BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Feb 22 - 10:13 PM

We here in the Imperial Oubliette send all good wishes your way for a swift and speedy recovery, Sire!

Things are quiet here as your Imperial Torturer is recovering from a booster for the current plague rampaging around your (and everybody else's) realm. While we understand the need to keep ourselves protected, does that protection have to come at such a cost? It's been a long time since I have so unwell, but am now - finally and fortunately - recovering. I may even be able to pick up a needle and thread later today.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 04:33 PM

Pogey ran out, but I am still sleeping off the holiday season and Stupid Bowl. Next will be the big rain and wind storm tonight and tomorrow, followed by a flash freeze... I loaded up on supplies. Don't expect me back in The Imperial Woods for a while unless I can find a cheap mechanized woods walker. Medicare won't cover them.

Maybe I can get some of that Covid Relief money until I get my first Old Age Pension cheque in April.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 05:18 PM

I just saw on the news where
endangered manatees are being fed lettuce to keep them from starving.
If the Imperial Warden is behind this, kudos to you, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 07:05 PM

Penguin babies are dying off by the thousands due to over fishing their main food, anchovies. Game Warden my ass. Wait until the Emporer hears this.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 08:13 PM

We find the needs of penguins remote from the needs of Our subject. Nonetheless, We have ordered 500,000 tonnes of pickled anchovies to be sent to Our most southern province, which are to be airdropped upon the massive herds of penguins there. Explicit instructions have been given that said anchovies are to the dropped in batches of no more that ten to avoid the fiasco Our Imperial Air Farce enacted with the drop of Christmas presents on the Imperial Orphanage a few years back.

Yes, We are slowly mending Our damaged body.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Feb 22 - 07:04 PM

Belated commisseration to the Imperial Torturer
after the booster shot. That's a shame.


I hear that Imperious Rex, whilst healing one shoulder,
has employed . . . a Dragon??

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 22 - 01:29 PM

We are in the process of training a Dragon at Home. It is going slowly, but then Dragons are not easily bent to One's bidding.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperiouis Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 22 - 08:21 PM

Our subjects!

We have now taught a Dragon to speak and to write as Our scribe. A Dragon eats less and is lower maintenance than, say, a monk. We are using Our monies better than when We used monks in Our scriptorium.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Feb 22 - 08:57 PM

Just don't feed the darned Dragon out of your hand ...

'cause if you DO think you have the Dragon eating out of your hand,
best count your fingers . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 22 - 10:41 PM

A Dragon could be a Very Useful Thing indeed. Does said Dragon have a name, or perhaps a snappy title?

keberoxu, thank you for your commiserations! All is well again now, and normal service has been resumed in the Imperial Oubliette.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Feb 22 - 09:47 PM

May I ask, Imperious Rex and Most Gracious Emperor,
if you have a shoulder bone with a hole in it,
or a Holy shoulder bone?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 22 - 07:36 PM

My subjects!

The Dragon's name is "Cuddles." Cuddles lives in a little dragon castle in the Second Palace Subgarden, just west of the monument to Imperial Torturers Of The Note E#. Cuddles is fed a healthy diet of anthracite.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 22 - 01:56 PM

To answer another question (We do enjoy enlightening Our subjects, as knowledge is usually a good thing), no, We do not have a hole in a shoulder bone. We have had anchors put into the head of Our humerus to reconnect Our superscapularis muscle. Certain bony growths (non-malignant of course, as We would never permit any malignancy of any sort within Our realm) were removed. Tears in other muscles were mended, and tissue detritus was removed.

Of course, all the tissue -- even the droplets of Our imperial blood -- were preserved and placed in the Secret Imperial DNA Storage Bank so that should it happen in the future that it becomes needful that We need be cloned it can easily be done.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 22 - 10:46 PM

Is your imperial shoulder well enough yet
to resume dispensing justice with both hands?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 08:29 PM

The Imperial Vocal Cords were only impaired for a brief time. We can still say, "You are to be taken from this place to the place of confinement and there fastened for the floor. A weight will be place upon your chest, and day by day more weights added until you either repent of your evil ways or are in such a condition that you can no longer do so. And you will be given on the first day as much water as you can drink from the source nearest the door of your place of punishment, and on the second half a loaf of moldy bread, and so continue alternating water and bread for the period you are punished. Imperial Dungeon Keeper, do your duty!"

We shall not trouble you with Our other traditional sentences.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 12:43 PM

Cuddles? I must, most courteously, object, to the name "Cuddles", as it is 'retired' in favour of Sgt. Renfrew of the Royal Canadian Mounted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cykdxN0FnXM

Imperial Game Warden at your service Rex, ol' boy. Get that shootin' shoulder in shape, eh?

Aside: keberoxu, hold the lettuce... too many recalls.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 06:47 PM

We shall name our dragon what We please, Imperial Game Warden. Our dragon is named Cuddles because Our dragon is very cuddly. We feel that you are simply jealous, but We will be most happy to tell you where to get your own dragon.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Mar 22 - 09:14 PM

Was Emperor Rapparee behind the Mudcat going down,
I have to ask, now that it's back?

I saw the Imperial Game Warden also hunting for the Mudcat
at the Facebook page.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Mar 22 - 04:28 PM

Passed on from the Mudcat Facebook and the Game Warden's post:
it is (recently)
the anniversary of the passing of Spaw,
the Patron Saint of the Empire
(as per the Emperor's post from February 2016).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 22 - 12:42 AM

My subjects, never would We knowingly sever communications with you! You are Our subjects and We wish only the best for you. True, there might be a twist in the system at times, but never would We knowingly create such. Communication with you is too valuable to Us. How else can We communicate the need for additional monies to continue to make you proud of the Empire? And because there are some fences whose condition offend Our vision, fences wretched with graffiti, We must again raise taxes by 7% per month for the coming year to make this Empire in which We let you abide return to its true loveliness. We are certain that you will do this miniscule thing with gladness and enthusiasm and the offending graffiti quickly removed from the walls of Our domicile and the "artists" promptly captured and handed over to Our Imperial Torturer for the best she can arrange.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®   His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 08:19 PM

Very much enjoyed reading how the Imperial Game Warden
hunted grouse, back in the day.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 22 - 08:14 PM

Imperial Torturer, We have been informed, perhaps erroneously, that the Imperial Oubliette is nearly full. If this is true, what steps might be taken to remedy the situation? We would not like prisoners thrown into the oubliette to have a soft landing on their companions.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Apr 22 - 11:53 PM

Not quite full, Sire....there is always room for the odd miscreant or two, some of whom are quite odd indeed.

I have been toying with the thought of soft-releasing an occasional prisoner so that they can be engaged in Good Works, viz:

Helping to clean up after recent diasatrous floods, some of which occurred a mere few hours away from the Imperial Oubliette. Many towns, large and small, suffered a great deal of damage so the clean-up will be ongoing for some time yet. It occurred to me that perhaps the less recalcitrant prisoners could be of use in said clean up?

A side gig of this would be to hold, each evening, a banjo concert to cheer those hapless souls who have lost homes, businesses and possessions and to remind them that, bad as their plight may be, there is always someone worse off.

If this meets with your Imperial Approval the process can be expedited - just think of the brownie points it will rack up for your reign!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Apr 22 - 09:01 PM

... of course,
one could wait to throw prisoners into the oubliette until
there was an empiratical banjo ensemble serenading the prisoners inside,
at which point some of those warm bodies in there
would be rigid with tension whilst enduring the noise . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 22 - 10:23 PM

Most excellent suggestions, both of them! We completely approve, and request only that the prisoners so used be used only for the foulest jobs, such as clearing the cesspools of debris. More, in Our leninecy, we will allow the prisoner-workers to eat anything they find uneaten around their job sites.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 22 - 07:28 PM

Yes, My subjects, We were again stricken with the plague. The very gates of Our palace have been marked with a large cross, made with tar or pitch, to notify all who may wish to enter of the dangers herein.

Our chirurgeons have informed Us that it is again a mild case, as We have taken advantage of the available vaccinations and the enhancements thereunto and shall, as soon as possible, obtain the second enhancement, and We encourage you, Our subjects, to do the same. You may remember that We also had a case of this plague last October, and We are getting tired of it. But do consider that because We have taken it upon Ourself to have this case of the plague it may be that someone else, perhaps a child, will not be so infected.

As We were in the hamlet of Idaho Falls last weekend and have good reason to believe that We were infected there, We have placed the town of Idaho Falls under interdict for the furtherance of the health of Our subjects.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Apr 22 - 09:49 PM

Well - that is indeed a bugger, Sire. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Next week Your Imperial Torturer and Spouse are departing for regions south to visit family and to engage in cultural pursuits, there being exhibitions which appeal to our sensitivies. For the few weeks until we come back oubliette rations will be on a self-service arrangement. Should any of the inhabitants get too greedy in the first few days they will only be hurting themselves, as all the rations are gone there will be no more until we return.

The plumper inhabitants have already started quaking in their boots.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 22 - 10:43 AM

How many cards do you want...three?
I will see your Covid and raise you lung cancer.
You're gonna raise me WHAT?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 May 22 - 03:40 PM

As falls Idaho Falls . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 22 - 10:16 PM

I wonder if Imperious Rex and the Game Warden have been in touch.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 May 22 - 07:23 PM

ATTENTION: All subjects should buy the Emporers new BOOK!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Oct 22 - 06:53 AM

The Minister of Education notes an update stating
that Imperious Rex and Empress Patricia
observed a wedding anniversary.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 22 - 11:41 AM

Yes, We did. There was much dancing, music, feasting and general joy in Our Empire. There were many expressions of good wishes, but a serious dearth of gifts. The next day We celebrated by allowing a Chirugeon's Assistant to inoculate Us against influenza and in the case of your Beloved Emperor also against the Plague that has caused so much distress in Our Realm. Our beloved Princess will receive that later.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 22 - 07:23 PM

My people, Our patience is being sorely tested. Yesterday was the birthday of Our Princess and she received but one gift! We are certain that Our Imperial Torturer has place enough for more malefactors.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 13 Oct 22 - 06:50 AM

Indeed, Sire! There is a special corner of the Oubliette for those who cause offence to Your Most Imperial Self and The Empress Patricia, and indeed by extension to any members of the Imperial Family.

Please accept our most hearty felicitations, from the Imperial Torturer and Spouse!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 08:49 PM

We see that the boy Charles has ascended to the throne of England, etc. We wish him well and We shall not repeat that We heard his mother refer to him as "Prince Chuckles of Wales."

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®    Imperious Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Oct 22 - 10:18 AM

Does your realm observe Halloween / Samhain?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 22 - 09:32 PM

We find it unnecessary to go door to door begging for treats. However, We allow Our subjects to do as they will as long as they do not harm others or, hopefully, themselves. Thus, you may do as you please regarding Hallowe'en or whatever you wish to call it as long as you don't do damage to yourself or others. Also, We do ask that you keep the damage to property to a minimum. If you wish to be truly frightened We permit the Imperial Torturer to give you the "special tour" of the dungeons, the oubliette, and other little nooks and crannies of which she might be aware.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Jun 23 - 07:07 PM

Word is out that the chirurgeons are paying particular attention
to one of the Emperor's ischial tuberosities.
A procedure may be indicated.


In other news,
the long-lost Imperial Game Warden is also making his presence felt
in places like Facebook.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Jun 23 - 11:44 AM

No new news of gnu, although previous reports say he is better.

It seems that neither the Emperor nor the Game Warden
are doing any hunting or gamekeeping of late.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Jun 23 - 06:45 PM

How will our Imperious Rex spend the Fourth of July this year?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 23 - 10:53 AM

We shall spend it, and possibly the 3rd and the 5th, in Our Imperial Library. It is cool there, close to the Imperial Wine Cellar, and quiet, the last being quietly enforced. Our chef has an excellent selection of foods ready for preparation and neither of Us see any need to leave Our Imperial summer abode.   Yes, it is small but it is adequate for firefly filled evenings and the occasional barbecue or air dance.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Jul 23 - 06:29 AM

That's quite a nice Summer Abode, Sire......does it have an Oubliette?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jul 23 - 09:11 AM

That modest chateau reminds me of the view I had when I lived in my van down by the river.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Jul 23 - 09:57 AM

In order to have an Oubliette,
there has to be a dungeon, right?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 23 - 03:39 PM

Yes, Imperial Torturer, there is an oubliette. It is, however, always flooded and so when the stone (called the "stopper" or "plug") is in place it becomes a somewhat damp place to stay (or so We are told). We doubt that you would like it there, as the guards must always wear hip boots or wet suits. There is also a plethora of mold.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Jul 23 - 07:17 PM

998, 999...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jul 23 - 06:05 PM

I have no news about the Imperial Game Warden;
has anyone else heard from / about him?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Sep 23 - 03:38 PM

Happy to report that two of the Imperial officers,
gnu and Severn, are around. We have missed them.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Sep 23 - 06:21 PM

That is good to hear.

And, because it is the magic number - 1000 miscreants are currently in *care*!

One thousand!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)