I start today's memorials. After I am done speaking, the family has asked that anyone who wishes to, please come up and follow me.

"Music is Sound and Silence." These words were spoken to me many years ago by Chicago jazz trumpeter and vocalist Floyd Standifer. What he meant was that every millisecond of a song is important and that the silence between the notes are just as important in the delivery of that song as the music itself. That music , like life, seeks a balance. Just as Andie's life was about Sound, today it is very much about Silence.

We gather to remember the young woman of incredible energy and talent. Andie was gifted both as a talented performer and composer. Her voice was clear and true. Today we gather in silence and then we stand alone here to tell the stories of her life.

I remember the first time I heard her sing, while she was in high school.   She had written a song in honor of her friend Susan J…. She performed it, at the head table of one of our feasts, quaking and trembling in fright .

[I remember this as the only time I ever saw Andie nervous about singing, she so wanted to impress the SCA people.. VT]

Afterwards, I found her in a quiet hallway and thanked her for her gift of song, giving her a small token of my esteem for her bravery. A few years later, when she was a freshmen in college, we reacquainted at a local event and our friendship renewed and strengthened. In time we decided to enter into a formal relationship with Andie agreeing to become my apprentice, studying music and performance. At the ceremony that marked that occasion, I told her that she was "my Shining Star and the Rock upon which I would build my household." Over the years, she proved me right again and again.

I had the distinct honor of watching the young woman blossom as a performer, from shy little girl to a confident, poised woman who could silence a room and hold their attention with rapt awe. Sound and Silence in perfect harmony.

Andie and I would perform for large crowds and for quiet gatherings, singing in harmony together or taking turns. She had a natural ear for harmony and loved to sing in choruses and groups perhaps more than she did singing alone. Either way, Andie understood the Muse's power, it's ability to lift you out of a place and take you somewhere beautiful. She shone like the sun when she sang. Her face was alight with joy. I hear her still now and it comforts me as I ponder the mystery of her life here, trying to figure out why her fire had to burn so brief, why there is silence now, when we had just started singing.

We both shared a great love of music from all times, genre and places. She had a near encyclopedic knowledge of popular music. We spent many hours making my fiancé, Kim crazy on long car trips, singing together.

Andie used to snort when she laughed. Here Duane imitated Andie's *Snort Snort* One time on a long car trip north and the heate rin my van was broken, the windows fogged up because of our laughing and singing. Andie snorted and I slowly reached up and marked out a hash mark on the window. I made her laugh again and again and kept marking. When I crossed them for the fifth mark, she asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm keeping track…. I've got five!" and Kim said "I've got three?"

Andie and I used to play this little game on Instant Messenger where one of us would start a song lyric like "Rejoice rejoice, We have no choice" and the other would come back with "But to carry on." I have a feeling that in the coming months I am going to be sitting at my computer waiting for one of those messages to pop up. I'm going to catch myself wanting tosend her one. And the Silence is going to be deafening for me when I realize she isn't there anymore.

At her apprenticing ceremony, I promised to guide and lead her. I quoted John 21:18 where Christ told Peter that 'when you were a child you woke in the morning, put on your tunic and sandals, girded your belt and walked where you willed. But I tell you now that in the days to come another will gird you and lead you where you would not wish to follow. ' Now I find Andie leading me to a place that I cannot follow. And I am heartbroken not to be able to lead her there instead.

I am standing here today, wishing her a safe passage and a quick journey. I am listening for that Sound that made the music Her Song. I am carrying it in my heart like Fire. I can still hear her voice and it is just as clear and true in my mind as it was the last time I heard it.

I am going to try and sing for you one last time Andie, because I think you would like that.
He sang The Life of the Bard, link to words somewhere above.
she would want music and joy and sound and song. But right now we need a little Silence too, so we can listen to her voice. So we can hear her song again, in our hearts. God keep you Andie. I can't wait for you to share all the new songs that you'll learn with me, and hear your laughter. You'll help me fit right in. Until then, I think the balance is always going to be just a little bit off down here. Too much Silence and not enough Sound. But we will cry because you have gone away, we will rejoice in your life and that we were blessed to know you and we will all carry on, as best we can.