BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 10:17 PM

And the Lone Shark spits it right back up. Squiddy and the little ones bat it around for a bit, and eventually it lands on one of the smilodon's bicuspids. The mighty jaws close on the object, and high above the fray he grins sardonically.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 07:37 PM

you're right, David Carter, they are mistaking my friendly banjo loving Giant Wombat for his prehistoric & much older cousin

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 04:59 PM

jump that shark bruce.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 03:46 PM

Up jumps the Lone Shark, who swallows the object Rap threw.

" he seems to have eaten it with great interest." Say one of the non-wombats.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 03:34 PM

And he lobs one towards the jello pit....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: David Carter (UK)
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 02:40 PM

Amazed to find this thread still going. I find myself, to my bemusement, half agreeing with beardedbruce. A Diprotodon was not a giant wombat. It was as closely related to wombats as kangaroos are. Modern consensus is that vombatidae diverged from diprotodontotidae around 30 million years ago. There were giant wombats, they are called things like Phascolonus and Ramasayia. Or would have been if they were still around. Sorry to be a pedant. And I have no idea what a Phascolonus would say if it walked into a tavern. If it ever would, I very rarely hear the word "tavern" when I am in Australia. Pub, or Hotel, yes. So it might ask if there was a room available. It might be disappointed though, as hotels in Australia do not always offer accommodation.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 11:19 AM

"the hunchback in the bell tower,"
A group of tourists visiting Notre Dame in Paris were being taken around the bell tower by a guide when a hunch-backed man ran in, walked over to the giant bell and head-butted it
Despite its massive size, the bell swung up on its pivot then back down again, hitting the hunchback full in the face, and sending him staggering across the tower, over the parapet and down into the street below.
"Who on earth was that?" asked one of the tourists
"I don't know", replied the guide, "but his face rings a bell"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 11:08 AM

,, and there arr other lovely Mudcat ladiesSemimodo, the hunchback in the bell tower, has eagerly awaiting his Big Moment all year, and he doesn't let us down. He hasthe big cathedral bell, a few smaller church bells and a set of tuned small bells, as well. He plays the correct melody for Auld Lang Sine in a medley with the others, and then goes into some jazz improvisations of Caol of the Bells for some ten minutes or so. He ends up his set with a lovely version of "The Bells Of St. Mary's I'm glad the tavern's in an isolated spot without any nearby neighbors, because all this must've taken some serious practice. I checked whip shopping this year, and as of yet, there are no stealth bells on the market ....

The mistletoe is back up, and there are some lovely. Mudcat ladies besides Teresa Terrific to slow dance with after Semimodo has put us through the ringer....

The tip jar for. Mmario, the alligator and Dishpan Hans, the German kitchen helper borrowed from the Mudcst Recovery Ward. (Don't worry, we'd never borrow any of their cooks......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 12:11 AM

As midnight passes, the giant wombat wishes all a "Happy New Year!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 07:38 PM

Far above, he opens his pouch and pulls out six -- count them, SIX! -- balloons of various colo(u)rs. They flop in his hands as if they were full of water or worse.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 03:15 PM

Any bits you wish to make rare will be respected Mrrzy:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 03:10 PM

If only it *were* a rare bit...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 11:20 AM

The Welch rabbit, as purple as his namesake beverage, is of course of royal blood.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 11:21 PM

He can afford to, living in the lop of luxury. His "hares apparent" should have a 24 carrot guarantee on their future.....

As long as they behave themselves, no "Nair-Do-Well"with any sort of Hare Removalsolution will bother them .....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 05:24 PM

A Welch rabbit???

I hope he pays his debts first.


:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 12:00 PM

A Welch rabbit joins the crowd. " No cheesy jokes!" he exclaims.

Subject: RE: BS: giant wyrm bait has wandered into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 11:37 AM

SenoufouNo further cats were harmed. It was just a ruse to get them back to sea on their catamaran. The tiger is more than happy with that. The sound of a female Siamese cat can only be matched by the cry of pea fowl for approximating a human being tortured and screaming bloody murder. Plus all those cats tend to scare away the ever-increasing rabbit population spawned from DeFrosty's magic hat, the elimination of which interests him far more......

The choir, back onstage and watching all the rabbits run by, strike up a medley of "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" and the Rap version, "Hear Cums Peter, Caught In Tail (Hip Hop Mix)".....
"Isn't it a little early for the Easter stuff?"asks senoufou......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 07:51 AM

...Rap says, If I were a bat I wouldn't need them water balloons!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 04:35 AM

The old lady, who is laughing her head off (probably too much ale she tells herself) winks meaningfully at the nice African chap, and they both stand up, collect the Siamese herd and head for the cruise ship. On leaving the tavern, she asks politely to borrow a plastic bucket. (Sea travel is not her forte, especially when awash with ale)
The massed Morris dancers whirl ever faster, form a dust cloud and vanish into thin air.
Blowing kisses to all the Tavern customers, arms linked the couple board the ship. The Siamese horrors miaow cheekily from the decks as the liner heads off across the ocean...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 04:17 AM

The smilodon and the Hungry Tiger silently move behind Severn, with fire in there eyes.:

From the rafters comes the call of "plastic, not catgut."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 02:31 AM

Severn displays his best open mic charm, and soon has the boatload of off key felines yowling along in one big Cat-caphony to:

"And the cats came back
The very next day,
Yes, the cats came back
And they thought that we were goners,
But we wouldn't stay away.....

....and making up new verses.


A lot of these pairs of Siamese cats were the real article. Two heads, two tails, four legs and joined together at the hip.

Severn, who doesn't play an instrument, had grabbed a guitar and was flailing away, because it all wasn't really even close enough for Folk Music anyway. He motions to gnu and whispers in his ear and old battered classical guitars were passed around to whoever wanted them, everybody banging away as violently as possible until strings start breaking right and left. meanwhile, at gnu's instructions, Sandre and Mrrzy roll out a hamper of ill-used, battered tennis and badminton rackets. Mmario brings out a plastic tub of carving utensils from the kitchen...
Sandra declares over a bullhorn that our first New Year's Resolution is to make repairs on all this stuff and get down to some serious restringing, passing out knives to humans and gibbons.
The cats get the hint and start running for the door to the beach which brings them right underneath Rap's water balloons in the rafters.

When they get underneath the rafters where Rap and a host of bats are at the ready, Rap says.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 07:12 PM

Rapparee, rigidly holding onto the roof rafters that Ruth had repaired, regards the swarm of chicken- eating Siamese felines.

And he says:

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 06:55 PM

Now attached ninja-like to the ceiling (where there IS a ceiling), he thinks, "WATER BALLOONS!!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 05:05 PM

Give the old lady some Lee-weigh...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 09:26 AM

The Wyrm and the African chap retire to a corner and are heard giggling together while exclaiming "Abracadabra!" and "Shezzam!"
.
The Old Lady sits down beside the delightful Bat for a nice chat.

Suddenly, the sound of melodeons and jingling bells is heard. Down the gangplank of the cruise ship march dozens and dozens of MORRIS DANCERS of all types: Border, Cotswold, North West Clog, Rappers, Molly.
The old lady peers dubiously into her glass, wondering if her drink has been spiked...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 09:16 AM

The Gnome leaves the bar, only to re-enter 30 seconds later and approach the bar tender.

"Was you just in here?" Asks the bar keep

"No" replies the Gnome.

"Then you must have a double!"

"OK, thanks, make it Glen Morangie..."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 09:09 AM

Severn slinks silently over to the bar, and downs a ( sugar-free, non-alcoholic ) double. "No more grabbing cats for me!" he sighs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 08:31 AM

(Thanks, Senoufou!)

The Wyrm starts up a conversation with the gentle, smiling African chap. " Magic words are of great interest to me: Care to have a private discussion over in one of the 16 corners?" says the Wyrm, eyes brightening with the thought of further learning.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 08:23 AM

Fortunately, a gentle, smiling African chap arrives. He knows the Magic Word and immediately utters it. "Cheeeken!" The entire army of cats subsides. Severn heaves a sigh of relief and attends to the claw-marks on his bottom. Munching on roast poultry, the Siamese smile benignly and even stop singing for a while.
The old lady has become rather tired from performing the Mapouka dance, and orders another Old Speckled Hen ale from the bar. The African chap opens a plastic lunchbox and eats his Spicy Horror dinner.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 08:13 AM

The Siamese cats come in, and the two in front start towards Severn.

Soon, he is hip-deep in angry cat.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 08:09 AM

Fly away! Fly away!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 07:49 AM

Looking at the wombat, Rap notices "He has no way to tie knots!"

Tech aside:
----------------------------------------------------------
Diprotodon superficially resembled a rhinoceros without a horn. Its feet turned inwards like a wombat’s, giving it a pigeon-toed appearance. It had strong claws on the front feet and its pouch opening faced backwards. Footprints of its feet have been found showing a covering of hair which indicates it had a coat similar to a modern wombat.
------------------------------------------------------------

"without opposable thumbs, the Giant Wombat COULD NOT have tied a triple knot. "Someone is providing a false trail!"



Thousands of angry Siamese cats approach the enlarged and uncloseable beach door...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 03:30 AM

A strange, distant sound is heard, which is getting ever louder. It resembles a thousand air-raid sirens. Over the horizon appears a gigantic cruise ship, several decks high, and along each rail stand hundreds of Siamese cats, singing at the tops of their voices. Clutching their now-unknotted but rather sore tails, the two loudest stand at the prow, glaring landward...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 02:56 AM

Well, says the Gnome, that just goes to prove you CAN swing a cat in here...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 02:08 AM

The Siamese cats hiss at the wyrm and start singing ("if you can call it that", grumbles the wombat):

"Slime little sloe wyrm, slimmer, slimmer...."

The wombat grabs both of the cats, ties their tails together in a triple knot, swings them around by their joined tails over his head a few times and finally lets fly with them as hard as he can. With a horrible shriek (though actually more on key than their singing), they fly out the open doorway to the beach, which had been somewhat enlarged by the departing rhino, and way out over the ocean so far that we can't even hear the splash.

After a long and lingering pre-, birthday kiss from Teresa that he'd been hoping would last clear into his birthday, Severn is grinning from ear to ear.
"Thank you, O kind and beautiful lady" he tells her. "I've always maintained that every kiss tells a story, though some, alas, can be expressed in a single punctuation mark, but if you ever want to collaborate on creating the Great American Novel, I'm game, and always in season."
"Let's. Just leave it as a very sweet memory" she replied. Unnoticed, she pulls down the mistletoe and disposes it in a nearby receptacle. "That was actually enjoyable enough," she thinks, "but if I leave that stuff hanging, all those guys will suddenly be claiming. birthdays., and all that sudden aging gets old real fast...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 10:05 PM

The vampire bats, just off from their day jobs at the phlebotomy department, Rush over to checkout Raps still bloody fingers. "Good to see the kitchen is still open . " one mutters.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 07:31 PM

Red and green things?

Sounds like ristras of chile peppers from New Mexico.
Is this a Mexican fruitbat??

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 07:17 PM

Over in the corner he crawls the walls in his sleep. Like Spiderman, he's a pretty good wall-crawler and is soon up among the bats.

"Batty," says Sev. "Better batty. Bitter, but better batty."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 01:24 PM

La vieille Eliza attrape la chauve-souris avec enorme plaisir et un gros bisou.

Those dreaded Siamese cats are singing to the giant wombat, who is hurriedly inserting earplugs.

The Worm slowly advances (it's actually a sloe worm) and hisses, but the Siamese cats are not at all afraid.

Clutching a toasted crumpet dripping with butter, the old lady sips her Old Speckled hen ale and starts to dance the mapouka.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:56 PM

A random bat drops red-and-green things on Eliza parcequ'elle, la chauve-souris, l'adore! Also drinks are sent over. Several.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:40 PM

The Oily Boid, freshly rescued from a pipeline spill, takes one look at the size of the wyrm, turns around and heads back to its home to go back to sleep.....


The alligator brings the wyrm a bottle of Mescal and and a straw, supposedly so it can free a relative at the bottom of the bottle.....



The gibbon MC of the Hairy Simian Chorale steps up to the mic and proclaims "Alright, everybody, we've got a special guest. Please give a worm welcome to our old friend LAILY"!
After a round of applause and a long pull at the straw, Laily is backed by the group on a version of the old Percy Sledge hit, "Wyrm And Tender Love". More applause, after which he heads for the Serpent's Quarters.....

Teresa Terrific explains to Severn, "So far in my short sweet life, I've been crowned Miss Judgement by a judiciary committee, Miss Calculation by the Society For Mathematics Professors, Miss Direction for Google Maps and a whole lot more. I've won the Miss Alaneous crown for five years straight. I have no more room on my mantle piece. for any more trophies. You say you're 69 years old and have no money, so are YOU to be considered a trophy?"
Hell, a lot of the time, they even leave out the letter space between the "a" and the "t", but I'm a good man for all that...."
"Usually, if I wanted to leave with something somewhat battered and crispy, I'd be talking about carryout chicken or fish, but step over here for a well deserved birthday present. Don't get any ideas, because, believe it of not, I'n still a virgin......
Severn thinks that whether she's a revised stranded virgin or under the protection of King James, she's still Good News For Modern Man......

The wealthy Puma turns out to be a relative of Xavier Cougar & Abbey Lion frim the Big Banned Days.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:40 PM

Are there any hot knights around here in the tavern please? I'd quite like one...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:39 PM

Ah, I've got it.... it's a Thread Worm!!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:07 PM

And I would think the Lambton worm would be more likely to frequent

http://sonnet43pubs.com/the-lambton-worm/


If he were to be at the Tavern, I would expect it to be as an invited guest, and come with others.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 12:01 PM

No, I think it is a kindler, gentler Wrym. Though it may well drink milk- Wryms do have to worry about ulcers from all those hot knights.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 11:53 AM

Is it by any chance the Lambton Worm? In which case, wheesht lads, haad yer gobs...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 11:46 AM

Why yes! It IS a Blue Wyrm.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 11:17 AM

Is it blue? Without Yule, I am blue and drag on.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 28 Dec 17 - 09:27 AM

"Hey! Is anyone here? I've been dragin' all day, and could use a pick-me-up." the Wyrm says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 11:56 PM

The Wyrm knocks on the Northern door.