Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy

Subject: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 01:30 PM

The Off-Beat News feature of Netscape Central offers this todbit from jolly England, where the unusual is to be expected:

Sunday, Feb. 4, 2001

Lovelorn Peacocks Terrorize British Villagers

LONDON (Reuters) - Flocks of feral peacocks are terrorizing villages across Britain in a desperate but futile search for mates, the Sunday Times reported.

The lovelorn peacocks have descended on rural communities, chasing children and destroying vegetable patches in a vain search for peahens to mate with, the paper said.

"Because the hens nest on the ground, they are being eaten by foxes, which means there are not enough to go around," peacock breeder Quinton Spratt told the paper.

Peacocks are not known for their monogamous habits. Each male bird requires at least five hens to mate with.

The birds are believed to be fugitives from stately homes where they have become popular attractions because of their colorful plumage and fan-shaped tails.

Well, challengers, rev up your dithyrambs and let's hear about the woes of these under-priveleged males with less than five mates each! Make the Goddess proud!!!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 01:31 PM

Yuk! If some Joe-clone could end my h2 bracket after the headline above, it would look a lot better!

A

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 01:43 PM

omigawd. Roast peacock is quite good, I hear.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 02:16 PM

Several ideas percolating - but nothing has surfaced yet. I've heard peacock is actually quite tough and stringy - but the satisfaction of eating one is great because they are really annoying, nasty birds. Beautiful, but nasty.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 02:38 PM

Is Tod missing his bit d'ya think, Big Guy?

A peacock musta had it to go.

~Spielchuckler

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 03:10 PM

Jes a looonely peeeeacock male Why must I be? Jes a looonely peacock male With no place to pee....

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 04:28 PM

I ain't seen none. The Sunday Times is not my favourite paper.

But that's neither here nor there. I suppose if you were a gay peacock it might be quite a good situation...

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Micca
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 05:12 PM

well, I couldnt resist...
The peacock song
By Micca
Oh dear oh what ever shall I do
A peacock usually needs 4 hens
And I've only got 2
I am disgraced in my demesne
And in the country too
A peacock usually needs 4 hens
And I've only got 2

I will tramp around the country lanes and see what I can find
I will flash around the feathers that grow from my behind
For the foxes they are eating up the totty on the ground
But maybe in the cornfields some females hang around

They terrorised the paper boy and village children too
They've damaged all the veggies that we would put in our stew..
They are searching high and low around to try and find some mates
They are just a bunch of escapees from some ones big estates

With the foxes and the moggies robbing nests the country round
The owners of the peahens have to keep them safe and sound
The only protected females are all in yards with locks
So celibacy beckons for these splendid feathered cocks

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 05:45 PM

I had a cock and the cock pleased me....

The little cock goes wouldjoo, wouldjoo-wouldjoo? Wouldn'joo? Wouldn'tjoo? Wouldn't! Would you?

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:44 AM

LOL! Bravo, Micca. WYSIWYG, a great opening line...but couldn't you flesh it out a bit? Surely there's room for some groth there...

A

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:54 AM

Heard tell dat Wizzy she cain't quit a-laffin', fininsh a sawng? She jes' hopin' she make it all de way tuh de baffrum! Keep singin' dat one line over an' over... somebuddy make her stop!

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 09:31 AM

Nice one, micca!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Dharmabum
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 11:06 AM

(sung to I'm a little teapot)

I'm a horny peacock on the trail
Just in search of a little tail
Lookin for a hen to lay an egg
If I don't find one I'll hump your leg.

I'll trample down your veggies
And chase your kid
With no remorse
for what I did.

I'm a lovelorn peacock
Fugitive
I'll be comin
To where you live.

And I don't believe
In monogamy
I want five
But I'll settle for three.

DB.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 11:11 AM

PEACOCK ENVY

Well, I'm just a wild turkey
A-runnin' through the woods
Doing all those turkey things
The way a good Tom should
The other day I heard some news,
That caused me great surprise!
Now I've got Peacock Envy;
Damn - they sure are lucky guys!

A Peacock isn't satisfied,
With one Peahen or two;
But fully half a dozen hens,
Before that guy is through
Where he gets the energy,
I'm sure I'll never know.
But I've got Peacock Envy!
And I will tell you so!

They say size doesn't matter;
Feathers do not make the bird
Frankly I think peacock tails
Are way beyond absurd
All the chicks and ducks and turkey hens
Swoon when he struts on by
Yes I've got Peacock Envy,
But that's not the reason why!

For the Peacock may be handsome,
He may get hens and chicks galore
The stately homes all offer him
As job as lawn décor
But the hunters will ignore him
When Thanksgiving rolls around
I've got Peacock Envy
They don't price HIM by the pound!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 11:16 AM

clap clap clap!!!!

I can't get started, so I am giving my idea away. See, I think the peacocks are obsessed with the mistaken idea that they have to make enough peacock babies that every TV in the USA can have one! (For non-USers, that's because one of our biggest TV neworks has the peacock as its logo.) Pore lil peacocks. Working so HARD so we all can have our favorite programs! Pore lil peabrains... aw, WHY don't people understand? they're doing it all for US??

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 06:44 PM

y'mean with a chorus that goes something along the lines of:

We're doing it for you!
That's why we screw and screw
Never stay and wait
While they incubate
Gotta screw our hens for you!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 06:50 PM

Yeah, but with verses. Go babee!

I liked your other one, too. I guess we cross posted and I didn't see it. It sounds like a "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" hoedown!

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 07:06 PM

I can't get no Peacock Satisfaction
tune: Satisfaction (Rolling Stones)

I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no peahen action
And I've tried (4x)
I can't get no...
Hey hey hey.
I'm hot today.

When I'm loose in London Town
And it's mating time again
But I can't mate at all 'cos I cannot find
An eligible peahen
I can't get no....

When I'm walking down the road
And I see a fence post or little kid
And I got to unload my load
Then I jump on 'em baby, and start to shriek
Cos I ain't had no lovin' in over a week
Yes it seems I'm on a losin' streak
I'd like to get five, but I'm not unique
All us peacocks' situations are pretty bleak
I can't get no....

I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no peahen action
And I've tried (4x)
I can't get no...
Hey hey hey.
I'm hot today.

c2001 Alex E Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: georgetownboy
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 07:34 PM

If you can stand the infernal noise these little beasties make, you're a better man than I am Gunga Din. I used to operate a small shop next to and old mill, here in East Tennessee. It was a rural area near a tourist town. one of the folks in the neighborhood had a farm of sevral hundred acres, with many pea fowl. There were plenty of them of both sexes, who called loudly, all the day long. The only kind of tune I should have liked to play for them was out the end of a twlve guage.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 07:58 PM

Yes. They scream "ghelllp", at the top of their lungs. I keep hearing:

An old peacock went riding out one dark and windy day,
To try and find some hens, he went along his way.......
When all at once a 12 gauge Pursley he did see......

Maybe someone can finish for me?

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 10:01 PM

Hey georgetown boy, welcome to the Mudcat. There is a New Member's welcome thread, you been there yet?

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 01 - 01:05 AM

LOL!! HUZZZAH, you lot!! The Goddess will be proud! I am sure she's working up som eextra warm BLOBs for these first class couplets, so to speak!!! MMario, I love "Peacock Envy"!!

A

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Bradypus
Date: 06 Feb 01 - 05:45 PM

This one's a bit offbeat ...

I'm not sure if it works unless you know the original (quoted at the end)

Bradypus

I Saw a Peacock

I saw a peacock with a fiery tale
A sad and lonely peacock looking for a mate
I watched that lonesome bird, and wondering at his fate
I saw a blazing comet shower down hail

I saw a cloud, girt with ivy round
Above the peacock lonely, with weary heart and sore
For nature's changing now, the old ways are no more
I saw a sturdy oak, crawling on the ground

I saw a pismire swallow up a whale
Or so it seemed to me, so deeply did he frown
And then a wondrous sight! His sorrows for to drown
I saw the raging sea, brim full of ale

I saw a Venice glass, full sixteen fathom deep
A blazing pattern on it, all of peacock's eyes
A deep etched tale of loving, of longing and of sighs
I saw a well, full of men's tears that weep

I saw their eyes all in a flame of fire
The peacock found his mate, so did his heart rejoice
The peacock and the peahen, together giving voice
I saw a house, as big as the moon and higher

I saw the sun, even in the midst of the night
I saw his tail, displayed with awesome pride
I heard his boast, all rivals put aside
I saw the man, that saw this wondrous sight.

I saw a peacock with a fiery tale
I saw a comet shower down hail
I saw a cloud girt with ivy round
I saw an oak tree crawling on the ground
I saw a pismire swallow up a whale
I saw the raging sea brim full of ale
I saw a Venice glass, full sixteen fathom deep
I saw a well, full of men's tears that weep
I saw their eyes, all in a flame of fire
I saw a house, as big as the moon, and higher
I saw the sun even in the midst of the night
I saw the man, that saw this wondrous sight

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 06 Feb 01 - 06:59 PM

Bp - is there a tune to that? And where does the original verse come from? I feel I should know it, but I cannot place it.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 06 Feb 01 - 07:06 PM

BTW - Amos, thank you! I thnk I've actually got one I can sing of my own, finally.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 01 - 08:00 PM

I wanna hear BP sing that one! MM, I yam proud of you!

A

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:39 AM

Hmmmm... Mmario, do you reckon Matt is really in the uk... lol

Lovelorn Peacocks Terrorize British Villagers LONDON (Reuters) - Flocks of feral peacocks are terrorizing villages across Britain in a desperate but futile search for mates, the Sunday Times reported.

Could almost be, lovelorn Matt terrorizes Paltalk Mudcat room - JOKING MATT... before you get worried..

Ella

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 08:53 AM

well - I would hesitate to use "futile" regarding Matt's search. *grin*

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:21 AM

oooo Mmario!!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:24 AM

Be nice, you guys!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:28 AM

They are!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:36 AM

we is... I mean we are...

Not being nasty at all... just kiddin around

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:38 AM

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
I smell like a hound
I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Straddle the line
It's discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
Mouth is alive, all running inside
And I'm hungry like the wolf...

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:48 AM

Believe me, I sympathize with Matt and wish him the best luck in the world!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:49 AM

lol Matt... don't be quoting Duran Duran at me... silly.

Especially if you really smell like a hound....

BEHAVE>>>>

oh dear... young men and their hormones.....

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:53 AM

Yes Ella, and what about those older women and THEIR hormones? Eh? Eh? Check out my post on the 'Songs About Getting Older' thread!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 12:06 PM

hey.... I'm ONLY 27....

huff!!

hee heee

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 12:08 PM

oooooh I'm going home.. hufff.. got a gig tonight... huff huff..

hee hee

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 12:09 PM

Well there's only 5 years diff, so what? And it's well know that women's peak is late 20's-early 30's!

--Matt (putting on his life jacket and his Speedo swimming shorty shorts)

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:46 PM

LMAO Matt....

you know.... some people wont know what you are on about... but start swimming lol...

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:52 PM

Here I cum...I mean come!!!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 02:44 PM

Mbooz!

Silly, we peak at about... lessee... 47-3/4. Yup. Right THEN.

~S~

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:16 PM

(to the tune of "neener neener neener"):

I know how old Susan is.
I know how old Susan is.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:56 PM

Truth to tell, I'm 33 and feeling a lot perkier this year than usual. ;) I bought a 2-piece bathing suit for the first time in 20+ years... it's conservative, though... doesn't show the royal Fiddlebum.

Quentin Spratt?!!!?! That sounds like a character out of a Dickens novel!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:57 PM

See, I TOOOOOOLD YOU!!!! Hey Ella, where's YOUR 2-piece?? Hmmmm?

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Bradypus
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 06:46 PM

Meanwhile, back at the challenge ...

Mmario - the original I learned from my grandfather, so it's genuine folk process! However a Google search (I'd forgotten one of the couplets) came up with this , which indicates that it's a very old piece of nonsense.

The point is, of course, that if you change the punctuation, it makes perfect sense:

I saw a peacock
With a fiery tail I saw a comet
Shower down hail, I saw a cloud
etc.

I didn't really have a tune (I usually write to existing tunes, but not this time). I've tried to put one together - I'll send it to the Mudcat Midi page.

Apologies for the mistakes in the lyrics - 'tale' should obviously be 'tail', and 'oak tree' (as in the original lyrics) scans better than 'sturdy oak'. I kept switching between the words I thought I knew, and those I found on the web.

Bradypus

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Áine
Date: 21 Feb 01 - 10:38 PM

Hello Everyone! It just warms the cockles of a Goddess's heart to see that y'all kept the Challenge flame goin' whilst I was away nursing my swollen pinkies . . . (Oh behave, Amos!)

Here are your "unofficial" Golden Cow Chip Awards for this most (uh-hem) interesting challenge:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
I Can't Get No Peacock Satisfaction by mousethief
I Saw A Peacock by Bradypus
Peacock Envy by MMario
The Peacock Song by Micca

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
I'm A Lovelorn Peacock by Dharmabum

Well done, everyone!

All the best, Áine

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 01 - 11:11 PM

Oh FUMES OF FRABJOUS MINTY LIGHTNING!!! YE GODDESS OF YE SONGBOOK IS BACK!!!! Callooo, callay! Erin go Bragh!! And all like that!!!

A.

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 01 - 08:30 AM

it is nice to see her back, isn't it?

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Hawker
Date: 22 Feb 01 - 02:25 PM

Bit late, but here is my offering anyway......

THE PEACOCK'S LAMENT
(to the tune of "the Salt")

I am a lonely old peacock
Peahens are the bane of my life
I used to love seven fine beauties
But now, I can't find me a wife!

I mounted a mouldy old cabbage
As she sat so serene in her bed
But no eggs did she lay to succeed me...
She bolted and flowered instead!

Yes, I am a lonely onld peacock
I just cannot find me a mate!
I thought that I'd found me a partner
When I made love to a wrought Iron gate

But she slammed in me face and she spurned me!
The fruits of my loins! what a waste!
So I next tried it on with a gorse bush....
Well they say there's no 'counting for taste!

But still I'm a lonely old peacock
No peahens to fill my desire
Then I saw her there in the garden
The flame in my heart turned to FIRE!!

So I mounted the Red Mini Metro
Though she tried to escape, I held fast
And all of the people stood staring
As the two of us went flying past!

Still, a lonely old peacock, I'm wasted.
Shagged out, I've lost all of me drive...
Not so that Red Mini Metro...
I'm lucky to still be alive!

I've chased after children and women
I've chased after kittens and cats
Made a loving advance to a posh hat from France
And two scratchy coconut mats

Now a lonely old peacock, I'm done for!
No more will I wander and wait
I've decided to be ...a clean living bird
And be happy though I'm celibate!

(for those of you who don't know.... a Mini Metro is a car)

Lucy

line breaks edited by mudelf

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 01 - 02:38 PM

owww! oh, my! I haven't seen puns fly like that since the cow that dropped out of....oops! wrong challenge!

excellent, hawker!

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 01 - 02:58 PM

Dear Hawker,

The one 'rule' of the Song Challenge! is that it's never too late for a song! And for your wonderful lament, you've been awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon! Congratulations, and I hope we see a lot more songs from you!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Feb 01 - 03:37 PM

The Horny Lil Peacock

Well I'm the horny lil Peacock
Lawd knows, I'm up to no good
Every critter in the barnyard
Know I gots me some serious wood

Even the ol grey mare
Afraid to turn her back on me
The housecat and the hare
Done gave me the bedroom key
They all knows you spells perfection
Starting with a capital Pea

(Ha) De crows best stay on their toes
The chickens all know what's clickin
The geese know I aint no tease
Even Jack put Jill on the pill

Cause I'm the horny lil peacock
Callin all night long
I got a tail that'd make you wail
Yes and my feathers' long and strong

Now I left my fancy home
Up with the gentry class
Cause the peahens flew the coop
Put my lovin in the past
And I'm slummin down here now
Just to get me a little..

Ask me why I'm creepin
Down underneath the ol cows legs
Every night you find me sleepin
where the hens they plead and begs?
When ol farmer check the nest
He find some extraordinary eggs

(Ha)The sheep best not fall asleep
The pigs gonna flip their wigs
The hound gonna faint on the ground
Even the duck gonna have her some luck

Subject: RE: Unofficial Song Challenge: Peacock Envy
From: harpgirl
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 04:58 PM

Synchronicity...or else this must be mating season!