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BS: How many roads must a man walk down
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Subject: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 07 Nov 11 - 01:39 PM A hell of a lot of em when your missus doesn't put gas in her car !! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 07 Nov 11 - 01:44 PM Never visit an Amish friend with your wife's car ... The end :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 07 Nov 11 - 01:49 PM And always bring a cell phone cause ya see Amish ... DON'T HAVE PHONES !! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:03 PM can't stop laughing .. my own fault for not checking :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:10 PM Yeah, When going where there is no gas or phone bring your own. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:21 PM Dan, remind me to tell you about my Aunt aunt and the canary. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:31 PM 9!!! Spill it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:40 PM What the heck, Dan...do what Harrison Ford did in "Witness" and just stay with the Amish for a few months. It could be really cool. ;-) I've lived in a place with no phones, and I loved it. Of course, your wiener dogs might feel they'd been abandoned. That has to be taken into account. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Nov 11 - 02:51 PM The only way I would do that Hawk would be if I was 30 years younger and then I would definitely plow the livin' shit out of Kelly McGillis! I don't care if she's gay or not.....I could wreck that........... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Nov 11 - 03:30 PM Heh! I know exactly what you mean, Spaw. She was lovely, wasn't she? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 07 Nov 11 - 03:44 PM Lacking a real question, the mice decide not to go through the whole thing again and settle for the out-of-thin-air suggestion "How many roads must a man walk down?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,R. A. Zimmerman Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:01 PM Six. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM Zimmerman has it right. A man's gotta walk down five, maybe six roads at the most, and if he ain't got it figgered out by then, he is never gonna get it figgered out. I have known bozos like that. They could walk down 50 friggin' roads and they still don't know what end is up. Dan, what you gotta do is enjoy the moment. I figger that there could be some cosmic reason for you to get marooned amongst the Amish, some reason that will yield great benefit in time, and you should enjoy it to the max. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Paul Burke Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:26 PM The answer, my friend, is 42. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM Yeah, and what do you get from tbe number 42, usin' numerology? 4 + 2 = 6 Just like Zimmerman said. Six. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:53 PM Almost. It's one... sex. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Janie Date: 07 Nov 11 - 05:08 PM Remembering a "blonde" moment from many, many years ago. (way before cell phones.) Headed home after work on the freeway. Pass my omnipotent and very capable Dad pulled over on the berm and wave cheerily as I speed past. Arrive home 10 minutes later and Mom says, "You didn't stop?!!!" Fortunately my younger sister, 5 minutes behind me on her daily commute, had darker hair. I was backing out of the driveway, full of chagrin when she pulled up, Dad in the passenger seat of her little red VW bug. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Nov 11 - 09:25 PM A few months after buying my current van, I ran out of gas. The fuel gauge said "Empty", but the low fuel warning light had yet to come on so I assumed the gauge was a bit off. Turned out the gauge worked fine but the low fuel light was either broken or nonexistent. Since then, I have not allowed the fuel level in that vehicle to get below a quarter tank. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Rapparee Date: 07 Nov 11 - 09:34 PM Before she was my wife she bought a '71 Dodge. She ran it for some time and then we headed to Missouri to buy gas (it was cheaper there). The bridge was under repair and we stopped on the Illinois side...and the engine died and couldn't start again for lack of petrol in the tank. There were NO stations closer than the one in Missouri, at the other end of the mile or more long bridge. I started walking....then walking back. Fortunately some nice soul saw me and gave me a ride back to the car. We returned the gas can to the station and filled up. She knew to a drop the mileage.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Bobert Date: 07 Nov 11 - 10:01 PM Hate to admit this but I have never run out of gas... Maybe I have missed something, I donno??? I have broken down, however, on the side of the road... Does that count??? Worst was back in '69 and my band had a gig in DC and we was on our way back to Richmond when the radiator blew in our '49 Ford panel (equipment) truck... Fortunately, the bass player (FuzBat) was right behind us in his Camero so we had transportation but we were stuck on I-95 in Lorton, Va. for two days waiting to get the radiator recored... Fun... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Becca72 Date: 08 Nov 11 - 09:34 AM I'm with you, Bobert. I've never run out of gas, either. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:15 AM Gnu, My aunt was cleaning the country place, a small two room structure and as always, she defrosted the fridge and freezer, too. She had left the doors of the fridge and freezer open to hasten the defrost time. She also took that opportunity to have the budgie get in some flight time and make it easier to clean Chirpie's cage. The process of cleaning the place usually took the better part of the afternoon. At about three pm I received a frantic phone call from her. It seems that at about 1:00 pm she'd closed both the refrigerator door and the freezer door. When she couldn't find Chirpie anywhere, she checked the fridge and freezer. He was in the freezer, on his back, his legs straight up, frozen solid. She asked me if there was anything she could do. I thought for a few seconds and suggested she turn on the oven and put Chirpie near the stove to thaw. Meanwhile, I told her to go get my uncle's can of lighter fluid. She did. As Chirpie began to warm up, I then said she should give each of his nostrils (nares) a few squirts, which she did. He literally took off, flying all over the kitchen and livingroom/bedroom. Alas, he flew for about 1 1/2 minutes but then fell from the air to the floor and lay still. I felt bad for her because she kinda doted on the budgie. In a soft voice I asked, "Dead?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:17 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She said, "No. Ran out of gas!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Jeri Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:23 AM You are a bad, bad man! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Pete Jennings Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:25 AM We keep our tortoise, Timmy, in a fridge over the UK winter to make sure he gets a good hibernation. He's in there now, with the temperature showing at 5.2 degrees C (approx 41 degrees F). |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:37 AM 999 - Ha! Ha! Ha! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: SPB-Cooperator Date: 08 Nov 11 - 12:07 PM If I go home by tube, six by bus - two from thge pub on Fridays - six, but one is pedestrianised. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 Date: 08 Nov 11 - 12:14 PM Bruce you are just shameless. Granted the budgie/lighter fluid bit but not only is that joke as old as Methusela but I have told it in cat form about 9 times around here dating back to this one in November of 1999! ********************************************************************** Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts. From: catspaw49 - PM Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:40 PM Ya know, I had a cat with bowel problems and my vet suggested a 1/2 teaspoon of gasoline fer chrissake! I admit that I thought the guy was nuts, but it did work, sorta. It ain't too easy to get a half teaspoon of gasoline down a cat's throat, but when I did, he liked to tore me to shreds getting away. He blasted around the room about 3 or 4 times, ran up the hallway, up the stairs, back down both, and into the den, leaped on the drapes and ran to the end of the curtain rod where he stopped and fell to the floor. I thought I'd killed the poor thing, but it turns out he'd just run out of gas. ********************************************************************** And some of the later versions got up to two paragraphs! Still a damn fine old joke though....and a nice telling on your part! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Nov 11 - 12:16 PM Har! Har! Even better, Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 08 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM LOL thank you needed the laugh guys |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 08 Nov 11 - 12:33 PM very funny |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Date: 08 Nov 11 - 01:57 PM Love that joke. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 08 Nov 11 - 04:30 PM Gosh I actually made it down and back to the Amish today ... didn't even have to walk cause I used my car LOL ... see every time my missus says, I am taking your car to work today .. that usually means fill mine up :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM Have you had a long friendship with the Amish community, Dan? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM I should think it would depend on the man. After all, some men walk...others drive. Some drive wickely expensive sport cars, and those are the men that primarily interest me. The ones who have to walk can't possibly give a girl enough entertainment to justify the interest, if you ask me! :-) ttfn! Veronica |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:39 PM Ronnie...some of them can't drive because their dicks are too big to be able to sit down. Wanna take a walk with me? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 08 Nov 11 - 07:03 PM but you're not being asked Veronica Whoeveryouare |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing Date: 08 Nov 11 - 07:35 PM If he'd ask directions, a heck of a lot less. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 Date: 08 Nov 11 - 07:52 PM You have a point there kat! Maybe you recall this story I told about that back a dozen years ago.................... So it's a pleasant summer afternoon and I've had to run out to our freeway station to fix a stranded traveller's car. Before going back to the shop, I'm having a coke and BSing with a couple of our gasjocks out front. Remember those days? Complete underhood check, clean windshield and rear window, and you sat in your car and didn't have to do a thing, all for about 35 cents a gallon! Anyway, a new Buick deuce and a quarter drives in and the guy gets out dressed in expensive sports clothes, the woman waits in the car. He looks distastefully at us and asks, "How much farther is it to St. Louis?" This wasn't really a stupid question, but one we didn't hear often since we were on the far east side of Columbus, Ohio. I'd just been out that way a little before, so I answered, "Oh, I'd say it's about 500 miles or thereabouts." Stanley Snappy looks at me like I'm an idiot and quite nastily says, "That's ridiculous." I'm immediately pissed, but keep it "quiet." Stanley continues, "It can't be that far!" The rest of the conversation was close to this: ME: Well, I dunno', it's something like that. SS: Can't be. Can't be that far. ME: OK, so it's 475. SS: That's ridiculous. ME: Look man, I just drove through St. Louis last month and it's 500 miles from HERE. SS: It can't be. ME: Alright, I give up.....How far should it be? SS: It can't be more than a hundred miles. We left home at 11 this morning. ME: Really? Well, uh......Where's home? SS: Kokomo. ME: As in Indiana? (Gasjocks are cracking up) SS: Of course! ME: Well this would be Columbus as in Ohio......of course. SS: (Just stares---Still doesn't get it, looks at the laughing gasjocks) ME: Well lookit here sport, I'd say you took a wrong turn in Indy. SS: What do you mean? ME: I guess I mean you fucked up. This is OHIO!!! SS: Huh? ME: Jesus Jack, you've been driving the wrong fuckin' way for 3 hours. SS: I have? ME: Hey, no shit! SS: Oh God, now what am I gonna' do? ME: Personally I'd head back WEST on 70, but that'd just be me. SS: Yeah...No, that's not what I meant. I mean what am I going to tell my wife. .......and for the first time, I actually empathized with this idiot. His personality had changed about 180 degrees in 10 seconds and I had a feeling it was going to be a REAL LONG DRIVE to St. Louis. As they drove out, we watched to see if they got on 70 West...they did. One of the gasjocks, Dan, turned to me and said, "He must have borrowed that car." I asked why he thought so. "Anybody that dumb couldn't have a job to pay for it." He was probably right. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing Date: 08 Nov 11 - 07:58 PM I don't remember that one, Spaw! LMAO!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:59 PM lol that is awesome spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:06 AM LH yes i have known many in the amish community for a long time. There are quite a few here. They keep to themselves but once you become friends, you are treated like family |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:38 AM You should be so lucky, gnu! Only in your dreams, you randy colonial layabout. As for you, BTNG, be advised that a Rutledge girl always speaks her mind whenever she wishes, to whomever she wishes, and certainly without needing to asking your wretched permission first. What cheek! I wager that you have never been to Ascott and wouldn't know the difference between a Bentley and a Rolls if your life depended upon it. Furthermore, your name (BTNG) sounds like a cork flying out of a bottle of cheap wine. ttfn! Veronica |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 08:42 AM Veronica Thank you for making me laugh ... that was priceless ... big smile Dan |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: topical tom Date: 09 Nov 11 - 09:58 AM I dunno. Til you get to the bottom of the mountain? Or mebbe til the next service station? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:18 AM I see oldfart is being impressed by some young tart, thus it ever was, thus it shall ever be |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: frogprince Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM "I see oldfart is being impressed by some young tart, thus it ever was, thus it shall ever be" ...for the crusty and the flakey are rarin' to go.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM There is nothing else quite like the power of a young woman in her prime. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:49 PM "People who pose as "upper" should beware of those who actually are" a quote from my son-in-law, who though "upper" is a very decent human being The grocer's daughter from Grantham, Lincolnshire would have done well to have heeded a quote like that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Nov 11 - 01:06 PM Everyone bewares of those who actually are! (Except, perhaps, those who actually are...) I read once that being of royal blood was statistically THE most dangerous occupation a person could have in medieval Europe. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Veronica Rutledge, however, is not of royal blood. She's merely rich and spoiled. The thing that poses the most danger to her is her own driver's license and her Zebra-striped Porsche (or did that one get wrecked recently?). |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 01:27 PM LOL |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 01:46 PM Us old farts ain't dead yet :-) pick me up please with me gas can in hand ... :-) can't stop laughing |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 01:55 PM I hear she had a chimp in the car with her who may or may not have had a hand in the accident |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Stringsinger Date: 09 Nov 11 - 01:58 PM How many roads must Bobby walk down? Not even one. He can drive in his limousine. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:07 PM What what you say about Chongo ... our next President cause he got my vote |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:13 PM You do realize BTNG I am teasing you :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:23 PM chimp or hawk, I can't remember which.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:18 PM "who may or may not have had a hand in the accident" AND who may have had a hand somewhere else at the time as well! Or IN something else, if you follow my analogy. Yes! The disturbing rumours...did I say "rumours"?...the disturbing reports that have been pouring in from my confidential sources who cannot be named to these embattled offices of the Independent Press in Birmingham make it quite clear that there are unholy alliances being formed even as I speak between the sons and daughters of the British aristocracy and shambling, subhuman, hairy, gibbering, degenerate beasts of the jungle!!!! Could this herald the final collapse of civilization as we know it? And what connection does it have with the blood-drinking lizard-man, Winston Wellington-Jones, who walks among us pretending to be an ordinary English peer, albeit an insufferably arrogant one, and who has married into the ancient Rutledge line with the clear intent of stealing their pure genetic coding and producing a line of reptilian-blooded, shape-shifting, cannibalistic creatures whose final purpose is to enslave all humanity!!!!!!!!!! BUY the next issue of the Independent Press at your local counter and READ the AWFUL TRUTH in all its HORRIFYING ENTIRETY as I rip the mask from the ugly face of HIDDEN POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Hector Ballsworthy |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:22 PM now that is a fake, every idiot and their mother knows The Independent Press is in Coventry, same building as the West Midlands branch of the the Barnsley Nutrition Partnership |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:25 PM Are you saying, BTNG (Oh my! There goes that cork again!), that your mother knows where the Independent Press is located? ttfn! Veroninca |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:36 PM In any case, pay no attention to the lunatic Ballsworthy, screaming out of one side of his mouth and drooling out the other. He has been writing incredible stories about my family and Uncle Winston for years. He is mad, mad as the proverbial hatter. He is an idiot of the first water. He makes swamp mud look sentient in comparison. In the Land of the Mad, he would undoubtedly be crowned as the King. It is my understanding that he runs a separate Independent Press to the one you are alluding to, and that he has moved his offices several times after certain unfortunate incidents occurred, possibly due to his constant harassment of people from a far better lineage than his own... You just can't do that sort of destructive thing to innocent people forever without suffering a certain amount of bad luck in return. It's a karmic certainty. Either that or he did it himself to get the insurance money. One has to wonder, though, where he acquired that amount of explosives. I'm betting that he got them from Muammar Gadhaffi. If so, he will have to find a new supplier now! :-) ttfn! Veronica |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:57 PM OK now I am getting PISSED !! I started a thread for a chuckle about running out of gas in an Amish community ... I don't know who or what you folks are talking about nor care as most others here .. take it elsewhere ok ... Kat cancel this Fckin thread |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 05:01 PM me thinks someone protesteth waaaayyyyyy too much..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing Date: 09 Nov 11 - 05:17 PM olddude/Dan, they're Penny, I may call you Penny, might I? How about you and the others keep your knickers outta twist, be respectful of Dan, and get back to the original question? I've got a few choice tidbits I can feed the Press if you all aren't careful.*bg* Okay folks, move it along, nothing to see here, keep moving...:-) kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,jts Date: 09 Nov 11 - 05:26 PM I know that the chick an the chimp are certainly in Coventry. Good chance that ballsy is too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Date: 09 Nov 11 - 05:42 PM and someone said Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude - PM Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:13 PM You do realize BTNG I am teasing you :-) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- guess someone was teasing you huh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Date: 09 Nov 11 - 06:53 PM my apologies for misunderstanding |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing Date: 09 Nov 11 - 07:49 PM No apologies necessary, Dan...you can't help it if the bilge spills over here without explanation sometimes.**BG**(I know Penny et al know I am joking.) luvya'llkat |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Nov 11 - 12:25 PM Okay, let's get back to the vital question here! How many roads must a man walk down? Or a chimp? As the case may be... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Don Firth Date: 11 Nov 11 - 12:29 AM In answer to the initial question: Get a GPS. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Patsy Date: 11 Nov 11 - 03:12 AM None these days as most men seem to be permanently attached to their cars. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Date: 11 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM Ah, yes. Walking is becoming a lost art in North America. Note the popularity of "drive through" banks and fast food outlets. It would be funny, if it weren't so sad. I despise the "drive through" concept, and will always park, get out of my car, and walk into the restaurant, bank or whatever the hell else it is. |
