Curmudgeon In Hospice - [November 2013]

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 06:39 PM

Good day. Good meeting with Dr. Al-Alwan basically going over what we went over with Dr. Wheeler and Dr. Joventino yesterday. Then, early this afternoon, we met with the hospice/palliative care team.

Whew! Good meetings. Necessary. Productive. But draining. Plus Tom and I had some more time to talk about Life, the Universe, and Everything...and the Infinite and what's on the other side and all that metaphysical stuff.

Then came the rounds of visitors -- another classmate of Tom's and her husband. And I finally got to meet her, though we've spoken on the phone and emailed any number of times. And as they were leaving, another good friend showed up.

And Tom had a chance to demonstrate the "Anglo-Saxon crash thud" so maybe I can start practicing. And I showed off (to nurses and such) some photographs from 1986 and 1987, even though I didn't have time to start prepping them for the archives.

Tom is looking and sounding good. Right now I think he's more awake than I am. Somehow gravity got way turned up at sometime this afternoon.

Oh, the coup of the morning was two of Harvey's cream horns from the Waterfall Café in the lobby. And, despite the orders for only clear liquids while he was on one of the IV meds, Tom DID get a decent sized bite of a cream horn to satisfy his curiosity.

Linn

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: GUEST,celtaddict (cookieless?)
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 07:30 PM

You are both in my thoughts. I admire you hugely for the will you have brought to the tasks of this chapter. Hugs.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: JudyB
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 09:11 PM

Thank you for taking the time to post the updates, Linn - I'm another one who checks regularly - and who keeps you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending light and love....

Judy

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 09:33 PM

Hugs from me, too, Linn!

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 03:07 AM

Thanks, Linn. I try to check regularly too. I just don't know what to say anymore other than I love you and I think about you both every day. I am happy to hear that things are progressing as they should right now towards the kind of care that will be necessary and I'm also happy to hear that you have had the chance to actually talk about "Life, The Universe and Everything" because so few people do get that chance when the health crises start multiplying.
Love to you both.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 07:55 AM

You are on my mind as you travel this important journey together.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: billybob
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 02:14 PM

Sending love to you both
from billy and me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 07:23 PM

It is, truly, one day at a time.

On my way over to the hospital this morning, I swung past Hyder Family Hospice Home in Dover...and then met with the liaison today. She's a wonderful person who is so very much in the best possible job for her. Tom and I had a grand time talking to her while we worked out a game plan, signed papers (ach! bureaucracies!) and stuff. And, it turns out, she used to work with our nurse-practitioner friend Rita Pomerleau in another life. (Before she met with us, Sue had read the article on Tom from last September - Ode to Tom Hall and forwarded it to others at the hospice -- and Rita was quoted in the article.)

So...tomorrow morning, Tom will be moved to Hyder House where he will stay for as long as necessary. The game plan is for Tom to come home at some point...so he can die at home in the familiar surroundings of the house that he built, with me and the cats and friends and music...

I keep feeling as if there are people I'm forgetting to tell...believe it or not, there are friends who seldom check Mudcat...or even seldom check Facebook. Some people I actually have to CALL rather than email...;-)

Well, that's today -- I've pretty much got stuff updated here and I've eaten supper and will go upstairs and call another friend in another time zone. And pet the cats. And have another glass of wine, elderberry this time, made by a friend which makes it even better than the fine wine it is.

Tom and I are very very rich in friends. Thank you all so much for being here with us.

Linn

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 07:37 PM

Sounds like a reasonable decision.

It eases MY concern about having to deal with Winter & snow & ice in uncertain medical circumstances.

Having a 'safe' place with decent care should ease much of the stress.

Best of luck with this new chapter in an amazing journey.. (I enjoyed the article a lot... Tom has given so much, and I sincerely hope he gets to the Press Room now & then...)

(are there any videos of Tom singing/playing?)

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: mg
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 07:47 PM

You have done all that you could and now others can assume the logistics and you can do all the loving stuff..that ice situation had me very worried too.mg

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: ranger1
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 08:00 PM

Bill, here are a couple that I know of:

Battle of Bull Run
Bound Away For Australia

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 08:39 PM

Thanks, Tami! I guess I could have looked them up. I was fortunate to hear Tom a couple times on their one trip to the Getaway... nice to remember.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:09 AM

It's so early yet...I woke sometime between 5 an 5:30. No panic attack (I've been awakening to some of those lately), but couldn't concentrate on the mindless mystery, fidgety, and very very teary for no real reason.

I don't often cry. Never did as a kid, and I've made it to 64 with most of my few tears being tears of frustration (well, except for some of those raging hormonal unbalance tears during perimenopause when a picture of a puppy, or a something about a stranger on the radio would bring tears to my eyes; but not real crying).

Before six I decided to call Tom because I really needed to hear his voice. He'd been asleep both times I'd called last night -- glad I'd told him "goodnight" just in case before I left the hospital. Reached Cindi, the nurse who saw us through so much last year after his broken ankle. Told her I didn't usually call this early, but if he was awake, I'd like to talk to him. He was awake. Not only awake, but alert an in good spirits, so we talked for awhile. I still kept tearing up and having trouble talking -- for no real reason. Talked about the conversations I had last night with friends, the people I still needed to call.

Just finished a cup of the chorizo/kale soup -- it's hearty, healthy, filling and makes a good meal no matter what time it is. Too early to start making phone calls, but I can get another bag or so ready for Goodwill. And I just thought of something my neighbor CAN do for me since she keeps offering and seems to be frustrated that she can't contribute something.

Bill, as far as I know, there are only those two videos at YouTube of Tom singing. Joe Stead of Kimber's Men took them at a house concert at Sinsull's about 6 months before Tom's cancer diagnosis. We have one professionally (Chris Biggi/Sunset Ridge) recorded was cassette from 1988/now digitized to CD. I've been hoping (time...time...and learning how to do it) to put some of these songs on YouTube illustrated with some of my photographs. I don't want Tom's voice to be forgotten.

Trying to make up my mind if I need to go back to sleep for an hour or so...

Later,
Linn

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: maeve
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:27 AM

You have cause for tears, Linn, and cause for rejoicing as well. Love to you and Tom, and my thanks to those who are helping you both.

Maeve

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 08:25 AM

Oh, sweet Linn, I spend so little time here nowadays that I've missed this. You have been a tower of strength, so it's no wonder that sometimes cracks form and the tears leak out. Let them- they'll wash away at least some of the stress, for a time.

Two hours away seems like two thousand, but truly, if there's anything I can do...

Light and love flowing to you and Tom.

Allison

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 08:41 AM

I never kept a diary of our house concerts and song circles - a mistake. But I do remember the recordings of both Tom and Barry. Sometimes I visit them on Utube for a "fix". I am very glad those exist. There may be more because Jacqui occasionally recorded stuff with her cell phone. Sadly, Old Shep, comes to mind.

One precious day at a time.
SINS

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:05 AM

Linn... "Thank you all so much for being here with us."

Thank you, and Tom, for being here with us. My thoughts and prayers, my heart, go out to you both.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Megan L
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:22 AM

Why am I walking on this road?
I walk because it's there oh
Its not the road I'd choose to walk
But it will go somewhere oh

        Oh this road is hard
And this road is long
But the ending is in sight now
We will carry on until it ends
With the precious rest of night now.

I won't walk of and leave you now
We've walked so far together
We'll make it now this last long mile
And never mind the weather.

MHTBL nov 13 2013 14:22

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:23 AM

I do believe that tears are a healthy form of expression, whether happiness, sadness, fear, frustration, the whole spectrum of feelings. Let it rain, let it pour, let the tears wash over you as the journey continues. Do not deny anyone the privilege of lending assistance. You have many, many companions lending their support.

And a very sensible self who is getting you through this.

You are so much on my mind, all day.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 10:08 AM

Linn, we're helping you with shedding tears (and I haven't even met Tom!) so don't worry about that. Crying will keep you healthy.

If your folkies are anything like the folkies my Dad congregated with, quite often someone in the room had a recorder (of some sort) going. I suspect if you put out a call for audio recordings you will find many, and then if you put them on YouTube with a slide show, there you go. And I have been intending to do something like that with some of my father's songs, so if you do it, I'll learn from you.

I'm glad you had a good talk this morning.

Maggie

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 04:59 PM

For whatever reason (they'd tried to wean him off a med; ended up putting him back on, given him some extra pain meds, etc.) anyway, by the time I got to the hospital he was in bed, very sleepy (they'd been afraid he'd fall out of the chair), his color wasn't good despite the oxygen...

He was moved to Hyder Family Hospice House in Dover, NH (phone [phone]) this afternoon.

But things seem to be moving a lot faster than we had expected (well, that I had expected!). His nurse in the CCU, the nurse liaison with Hyder House, and the doctor at Hyder House have said the end could be any time...tonight, tomorrow morning...

Tom asked me to spend the night and there's a bed in the room with him.

I ducked back home to wrap up a few things, phone calls, feed the cats, cancel the electrician tomorrow...

Post here, of course.

I'll link to Mudcat from Facebook, throw some necessities in a bag and head back.

Thank you all for all the warm thoughts, prayers, white light...I'm grateful that Tom will have a "good death" without pain and with all his faculties intact and with me with him. It would have been nice for it to be at home with the cats (I COULD bring the cats, but I think that would be too complicated), but it doesn't look like that's a possibility.

Linn

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 05:10 PM

it always comes too quickly but you and Tom have all our love.


Pat and Karen

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Nov 2013 [update 7 Nov]
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 05:14 PM

♥♥♥♥♥ ∞

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: ClaireBear
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 05:38 PM

Ah, sweet woman. You are doing so well, giving yourself to this time. Bright blessings to you both, and much love to you both, too.

Give Tom a kiss -- you don't have to tell him it's from me unless you want to.

Hugs,
Claire

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Rominy
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:01 PM

Holding you, and sending love.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Doryman
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:01 PM

Words just don't work......our hearts are with you and dear Tom.
Love both of you.
Peter and Audi

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:02 PM

Linn-

Thanks for sharing this sad news with us. Sad that we're losing someone we all care for deeply, as a mentor and as a long-time friend.

At least some of us have had some time to express that to Tom directly over this past year.

Give him our best once again, and our best to you.

Charlie and Judy

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:22 PM

Sorry to hear this.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Peadar (formerly) of Portsmouth
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:37 PM

I'm still trying to process this news, but my heart breaks upon hearing it. Love to you both, Linn, and eternal gratitude to Tom for his guidance and friendship.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,E.V.
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:45 PM

So sorry to hear this Linn. Sending lots of love your way! Tom and you make the world a better place. Peace and Love...

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:50 PM

Spaw... "all our love" No more need be said.

All my love.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Maryrrf
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:56 PM

Linn, I don't post much and I have not met you and Tom personally, but I have been following your brave journey via your postings. There is no easy way for things to end, but you have surely made things as gentle as possible for Tom. Blessings to both of you.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,celtaddict
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 06:58 PM

Peace and love to you both, Linn, as you and Tom go further into this next leg of the journey.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: maeve
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:05 PM

My dear Linn,

My husband and I are on vigil with you tonight. I'm glad you will be together, and that you could make these loving plans together. None of us knows what the next hour will bring, never mind the next night or day or week. You've done well by one another, you and Tom.

Love be on you as you travel together as far as you can.

Maeve

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:16 PM

My God, how did I miss this????????

Linn, what everyone else has said -- and may you both have peace and yes, joy.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:20 PM

I don't know you or Tom, Linn, but this thread has moved me deeply.

How frantic the last month has been - how hard you've worked and how little respite there's been. (Very familiar from when my mother died - it's brought it all back.) There are no words for where you are at the moment, but remember that there will be rest at the end of it - for you as well as for Tom. Take care of yourself.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: jacqui.c
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:25 PM

Here and thinking of you both.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Janie
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:28 PM

May the two of you rest well tonight, wrapped in the love and comfort of being together.

Hugs.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: RTim
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:49 PM

Thinking of you both at this time.

Tim Radford

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Amergin
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 07:49 PM

I haven't posted on this thread...but I have been following it. I am sorry to hear this news, Linn....my thoughts are with you and Tom.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Claire
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 08:09 PM

Love and hugs to you both. Holding you in the Light, now and ever.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Noreen
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 08:27 PM

Much love, calm and strength to you both. Xxx

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: ranger1
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 08:43 PM

Love and white light.

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: DebC
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:01 PM

Linn and Tom,

John Roberts and I are here in California and we want you both to know that you are in our thoughts.

Love and peace,
Deb Cowan

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Mary Ackerman
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:39 PM

Dear sweet loving Linn,
So sorry to read your post tonight, but the angels in heaven are by yours and Tom's side. How wonderful that you are together at this time. Please know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to you, Mary

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: KathWestra
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:41 PM

Dear Linn and Dear Tom,
Sending much love to you both on this longest night. May you both feel nurtured and sustained by the deep love and commitment you have shared for so long. So glad that hospice affords this time for you to be together for whatever time you have. Holding you both in my heart.
Kathy

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 09:50 PM

Dear Linn, I am thinking of you and Tom tonight, sending a prayer from North Carolina for contentment, peace and light for the both of you, alone and together.

It's a cold, cold moonlit night here, getting late. I imagine it is even colder there, but then I imagine a circle of love and warmth surrounding you both.

And I am so very glad you have each other for comfort.

Dani

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST,Julia L
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 10:11 PM

A blessing for Tom from the ancient ones...

You're going home tonight to the house of Winter
To the house of Autumn and Spring and Summer
You're going home tonight on the music of poets
Fair companions await you on the shores of Tír na n-Óg               
Guardian Angels with you in sleep                        
Brighid the Healer with you in sleep
All Holy Ones surround you in sleep ..                                                                   Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the blazing hearth to you,
Deep peace of the King of Peace to you.

Fare Well, friend
Julia & Fred

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 10:21 PM

I have sat back and followed this journey as a friend from afar. Knowing the two of you, it comes as no surprise to me that you are giving us a tutorial on how soul mates make this trek together. I spent some time on my hill this week, and sang a song of thanksgiving for two good people teaching us how to walk with grace. Tom, you old grump, you are a blessed man to have this partner, and so many people who are happy you have been in their lives. Linn, words fail me. You two are as one, you have always drawn on each other. To watch you as you go through the highs and the lows of this journey leaves me hoping that I have that kind of love and support.

I sing your song.

Mick

Subject: RE: Curmudgeon In Hospice - [update 13 November]
From: Padre
Date: 13 Nov 13 - 10:29 PM

Linn and Tom,

I've never met you all, but your journey in this post has truly touched me. I will be praying for you both in the Mass this week.

Padre