BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 12:41 AM

"OK, which of youse bums threw dust in my face?", says the rhino, who, rub ing his eyes, is just beginning to realize that he's actually flying.
A soaking wet Severn points to Rap and says, "HE did!"........
Peter Pan breaths a sigh of relief.
A bat says, "What did you do that for? We're already down to three walls and a roof because of that guy....."
"Ruuff?", says the shaggy dog, who had wandered back into the tavern.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:08 AM

I was a bat, and they were a bat, in this tavern by the sea...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:26 AM

"For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the leather-winged bats that fly free;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the leather-winged bats that fly free; "

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:43 AM

"Speaking of Poe references",

Where's the toilets in this place?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 11:38 AM

Around the corner, past the kitchen.

Be careful, if you go too far you end up at the Time Portal.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 11:52 AM

"Severn, you can't expect Rap to be serious when he's been at the beetle-juice."


says Al, the former Baron of the Bronx.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 12:29 PM

I thought that was a POO reference.......

Alas, there's but one toilet, and there's often a long line because Liz The Squeak tends yo spend an inordinate amount of time there. I haven't seen Liz yet, which either means that she's in the loo or that she didn't make it this year. The squid used to have a mad crush on her, so now that there's jealous wife involved, she may not seem comfortable in the tavern anymore. Has anyone seen Liz?.....

Bruce, having had to have worn an alligator's lunch and then getting soaked to the skin taking a ride with an agitator that was almost as nasty as Rap himself,and then having to shoo away that hunchback, Semi-Modo, frankly, I don't. CARE........Let him face the wrath of a flying rhinoceros......

Of course, if the rhino finds out that Peter was really to blame, he might end up engaging in some "Dead Pan Humor".......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 01:55 PM

So, says the Gnome to the man with the sandwich board, how come your board says 'Bethehem'?

Easy, says the man. It is the first no el...

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:05 PM

Chuckling and quite satisfied with himself, he returns to his corner, clutching a flagon of Olde Forty Rod.

Olde Forty Rod: The whiskey that pounds your brain to mush.

And he shouts to the flying rhino, "Pete did it! Up there! With Tinkerbelle, his...ah...good friend!"

MMario, meanwhile, asks, "Why do people assume we only have four walls?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 04:12 AM

A young man applied for a job as a barman in a pub next to a day centre for the aurally and vocally disadvantaged
The guvnor explained that because of the number of customers from nect door he would have to learn basic sign language
They say all morning while the new barman learned all the signings for the different drinks
At opening time he made a nervous start, but very soon he found himself able to cope without hesitation
This went on right through till closing time, when he went into the bar to call "time".
He found all of the ciustomers standing aound or sitting, all silently swinging their hands up to shoulder height in rythm
Puzzles, he went into the loung - exactly the same - a room full of people all rhythmically swinging their arms
In a panic, he ran to find the govenor and explained what was happening
"****' - we'll never get them to go home now they've started to sing"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:22 AM

Nowt wrong with "Poe references" being linked to lavatoria. Up north when I were a lad the pot de nuit, or potty, or "guzunder" was quite frequently referred to as the "po."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 08:47 AM

Three walls and bars are good enough for some, including Donald Trump and his henchmen. Maybe too good for them.....


Bur Mmario is right. As many years as we have been chronicling events here in the tavern, we've mentioned many different features of the building, and I doubt that it would be box shaped. In fact, someone ought to go back through all the years of tavern threads and make a blueprint, except that it would probably be invalid by next year. Hell, Injustice added a bell tower complete with hunchback this year for the sake, of making a joke. We have a time tunnel and a direct tunnel, now sealed, leading into the Mudcat Recovery Ward. We have magical back doors, one permanently leading to a beach and others leading somewhere different every year, including The Yellow Brick Road, down which Liz The Squeak and her black cat once ventured. We have a barn and a stable

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 09:13 AM

I am *not* stable.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant warm bath for wallowing in Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 09:31 AM

.....although some of the horses can talk and.prefer the bar if they're going to be put up wet. We have A locker room, a lot of closets and still only one bathroom. There are entrances somewhere, but don't ask me where, big enough to have let in a giant caterpillar, a giant moth, a whale and other huge creature. There's an alley with an alley gate for the alligator to bring Cajun goodies to be cooked. There's no attic or basement, but I suppose it's just a matter of time. We've had holes in the roof that always get repaired somehow by the next gathering. I'm sure I missed a lot of stuff
before I came or was in a hospital or at Getaway.

So I'd think that the tavern has many walls and might look like it was designed by committee ......

Peter shouts, "No, it was Rap!" and he and Tinkerbelle disapear in a puff of smoke....

The rhino, not used to flight and rather drunk starts feeling a little airsick, but he's identified a target, he forgets everything else and puts himself into overdrive towards Rap. It will be interesting to count the number of walls left at the end of our visit.....

As well we know, DtG.......

Up above somewhere, it should read "I just" rather than "Injustice ". Goddamn auto-correct .....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 10:27 AM

All of the Moors except for Les don whiteface makeup and commence showing the folks AUTHENTIC Morris Dancing. Someone brings out a comfortable
Morris Chair out to Les, so he can watch comfortably .......

Rap runs for the door to the beach. The rhino crashes through the door, enlarging it slightly, and keeps on going forward, forgetting why, as is the custom of rhinoceroses, until it crashes into something big enough to stop it but not before getting airsick all over poor Rap, who had ducked. Severn and one of the gibbons,with towels over their hands, place him fully clothed into the washing machine.
"Your turn!" laughs Severn as he sets the dials.....

Mmario names a call in to the Coast Guard warning of a flying rhinoceros headed out to sea, but gets dismissed as a crank call. We are rid of the rhino, though, and we wish him a happy landing wherever he stops.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 11:58 AM

Giddy in the spin cycle, he sings: a Christmas ditty.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:30 PM

Coming out of the washing machine strangely refreshed, Rap joins the several chori over by the NNE wall, and look out the window at the Lawn Moor.

"Come on, fellows! Let's cheer him up" says Rap, leading the group out the sliding French door that leads to the patio under the banyon tree.

Looking inquiringly at Teresa Terrific, Rap starts with ( it being the most romantic song he knows)

"I hold your hand in mine, dear,
I press it to my lips.
I take a healthy bite
From your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear,
If you were only here,
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir."



Continuing to leher, he then sings (accompanied by the assembled chori in 32 part harmony)

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "when."
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
"just the thing I need! how nice!"
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark the herald tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his wombats across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:35 PM

Kris comes in the door on the WNW wall, looking for the giant flying wombat.

"Time to get ready for Christmas Eve. Sandra should NEVER have given you time off at this time of year."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:55 PM

Shirley, you jest! She was the Temple-ate for all that os good. The Blues had a Johnnie Temple and so did the Cincinnatti Redlegs (spelled with a Y) and TV watching kids in Washington had Pick Temple, but she was the Temple at which America worshiped...

We're glad you survived the dryer, Raparee. We thought either you'd end up as Shrink Rap or would have to be given up for Lint......


Some time later
EXTRA:: This just in from CNN....
A Russian spy plane off the Atlantic Coast was downed by what appeared to be, from the radio signals just before it went down and confirmed by a US jet, monitoring the signal, a flying rhino....Details at eleven......

So much is going on, streaker Teresa Terrific, usually terrific at stopping terr-rafic, goes largely unnoticed. Severn offers to bring her his coat, and upon finding it gone and after a quick glance at the tree, hands her another one randomly picked from the much depleted coat rack. The squidlets are still at work. Teresa, sensing that there are too many strange peoole and critters around, wisely accepts. Severn says ti the alligator, "A hot drink of the lady's choice, please.....

Up above, the wombat finally seems to begetting the hand of flying, but with Peter Pan gone, there's nobody to ask how long the Pixie Dust will last. The Squidlets look up in envy.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 01:08 PM

Tipsy Teresa Terrific, who had 6 rounds with the chori earlier, wisely chooses a cup of coffee, black.

Belting the coat, after belting several of the lehering chori, she joins the group at the ENE window, watching the Russian parachutes.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 01:20 PM

A squidlet comes over to the bar, and asks the bartender ( from a distance) if they can schedule a jello-pit cleaning.

"Some of the folks there have been in waaaaaay too long."

https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=blobfish&fr=yfp-t&imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fi.huffpost.com%2Fgen%2F1326764%2Fthumbs%2F


"Hey! no bringing up the politicians! We keep them under the surface for a reason!" Screams the alligator, "They can only stay if they tell the truth, so we never hear anything from them."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:20 PM

There may have been a squid pro quo deal between the RINO and a virus.
Wind whistled through the tavern and noses began to jog and some had a hacking scoff. Way out here they have a name for wind and rain and fire. The rain is bruce, the fire's Joe and they call the wind leenia.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:42 PM

Reverend Severn blessed the afflicted with horrible colds
from an infected chalice while some suspected the host
as predicted, convicted addicted moles arose from their holes
in search of their favorite fix, squid flavored lime jello on toast

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 12:16 AM

And I thought it bad when they revoked my Poetic Liscence for having too many meter violations......

Rap seems to have become Leher-ed of all he beholds.....

What's Moor, Donuel, the anchor is Wade and the sails, they are Seth (ALL of them, making up some sort of a Seth Pool) and they call a whim, Just That......

Still tipsy Teresa Terrific sheds the coat, and from a rafter, jumps on the back of the flying wombat, calling out, "Wheeee! Lady Godiva had nothing on THIS!"......
But the lady does not consider herself a good enough diver to attempt a jacknife into a crowded Jello Pit that by now has become funkier than a James Brown box set.....

As far as spreading around horrible colds, I spent 37 years working for the Postal Service as a clerk, but I NEVER was a carrier.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 03:46 AM

A trio of trolls comes in the WSW door ( the oversized one, not the 6 inch one with the key on the 2 foot table).

"We just came in for some Carroling" , the smallest one says.

"Keep the curtains closed , please."

Tipsy Teresa Terrific flies around on the giant wombat, missing the rafters but hitting a few kayaks and a canoe.

"Mushroom soufflé?" Asks Alice.

"That would be gniess." Says the largest troll , Sylvester. "Quartz, we'll take the left side 'shrooms', "

"I'll granite if you move back. You are rocking the jello pit" says Alice.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 07:57 AM

A Puerto Rican fok song drones on...
In DC, they have a name, for pain and whims and firings.
the pain is Jeff the firings Flynn and they call his whims Pariah
Pariah Pariah they call his whims Pariah.
Paper towels and...

Some tarps and duct tape brought some warmth back to the tavern along with discovering several crates of True Blood that kept the fireplace roaring.

One voice rose above in song; Violent night, holie knight,
all is bombed, by the right...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:03 AM

Well, says the wombless bat, if you're going there....
(Warbling)
An awful debility
A lessened utility
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility
In all probability
I'll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will leed to hostility
And a sense of... futility
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:07 AM

Donuel looks and more like the blob fish.

He feels his throat contricting with every political comment.
The mob of moles is starting to move in his direction, and Kris pulls out a
Small blue notebook labeled 'Naughty' and asks "that's one 'n', right?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:11 AM

I'm sure someone owes me sick squid...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:19 AM

Tipsy Teresa Terrific guides the wombat over Donuel, where the wombat drops a cube-shaped poop directly into the drink in front of him.

"That's your only warning shot. " shouts TTT. " We have standards around here, even for inside the Beltway folks."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 09:34 AM

The dropbear slowly moves over Donuel, preparing to perform its prime purpose.

Looks are exchanged among the crowd, but no-one is willing to warn Donuel.

" let him get his just reward, for ruining the tone of the discussion" is heard from the smilodon.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 09:51 AM

I have *MISSED* the Tavern...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 10:02 AM

Donuel produces a 50% off poop on, bruce laughs "its expired".

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 10:31 AM

It turns out that the leader of the newcomers is Carole, The Ancient Yuletide Troll, herself. She and her friends were living under the Francis Skate Key Bridge over the Potomac River until a bunch of goats from the Gruff family butted in and being indignant to indigents, had them thrown out, threatening to use them as bait while trolling for Rockfish. Carole and her friends Con and "Highway Pat" tired from seeking demeaning seasonal work as Mall Elves and Garden Gnomes*, they thought they might be able to score some free grub. They are still dressed in Swiss hats and Leiderhosen fresh from a low=paying Mall gig, posing as yodelers from the Troll-ean Alps. Mmario tells them that the choir is on break, so they can sing for their for awhole and then "Alp themselves". They start off with their signature Swiss version of "Deck The Halls" (sung earlier by some shantymen as "Haul The Decks"). Most people applaud, except for DtG, who has never liked their kind......

BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN.......
Both the Russian pilot and the rhino (with a chunk of the aircraft still hanging on his horn) were rescued alive from chilly Atlantic waters. Luckily, as is usually the case with pea-brained rhinos, why he was charging/flying and even where he started from was completely forgotten, keeping us from having to deal with the Endangered Species List folks.....

As for Teresa Terrific, she definitely deserves a high ranking on the Engendered Species List....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 01:51 PM

One of the squidlets goes over to DtG.
"You've been looking for me? " it coughs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 04:23 PM

It's now 8.30 A.M. on Christmas morning, so the giant wombat has settled down to open presents, eat green jello and consume the odd drop of alcohol or two.

"Just what I wanted!" exclaims the giant wombat, opening a gift which seems to go on and on forever.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 05:54 AM

Teresa Terrific opens her stocking to find a lump of carbon. (Nicely cut, a soft pink)

Rap comments " looks like about 3 carats. In a Tiffany setting, no less!"

"Ok, ok. I LIKE mature men with beards." She says.

The chori start up again, with "Santa Baby" as TT blushes to match her present.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 05:59 AM

The giant flying wombat has finished his appointed tasks, and returns to the Tavern.
"Off til next year! Let's get the party started."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:05 AM

"Eggnog French toast and mimosa's, over by the fireplace" announces the alligator, setting up the large coffee urn on the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:10 AM

The bowl of highly spiced fried pork rind is almost gone.
"Hey, we're almost out of seasoned greasings!" Says the wombat.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:12 AM

Who's in charge in the kitchen?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:49 AM

No one is in charge of the kitchen; it's a free for all zone in there.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 10:01 AM

At least the mole of mobs are staying outside...

Hot whisky, barkeep!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:37 PM

Donuel's predicted, convicted addicted moles are hanging around, waiting for further political comments to chew on.

Teresa Terrific, no longer tipsy, hands a large mug of enhanced eggnog to the giant wombat, saying " you must be ready for a rest, after that long night of work."
The wombat relies " The flying is not bad, but those landings can be a problem."


"There are no problems; Only opportunities to excel. " says an MBA who snuck in with the moles and other vermin.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:32 PM

"Is there a doctor in the house? We need to have a bunch of moles "surgically removed" from the premises............"

It's good to see the MBA, as I thought was stuck forever 'neath the streets of Boston, which id probably where he met the moles....

Mmario, somebody writes you in each year as an ongoing charcter, so it's like you've never been gone. Nothing bad ever happens to you in the kitchen, though you're always safe from whatever might fall on us folks out on the floor....

"Troll la la la la, la la la la....." The new trio is still at it. Not too bad, actually.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:43 PM

That was MTA, Severn.

No need to remove those moles. Other than some lime jello,which we have lots of, and political commentators, who we banish to the bottom of the jello pit, they ( the moles) don't eat much, and Les, the Lawn Moor has stated he can share the lawn with them.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:53 PM

And Teresa Terrific thnks the moles are kind of cute, if a bit near-sighted. "Sometimes I think they are the only ones not staring at me. " she says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 08:47 PM

Passed out over his Christmas 151 proof rum and nothing, he doesn't stare at anyone or anything. However, being eternally wary, his heightened senses sensing everything, he dozes with a hand on a dagger inside his doublet. Inside his force field of silence, all is calm and given the lighting and lightning, all is also bright.

He stirs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:33 PM

198? Really?

Back to the drama.

Maybe I'll get caught up during the week.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 11:55 PM

Teresa Terrific says to Rap "Is that a dagger in your doublet, or are you just glad to see me?"