A request from kat- new blog posting-April 2010

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:45 PM

I love Open Mike's analogy. Gotta love that Morgan Man too.

What was it Aunt Eller said in musical Oklahoma? Life gives ya good things and life gives ya bad things and you just have to say "Oh well" to them both.

Or sumfin like that. Take good care of you, LadyKat. Then you will have more to give to others.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:42 AM

great pic of Morgan

sandra (sending more hugs & love to you)

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 10:42 PM

Same here dear...

(((xXx)))

LTS

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 06:48 AM

Morgan the Philosopher King- love him, and love you, dear! Just popping in to remind you that I'm here and thinking of you even when I don't post...

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 01:47 AM

Wow! kat, that boy shares your spirit!

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 11:36 PM

Oh, my friends. I am glad at least to know I can still cry, even at the good stuff like your love and kind offers.

Dan, I'd love that, but at this point I don't feel I could travel, comfortably, any length of time and my Rog is low on energy right now. It is so kind and sweet of you to offer. You have touched my heart and made it full, as the rest of you have, also.

My son understands my fragility and is trying to soldier on without being too intense. I only spoke to him, briefly, today, to find he did go to the job he had lined up and got back okay. I was really concerned about his driving, esp. as it was to a remote, palatial show house up a very muddy mtn. with narrow, switchback roads and his service van only has rear-wheel drive. He had to use chains last time he went there. He's having to travel a lot. He was in Aspen the first of the week. I am grateful for each day he is able to function and keep his business running, though he is thinking of getting a full-time job, again, and just keeping his hand in, part-time, so he is sure of a steady income.

I have felt a bit down and anxious tonight. Rog and I were out of sorts with one another, but bless him, he did take the dog and I for a short walk at a park; the dog's leash in one hand, my O2 tank with line in the other. Sometimes I even stop to sniff and wish I could cock a leg to pee like the dog!**bg** If I didn't see the humour, the tears would soon be too much.

Wisdom of Morgan - the Half Pint Sage: The other day we were talking about grandparents dying. I told him I want to see him grad. from high school, college, and maybe I'd be a great-grandma some day, that's why I've been working on losing weight and getting fit. A couple of days before we were talking about eating and how much I've lost (over 40lbs in two years) and he said, "The more weight you lose, the more life you have!" Today, talking about sticking around, he reworked it and said, "The more healthy food you eat, the more life you have!" THIS is one of my fav. pix of him, taken last summer; it was a pure Joy moment. I'll scan in some new ones, soon. There is quite a difference, in some ways, from 5 to 6 and being such a "worldly" student, now.:-)

Spawdarlin'...can we send these godblessed elephants back, do ya think?! I could do with a nice, steadier ride on something more sedate.:-)

Thank you, ALL. It helps so much just to share with you.

luvyakathleenmissinghermomanddadtonight

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: olddude
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:16 PM

Kat
do you are Rog want to take a weekend up in the rockies and stay at my kids cabin. It is beautiful there, you know and it is not very far from you and their cabin is beautiful. You could unwind and clear your mind ... PM me if you want

Dan

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 201
From: KT
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:06 PM

katdarlin'.....hugs to you~

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 09:34 PM

I've been thinking about you ever since we talked last and I keep trying to think of something that can help but too often the world is what it is.........and that kinda' sucks. Just be encouraged by all your friends here...........but you knew that. And grab hold of Morg every chance you get......but you knew that too.

The problem here is you already know the stuff.   

Hang in.....We got your back...........


me

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Tinker
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 09:14 PM

It's been a long day here but it sounds as if the sun broke through in the course of the day....

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: open mike
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 08:01 PM

i have an image of the instructions from an airplane..
"put on your own air mask first, then help children apply theirs"
such is the logic for life on the ground, as well...

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Dharmabum
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 06:26 PM

Thinking about you Kat.
Sending positive thoughts.

DB.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: mouldy
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 02:28 PM

Thinking of you.
It's true, they are still your babies, no matter what age they are.

First and foremost you MUST have a care for yourself, or else all your good work will be undone, and you will not have the strength to help them, even IF you wanted to. I think you have done the right thing to step back (although it must be so hard).
Your little ray of sunshine will be your lifebelt, I think!

Much love
Andrea

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: ranger1
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 02:23 PM

Hugs for you, my dear one. PM or call if you need to, I'm a good listener.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: ClaireBear
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 02:05 PM

Most versions of this song are too Christian for some tastes, but I think this particular one transcends belief systems and focuses on spirit. It might come in handy next time you'd like it if someone was there to help:

Angels Watching Over Me

Brightest blessings on you, Kat. You are loved.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:29 PM

Tinker, that video of clear water sloshing peacefully at your feet... it's lovely. The sight and sound takes me back to all the rivers I have known.

{{{{{kat}}}}}}

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:24 PM

I can just see him dancing around your kitchen pouring sunshine everywhere he goes. Morgan is magic - for those of you who haven't seen pictures of him. One big ray of sunshine.
AUNTIE SINS

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 12:53 PM

I am doing a happy dance, for the moment. Morgan just called and is on his way over. He is not contagious...just has a swollen lymph gland. He's missing Mama as much as she is missing him. There's going to be a great big hug in a few moments! I can re-energise thanks to you all and him. Still taking a tough love approach to the others, though, not to worry.:-)

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 11:43 AM

Thanks, Sins. I have not been able to cry since last October...I think my bod/mind/spirit just didn't have the energy to expend. Last night, an early b-day card my sister sent actually brought some tears. She'd written a short note about how time flies and some memories when I was a baby. It just went straight to my heart and I cried and cried...missing her, feeling a bit older which has never bothered me and the stuff going on with Colin. Thank goodness Rog was here and understood.

I will be better, too, when Morgan comes over, again. He's had a bad cold or strep, so has been home...we haven't seen him since Sunday. He goes to the doc today, so I hope he will not be contagious and can come over tomorrow. I will not have him over if there is any danger of passing on whatever he has.

Thanks, again,

luvyakat

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 11:19 AM

Ah kat. You should see me when I just sit down and cry. It is as hard for me as it is for you. Happy to inspire. I just don't want you to think that you should be handling it better than you are. It doesn't get easier but you do get a little more comfortable doing what is in your best interests.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 11:11 AM

Thank you, my friends, for your care and help. I did get some sleep, after an extra xanax, so got my mind to let go for a few hours of good sleep.

Tink, you have such an artistic eye for Nature's beauty; I shouldn't be surprised. Thank you for that respite and peace. I got *lost* in the photos for quite a bit.

SRS, they went to a counsellor last year, but had to stop due to finances and lack of insurance. He will be going to a county/state run facility counsellor on the 31st. I think she has just set her mind on him not being there, I don't know if it would do much good, BUT I have told them I think they should go, together, for help, regardless of what happens. I know they do love one another.

Sins, you have been in my mind...your example...I know you've been through a lot with your son and I am keeping your example in mind. You are an inspiration for me.

Everyone, thank you so very much. I love you all.

kat

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:21 AM

Have you suggested they try to find a family or couples counseling facility? I wouldn't advise a church (unless maybe the Unitarians have something going!) but look into their municipality, county, or state. See if this is something they can work out with some help. If both of them are calling you, clearly they need to talk to someone, and if it is someone in their immediate vicinity with good training, that might push this tipping point into the background. Even if they have to spend some money out of pocket for a few weeks to go to a private counselor, it will be money well-spent. Some of the government supported counseling is paid for on a sliding scale.

Good luck to all of you!

SRS

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: olddude
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:06 AM

Love you Kat
in my thoughts and prayers

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 201
From: Janie
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:04 AM

Thinking of all of you Kat.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Tinker
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 08:49 AM

Not a one of us can truly love others if we don't first love ourselves.... Particularly when you are all struggling with the depth of emotion you has worked so hard to stabilize, remember you are a role model as well as a mother. Burn our is never a good life choice.

I actually listened to my own advice and spent last weekend on a silent retreat...
Let's see if this will let you share a bit of the magic....

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 08:38 AM

you've said no, & let no be no.

sending lots of love to you & your family

sandra

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 08:28 AM

So sorry kat. Our children are always our babies and our first reaction is to jump in and make it all better.
We can't.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Your health has been a real issue lately and you finally seem to be on the way to recovery.
Hard as it is to say "No", it is often best for all concerned. These are adults with the responsibility of a child. Let them be adults and handle their own problems.
Listen, love and take care of yourself.
Mary

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 07:58 AM

Thinking of you melove. Please put yourself first here- for everyone's sake.

xxxxxxx

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 07:39 AM

Oh, my love- calm thoughts, deep breaths, candles burning, love flowing your way.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Family glitch 24 March 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:54 AM

Mid-high drama/trauma in my family concerning our son, Colin, has caused me a bit more anxiety than I have felt in a long time. I haven't had any zoloft since last Friday and have been doing really well. Still take a xanax at night, but getting short amounts of good, solid sleep. (I also have biofeedback and therapist appts on Thursday.)

Now, in the past couple of days, I have found it hard to focus and to empty my mind. I feel he will be okay, but he is going through hard changes, having to move out of the home he shared with what he thought was going to be the love of his life and her son whom he loves so much. This was not unexpected in some parts, but still a shock to him. There is responsibility on both their parts which brought them to this. He has an appt. with a counsellor on the 31st, but in the meantime I have great concern over the meds his doc is prescribing for him, knowing he has an addictive personality, two antidepressants + valium + blood pressure medicine and possibly others, plus he drinks too much. So far, he has managed to keep his business going. I don't know how either of them will afford to live apart, but there ya go.

It has been intense for me as he has called daily to talk and get my input and she has called a few times, too. I have been practising tough love to some extent because I recognise I do not have the energy for too much without depleting my resources AND because I've had too much experience with another family member who gets into a round robin of depression and what ifs. (And, because, bless it! I have been doing so well and will NOT give that up!) I won't go down that road anymore and I've told my son. If they have a real crisis, again (as in a week ago Sat. night), I've told them to go to urgent care or call 911. They both know I love them and also I have to protect myself, first and foremost.

Regardless, today kind of put me over the edge and I find too many thoughts of their futures roiling around in my head, so please send whatever calm, peace, etc. you are able to me and to Colin, Melissa, and Patrick (8 years old) Her mom is trying to help, too, but she is in Minnesota. These are all really good people...it's just sad that they got to this point.

Thanks so much, my friends.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Thanks! 11 March 2010
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 12:29 PM

Just a big fat MWAH to you!!!!!

:) I always knew you had a big heart!!!

XOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Thanks! 11 March 2010
From: Dharmabum
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 09:12 AM

Great news Kat.
For all the positive energy you've created here at the cat,here's some back at you.

DB.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Thanks! 11 March 2010
From: Rowan
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 05:31 PM

my heart has held its own and NOT enlarged any more than it was before

Just as well. Always thought you had a great heart anyway, quite big enough for all of us.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: A request from kat- Thanks! 11 March 2010
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 12:56 PM

News this good is worth bumping up to the top again - I didn't get any real time yesterday to computerfy, so am catching up today. What a lovely thing to read Kat's very welcome message.

Take good, good care of yourself -

B xxx

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[that hieroglyphic is meant to be a virtual red rose...]

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram 16 Feb 2010
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 03:22 PM

I think he was afraid he would forget it, Sins! We'd just been talking about it the night before. He says he thought it was two days ago and that's why he brought me flowers. He did seem genuinely surprised at my surprise since he does usually bring me some small plant, but never a dozen red roses! I guess thirty years counts for something!:-) He is also taking tomorrow off, so we'll have a three day weekend. THAT is a real treat as he never takes a day off!

I am doing so much better, my friends. Thank you, so much. The therapist doesn't need to see me for two weeks, when I will be totally OFF the zoloft which really elates me. As soon as we decided I would go off of it my state of mind was much better...relieved and eager to do so. The side effects: restless legs, low grade headache for much of each day/night, upset GI necessitating OTC remedy on a daily basis also causing lack of sleep, jerkiness, and sleepiness which has kept me from driving at all until today when Morgan and I went a short distance and back with no problem.

I've had my second biofeedback session. It is all based on breathing..when we get my breathing slowed down, on a very gradual basis, that will turn off the stimulation to the various nervous systems which cause anxiety, depression, and/or panic, plus muscle tension. It seems silly at first; I've had so many years of meditation with long, deep breaths..now I am learning to slow even that down and how to apply it a different way. I think it is going to do much more than just keep me off of drugs for those conditions.

I have been doing so much more than before; just feeling much more positive and happy. I will see the therapist and biofeedback gal in two weeks. Still need to work on mental motivation, but that is what the therapist and I are working on.

Thank you all, very, very much!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram 16 Feb 2010
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 10:10 AM

I think she scared Roger too. He delivered a dozen roses as a pre-celebration of their anniversary. Very neat.
M

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram 16 Feb 2010
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 09:39 AM

As Dan says - take care of yourself, we need you here.

xxxxx

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram 16 Feb 2010
From: olddude
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 09:14 AM

It is so good to hear that you are feeling better, you scared me Hon
please take care of yourself

Love dan

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram 16 Feb 2010
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 07:39 AM

How are you feeling today?

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 03:29 PM

Good to hear.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 03:19 PM

Good news, Miss Kitty. Doesn't it feel good to be right?
SINS

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 08:35 AM

what good news Kat. Keep it coming.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 08:27 AM

Sounds encouraging, kat. Best wishes for further recovery.

RtS

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 09:05 PM

Yes, thanks to you all! I may have sounded a little unsure or circumspect. Suffice it to say, the echo wasn't any different from the last one, pre-surgery except for very important fact there is a well-working new aortic valve with no loose stitches! (Last summer the cardio scared me with THAT as an excuse to get an echo which I said no to!)

Anyway, it IS good news because it means my heart has held its own and NOT enlarged any more than it was before. He also agreed with me that the losing weight and exercise will help regardless.

My other doc and therapist are working with me to get off of the zoloft. I will be going for biofeedback next Monday. I am really happy about that!

Thanks, again,

kat

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 07:55 PM

Oh, yay! Keep on keeping on, dear mudsister!

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 07:37 PM

what everyone said

sandra

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:53 PM

Great news, kat. Congratulations.
Mary

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:43 PM

yeppers, kittyKat... keep on keepin on.

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: maire-aine
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:29 PM

That sounds good, right? Hope you continue improving.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: A request from kat- echo-cardiogram today16 Feb
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:28 PM

I gave in and call the cardio, today, as he had not called me and it's been over a week. The PA was going to call me back, but he called himself!

Anyway, the echo didn't show anything particularly new except that we have a better working valve (big surprise, eh!) The plan is to keep doing what we are with meds, weight, and exercise, all of which are helping and I go see him in August for an annual. Thanks for being here with me!

luvyakat