Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter

Subject: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:43 AM

I know perhaps I should have put this thread in the non music section, but it seemed wrong as my daughter was all about music. From 10 months on.

Please moderator let her stay in the music section.

I have mentioned to several of you that I still want to share my daughter Andie (12 May 1981 - 28 April 2005) with people. I want others to know her.   I have been advised by some lovely Catters that I should start a Happy Birthday and memoriam thread to my Daughter Andie.

So I have. But I am going to start it with an introduction to Andie penned by herself.

I lifted this bit Andie put on the Piper Doon fan site. The band self-described as playing trad music with a twist band at the W.B Yeatts Pub in Chapel Hill North Carolina. (Andie's stage name when she was with Piper Doon was Francesca Zee a corruption of her Medieval SCA persona Francesca "Cesca" Zancani)

A letter from Francesca Zee .... Hello there all you lovely people!

It's been great to see all of your smiling faces at our sold-out international shows. It's great to have so much support from wonderful fans like you!

Keep being wonderful and be sure that you buy our CD when it comes out!!!!!

Permanant Features
Name: Andrea Robbins
Born: 5/12/1981
Height: Short and getting shorter as we speak.
Eye/Hair Color: Eyes Blue and Hair changes more often then the months on the calendar.

Best piece of advice: Don't Quit Your Day Job

Area of Residence: Where ever someone will take pity on me.
Occupation: General nuisance and shiftless layabout.

Fun Facts
Instruments Played: Voice Box
Talent: Official Organizational Girl
Inspiration: My parents, Bardic Laurels, Susan Juroff, and the Power Puff Girls.
Phobias: Hieghts, Falling, Being COMPLETELY alone outside after dark.
Sexual Preferences: Any with extra points given for creativity, artistic talent, and technique. Apply at the bar.

Picture of Piper Doon in front of WB Yeats Pub

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

She sounds an admirable person. Think of the good memories. I find that, time and again, I come in my mind back to the ways in which I failed Jacqui. Try not to let yourself do the equivalent - if there are any equivalents.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Joybell
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

Thank you for sharing her with us, Virginia. Thinking of you at this time.
Joy

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

Thank you. I have a lot in common with her. More later... please, keep going. As you are able.

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:58 AM

Now a bit from me.

Andie's musicality started when she began imitating scales and notes "perfectly" at 10 months old. Maybe before that as she would kick her feet in rhythm to any song on the radio when she was about 5 months.

She could sing whole songs before she learned to string words together to make a comprehensible sentence. At 2 years old Santa Lucia was no problem for her. Well except pronouncing the letter "L".

By the time she was 7 she was picking up harmonies. By 9 she was creating her own. At 9 she won the part of the Fairy God Mother in the Disney Cinderella put on by her primary school. The only solo song in the play and usually reserved for older students. At 10 she won a scholarship to summer camp by singing Wouldn't It Be Luverly (a capella with cheesy cockney accent) in a Fluvanna schools talent competion. She was competing against teenage rockers (and pretty good ones at that).

When she entered high school she auditioned for and was placed in the older students choir. Wone many solo parts through the years. At 15 she won a place in the distric choir and 17 won best gospel soloist in a samll school chor at the Virginia Beach Fiestival (a high school choir competion for schools up and down the Eastern Seaboard). The trophy was huge but I think the smile on her face was bigger.

In high school Andie joined the Medieval Society for Creative Anachronists and later became apprentice to a bard. This is where she got turned on to traditional music.

I am going to stop this installment of remembering Andie's musicality, because I need to bolt to an appointment.

More later.

Thank for letting me remember her to any who read here.

Tam

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:00 AM

thanks for posting her post & letting us get to know her

sandra (hugs to you)

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:33 AM

Thank you for posting about Andie and posting your memories

Love

Khatt x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 06:59 AM

Richard,

There are equivalents. I try not to, but it is useless. I failed her mostly by moving to the UK and not moving back home look after her a year later when I saw how thin she had become.
A stupid selfishness on my part, I can never forgive. Knowing that Andie would not want me to blame myself matters not a bit. I do and always will, but I don't let it eat me alive anymore as it did.

Thanks Susan and Katlaughing and others for encouraging me to do this.

Back to Andie and her music.

Andie was also nominated for Virginia Governor School Prgramm.

What a strange mixed adventure that was.   I think she was the first from the Fluvanna School to actually audtion for the vocal performance side. She had to do a Classical piece sebben crudele. ( Not Andie's voice, though I do have a VHS of her singing this.)

Also required to perform a popular piece, this is where my girl shows her quirky uniqueness. Where all the other girls dressed in glittering performance gowns were singing Memory from Cats or I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis, Andie dressed as holey jeans and a boho top and sang Frank Mills from Hair, which put the two male judges in shock. The one female judge clearly loved it.

Andie made alternate.

I can't count the number of times, she was stopped and photographed by total strangers. When they heard her sing and she was always singing (walking through town, waiting in queue at theme parks and cinima, wherever. They just knew she was going to be famous someday and they wanted proof they saw her perform.

She applied, auditioned for and won small music scholarship to Longwood University where she studied vocal performance and communications with a focus on music public relations. She was determined to learn the ins and outs of self promotion. She left school with only 3 courses (2 general eds) to complete, because of her illness.

Enough for now. I need to do something else for distraction.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:09 AM

Hugs to you... x

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:15 AM

VT,

   SWEET!!!! On the birthday of my best friend, who passed when he was 31 years old, I like to spend the day doing something I know we would have loved to do together as a sort of an ongoing memorial. Tears and joy are both ok!!!!!!!

Namaste,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Beer
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:16 AM

Thank you for sharing and may you find peace.
Adrien

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ruth Archer
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:18 AM

xxx

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:13 AM

One more thing... she was banned from performing at Longwood's Got Talent competions because she won too many times.

She was quite proud of that in a cute, pouty kind of way.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Azizi
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:14 AM

There are no words. But I want you to know that I feel for & with you.

Positive vibrations,

Azizi

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:53 AM

I am sorry VT, I did not wish to open wounds.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:01 AM

You didn't, Hon. They are there and I am coping with them much better than I did this time last year or indeed any year since her passing.

The only cut on my arm is one I got by acccidently bashing into door handle last night. That is progres.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Big Mick
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:57 AM

Having come very close to losing my own extraordinary kid, my heart just aches for you, my dear. I remember the shear terror at the thought, the unfathomable hurt at the loss of my surrogate daughter, and the questioning, doubt and blame I put on myself for not doing some things that might have saved us all the grief.

But I must tell you that I find your unflinching way of dealing with the pain and guilt to be inspirational. I have, since you came to Mudcat, enjoyed your posts and views. I now add "admiration and inspiration" to enjoyment. You are special, and that is why your extraordinary girl was special. We are not in command of the fates, just how we deal with the fates. You are in the fight, and I am rooting for you. In fact, I am laying odds that you will deal with this, with sadness, but better than most.

In your corner,

Mick

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:16 AM

I wanted to add here what others have said about Andie. But I don't have the ??? to watch the video made at her service. Many friends came up and said the lovliest things about how she lifted them up, helped them feel better about themselves, brought them out of shell.

No one was alone in Andie's presence. She just would let you be.

some pictures instead...

Andie 21 years old
Role play game card made for her after she passed away

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:23 AM

I found this email sent to me from one of her SCA friends. I removed his surname to protect his crusty image.

Evening Tamara,

I wanted to speak with you but could not muster the courage or the emotional fortitude to do so. For that I apologize but being her mom I feel that you understand.

Francesca and I had a very quiet, deep, and private friendship. To look at us you would never expect it which was a big part of the fun with us. This small beautiful young songbird and a weathered crusty leathersmith....odd combination but we fit well with each other. I always called her my brat for her relentless teasing and pestering of me which she took great pride in doing not to mention carrying that title...*smiles*

I am a very quiet and closed person when dealing with the public at general. I have a fair amount of acquaintances but just a hand full of friends. Your daughter was one of those friends, when we first met she was hesitant to speak to me at all. I have a rather gruff demeanor and air about me which I will honestly say I use to my advantage in keeping people at a distance. She was not fooled though, she walked through my walls to my heart like she was taking a stroll in a garden. Once there she sat down, made herself home and dared me to kick her out...whichI couldn't or wouldn't do.

She gave me such light in my own dark moods, we always sought each other out at events or at the parties we had at Bryce's or Balynar's. She always had either that warm generous smile or that impish grin depending on her mood or intent for me. We used to hug alot for the warmth of a fellow understanding heart and the unconditional love we held for each other. At an event in North Carolina back in 2003 we were sitting at my booth selling my leatherwares and bantering back and forth like we usually did. We were like fire and gasoline most times...each taking on the role that best suited us at the moment...sometimes she would be the fire (instigator) and me the gasoline....*grins* Well we were sitting there trading jokes at each others extent ignoring the customers when we hear a young girl ask a question that we missed in our bantering. When I apologize to the young girl and ask her to repeat the question she said 'Oh no problem, I was gonna wait until you were done arguing with your daughter.... *laughs*.... Andie laughed so hard she fell off the stump she was sitting on which made her erupt into deeper laughs and snorting. She laughed so hard because she was 21 and I was 35 at the time.

She protected me from myself when my hot Irish temper would get the best of me. One of very few people that could deflate me with a smile or by just looking at me and saying Erindahl!! She would sit with me at the parties or gatherings at events and Pennsic because she new i hated crowds and dislikedbeing around so many people I didn't know. She would come and sit next to me, lace her hand in the crook of my elbow, put her head on my shoulder and quietly sing to me quelling my moods and anxiety...*smiles*

She had such a turbulent stormy heart that she hid from alot of people but she let me see it and I tried to always be a shoulder for her to rant on or just rest. She gave out so much Light to people without a thought or even realizing she did so I think. She gave it out so nonchalantly like a person would give another a glass of water. The generosity in which she touched others and gave of herself knew no bounds. Oh but her temper...*laughs* did she ever have a temper. She would come up to me and ask me 'Erindahl, would you beat up someone for me?' Even knowing she was joking I would stand up and she would say something like....'I was just kidding!! really! I forgot who I was talking too' There was nothing I would not do for her and I can take comfort that she knew that. Our hearts were very similar in that they were of the Arts.....those hers was of sound and mine was of the hand we looked at things and life in very much the same way.

She touched my life in so many ways, I just wanted you to know a little of our relationship. I cherished our time together as we lived it and I cherish it now that it is a gift I will have forever. A part of her light I will always carry inside to keep me from going too far astray in my own personal shadows. I loved her dearly and always will....just knowing that in this often screwed up, sometimes dark, and ugly world a person like her existed. And I was lucky enough and blessed to have her share some years with me.

Life to you,

Darren N (surname removed for this post)
(Erindahl - SCA persona)

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:30 AM

VTam, thanks for going ahead with this thread. I have wanted to ask and learn more, but didn't want to bring up too much sadness. We have a tradition at Mudcat of sharing our joys and sorrows. We have been through tremendous times of both. May the sharing of both help you along your way. Andie sounds like a really neat and talented young woman.

kat

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:31 AM

A star blazing across the sky leaving behind the memory of a remarkable experience. Count yourself fortunate that you were chosen to be so close to her. {{{{hug}}}}

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:39 AM

Might want to delete the SCA name above..... they are often "unique."

===

VT, I just want you to know that what you are sharing is, at least for me, not just a support to you in your healing. Of course I want that too, but right now I just want ANDIE, through you. Build the memorial as tall and wide and colorful as it's supposed to be, from whatever instinct led you to offer it, OK? Then it will be what it is supposed to be.

And in whatever order it comes to you.... and remember that anything here will still be here when its time comes, when its use may change for you. You'll be able to time-travel, right here through this thread.


Do her proud (as you are).

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:41 AM

more pics

with her glasses on she looks like the Andie I knew - though much thinner

her fav name for me was "goober" - this pic shows what one looks like

the impish expression - so very her... some trouble being cooked up


Thank you Mick and others. This feels very cathartic. Even though I am crying through a lot of it, it is good, purifying, somehow.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:06 AM

Some messages left on the Funeral Home memorial page

I was lucky enough to have Andie as my big brother in Alpha Phi Omega. She welcomed me in, supported me throughout and was a great inspiration to me, always. She taught me so much in the few years I knew her. Her confidence always amazed me, especially when she could capture an audience singing. She was great at accepting all sorts of people and making friends anywhere.
My heartfelt condolences go out to her family and friends. She was a blessing in my life and will be missed.
In love and light,
Sarah B

Andie has a very special place in my heart. She was a friend and an APO Brother, we shared the same Pig Family. She had plans to make it big as a singer and we all believed one day we would be buying her CDs. She loved life, and she always wanted to share time with everyone she met. I can't even begin to imagine how many people she touched just at Longwood, she was one of the few people everyone on campus seemed to know. She also loved her family, and the last photos I will ever have of her are from her trip to England to see her mom. Oh the stories that have been told about her would fill a book, and everyone is missing her greatly and wishing they could have just 10 more minutes with her, and her smile.
Jenn H

I was so sorry to hear of Andie's passing. She was a super sweet girl that always made me smile. I went to college with her. She was my sister in Sigma Alpha Iota. My prayers will be with her family as they grieve her loss. Ahe will be greatly missed.
Love and Blessings,
Crystal T

Andie was an amazing APO brother and made me feel welcomed and loved. She made me feel special and I will miss her so much. Andie you will be missed and I wish I had taken the extra moment on Spring Weekend to stop and have a real conversation with you. My sympathies to her family and other friends.
Omega love and all mine,
Melissa F

Andie was a bright light in the darkness, a sweet voice that brought beauty to all that heard. She will be missed by all she touched... I was lucky enough to call her a friend.
My heartfelt sympathies to her family.
Chris K

I went to school with Andie and as others have mentioned loved hearing her sing and watching her act. She will be missed by many.
Sandy B

Andrea dated my son Patrick for awhile, and they remained friends. She will be missed by all of my family. My thoughts and prayers go out to Andrea's family and friends.
Sharon A

(Sharon still reminds me how she heard Andie's voice singing like an angel when she was taking chemo - this before Andie passed away and her son Patrick is the one who made the Role Play card)

Our hearts go out to all of you. How hard it is to lose such a beautiful and sparkling soul! Always smiling and cheerful, very loving...she was always welcome in our home. She will be enormously missed by our children and so very many of their friends. We can't possibly express how sad we are to lose such a lovely young lady as Andy. And, what a beautiful voice! (We love you, sweetheart...we will miss you terribly...)
Barbara, John, Geoff, Jenn and Shelley V



There was an SCA memorial site but the link is broken and I cannot find it.


Re the SCA name above I already removed identifying bits of his name. Thanks Susan.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:12 AM

From what you have posted and the comments from others Andie was a much loved, admired and talented young woman. Thank you for posting the photos, it's nice to put a face to the description and memories

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:17 AM

Song written by Andie when she was about 14 or 15. It was long lost, until friend found the lyrics and made a recording as near to the original melody as she could remember. (thank you Samantha). When Chris gets home I will ask him to rip the song from the CD and I will post up a link.

The Candle
By Francesca Zancani (Andie Robbins)

When you have no hope for tomorrow
And the tears do overflow
I will trade my joy for your sorrow
I will not ever let you go

When the dark is all around you
I won't run away in the night
I'll be there my love will surround you
My candle keeps burning bright

When Death's icy glare has found you
and you fear that you might fall
I am there, I'm all around you
I'm a light shining through it all

I nurture your dreams of a new day
You will stretch your wings to the sky
And as I've known from the begining
You will leave when you can fly

I still love you though you have left me
My candle keeps burning bright
You forsook me, you bereft me
You ran away in the night

I have not been able to find any of the other songs she wrote. I do remember they were very Tori Amos -like.


There is also a song or 2 written about Andie after her passing, but I cannot find them either.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:26 AM

found one of those songs

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:32 AM

This song was song written by the same lady as did the one above. Though this not written for Andie it was one of her favorites and was sung by her Bard at her service.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:33 AM

Ya know, she comes through SO CLEARLY in all you are posting, VT.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:47 AM

Wow. Just wow. And even though cyber hugs don't really cut it, I'm sending you the biggest one I
can muster ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 02:52 PM

Well I found the courage to listen to the CD my brother copied from an old audio cassette of me and girls singing.

This Wouldn't it be Luverly is Andie at 10 years old.

The site I uploaded the file to requires a verification code to play the file. It will be displayed, just copy it into the little window beside. I guess to stop spammers.


Hope this works.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:22 PM

God!

I forgot to say


Happy Birthday, my DollBaby!

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:31 PM

That's odd, I'm hearing it quite clearly and beautifully said, VT. :~)

(((VT)))

^^^Andie Manynames^^^

~S~

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:03 AM

Andie and her hair. She was obsessed with it. Too limp, too thin, and the big one TOO COLORLESS.

There is a picture of me holding a 4 month old Andie on my lap, my thumb and forefinger pinched together about 3 inches above her little bald head. One solitary blonde hair. I used to call her my little Zed (They have one hair upon thier heads... from the book One Fish Two Fish). I had forgotten that until now. It seems a bit fortuitous? that she took the name of Zee as a stage name.

Andie was white blonde throughout her preteen years. When she was nearly 6 I did something she still had not forgiven me for when she was an adult. I found locks of blonde hair on the bathroom floor and I was so certain it was Andies. It appeared too light to be her baby sister's (on the head Hilary's hair was very slightly darker than Andie's) besides a near 3 year old would not be able to manage scissors and Andie was smitten with her paper scissors.

Never jump to conclusions. Some women may remember Flicker Razors ? Hilary had somehow reached the one in my shower (god only knows how) and combed her hair with it. it was her hair on the floor of the bathroom.

Poor Andie, Ihad warned her when she was playing around with the paper scissors once that I would cut her hair short if she cut her hair. Well I did. Her waist length hair cut to her shoulders. She was so angry. I think mostly because I didn't beleive her. Hilary's hair still being quite uneven shaggy and baby fine you couldn't tell she had cut it. I have to say and I reminded Andie of this everytime she brought the unfortunate incident up, that cutting it had helped it to thicken up. i didn't need to cornrow plait it after every washing in order to make it look fuller when brushed out.

Getting curl or wavei in to it was another matter altogether. That didn't happen until her mid teens a very soft loose wave which she hated more than straight. Some women! You just can't please them.

the COLOR (I use caps because this was Andie's biggest gripe).

It was naturally a gorgeous bleached wheat blonde. She called it beige and said it made her look beige. When she was 7 she had a little nightie with small girl complaining "But Mom, ALL my friend have green hair." I should never have given her that.

GREEN
Andie's first adventure in hair colouring was when she was 13, green koolaid and vinegar on her blonde hair. And my god it worked. You could really only see it in the sunlight but what a shock. At the time she was enrolled in a fundamental baptist school. They were not happy. But I could not get the stuff out and I refused to use real hair colour on her, so they had to live with it until it washed out.

PINK
One halloween Andie 17, (by this time I had given up trying to cointrol what she did to her hair), Andie had a small tumble down the stairs while carrying a bottle of HOT PINK Manic Panic hair colouring. It comes out of the bottle looking quite red. And it was on the stairs, on my oatmeal brown living room carpet on the walls. We had to hang picture over the stain on the wall. We lived in log cabin where the walls were made of.... you guessed it.... wood.

So the scene is me mopping up and swearing somewhere south of a sailor's profanity repertoire, Andie is mopping up and crying about the wasted hair dye, and Hilary (13) bless her non chalantly walks in and says (dead pan as you like) "That's funny, the blood usually gets off at the 2nd floor."   Well we all started laughing then.

CLEAR
Andie wanted clear hair. She thought that would be the coolest thing and not done by anyone. I told her that clear hair = NO hair. Then I told her to design a fibre optic wig and she could have it any colour at any time, including clear. That brought forth some comment about my being silly. Me? Silly? whowants clear hair?

Andie almost got her wish, re CLEAR hair but only as I described it. I came home one Sunday from church to be greeted by my lovely daughter homefrom university at the door. Her hair was wet and gooey. She was crying pannicking. Too many chemicals had started melting her hair. Too soon after a permanent, she had dyed black and then was trying to bleach it. All within a couple of weeks of each other.

I filled kitchen sink with cold water and dunked her head under, drained the sink and repeated umpteen times. How do you baptise a silly 18 year old? Do you dunk em once, do you dunk twice or do you hold em under until they really repent?

She was a bit more careful after that. And as she had concerts a university with choirs, she was not permitted to have peculiarly coloured hair (or her face piercings -another matter).

RED
Not for the first time but certainly for the last, When she passed away her hair was red. Not naural human hair red. Kindergarten tempra paint red, Stop Sign red, Fire engine red. There were a few hairs on her SCA mantle (I buried her in her house garb) and I collected them and put them in a ziplock bag.

That is the tale of Andie's hair.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:44 AM

I thought Parents were supposed to embarrass the kids. It is our right and privildge, am I correct? For having it done to us by our parents? And revenge for when the kids were little and they pitched fit or related some tidbit about you that should not be made public.

Shopping
Taking my girls shopping was mixed. Andie taught Hilary how to get my goat when we did grocery shopping.

They would sing commercial jingles and reenact product adverts at me all the way through the store. Everytime we passed something they recognised they would be on either side of me, taking parts in slightly over loud voices. At the check out, Andie would poke me in the back muttering PokeMom.
(Twice since she passed I felt that poke in the back when I was engaged in conversation. The 1st time I automatically turned around and told her to stop. That freaked my colleagues and I meediately regretted it because I feared she really would stop.)
Anyway at the check out the girls would go into little scene about purchasing one or more of the 7 deadly sins " all out of lust, there is a sale on covetousness" and how it was going to be paid for - something about the immortal soul credit card. They took it in turns to be Hell's cashier.

Driving in the car
Andie and Hilary used to sing all the time in the car together. Andie doing lovely harmonies or teaching them to Hil.

On occasion though they would get into the Are We There Yet song loop. It only took me pulling over once and telling them "Now we are never going to get there or anywhere ever again, because I am not going to start this car until you agree not to sing that song at me ever again." My voice rising in pitch and dynamic. I got the promise amid giggles. I was beaten. I knew they may not use that song but something else equally annoying would come along.

And it did. Why do kids get a word stuck in holding pattern in their brains? And why does it pop out randomly? Andie's words were Concave and Cornbread pronounced in the most annoyingly musical way.
Hil's was FrootLoops pronounced with a deep gravelly monster voice. Soup Girl and Spork other favorites but I knoiw she picked up the habit from Andie.

Vacation
Every year was at some beach or other, where the boardwalk or ocean road was lined with tattoo and body piercing parlours. So every vacation was punctuated with "Can I get a tattoo or something pierced." Not one day would go by without hearing that at least once.

The answering machine. They couldn't leve it alone. Andie and Hil once recorded in dracula voices "Vee are not at home vright now. Please leave your name, number and blood type after the beep.... Muuhahahahaha"

Another time their rendition of the Banana Boat Song

Day-o de Day-o
Daylight come and we never at home
Day-o de Day-o
Daylight come and we never at home

and then something like

Don't call us when we asleep
Daylight come and we never at home
Leave your name after the beep

What are you going to do?

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: ranger1
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:03 AM

VT, I am so sorry that I will never know Andie in person. She sounds like a kindred spirit. Thank you for sharing her with us.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:09 AM

She's everywhere. A force of nature such as you describe keeps spreading itself out and around the lives of every person she touched.

I only wish I'd known her while, as a mature clergy spouse, I was sure I should dye my thin hair navy blue to match the colors that were my "work uniform" that decade and obviate the need for hats. Hardi wouldn't let me-- the only thing he's ever "forbid" me. I know she'd have helped him see the light. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:42 AM

Yes Susan... She very likely would have taken up your cause and needled and wheedled until you had your way.

I forgot to mention in the hair installment, that Andie used neon clothes pins (pegs) to pin her hair back and up at all sorts of weird angles. A shocker for her little rural high school, I am sure.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:26 PM

keep posting those memories, I've been laughing with the occasional tear.

sandra

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:55 PM

It good sharing, Vtam, thanks.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:11 PM

Tam, Tam, Tam!   

You have been spiritually beating yourself up for all these years, when your dear daughter has been wrapped tight around you, loving you all that time...never letting you go.

We are all here for an allotted time, and there is *nothing* on this earth that can change that, (Richard, you and Jacqui come into this big hug, too)

Your daughter is a very Special Spirit.

I have never believed that what we so strangely call 'death' is the end of 'life', it is but a small step into the next part of everything, much as being born is. I also believe that we are surrounded by souls who love us from the moment we take that next step, and never left alone, ever.

She was given to you and you know how blessed you were to have her, to have each other. Andie will always be yours. You will always be her mother, she will always be your daughter, and every single year from now on you should have the most glorious celebration of your Beautiful Andie's life and the love she had inside her.

What an incredible lass she sounds! :0) Her love of everything creative, there right from the start in so many things she did...She lived her life to the full and I'm sure she had a great time. You can see how many people she touched, and how deeply she touched them too. How wonderful is that? Invite them all, and let rip, Tam! Everyone can come with brightly coloured hair...A Rainbow Hair Party. :0)

Oh, to sit here and watch you unfolding, letting out that pain, and seeing it turn into such love, to actually physically see the healing beginning to happen, the love POURING out of you right now. absolute magic!   And Tam, guess what? I've also no doubts at all that your Andie is right beside you as you've been writing all of this, smiling, grinning her beautiful pixie grin, with her soul wrapped tight around her Mum once again, so happy that finally you're able to see that she's OK, that she's safe, and that she's with you and the no part of this was your fault, but just as it was all meant to be.

Andie will *always* be with you, Sweet Lady..and as Mick has said earlier, your posts, thoughts, humour and intelligence are an absolute joy and inspiration to read at times...It's brilliant to know that your Andie is so like her dear Mum.

This has to be one of the most special threads on Mudcat, because we're all witnessing something very beautiful happening here..

Happy Birthday, Andie..and a very Happy Birthday to you Tam, because this is the first year when the new Birth of Andie has started, and still you are her mother, but you're finally learning to hold her tight in a different way, learning to hold her in your heart, without guilt, without blame, only with Pure Love.

Absolute Oodles of Love coming your way. And right now, I'm off to put a sparkly flower in my hair, in honour of your Andie, because today she is SPARKLING furiously! :0)

So, Tam, this is for You and Andie, on your very, very special day....Andie's Day. ((((xxxx))))

Release


"Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I'm sitting amongst yourselves
Don't think you can't see me
Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I haven't gone anywhere
but out of my body

Reach out and you'll touch me
Make effort to speak to me
Call out and you'll hear me
Be happy for me

Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I haven't gone anywhere
but out of my body

Reach out and you'll touch me
Make effort to speak to me
Call out and you'll hear me
Be happy for me"

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:16 PM

Missed this. I have no words, just a few tears, mixed with sadness and joy. Thanks for sharing.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Maryrrf
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:23 PM

Thanks for sharing, VTam. I know how much these memories must mean to you and now we all feel that we know your Andie better. She sounds like a wonderful girl.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:41 PM

Oh dear, thank you all. Lizzie that Sinead song has me weeping. But in a good way.

I just remembered another hair story. When Andie's hair was green she bunched it all up on top of her head and curled it with my mini curling iron. She was bopping through the house with what looked alamingly like a stalk of broccoli bobbling on her head.

Our cat, Squeaky went a bit mental, hissing and growling at the alien thing attacking Andie. Andie came up with a song - "Run kitty run, Run from wicked broccoli" done in operatic voice.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:46 PM

[snerksnortgiggle]

I later came to think the blue hair wasn't needed (and I changed colors), but the next time I get forbidden anything, by anyone, I hope I remember to think of Andie and the fun we'd have had turning forbidding into encouraging! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:48 PM

This has been a poignant read for me the past twenty-four hours. My Rog and I lost a best friend, unexpectedly yesterday morning. He was quite musical and talented, too. Thanks for sharing, VTam.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:27 PM

Your lovely daughter is making us all chuckle, Tam. :0) Everytime I buy brocoli from now on, I'll imagine it sitting on Andie's head, and smile.

The tears heal...cry them all out, over and over...eventually they'll be replaced by smiles, warmth and even more love.

Time to let the pain go, but never your Andie, just the pain, Sweet Tam. xxx

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:50 PM

Andie - friend and defender.

This kid was never nervous or afraid of anyone. Rich, poor, popular, brainy, slow, damaged, whatever. Every new face whether shy, scared, smiling, aloof, or frowning was a potential friend.

Andie was overweight most of her life and she had glasses from 7 years old. One would think the combination would put her low in the playground pecking order.

Nope! She was a natural leader and nurturer. When she was 5 she looked on me as her personal secretary. One vacation, sunning beside the ppol, my 5 year old social butterfly, approaches me and says "Mom, please be sure I am back down here at the pool at 2:30 after my nap. I am meeting with Amanda and Becky." As she waved in the general direction of 2 older girls (7 or 8 year olds) at the shallow end of the pool. It was the start of many, many, chauferrings here and there and organising parties, study buddy meetings, school extra curriculars, etc. What is a Mom for after all.


In first grade I got my first call from the principal. She had bee standing in double line for the new slide on playground and behind her a little boy with learning disability kept kicking gravel up onto the back of her legs and the legs of girl next to her. Legs were bare as they were all in shorts. Andie had turned a number of times to tell the boy to stop. A teacher was holding his hand to keep him from running amok, but she was talking to another teacher and so ignoring the playground drama unfolding under her nose. Andie warned the boy one last time to stop (in a loud voice) or she would show him what it felt like. He didn't so she kicked gravel up so that it struck and stung the fronts of his legs. Naturally the teacher who was distracting the one holding the boy's hand, dragged Andie to the office and the principal called me,

Andie was livid. She made some comment about if the teachers have to hold his hand to keep him from hurting himself and others then why didn't they stop him hurtiung me and my friend?

It wasn'tlong after that she came home from school declaring that she wanted to be president of the United 'States when she grew up. I asked her why this sudden wish. She fairly growled at me... "because I HAVE to be in charge."

Later when she was about 12, I was remarking on Andie's desire to be president to a family member and she instantly corrected me. "No I don't, because you need party support to get to be president and women don't get any party support."   We are talking early 1990's here. I wondered if she figured that out all by herself or if some teacher at the fundamental baptist school she was attending then had taken her down a notch. I didn't push it. The comment was bitter in tone and I could tell she did not want to talk further on it.

Back in the public school system in high school Andie really blossomed again. She made scores of friends.   Very involved in choir, drama and medieval SCA. often leading and teaching songs to the SCA friends. One friend wrote the following on the day she learned of Andie's passing. Really tells how they thought of Andie.

THE VOICE IN THE GLEN

There's a voice in the glen
a far away valley
able to call friends together
and bring them to rally

She spoke in the language
of music and heart
was quick to direct us
each to our part

Our voices weren't hers and
we laughed all the time
but she never failed to finish
teaching us the rhyme

She loved us and taught us
and gave us her best
but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh

A friend and a sister
and though we all miss her
her voice will sing on in the glen

(this is how I will always remember Andie, Stephanie M.)

Somehow I must get video of Andie in school play A Midsummer's Night Dream up with a link here. In it shows her teaching a lullaby (she wrote) to the fairies Peasebottom, et al. So sweet and funny as she would sing liltingly and ask them to sing at which they would all howl and shriek. Andie stamping her foot, yanking at her hair (hair again) crying,,, "No NO No... like this"... and the scene repeated itself again.

Though this was a planned scene in the play, it had been played out in real life when she taught her friends new songs.

I think this is enough for tonight.

I am going to shop for GOLD archive DVDs so I can get the VHS videos in a safer and more useable format. Think I may be strong enough to start looking at them now.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:58 PM

Oh Kat... So sorry to hear about your friend.

hugs to you and all the rest of you while I am at it.

Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:03 PM

but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh

And neither can grief. It insists on finding its way out-- in tears, laughter, yawning, etc.,-- so you can release all the love she implanted in you, back out to the world-- her love for the world, fully manifest in it.

but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh

That's IT, in so many ways, right there.

And that is ONE reason this is a MUSIC THREAD.

~Susan