Yorkshire Humor

Subject: YORKSHIRE HUMOR
From: oombanjo
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 11:43 AM

HOPE THIS DOES NOT OFFEND ANYONE ,A BIT OF YORKSHIRE WIT.............
Two southerners - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn"t ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we"re selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What"s tha sellin" ere then?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We"re selling arse-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, "Tha's doing well then...
Tha's only two left!"

Subject: RE: YORKSHIRE HUMOR
From: theleveller
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 11:49 AM

Ha! Thowt his answer was going to be .."are you two just passsing through?"

Subject: RE: YORKSHIRE HUMOR
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 01:17 PM

So we were just about to set off for a Rugby (Union of course) match when the local vicar came to the steps of the bus and shouted in "Who are you playing today lads"? To which Jimmy our little hooker shouted the reply... "Arseholes"... not realising it was the vicar he had addressed. A few of us felt a little uncomfortable......... However! Unphased by his word the vicar said "Hope you give them a good licking" and the whole bus erupted into laughter.
You just reminded me of my Rugby days... thank you!!!

Subject: RE: YORKSHIRE HUMOR
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM

Hahahahaaaa

Subject: RE: YORKSHIRE HUMOR
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 01:28 PM

Minds of the old joke about the Aussie with a new job at a grocer's in Sydney who was asked by a persistent customer to purchase a half head of cabbage. He went to the manager and reported that an idiot wanted to buy half a head of cabbage, then noticing the customer behind him. Immediately, he said, "And this fine gentleman would like to purchase the other half." The manager okayed the sale, after which he asked the young man, obviously a quick thinker, why he left Melbourne.

The lad said he was going nowhere and had to get out of a town full of nothing but footballers and whores. The manager said his wife was from there... "Oh? And what team did she play for?"

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 01:53 PM

I suppose there's an aspect of folklore to the humo(u)r of Yorkshire, but I'm going to move it to the non-music section where the other joke threads have been.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 01:54 PM

Good call, J.

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: oombanjo
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 04:11 PM

very good of (u) cheers oombanjo

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Micca
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 07:08 PM

Texan, in a Yorkshire pub bragging about the size of his ranch in Texas,compared to the pidling little farms in Yorkshire, for Hours and hours, Finally Says" Why, I can get in my car at sunrise and drive all day due west and at sunset still be on my land"
Yorkshire "old boy" farmer looks at him and says quietly " yeah I had a car like that once"

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Peace
Date: 14 Aug 09 - 07:15 PM

A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 15 Aug 09 - 07:21 AM

See all, hear all, say nowt.
Eat all, sup all , pay nowt,
if you ever do owt for nowt
Do it for ya sen.

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Dead Horse
Date: 15 Aug 09 - 08:51 AM

And they keep their rubbish on the counter of Yorky pubs, especially near Keighley, where it is known as Ilkley Moor bar tat.

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: kendall
Date: 15 Aug 09 - 04:48 PM

I'm glad to see some of the stories I used in my book back in 1981.

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 15 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM

One afternoon this bloke from Barnsley comes home from 't pit and finds his wife writhing in agony on the floor. She is bleeding badly from the vagina. The man rings the doctor and tells him. "Has she got the coil in?" The doctor asks. "Got the coil in?" Retorts the man. "She's not even got the bloody tea ready yet".

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Darowyn
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 03:43 AM

Footnote for non Yorkshire dialect speakers (poor benighted souls that they are).
In Barnsley, and many other parts of Yorkshire, "Coal" is pronounced 'coil'.
It is of course, kept in't coil oil.
Cheers
Dave

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 03:45 AM

Yorkshire sheep farmer taking his driving test, examiner says to him, can you make a ' U ' turn ?
' make a ewe turn ? I'll make its bloody eyes water '

Dave H

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: oombanjo
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 01:22 PM

Old farmer taking new milk maid round farm,found bull and cow mating, slips his arm round her ans says "owd you like me to do that"? milk maid replies, "tha can do wat yu want, its your bloody cow"!

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 03:21 PM

You can always tell a Yorkshireman , but you can tell him much !



Runs for cover !!!

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: GUEST,North/South Annie
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 09:38 PM

OK so Barnsley is my hometown and an aunt of mine there told me that when she was at school they were having a P.T. Lesson (Physical Training in them days = P.E. thesedays), when the teacher asked her and her friend to go in and fetch out all the Quoits (pronounced coits - small rubber rings for throwing )so they did - they got everybody's coats (coits)out of the cloakroom and staggering under the weight of them took them all out to the playground!
Annie

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: ced2
Date: 17 Aug 09 - 09:40 AM

The reason that you may not be able to tell a Yorkshireman much is that, whereas you were not paying attention in school, he was. So 'tis thee that is gormless and needs the telling!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Aug 09 - 10:47 AM

Were 'e in thy class then ced2 ?

Dave H

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: GUEST,John from "Elsie`s Band"
Date: 17 Aug 09 - 10:48 AM

Mr. Maurice Ainsley-Barret, an insurance underwriter from LLoyds, was visiting his client, a Mr. Clough, in Leeds. The secretary ushered the underwriter into the client`s office saying, " Mr. Maurice Ainsley-Barret to see you Mr.Clough."
Mr. Clough said, " Oh. Right. Come in and take a seat Mr. Barret".
The underwriter reminded him, " Mr. AINSLEY-Barret!".
"Oh. Right" said Mr. Clough, " Take two f------ chairs then!!"

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 17 Aug 09 - 11:17 AM

A yorkshire man boasted that there were more acres in Yorkshire than words in the bible. A southerner objected...How do you know? The Tyke was discomfitted only mpmentarily before rejoindering with great ( and probably justified )confidence..

    Cos it were a Yorkishiremen counted 'em.

Subject: RE: Yorkshire Humor
From: oombanjo
Date: 17 Aug 09 - 01:00 PM

a American visiting the uk. had a puncture, whilst mending it a little Yorkshire lad stood watching. when the American took out his jack to take of the wheel the little lad said " my dads got two of those. Then the American took out his spare wheel and the lad said" My dads got two of them as well. The American decided to take a leak and on taking it out looked at the lad and said "I bet your dad hasn't got two of these". the lad said " NO BUT HE HAS ONE THAT CAN MAKE TWO OF THAT!