BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes

Subject: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 11:16 AM

A Dutch chimp riding on an English train was wearing no shoes (wooden or otherwise), but had a ticket. The ticket collector ordered him off the train, the chimp refused, and five yobbos from Soho got up and forcibly ejected the chimp from the train!

Chimps and other apes and monkeys all over the world are OUTRAGED by this disturbing incident!

There is talk of a primate boycott of the UK if an official apology is not issued and full compensation paid to the chimp who was ejected from the train.

"We've had enough of this specist crap!" thundered Chongo Chimp at a fundraising event in Chicago. "People try to put us down...talkin' bout my species nation....just because we...get around...talkin' 'bout my species nation! We are gonna raise hell about this until full species equality is an accomplished FACT, not just an empty promise! The Queen is gonna hear from us! We're gonna take this thing right to Buckingham Palace and bring the whole corrupt edifice crashin' down if our legitimate demands for equality are not met!!!!! Chimps have opposable big toes. They don't NEED to wear shoes when they're on a damn English train!"

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 11:17 AM

Mocking Jackass posts on Mudcat. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 11:19 AM

Yup. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 01:22 PM

Pardon me boy, are you the chimp that left the choo choo? ♫♪

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 02:52 PM

If you note another currant thread you will see that chimps dance barefoot, and dance very good I might add to a Cape Breton tune, so why in Hell are they being discriminated against? Are there no primate rights?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: gnu
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 02:54 PM

It just ain't right.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 02:59 PM

It's unconscionable.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 03:25 PM

Chimp uses donkey to chase & eliminate....jackass

Chimps using firearms! Where will it lead?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 03:34 PM

Sawn off gorillas?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 03:36 PM

lead? to lead, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 03:44 PM

"It is not so important to be serious as it is to be serious about the important things. The monkey wears an expression of seriousness which would do credit to any college student, but the monkey is serious because he itches." Robert M. Hutchins

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 05:33 PM

Yes! And itches are serious business...as any Dachshund can tell you. (they are much plagued by itches in hard to reach places)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 05:46 PM

Primates scratch each other's itches.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 05:59 PM

i tried that bit in college. she slapped me and left in a high dudgeon, and her a biology major!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: gnu
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 06:12 PM

Martin is nuts... I like that. Wild and crazy kinda guy. My kinda guy.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 08:05 PM

""she slapped me and left in a high dudgeon""

You dated a chimp in college?
I am impressed. Tell us more!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 01:20 AM

Few chimps even go to college. Even fewer major in biology. She was probably a bit too cultured to be interested in you, Rap!   ;-D

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 05:27 AM

Horticultured?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:11 AM

Hey Rap, if you need a ladder to escape from that high dudgeon I can lend you one...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: JHW
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 07:30 AM

Wouldn't have happened in Hartlepool

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:27 AM

""A small brown beast, spry as a witch and ugly as a gargoyle, was perched on the top of a freight engine when it drew into the station of Greenfield, Mass. As the train stopped, several persons tried to grasp the gargoyle's tail. Annoyed and impudent, he snapped it out of reach and hopped away through the freight yard. When finally captured in the corner of a box car, he was discovered to be a ridiculous hobo monkey who had escaped from a circus and boarded the freight train several towns away."" Miscellany: Hobo, Time Magazine, Feb 11, 2011




Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,731847,00.html#ixzz1hB7qTrOf




Monkey And The Engineer

Once upon a time there was an engineer.
Drove a locomotive both far and near.
Accompanied by a monkey that would sit on a stool
Watching everything the engineer would do
One day the engineer wanted a bite to eat,
He left the monkey sitting on the driver's seat,
The monkey pulled the throttle, the locomotive jumped the gun
And did 80 miles an hour down the mainline run.

Big locomotive right on time, big locomotive coming down the line.
Big locomotive No. 99, left the engineer with a worried mind.

The engineer called up the dispatcher on the phone,
To tell him all about his locomotive was gone.
Dispatcher got on the wire, switch operator to the right,
Cause the monkey's got the main line sewed up tight.
The switch operator got the message on time,
Said there's a Northbound livin' on the same main line,
Open up the switch I'm gonna let him through the hole,
Cause the monkey's got the locomotive under control.

Big locomotive right on time, big locomotive coming down the line.
Big locomotive No. 99, left the engineer with a worried mind.

Gratful Dead sang it, don't know who wrote it


http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,731847,00.html

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:22 AM

"ridiculous hobo monkey"? I've never heard of that breed before.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:54 AM

You haven't, LH? I'm quite surprised.

Also known as the "Wandering Woody," these primates were once found in abundance riding in boxcars playing small guitars. I understand the song, "Chongo's Lullabye" is a tribute to this unique (and dwindling) breed, but when I last looked it was not in the DT.

And they almost never wear shoes.

Jay

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:59 AM

Post above was me - strangely cookie-less as I did not log out.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:11 AM

Thanks for that wonderful bit of American, BrooklynJay. It will be recorded in "The Chongo Chronicles", a 6-volume set that will soon be coming out and is most certainly destined for a longstanding place on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:58 PM

Hey! The "youth expelled from train" has gotten ahead of this one again. We can't have that!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 02:05 PM

This Christmas - Remember to be kind to your neighborhood primates. Give out free bananas. Do not criticize them for not wearing shoes on the train. If you're nice, you won't get bitten.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 03:05 PM

Release Your Inner Chimp

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 01:49 AM

"Chongo Chimp is Coming to Town"

Oh, you better not fight
You better not f*ck
You better fly right
Or you're out of luck
CHONGO CHIMP IS COMING TO TOWN!

He's makin' a list
And checkin' it twice
He's gonna find out who's
Specist or nice
CHONGO CHIMP IS COMING TO TOWN!

He sees you when you're drinking
He knows when you abstain
He knows just what you're thinking
He can look inside your brain

Oh, you better not swear
You better not f*ck
You better beware
Or you're out of luck
CHONGO CHIMP IS COMING TO TOWN!
CHONGO CHIMP IS COMING TO TOWN!
CHONGO CHIMP IS COMING TOOOOOOOO TOOOOOOWWWWWWN! (KREE-GAH!) Ook! Ook!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 05:47 AM

Reality check - standards of behaviour are so low on UK public transport these days that the absence of shoes would not get anyone expelled from a train.

This chimp was no doubt doing something else that the British newspapers were too considerate and fastidious to report. (This is satire creeping in....)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimp expelled from train - no shoes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 10:36 AM

Heh! Heh! You may be right, Rusty Dobro. Thanks for my first good laugh of Christmas. ;-D