BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 21 - 08:01 AM

Natural Fireworks

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 10:43 AM

WE defend Our empire. Any proud boys and girls are members in good standing in this, Our Imperial Realm. Anyone who attempts to overthrown Our Reign and Realm shall be sent to Imperial Oubliette's sub-sub-basement to be dealt with at the whims of Our Imperial Torturer. We might suggest a continuous feed of bad banjo and bagpipe duet music, but We have faith in the judgement of the Imperial Torturer.

Emperor Rapparree, Imperious Rex      ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 09:28 AM

By all means there will be no mention of succession however there have been rumors of evil talk about elections. Let me be clear, we have 20,000 Proud Boys and Girls standing by to issue death threats to anyone suspected of seditious election speech.
Protector of the Empire. Donuel Webster Blagg Jr.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 08:12 PM

The Imperial Torturer and Spouse are keeping a close eye on the weather as a crap ton (or, if you prefer, a shit load) of rain is forecast for the next few days, starting from later today. It is raining lightly as we speak, and it has rained over the past week anyway, so things are a little soggy right now.

Deserving miscreants are being moved to slightly - only very slightly - higher ground, while the less deserving are being left where they are.

Fortunately the living quarters of your Torturer and Spouse, and the resident Geriatric White Cat, are high and dry.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 07:26 PM

Where did most everybody go?

The Imperial Torturer is ever faithful,
a living reproach to the rest of us.
Although, I must allow,
the Imperial Mudelf is never far away either.

But good heavens:
the Minister of De Fence,
the vice emperor,
the Game Warden,
the Imperial Ignoramus,
Churl One,
the Imperial Quoter ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 10:41 AM

For ascention and coronation details call me at 202-698-3942
Emperors on Demand.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Nov 21 - 05:42 PM

Your Education minister's eyes are lowered ...
I was unaware of Your Imperious Highness's connection to the Knights of Columbus.

Can you really knight an emperor?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 08:53 PM

Yes, We both must isolate. This does not mean that We cannot perform the functions needful to run this Empire. It means that you may not see Us as We do. But because you do not see Us, remember that We are there.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 02:28 PM

... so now both of you have to isolate?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 01:05 AM

All of here in the Imperial Oubliette send our heartiest good wishes to the Empress Patricia for her continued good health, and hope that these temporary setbacks can be easily overcome with the help of said chirurgeons and hospital staff. Let's hope she will soon be back making textile art!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 03:52 PM

Yesterday We cast the Empress to the whims and ways of chirurgeons at the local hospital. She had two problems, one an infection of Her Imperial Urinary Tract and the other SARS2-COVID19 (a mild breakthrough case). She has now been treated for both and We shall send the Imperial Carriage to whisk Her home yet this afternoon.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Oct 21 - 06:49 AM

Quelle bummer, Great Sire! Sending all good wishes from the Imperial Oubliette for your good health, and that of the Empress Patricia.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 10:29 PM

feel better soon!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 10:22 PM

Even in that big house it's probably hard to keep your germs to yourself. My best to both of you.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 09:28 PM

We do not, in Our mercy, feel that We must make examples of Our Imperial chirurgeons for they seem to have done all in their power to attend Us. Of course, if We should find otherwise Our mercy can be withdrawn and the Imperial Oubliette shall have more medical personnel.

We are doing well, or as well as can be expected. The Empress was tested today and We feel that She probably has this as well.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Oct 21 - 09:10 PM

Even though the Imperial Shooter provided the vaccines,
our Imperious Rapturous Rex had a positive test result
and must be ministered to again,
and kept in isolation for, how long is it again?

Will heads roll for this?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Sep 21 - 11:16 AM

I obviously prefer too much over not enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Sep 21 - 11:10 AM

Gnu and Severn are still around,
only a good deal quieter than they were
when this thread was opened. Bless them both.

(I, on the other hand, make entirely too much noise.)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Sep 21 - 11:57 PM

It will be done as you command, oh Great One! Ceremonies of Thanksgiving for Your Imperial Majesty's continued good health are being planned.

A thought - do you have any musical requests for such ceremonies, now and in the future? A list of suitable items could be prepared, able to then be trotted out and performed at a moment's notice.

One wag in the deepest darkest corner of the Imperial Oubliette suggested that "I just don't look good naked anymore" would be appropriate for Your Good Self, but that idea was very soon quashed and said wag's rations reduced by a great deal.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Sep 21 - 11:15 PM

I rather wonder what has happened to the rest of the Imperial cabinet:

the Minister of De Fence,
the Gamekeeper,
the Emperor of Vice,
et alia.


(keberoxu, Education somebody-or-other)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 21 - 09:23 PM

Imperial Torturer, We have been somewhat caught up in the affairs of Our Realm as well as being again in the hands of the Imperial Oral Chirurgeons. Much of that has now passed and We find Ourself
recently subjected to the smoke from the fires in Our provinces of California and Oregon. Those responsible will be committed to your care.

In honour of Our falling away from the hand of the Imperial Oral Chirurgeons We ask you to award the prisoners in the Imperial Oubliette an additional one-half days ration of both bread and the usual water on a day of your choosing.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 11:41 PM

Sire, the news about your good health is wonderful and will lead to much thankfulness in the Oubliette!

Your idea about Anzac Day on 25th April is a very good one and has been taken on board. It may literally be "on board", as some parts of your southern realm here are being inundated with floods of Biblical proportions - I don't know if the news has reached you yet?

Fortunately the Imperial Torturer and Spouse (who, incidentally, yesterday celebrated 45 years of wedded bliss together) had enough common sense to purchase a house on a hill well away from a river, so if the forecast 'weather event' should, as promised, reach us next week - all here will be safe. Such 'weather event' will also, it is hoped, help wipe out some of the mice in the current plague. The household of the Imperial Torturer was recently shaken to the core by the invasion of two mice, one of which was duly disposed of by the resident geriatric cat (at the not-so-tender age of 18, and having been an inside cat all her life, we didn't know she had it in her to kill a mouse) while the other was caught in a trap well-placed by the Spouse of the Imperial Torturer......but not before it invaded the sewing room of the Imperial Torturer, which I am sure will be viewed with suitable horror by Empress Patricia.

Farming communities hereabouts are being overrun by said mice, so should the miscreants' rations run short it is good to know that a ready source of protein is there for the taking.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 10:26 PM

When is Anzac Day again?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 09:26 PM

WE are well, and We have now had two weeks pass since Our Imperial Shooter gave Us the vaccine shots. We did have a small reaction to the second shot, but it passed and We are now back to caring for Our subjects.

We ask Jennie G. to prepare the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble to rehearse a concert for the coming Anzac Day. We suggest a rousing rendition of Bach's 1712 Overture.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Mar 21 - 10:10 PM

How goes the month of March in this your Realm?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 08:50 AM

The possible complications of carotid dissection are risky but beneficial. A carotid dissection can cause problems with blood flow to your brain or eyes. This can cause a TIA, stroke, or one-sided blindness. All of these are medical emergencies.
The benefits of those who survive are various unpreictable unprecidented super powers.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 08:18 PM

How is Your Imperious Rexness recovering from the ultrasound?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 10:17 AM

Royal Court rumors from friends of your Stool Stewart also speak of your magnifcent munificense in your leavings of immeasurble length, girth and aroma of late. Your majesty should know of the murmurings of discontent regarding the Royal Garter house to house TP confiscations.

o=> Jex the truth teller and jester.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Jan 21 - 09:56 PM

Oh Great One, your munificence knows no bounds!

The Date is now marked on the Imperial Oubliette calendar in letters of burnished gold. May we have Your Most Gracious Permission to increase the water ration to each prisoner by - say - another drop on that day, to mark the occasion? This will enable the unfortunate miscreants to sing a song of praise to Your Good Self with more gusto than the usual feeble croak.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 21 - 09:35 PM

My people! We have good news for all of you. Because of Our generous nature, We will only be collecting a paltry 104% rate on the income tax this year, allowing you to keep 21% more than last year. Taxes on property are herewith reduced to 97% of the value of said property, real, personal, intellectual, or other. Rejoice, for your Emperor is indeed magnanimous and caring.

We have also declared the 11th day of February to be henceforth and for all time celebrated with banquets and festivities.

None of the above applies to those in Our Imperial Oubliette. We are pleased with our Imperial Torturer, who has reduced the temperature therein to slightly above the freezing point of alcohol so that the prisoners will not become overheated and ill.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 20 - 12:55 PM

Borrow some of that medical equipment and start prospecting for buried treasure. Maybe those MRI things can be adjusted to become GPR.

Have an excellent new year, you two!

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Dec 20 - 12:46 PM

Best wishes to the Emperor and Empress
for the holiday weekend
before the artery exam.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Dec 20 - 03:03 PM

Apart from the ultrasound appointment,
anything we all ought to anticipate
in This, your Realm, during the coming year?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 20 - 12:35 AM

Perhaps, Sire, you could ask at the medical facility on your next visit if there are any surplus/obsolete machines that could be passed on to the Imperial Oubliette? Some of the torture Stuff doesn't work as well as it used to, I think it (or perhaps it's the people pressing the buttons) are getting a bit past it.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 20 - 07:07 AM

Ultra sound near the brainstem is Painful?

Hooray, we can abbandon all that messy water boardinng.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 20 - 08:48 PM

We shan't know until January 5 of next year, when Our carotid artery will be ultrasounded for Doppler flow. We are told that this is only excruciatingly painful, and We may recommend it to Our Imperial Torturer as a special treat for the prisoners if that is indeed the case.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Dec 20 - 03:07 PM

Your Most Rapturous Rexness, sir,
how goes your recovery?
Are your nerves and blood vessels and all
healing as they ought to do?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Nov 20 - 03:06 PM

This one goes out to whoever does the, erm,
sausage-making in This, the Emperor's Realm.

Just wondered if you have ever heard of this one.
Outside the Realm, my health is being treated in an establishment
which will serve, in the dining room for breakfast tomorrow,
a menu which includes   

ORK SAUSAGE.

Do they mean Orc Sausage, one wonders?
And for what purpose
would anybody make sausages out of orcs?

Well, sausage-making is not for the faint of heart, clearly.
Which is why I don't do it ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Nov 20 - 09:32 PM

Oh, Great One - we thank you! However when I tried to access the link to your table I was given 'page not found'.

Is this because you are not pushing your good fortune down the throats of those less fortunate?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 20 - 08:26 PM

My People! We are grateful to be able to again with all of You a Happy Thanksgiving if you are celebrating such tomorrow and wish to Thank all of You for your continued obeisance and fealty during this difficult time. Without You, We would have had to grub as you must and We know that You would never want that. Therefore, We have commanded that Our table for the feast tomorrow be prepared and We share it with you. Because of Our recent physical problems it shall be a small repast of no more than seven servings, not including the apertifs and the sweets.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Nov 20 - 09:13 PM

May I ask, your Imperious Rex,
if your arm is working again
or is mobility still limited?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Nov 20 - 01:55 PM

Wishing Emperor Rap and Empress Patricia
a healing, rejuvenating, socially-distanced observation
of the Thanksgiving festival/formerly/feast this season.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Nov 20 - 08:51 PM

Now if we can just round up everybody else,
like the Minister of de Fence,
and the Imperial Game Warden,
and whatever it is that Severn is still good for ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Nov 20 - 01:00 AM

Thank you for the reminder, Mudelf!

My most humble and abject apologies to the Empress Patricia for her temporary demotion.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Nov 20 - 06:43 PM

Princess Patricia needs an upgrade from Princess to Empress. Pronto!

Since my rented surgical tools (and yard implements) were not small or sharp enough to do the job, I'm glad the physician had everything needed.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Nov 20 - 04:37 PM

Sire, the miscreants have been saying a daily prayer for the recovery of Your Good Self. Now, 'a' daily prayer might not seem like much.....but it starts at midnight and continues until midnight the next day, whereupon it resumes. The hosing down and extra water rations have, therefore, been a boon.

We also send our best wishes and grateful thanks to the Princess Patricia.

Dr Julio's picture is now hanging below that of our Beloved Emperor and his Princess.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for em Wperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 20 - 07:45 AM

My People! A terrible thing happened! With only a single stroke an attempt was made to cut down your beloved Emperor or in his prime! Yes, on the 11th instant We were taken to the Imperial Hospital branch located here and a diagnosis was made of that not one, but FOUR strokes were made on Our body! Fortunately they were all small and Our Good Chirugeon, Dr. Julio Vasquez, removed the poisons which caused these indignities. We are recovering, and the Empress Patricia is caring for Us. Our throat is sore and a nerve was stretched so that We will not be able to address you until it is cured, but We are told that will be only a week or two.

To celebrate, all Oubliette residents are to be hosed down and water rations are doubled whilst We recover. Let joy be unconfined, but not to the extent that Our prisoners get the idea that such joy applies to them.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 09:55 PM

Our Imperial Game Warden has, to Our certain knowledge, been quite busy in Our Forests in the Northern Part of Our North American continent. Indeed, We are as pleased with his activity as that of the Imperial Torturer and all of Our Imperial staff


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 07:53 PM

The Imperial Game Warden did venture out of the house this year,
and it occurs to me to wonder
if the Imperial Game will see hide nor hair of the Warden
before spring, next year.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 07 Oct 20 - 11:43 PM

We are currently Lerting to the best of our ability.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)