BS: Joke thread for 2023

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Dec 23 - 12:27 PM

I'm pandering to US sensibilities :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: BobL
Date: 18 Dec 23 - 01:56 PM

After his contribution of 20 Oct, I'm almost ready to forgive Don for the rest. Almost.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Dec 23 - 09:01 PM

Bloke arrives in pub looking all knackered and dishevelled.

"You all right, mate?" asked the landlord.

"Well yeah, but I've just had the weirdest experience. My car broke down a mile down the road, I was gazing helplessly at my engine wondering what to do, when a horse looked over the fence - and told me how to fix it, and I did! A talking horse!!"

"Oh yeah?" said the landlord without even raising an eyebrow, "And what colour was the horse?"

"Black..."

"You were lucky there. There's a grey horse in that field too, and he knows bugger all about engines..."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Dec 23 - 08:20 AM

Then there's the joke about the white horse called Eric...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Dec 23 - 10:57 AM

The three wise men on their camels are heading over to Bethlehem. The one at the back is not moving very quickly and seems to be looking down all the time. The leading wise man says, "Melchior, put that bloomin' Sat-Nav away mate, and just follow the star!"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 23 - 10:32 AM

@Steve, the article about doorways. Sorry, should have answered when asked.

There has got to be a good solstice joke. I have none...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Dec 23 - 12:30 PM

I have to go to a winter solstice party at my in-laws later. It's going to be a long night...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 23 - 08:00 AM

A Pagan died on Christmas and went to Heaven. St. Peter met him at the gate. "You can't come in here," St. Peter said.

The Pagan asked why...

"You're Pagan ... I'm sorry", St. Peter replied. "But Hell isn't so bad. Your friends are there, and they say it's good."

"But "Yule is a solstice celebration observed by Pagans as the second sabbat of the Wheel of the Year, marked with rituals to welcome the return of the Sun and celebration of light before Jews and Christians made up Hannukah and Christmas !"

Peter said : "Forget it, we're in charge now"

The Pagan was depressed, but went anyway just because he was, well - Pagan...When he arrives in Hell, he sees a beautiful green field with amusement rides, and people picnicking and having a great time...A man in a white suit comes over to him and presents himself as Satan, and then tells him of all the delights to be had in what appears to be a 4-star slightly seedy resort...

"Woww!" thinks the Pagan, "Hell isn't so bad! I'm happy to be here."

Suddenly, the sky gets black ...and fire spews from the ground. A screaming, flaming man falls from the sky and is swallowed up by a crack in the earth...After he disappears, everything returns to how it was again...

"What in Hell was that?" the Pagan asks Satan...

Satan replies, "That was a Christian. They wouldn't have Hell any other way!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Charmion's brother Andrew
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 10:06 AM

That a good one, Donuel. I have nicked it for future use.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Dec 23 - 12:09 PM

The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part anthology. Parts A-D are being given away free but you have to fight for your right to part E

I nearly got run over by a Mr Kipling van. Luckily it had exceedingly good brakes

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2023
From: gillymor
Date: 29 Dec 23 - 10:36 AM

Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."