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DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!!
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: sophocleese Date: 10 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM Hey hesperis Rombos is a FAMILY restaurant. Where else would a pregnant waitress ask you questions about breast feeding while serving your food? I like the place. My daughter used to wave at the guy hanging out of the porta potty door when she was younger, she thought (when the wind was blowing) that he was waving to her. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 10 Sep 00 - 02:49 PM ... I just called myself a mental case. Uh-oh.) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:56 PM flattop - "drivers who signal left are just as likely to turn right or continue straight ahead" - especially on the s-curve at Laclie street. Which is in front of Rhombos restaurant. A lot of mental cases eat there. (Funny, I've never seen you in there, flattop! |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Mbo Date: 10 Sep 00 - 11:44 AM The Voyager's Doctor, one day Decided to decorate Sick Bay But while painting a frieze He started to sneeze And blew paint in an interesting way. --Matt |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 10 Sep 00 - 08:57 AM Yeah, I should have split that into more paragraphs. And since the police headquarters located here, franchised donut shops are the fastest growing sector. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 10 Sep 00 - 08:40 AM Orillia's portable toilet company is McGill. To advertise, they fastened one of their toilets to the back of Rombo's restaurant with a gloved hand holding the edge of the door from the inside. The door blows in the breezes sneaking off Lake Couchiching. Orillians have good taste and good judgement. Tattoos by Chuck is another popular Orillia establishment. For years, the mental hospital was the largest employer. Recent governments emptied the mental hospitals just before they slashed the moneies they pay to needy people for food, clothing, shelter and drugs. If you're visiting Orillia, don't be surprised to see people waiting on the green lights and walking on the reds. Also, drivers who signal left are just as likely to turn right or continue straight ahead. The really weird people join the Orillia Folk Society. I must remember to join this fall. Most of the folk society's events are held at the Leacock property. Leacock was writer who became famous in Canada by writing about weird people in Orillia. Orillians didn't like him when he was alive but dead, he's a hoot. The government also errected a new headquarters for the provincial police in Orillia. They are now the largest employer. The government prefers to spend money policing people, not helping people. I think we have a few limericks left in us but I don't do limericks. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Banjer Date: 10 Sep 00 - 07:38 AM Ah the inspiration..... There once was a singer named Dottie Whose efforts in music were spotty When folks asked "What's best" To give Dottie a rest She was locked in the town's porta-potty |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: CarolC Date: 09 Sep 00 - 10:58 PM Hi hesperis. Your last limeric was very good. (The one about the Hawkster.)
limerics=good |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 09 Sep 00 - 10:51 PM Did you know that a limerick is a sixteen-beat phrase? It's made of two four-beat phrases tied to two two-beat phrases, tied to a final four-beat phrase. Isn't it fascinating how those numbers continually show up in music and poetry? One would almost think it had some mysterious, esoteric significance... No luck writing another one so far. Maybe LH isn't a bad influence on me. (People don't really influence me unless I let them. Not anymore.) ~*sirepseh*~ |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: CarolC Date: 09 Sep 00 - 06:27 PM *Yikes!* This thread is hanging by a pinkie! (Better save it!) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Sep 00 - 08:15 PM Depends who the mayor is when you arrive. They change rather often here. City council is a very fractious outfit. They provide the locals with a lot of unintentional humour. Our recent mayor, Ken McCann just quit after a tumultous 3 years, marked by petty squabbles, veiled threats, outright threats, lawsuits, and a battle over the reciting of the Lord's Prayer at the beginning of City Council meetings. It has been dropped, to the rage and dismay of a good many people...it was deemed offensive to a certain few citizens. Of course, what is NOT offensive to various citizens? Nothing I can think of. On this basis, everything the City of Orillia Council does or ever has done could be deemed offensive...to someone...which would justify banning their future activities entirely, according to their own logic...ha! ha! Thus political correctness rolls on. I will be glad to pull the few strings I can reach in order to get you a key to the City or at least to the Port-a-Potty, should you venture this way. As for Spaw's cockatiel, a gold-plated cage is in order, I think. Cheers, George |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: CarolC Date: 08 Sep 00 - 07:32 PM Thanks, Little Hawk. If I ever come up your way, will the Mayor give me the key to the town, or the municipal port-a-potty, or something? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Sep 00 - 01:22 PM LOL! Marvelous! I never thought to put Orillia in a limerick. This one will be enshrined forever in the hearts of local musicians here. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: CarolC Date: 08 Sep 00 - 04:19 AM There once was a bird from Orillia Whose song was reported to killya Till Spaw let one fly Then it fell from the sky Begging "Spaw, stop the farting please, willya?" |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:59 PM Thanks Hawk....she's fine. We've let her wings grow and she's not real accurate on her landings. I agree that they are neat birds. She has completely taken over the household, holds the cats in complete disdain, and as I type this she is sitting on the keyboard activating all kinds of weird stuff that I have to keep erasing to go on. The bird is totally spoiled. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: thosp Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:58 PM |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:50 PM Hey! Batholomew! Better late than never. Spaw - That's horrifying about the cockatiel. It's probably not so cocky now, though...could be a good maturing experience for the poor thing. A friend of mine had a budgie (seriously) which was flying around in their 16th floor apartment one night, and someone had left a window open. The unfortunate budgie flew out of said window at 11 PM into a blinding January snowstorm and was never seen again. One of the saddest stories I have heard. I hope the cockatiel is okay, they're very neat birds. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Jim the Bart Date: 07 Sep 00 - 02:26 PM There once was a feller on Mudcat, Who tried Katlaughing to love-pat. She sighed, "No, no, please, For I've started to sneeze, And I'm really Catspaw in a sun hat Sorry, got here late and once I started reading I was transfixed. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Sep 00 - 01:33 PM Actually it was a favor to your bird as budgies are allergic to most paints and some are toxic to them. Were it not for that putrid poot, you would have had an "Ex-Bird." We almost had one last night when the cockatiel flew across the kitchen and landed in a pan of frying beef. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Sep 00 - 12:39 PM My budgie's been left in the lurch Like a pastor without any church He just sits broken-hearted Since the last time Spaw farted Cos it stripped the paint clean off his perch! |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:15 AM "I'm not the Wreck of the Hesperus, I feel more like Big Bill Broonzy." --George Harrison |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:14 AM I think Major Tom's last words were, "Gawddam North American engineers." Well that, and possibly followed by........"gasp"............ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 07 Sep 00 - 11:08 AM That Hawkster is one silly bird The threads that he starts are absurd! But why do we play With these threads anyway? Guess we all just want the last word. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 06 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM Okay, I poked William Shatner. Not as big a thrill as I had hoped. He's a rather humorless bloke, far too full of himself, if you ask me. I got a call from Mike L. who passed on this joke: Question: HOW DO YOU GET A ONE-ARMED NEWFIE OUT OF A TREE? Answer: WAVE AT HIM. :-) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:08 PM Spaw - I had a quick look at Doodie.com You are a truly sick man. I like that. Maybe I can get you a job in my band when I go on the road. Dare I ask what instruments you play and where your musical talents lie? Okay, now I'm off to poke William Shatner...(see Hespy's posting above). |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:04 PM No dear....That was "Killing the Thread" which I notice is still popping up and is not dead yet. Spaw (thanks hespy.....those will recycle here later) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: SINSULL Date: 06 Sep 00 - 05:00 PM Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly. What happened to the other 200 posts? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 06 Sep 00 - 04:56 PM Omigod. What a treasure trove of silliness! I will be back up for air in...oh, maybe 9 hours from now...if I survive, that is... |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 06 Sep 00 - 01:02 PM "http://doodie.com/" - Spaw! What have you been sniffin'? Your own farts? No, Spaw, there isn't a William Shatner Stupid Dialogue Generator, but here's a few strrrrange Trekkie sites fer ya: Poke William Shatner This interactive site allows you to poke William Shatner! This may be the closest you get to touching Captain Kirk, so give it a try. The Klingon Language Institute With the easy to use guides on this page you can learn how to say "unemployed loser with no friends" in Klingon. Star Trek TNG Plot Generator Just click a button and this site will generate a plot for a Star Trek episode. Some of these sound better than episodes we've actually seen. You Can't Do That on Star Trek Resistance is futile. You will laugh hysterically at these parody pictures from everyone's favorite science-fiction series. (That's what they say about the site, anyway.) Random Quote From Spock This site parodies one of those magic eight balls, but it is illogical to believe that the quote selection can be truly randomized. These were all found on 4WorstOfWeb -- a guide to the worst of the web from 4anything.com Have fun! |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:30 PM So Hawk ... Have you tried the Shatner Dialogue Generator? Seems right down your alley? Click here for William Shatner Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:12 PM No, but it IS ironic that Alanis would think that rain on your wedding day is ironic, isn't it? Ha! Ha! If it was as ironic as Alanis thinks it is, then it would be really ironic, but it's only as ironic as Major Tom thnks it is, and Major Tom seldom thinks that anything is ironic, except, of course, for that unfortunate "toad the wet sprocket" incident, which I explained to Spaw awhile back, and that was definitely ironic, considering the utter improbability of a toad reducing a 17 billion dollar spacecraft to a drifting pile of space junk. Have I said enough? To explain about Major Tom...He is a character in the David Bowie song "Space Oddity", an astronaut who comes to grief when his space capsule malfunctions. I consider "Space Oddity" to be a brilliant song, Spaw considers it to be a piece of worthless dreck. Spaw, of course, is insane. Likeable, but insane. 'Nuff said. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 06 Sep 00 - 11:32 AM I have someone else's mandolin, yes. Since very recently. I have somewhere around 10 instruments, only 5 of which are actually mine... "Ironic" is one of my favorite songs by Alanis, although rain on your wedding day isn't ironic at all, just unfortunate. I need to write another limerick! Arrgh!!! Good stuff, Carol. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 06 Sep 00 - 07:51 AM You have a mandolin hesperis? One of our Song Circle regulars questioned Alanis's use or misuse of the word ironic, I think. That was her song? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: GUEST,Tony in Sweden Date: 06 Sep 00 - 03:32 AM Littlle Jack Horner, Sat in the corner, because he had a square ass! ------O----------O---------- Mary had a little lamb, but first she had a pig, which she sent to dancing school, to learn the Irish Jig, But every night when it came home, it wouldn't stop its gruntin' so she took it round the back of the house and kicked its F**kin' c*nt in!! mvh TC |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: CarolC Date: 06 Sep 00 - 01:00 AM Um, ok, just who is Major Tom, anyway? Did he write any good limericks? Any dirty ones? He must be pretty amazing since Spaw likes him so much. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM Well, if you spent as much time on Mudcat as LH, you'd probably know everything of what's going on... You'd also have very little time for anything else, like LH. *g* No, he hasn't admitted that yet. But now that you've done that for him he doesn't have to. (I dared him to sing it at Song Circle. People sang along because no-one there can stand to NOT add a harmony line to anything, even when it's not appropriate!) (j/k) BTW, I wrote an Alanis fake myself. I'll send it to you. It's hilarious, mostly because it's actually somewhat accurate. I need to put some music to it now. Possibly with Mandolin accompaniment. That would be ironic, don'tcha think? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:10 AM Why am I always the last to know, hesperis? Did he admit that he put a tune to it and then sang it at Song Circle last night and that most people in the room joined in on the chorus? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:04 AM LH - you are getting the hang of harnessing randomness, I see. ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Spaw - you are one funny cat. flattop - check ou the original 'worst pop songs ever' thread. Hawk posted the lyrics to 'Why, God, Why' near the end of it. |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Sep 00 - 12:00 AM No, the Alanis thing came up on another thread and of course LH took to it like a hyena on a rotting warthog. Next we see the the Complaint Generator which produced similar results. When he's finished playing Braxton Bragg, I'll suggest he go to William Shatner Dialogue Generator for a narration on his efforts. This should occupy him for the next day at least. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:45 PM Did Little Hawk confess about his Alanis impersonations on another thread or has he been PMing the fartMeister? |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:37 PM You really are at your wit's end for something to do aren't you? I think if you do this you need to change your name to Braxton Bragg II. The original, a somewhat dyspeptic Confederate general, well known for his continual carping about everything, had a similar experience prior to the Civil War. He was the Quartermaster on a post where the commander died, which left Bragg in charge. As commander he became unhappy with the function of the quartermaster and began a long series of memos back and forth with HIMSELF!!! Needless to say his generalship during the war was somewhat less than masterful and they say "he wore failure like a habit." Say......Was Major Tom's last name Bragg? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:35 PM God, that's utterly wonderful! LOL! Now for that bloody Major Tom-slandering Spaw.... I can only hope the readers of this letter are as outraged as I am at Spaw. As this letter will make clear, I wonder what would happen if Spaw really did undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of loud vile conspiracies. There's a spooky thought. Those who get involved with his disingenuous cronies are seldom aware of his dealings with naive dim-witted underachievers. Am I saying that the little I've written so far already buttresses the assertion that it's not a question of if but only of when he will prey on people's fear of political and economic instability? Yes. That there's no point in arguing with him? Maybe. That the evidence for this lies in the underlying assumptions behind his arguments? Definitely. I am morally and ethically opposed to his statements. Interestingly, he doesn't seem to care about that. Just think: Spaw's lackeys argue that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. These are the same depraved mountebanks who manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against him. This is no coincidence; Spaw presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically-motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. He is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors gin-swilling ruffians. And here we have the ultimate irony, because I, not being one of the many bloodthirsty mouthpieces for ribald racialism of this world, challenge him to point out any text in this letter that proposes that he should ignite a maelstrom of feudalism because "it's the right thing to do". It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing. If we are to replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the amoral and myopic ideologies that Spaw promotes. If the past is any indication of the future, he will once again attempt to go to great lengths to conceal his true aims and mislead the public. After hearing about Spaw's nettlesome attempts to endorse a complete system of leadership by mobocracy, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. We don't need to demonize Spaw; he is already a demon, and furthermore, his hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it. Although letting resentful undesirables give rise to unruly hippies is unthinkable, we are here to gain our voice in this world, and whether or not Spaw approves, we will continue to be heard.
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:30 PM Hey, you guys are wonderful. Hugs on the house. I saved one of my favourite web insults from a few years. I don't know who wrote it, someone more intelligent than me. You know that could be anyone, even Bert or one of metronoming guitar yutz.
: > >More and more join every day. Say hello to the new world order - humanity ;-) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:27 PM Okay, you asked for it... |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:19 PM Y'all know if you took the Alanis Song Generator and wrote a song then took the Complaint Generator and bitched about it you could have more time to research the deep meaning and spirituality of Major Tom the Oddity of Space. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 05 Sep 00 - 11:10 PM The stupid generator thing wouldn't let me use all lower case for 'flattop'. Hello, that IS his name!!! Glad you liked it, LH. Let's see what the Flatso thinks... |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:47 PM LOL! ROTFLMAO! DOL! Christ! I've got the hickups now... Aaaaghhh! (hic) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: hesperis Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:30 PM Let's talk about Flattop's epithets. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Let me begin by citing a range of examples from the public sphere. For starters, most law-abiding citizens disapprove of Flattop's methods. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: In asserting that ill-bred authoritarians are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive, he demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. If I try really, really hard, I can almost see why he would want to clear-cut ancient forest lands. I have never been in favor of being gratuitously myopic. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to present a clear picture of what is happening, what has happened, and what is likely to happen in the future. Flattop's excuses are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". Flattop equates non-cooperation and solitariness with individuality, and deep down in our bones, we all know why. As far as I can tell, we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Flattop's self-indulgent maneuvers, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on his immoral views.) Before bothering us with his next batch of sappy conclusions, he should review the rules of writing a persuasive essay, most notably the one about sticking to the topic the writer establishes. Sure, it sounds dissolute. Blame that on self-centered paper-pushers (especially the neurotic type). If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me build a better world, a cleaner world, a safer world, and a saner world. Strictly speaking, every time Flattop utters or writes a statement that supports faddism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that skin color means more than skill and gender is more impressive than genius. I believe we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because his "compromises" are simply counterproductive to society, but primarily because when he was first found trying to destabilize society, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Flattop is planning to cause sexist subversion to gather momentum on college campuses, I'm terrified. Flattop's cronies would sooner ally with evil than oppose it. That's all I have to say. Thank you for reading this letter. (in)Sincerely, hesperis |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:40 PM Oh...did you say something, flattop? :-) Ha! Ha! No, I could have explained it, but I was in a hurry somewhat, so I didn't. I love the complaint generator and I am seriously considering sending the Klintovsky complaint letter to the Orillia Packet. It would certainly puzzle them no end. I wouldn't put my name on it, of course, because I have a reputation to uphold in this town. I'd put yours on it instead. :-) |
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Subject: RE: DON'T POST TO THIS THREAD!!! From: flattop Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:32 PM I thought that you guys wouldn't insult Rabbi Klintovsky unless it was in limerick. Looks like I had you going Little Hawk. I just got home from Toronto and I notice that you didn't explain why I told you at Song Circle that I should have brought a computer generated complaint leter. |
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