BS: The Royal Wedding

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 18 May 18 - 09:30 AM

I expect I'll wake up after it's all over.. or be sat on the bog while it's finishing...

I don't have to make any effort to avoid it all...



Roll back time...

Me and my then girlfriend decided to avoid Di and Chaz's weddding
by hitching down to remotest Cornwall to go camping in a field...

On the day of the wedding we sat outside our tent brewing a pot of water and teabags

When a lady in a caravan across the field shouted over

"would you like to come over and watch the wedding on our portable telly...???"

My girlfriend, a fiercely radical student feminist shouted back "oooh.. yes..thanks..."

We broke up a day or two later on that camping trip....

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:38 AM

There are more than one variety of Republicanism, Backwoodsman. The USA doesn't have a patent on the word.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:19 AM

Just a roll just a roll!

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:17 AM

I think I'm becoming a convert to republicanism (that's with a small 'r' - I have far too much self-respect to ever be the other kind).

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:13 AM

Good piece in today's Daily Mash, giving advice to people who say they hate the royals yet who won't be able to resist watching the show tomorrow:

ARE you a Guardian reader who’s secretly captivated by Harry and Meghan’s wedding? Here’s how to enjoy every moment while pretending not to.

Say you prefer the Guardian’s famously minimal coverage of royal weddings, then sneakily read every word of the Daily Mail’s obsessive drivel, such as who the fuck Lady Extrusia Mitford-Gynt is.

If you’re dying to watch it on TV, claim you want to see “how these upper-class parasites are wasting taxpayers’ money”. Then get the kettle on and break out the Mr Kiplings.

Alternatively, say your kids should watch it because it’s a historical event. Once they’ve quickly lost interest in some toffs and a bunch of toy soldiers poncing around, ‘forget’ to turn the telly off for the rest of the day.

While watching the wedding it’s possible you’ll get so into the magnificent pageantry you’ll forget to criticise it. Set your mobile alarm to vibrate at 10-minute intervals to remind you to say things like, “Of course, 400 years ago their ancestors would have been oppressing our ancestors.”

If you get carried away and start waving a little Union Jack, make up a convoluted argument about left-wing patriotism, claiming you are celebrating “the land of Orwell, Aneurin Bevan and Rock Against Racism”.

Should anyone notice you gazing adoringly at hunky Harry or foxy Meghan, piously say, “I’m just so sad these young people have to spend their lives in the media goldfish bowl.”

If you get overwhelmed by the occasion and shed a tear, say you are weeping for the Kenyan victims of British imperialism.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:06 AM

Good letter in yesterday's Guardian, pithy and to the point: "Who is giving Prince Harry away?"

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: DMcG
Date: 18 May 18 - 08:00 AM

I am sufficiently uninterested in all things royal that I was not even sure which brother was which.

But in terms of public interest I can tell you a nearby costume shop sold £60 of veils yesterday.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 May 18 - 07:55 AM

Oh dear, I sound like a grumpy old cow don't I? I just can't work up any enthusiasm for this Wedding :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 May 18 - 07:54 AM

I'm sure she'll manage whoever accompanies her down the aisle. She's a professional actress well-accustomed to cameras, media attention and playing a part 'in costume'.
I'm told that nowadays young brides don't wish to be 'given away' and often just walk themselves down the aisle, or else the couple arrive at the church together and amble to the altar side by side. (Or so my nieces tell me)
I wonder who will 'marshal' the procession of Tiny Tots? They'll surely create havoc and be unable to sit still and shut up for the length of the service.
Those silly people are still camping out in front of Windsor Castle. At least they had the rehearsal processions to watch. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Jos
Date: 18 May 18 - 06:15 AM

I'm disappointed it isn't going to be her mother who walks with her, but maybe her mother didn't want to.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 May 18 - 05:35 AM

Sergei Skripal has just left hospital.

Seems like the Markle family is even more dysfunctional than the Windsors. There's a hoot of a read about them in the Guardian today. I see that Big Ears is walking Megan down the aisle. Bet he he wears special built-up shoes...

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Iains
Date: 18 May 18 - 05:05 AM

I wonder what bad news is being buried among the wedding brouhaha?
For example the mystery of the disappearing Skripals!

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: BobL
Date: 18 May 18 - 03:19 AM

I'm calling for a couple of clubs over the next few days, so the Fallibroome dance "The Happy Couple, or, The Royal Wedding" is definitely on the programme. From the date, I'd guess it originally celebrated the marriage of Frederick Prince of Wales, the chap whose portrait (with additions) graces the sleeve of Andrew Lloyd Webber's 1978 "Variations" album.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Allan Conn
Date: 17 May 18 - 06:58 PM

I don't know what the rest of the country is like but here you hear basically no one much discussing said wedding in normal conversations etc. Yet everytime you turn the news on there it is again. Completely media driven as far as I can see. Going to be a good day apparently so it'll be my morning walk then some gardening then both cup finals if I am lucky.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 May 18 - 01:07 PM

Heh heh Backwoodsman, I can see you in your knight's attire (not your night attire) galloping up on a white horse to woo me, proffering a spam sandwich on a golden plate. I'm afraid I'd merely say, "Sling thy 'ook mate! Where be me buttered crumpet eh?" (I'm an extremely classy bird you see.)

Many of the shops here have made a 'Wedding Window'. Even the dry-cleaners have a full-size plastic model of a bride in a wedding dress with a flag at the side and some hideous plastic flowers in a jar. (Says it all really)
I've decided not to put the BBC News on (it's 6pm here) because it'll be wedding wedding wedding, so tedious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Jos
Date: 17 May 18 - 12:02 PM

The only 'red, white and blue' I've seen round here is in the windows of charity shops. They've gone totally overboard - they must have been putting appropriate items aside for weeks in anticipation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 17 May 18 - 10:50 AM

"Get thee hence thou knave!"

Anything thou sayest, thou sweet-talking wench thou! :-) :-)

"Thou knave" - nobody's ever called me a knave before, I love it! <3

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 May 18 - 09:56 AM

Indeed, Acme. An excuse is preferable although by no means necessary :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 May 18 - 09:30 AM

The booze is for drinking a toast (or three) to the royal couple, one gathers?

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 May 18 - 09:09 AM

If you are after some beer bargains, Pete, get thy self off to your nearest Home Bargains. They often have a good range of Sadler's beers and all at less than £1.50 a bottle. I have yet to have a bad one!

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: peteglasgow
Date: 17 May 18 - 08:30 AM

saltaire blonde - our local aldi has stopped selling cocker hoop very cheap so i'm just about to head off to keswick booths for some saltaire blonde. and whatever else they have on offer. jorvik? jarl? it would be environmentally wrong to come back with less than a dozen or 2. i need them properly chilled before the big games - partick thistle v livingston in the scottish play off finals. this weekend Nothing Else Matters

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 May 18 - 08:19 AM

Spam fritters??! Ugh and triple ugh!!! Get thee hence thou knave!
Nah, used to refuse to eat them at school dinners. Our neighbour was one of the dinner ladies and the nasty thing told my mum. But I still wouldn't touch them.

It's quite true that Muslims would have to fast until midnight during the summer months if they lived in Scandinavia or even Scotland. A special time is set for them after which they can have Iftar.
In Abidjan, the temperature is often 40 degrees, and the poor souls can't drink a drop all day long, even when working. Terribly difficult and some people collapse in the street. Very bad for their kidneys.

Those Habaneros (Scotch Bonnets) are fearfully hot and fiery. When he's cooking, the cats and I cough and our eyes stream, so we evacuate the kitchen. They're sold on Norwich market, but cost £1 for four. And it's rather far for us to travel, so we're having a go in the greenhouse with growing some. My niece has had some success with them and she suggested it.

My neighbour has now got her garden covered in red, white and blue. She's out there at the moment making the final adjustments. I said it looks lovely, but I certainly wouldn't bother doing ours. Anyway, she's got our bunting, so that puts paid to that!

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Jos
Date: 17 May 18 - 07:35 AM

I heard somewhere that in places very far north or south a time is set when Muslims can eat in the evening whether the sun has set or not. Perhaps a sensible compromise would be to fix it at the time the sun sets in Mecca, adjusted for time zones so that Muslims in America are not eating in the day and fasting at night.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Jos
Date: 17 May 18 - 07:28 AM

They should have cucumber sandwiches, which would also cater for any vegetarians. There could be some with the crusts cut off for the posh people and some with the crusts on for everyone else.

I suppose these days they would have to have some sandwiches without butter for the vegans and some made with oatmeal biscuits, maybe, for those who think gluten is the work of the devil. But these options might not have been available in a real 1940s street party.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 17 May 18 - 07:16 AM

Senoufou:I'd forgotten about Ramadan (started yesterday), so no TV snacks for poor husband during the football. Not even a glass of lemonade, until dusk falls.

....but then he can have Iftar! Ramadan Kareem to him.

Actually, it must be quite a strain for Muslims in latitudes away from the tropics when Ramadan falls in the summer months. At least in the middle east the sun sets by about 7pm, and rises about 0530-0600 this time of year. Must be really tough on Muslims in Tromsoe or Reykjavik!

Just to clarify my previous post, although I do British Military Fitness (BMF) and military-style endurance marches, I was never in the military. BMF is run on military PT lines by former serving soldiers, but it's fitness training for civilians.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: David Carter (UK)
Date: 17 May 18 - 07:14 AM

Scotch bonnets, Habeneros, other hot chillies, I have grown them but they never get very big. And I can buy them very easily in Mattas in Liverpool, so for me growing them is not worth the effort.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 17 May 18 - 06:57 AM

{{Gasp}} Sen! How can you possibly hate Spam? Spam fritters - ambrosia!

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 May 18 - 06:55 AM

Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! (Monty Python)

It looks as if the weather will be quite good for the weekend, so I shan't be sitting indoors watching all that on the TV. I reckon I'll do a huge weeding stint. Husband says he'll cut the lawns in the morning and watch his football in the afternoon.
We're also experimenting with growing Scotch Bonnet Chillies in our greenhouse. They need a lot of heat to germinate. All the pots are ready to set the seeds, so shall get on with that too.

I'm sure Meghan and Harry can manage to get married without me...

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 May 18 - 05:42 AM

I am sure spam will be involved somewhere along the line :-) I quite like it but it is far from healthy.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 May 18 - 05:40 AM

That sounds lots more fun Dave. As long as they don't have ghastly Spam sandwiches. I hate Spam - grooo.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 May 18 - 04:56 AM

Looks like my plans may be altered as there is a 1940s weekend in Haworth that we quite fancy going to. Wonder if they will have a 1940s wedding street party? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 May 18 - 04:07 AM

One just can't escape the blooming thing can one? The TV News seemed to devote an awful lot of time to the coming Wedding. It showed lots of absolutely daft people camping out, covered in flags and bunting, in the street outside Windsor Castle. It's been awfully chilly recently; I bet they were cold during the night. Must be utterly bonkers!

And now it seems the couple are having TEN tiny tots as pages and bridesmaids. Ages ranging from TWO (!) to seven. It will look like a kindergarten outing. I can imagine the little puddles appearing on the floor of the chapel...

I'm actually surprised at myself, because as I said above, I'd have thought I'd have been far more excited and interested than this. Instead I seem to be a bit scornful and irritated.
I'd forgotten about Ramadan (started yesterday), so no TV snacks for poor husband during the football. Not even a glass of lemonade, until dusk falls.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: robomatic
Date: 16 May 18 - 09:43 PM

I have a soft spot for HRH Queen Elizabeth II. I think she's done her best for her country with great forbearance and endurance. To put it in basic American: "She's a classy broad."

As for the RW, I don't expect to tune in for it. As long As HRH is happy, I'm good.

As far as the race angle goes, I don't see that it should matter a bit, but it's probably good for the royal family to incorporate a bit of hybrid vigour, if that is in fact the case. Good on 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 18 - 08:32 PM

Two anthropology programs played on PBS last night and after the second came an hour of public television wedding watch. I had to stir myself to get up and turn it off when they finally reached a point of gushing about the style of the bride's mother . . . PBS had to bring in Meredith Viera because apparently none of the network-grown news anchors were willing to gush an hour an evening until this thing happens. It's embarrassing to watch.

That said, more power to the couple. They have taken up good causes and aren't in danger of inheriting the throne. Maybe they'll have something resembling a real life once all of this is over. Clearly the 4chan folks are smearing the bride, hopefully people can ignore that nonsense.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 May 18 - 07:12 PM

I'm betting that I won't see one. I've become a bloody expert at averting my eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 May 18 - 07:09 PM

What's the betting that we're going to see a headline about "Princess Sparkle"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 May 18 - 03:44 PM

We've already seen Harry indulging in the royal rubbing of parts. That little video with his bare bum in thrust mode giving that young lady one from behind... Wonder whether Megan ever saw that one...

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 16 May 18 - 03:26 PM

Heeeeeuuuuwwwweeeeeeeeee! :-(

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Donuel
Date: 16 May 18 - 03:24 PM

Witnessing the Royal Rubbing of parts to declare consummation is whose job? Or is that just in the movies.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 May 18 - 03:18 PM

I've read your latest post Rob to my husband and he's full of admiration. He'd have loved to have been in the Army. For his age he's very fit, but starvation during his earlier years has left his bones somewhat fragile, sadly.

Weddings can be hilarious McGrath. I expect afterwards people can have a good laugh at the memories. I do think a couple shouldn't forget the actual marriage is what's important, not a big expensive 'do'. As Jos says, I hope The Dress is reasonably simple in style and not a meringue.

I wore a very inexpensive flowery skirt and top for our wedding, and no hat. Husband wore his first ever suit and looked absolutely delicious. We only had two of my dearest friends as witnesses, and afterwards went back to one of their flats for a small iced cake and a cup of tea!
Although I shan't bother watching the thing, I do sincerely hope Harry & Meghan are as happy as we have been over many many years.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 May 18 - 02:47 PM

Things always seem to happen in weddings, especially big weddings, that weren't supposed to happen.

Watching out for that could be fun. If Meghan's dad doesn't make it, and her Mum goes down the aisle with her, that would definitely be an improvement.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Charmion
Date: 16 May 18 - 09:08 AM

The megacity of Toronto, where Ms Markle's TV show was filmed for the last several years, is all agog because, ya know, she was *almost* a resident of their fair burg. That would be because she spent about six months of the year working there and consequently has bought a condominium apartment in one of the cliff-dwellings that clog the downtown. I think some pubs in TO might tune their oversized televisions (the ones that usually show hockey 24/7) to the doings at Windsor Castle.

Here in Stratford, we will continue in our normal merry way. Now that spring is here and the tourist season has begun, our primary focus is finding a parking spot within spitting distance of the nice coffee shop on Market Square.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 16 May 18 - 08:50 AM

I'm a bit overweight, Senoufou, but for my age (62) I'm pretty fit, I think. I do British Military Fitness 4 times a week, and usually get in a couple of 10 km runs and a bit of rock climbing on top of that (and ice climbing in winter).

I do half marathons in just over the 2 hour mark these days, but hope to get back under that before the end of the year. I generally do 4-5 a year. I've recently taken up Endurance Marches, which are all-day events (sometimes 2-3 days).

I failed miserably on my last one, though (36 km over pathless bogs in the Brecon Beacons carrying a 50 lb pack and a scaffolding pole, in the wind, rain and low visibility). I gave up after about 13 km, as I was going far too slowly to make the cut-off time for successful completion. If you're interested in what these involve, see: IronMan Blog . I'm NOT the Rob mentioned in that Blog, as I gave up at RV 3 on my own attempt!

Still, however wet, cold and miserable I got on that one, I'd do it again in a heartbeat rather than watch a couple of youngsters getting married on TV! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 May 18 - 07:08 AM

Good gracious Rob, you must be extremely fit and strong!

We were married in a Registry Office as my husband's a Muslim.
The Registrar had the duty to speak to each of us privately to ensure we each understood what we were doing. He asked me if I was aware that Muslim men could have up to four wives, but only one would be legal. I replied that I hoped he would go for four, as one could do the ironing, another the cooking, another the cleaning and I could put my feet up.
He had a job to hide his smile...

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Jos
Date: 16 May 18 - 06:51 AM

I'm just hoping she will be wearing a simple, elegant dress instead of the usual meringue. Other than that I'm not bothered (and I don't even know which teams are playing in the football, it is so uninteresting).

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 16 May 18 - 06:39 AM

I wonder what colour hair the offspring will have... :-)

Whatever the result, you will be in a win-win situation, Steve. If the children don't have red hair, you will be able to make snide remarks relating to their parentage. If they do have red hair, you will have more victims to poke fun at. The smiley at the end of the post doesn't make it any more acceptable.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 16 May 18 - 06:25 AM

It will be a wonderful occasion, and we shall enjoy every minute of this happy occasion.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 16 May 18 - 06:07 AM

Not bothered in the least.

Won't be watching it or following in any media, in the same way that I don't follow football, Formula 1, soap operas or "Britain's Got Some Really Strange Talent".

I'll be doing British Military Fitness, then a 16 km run with a 25 lb pack (training for an endurance event) that day, which will be a bloody sight more enjoyable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 May 18 - 05:50 AM

The TV snack tray will be for the football of course, not the Wedding.

Subject: RE: BS: The Royal Wedding
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 May 18 - 05:47 AM

I'm glad I'm not the only one not particularly bothered.
My husband will be watching the football, so I'll make us a nice TV snack tray.
Handed over the bunting this morning. There won't even be a little street party (We had a huge event for the Jubilee at the village hall, but nothing has been arranged for this)