BS: Help: Outing a Thief

Subject: Outing a Bas****
From: GUEST,ex friend
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 11:24 AM

I have recently fallen out big time with someone here on mudcat. He has treated me very badly and has now come up with stupid excuses for his behaviour - which for the record was criminal. I am not angry, just disappointed. Initially I was going to "out him" as a warning to others, but came to the conclusion that this would be seen as revenge. What to do?

ex friend

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 11:30 AM

If you tried to "out" him here, we would have no way to judge whether you were telling the truth or not, and it would just lead to a big uproar and accomplish nothing. I recommend leaving it out of Mudcat, but do whatever you have to do outside Mudcat (like reporting it to the police, or whatever).

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST,ex friend
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 11:36 AM

Thanks for the prompt reply Jim, I think you are probably right. I just worry that he may do a similar thing to someone else here. My local police department have their headquarters a block away from me, guess I'll drive that way home at lunchtime today

ex friend

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 11:54 AM

I present the following as options, not advice. You have to decide for yourself what to do.

You could describe what happened, even if you don't name names or give details. That way people could be aware of the pattern of bahvior and avoid repeating it with this person or anyone else.

If you discuss thr situation in PMs with Joe Offer, fully and frankly, it is possible he might comment upon the situation here in this thread; that could lend some credibility to your anonymous post.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 12:23 PM

Well said Jim.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Big Mick
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:07 AM

Yeah, Jim, what Spaw said.

Ex friend, that is about one quarter as low as borrowing from a friend, making a promise to repay.........and then disappearing and destroying the "loaner's" faith in others. That is lower than whaleshite..................if you get my drift.

Mick, another disappointed former friend.

PS: please don't respond to my post here. Send me a personal message. But I doubt you lack the character to do that.

Sorry all, but I had to get this off my chest in a place that the "perp" would see it. If any of you want an explanation, send me an email at [e-mail] as opposed to posting here.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:13 AM

Theft is a forgivable sin, but betrayal is betrayal whatever the situation.

There are reasons to steal, there are never reasons to betray.

I had what I thought was a good friend betray me by saying she was at home, when she was really in the pub, and proceeded to read some deeply personal phone text messages out loud to a pub full of work colleagues.... Consequently this went round the entire building that he and I were 'at it'. She vehemently denied all knowledge, until a third person confirmed that's what she'd been doing. She'd deliberately tried to damage a special friendship I have with a guy whose pants she wants to get into and mislead these people into thinking I was having an affair with him..... she also made up stuff to try to make me hate him, stuff that I knew that he wouldn't do, so I called her bluff with it and told him. She'd be furious if she knew she just made us closer now......! The main thing is, she did it purely for her own benefit and entertainment, to try and destroy what she saw as competition..... people like that are bad news and should be avoided... I can't do that, I work in the same building as both involved parties, so I have to live it down.

If this person is a true friend, they would do anything to stop you being hurt. If this person were a good friend, they would know you were relying on them, and that they could do the same. Outing someone as a bastard in public doesn't work. As with my former friend above here, she needed to be proved publicly as a liar. She's done this herself and is reaping the consequences. If there is a criminal matter involved, go to the police. If it is just personal, try talking to the person and ask why they did it.... what ever you decide, public lambasting isn't the way to go.

Trusting someone who has once betrayed you is the most difficult thing in the world. I've only managed it once, and it took a very long time. The simplest resolution is to 'chalk it up to experience' and move on.

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:32 AM

Give her a slap Liz! See ya Friday.john

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: marty D
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:53 AM

When you meet someone on the internet Be Careful! Be much more careful than you are used to being. I know that some people feel that it's safer than a bar because you can 'really get to know someone' on the net before making any serious decisions, but believe me the potential for disaster is just as great; maybe more so.

One of the saddest things I've come across is the kid who spent three months conning another kid (they were both loners of course) into believing that a Popstar had taken a serious interest in him. Pretending to be Britney Spears he hooked this kid in and really messed him up badly. Yeah, lots of others thought it was a hilarious prank, but the victim (and the perp of course) are going to be two seriously screwed up adults in a few years.

Liz, For whatever reasons some people simply enjoy hurting others, and on the net it often involves little effort. 'Outing' doesn't solve anything because as Jim, Liz and Catspaw said 'who's to say who's telling the truth?' It just makes it even uglier. Then again, there's that tiny minority who are just plain 'nuts' but it takes a while for them to demonstrate it.

Having said that, I've made a couple of fine 'pickin' friends on Mudcat whom I haven't yet met. They're very sane.

marty

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST,ex everything
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:06 AM

Should never have posted, was angry, very angry. Mick is dead right. Lower than whatever. The matter is being dealt with through the legal system now. I never intended to give the persons name, but wanted to scare them into thinking I would - like I said I was very angry. But I s'pose thats no excuse. I've lost my seagull, my aunts jewellery, the equivelant of a months salary, and my dignity. I have gained a broken wrist, broken teeth, and insight into what a prat I am,
bye for a while

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:00 AM

So sorry I took them, but here's my appology and puplik outing so I've done what I could, but you know in the end they really weren't very good. The seagull crapped on me, the jewels they were paste, and your month's salary put me drunk in the gutter it was all a total waste.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: harpgirl
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 11:43 AM

If you met this person through the Mudcat, perhaps you should warn us. Did he beat you up as well? Are you a woman? If sounds awful and I am so sorry for you....hg

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:05 PM

I too would like to know more of the story. There is an inherent trust between 'Catters. Obviously this has been abused. I think the culprit should be outed.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: M.Ted
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 02:24 PM

A bit of unpleasantness here--mentioning this at all, even name absent, really was a rather wretched thing to do, as it casts aspersions on everyone here, at least until you name the real offender, and even then we end up having to decide if something really happened, or if this is just another Seagull thread--

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 02:58 PM

I guess if this really happened, I would expect that you would follow up on it with the police, and that the resulting court action would become public record-- reportable here.

Other than information like that, which can be specific and can be said to be neutral, all we can really take from this is the reminder that we are all responsible for our own judgment about people anmd our own decisions about taking risks.

Mudcatters should not be assumed to be exempt from our reasonable caution about people we do not know well.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:04 PM

My roomates came in drunk the other night and proceeded to abuse me in various ways. They held me down and gave me a pink belly and a Dutch rub. Then they made me drink beer with salt in it until I vomited and soiled myself. As I laid in a puddle of my own piss, they took all my money out of my wallet and a credit card, and went to a strip bar. The next morning they made me get up at 6AM and cook them pancakes. Can I out them to you people?

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:31 PM

Sol, I suspect that was the best night out you'd had for a while wasn't it??

I'd poop in the pancakes.... offer them chocolate sauce with them.....

* BG *

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:57 PM

Actually...the only thing lower than a shipboard thief is whaleshit...it is some one you end up trusting and then they betray that trust...there is no excuse for it...I have felt a man's hand about my throat once, after I had outed him...and I would do it again....I say out the bastard...

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:05 PM

Oh Lord LTS!!!! I about choked! Good one!!! Three cheers for LTS - Hip hip Hooray!!

Steve

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:12 PM

Yeah, and what do we learn from this??

Don't piss me off if you don't want to eat your words!

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:17 PM

LTS - - I'd rather eat words than pooped in pancakes!!

And this thread is about to take a terrible turn for the worse

I knew a guy who was kicked out of the military for sleeping with an officer's wife. He was assigned mess duty while waiting for the paperwork to send him out the gate. The officer in question came to the mess hall, yep you guessed it, the guy masturbated in his tapioca! True story!!

Geez should I sign my name ROTFLMAO

Steve

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:19 PM

Well, they did say English pancakes are different. But Morty never mentioned this variation.

Do you stir until smooth or leave the lumps in?

~Susan

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:23 PM

Depends on what you've been eating....

I knew there was a reason I didn't eat tapioca....

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:29 PM

Unless it's about something very trivial, being betrayed and lied to by a friend really is shit. Joking about it afterwards is the prerogative of the person who was lied to when they've recovered. Jokes from others are just another cheap betrayal.

Kitty

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:33 PM

Well Ms. Kitty - I don't think I was joking about the original item. If you find my post offensive I apologize - I was laughing about something else entirely.

Still think the other was hilarious - Steve

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:43 PM

Norton1 Is that hilarious because it's usually women who have to swallow it? LTS - tapioca is worse!

OK, time to lighten up - but this thread wouldn't have been started in the first place if someone hadn't been hurt (there must be easier ways of advertising guitars...)

Kitty

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 04:50 PM

Ms. Kitty - I wouldn't have a clue about who swallows what anymore!

But in the 1960s it would not have been good for a male Naval Officer to be swallowing it! And how do you know that Tapioca is worse? Is it because of the little unchewable balls in it? That's why I don't like it.

Steve

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 05:09 PM

Norton1

In the 1960s we used to get glutinous tapioca for school dinners. It looked so revolting I didn't try to find out more than once whether the little balls were chewable or not.

Actually, the thread took a turn for the worse before you posted to it about tapioca - it was Sol's post that prompted my little outburst rather than yours.

I think it might be because folkies usually feel they can trust each other, and the atmosphere at folk events is usually so supportive, that being let down by a folkie friend is so devastating. But now I've been a member of Mudcat for a month or so I've realised how many flamers, trollers and puveyors of general mayhem there can be.

Kitty

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 08:18 PM

Ok, I fess up. I'm the one. I'll give it all back

Let's get back to music, you bunch of sick voyeurs.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: kendall
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:40 PM

Any man who raises a hand to a woman deserves whatever he gets. 5 to 10 is about right.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:11 AM

I don't think we are writing about a woman

He/She/It appears more like a man in drag.

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 02:58 AM

And this wasn't about violence really, more betrayal, which is worse than violence. Violence is visible and mostly short lived (bruises and bones heal). It can be dealt with in one of several ways. In the UK it's either a caution, a fine, or a shortish prison term. Betrayal is invisible, devisive and it can last for ever. Even if you forgive the person, you can never trust them as well ever again. There is always that little nagging of doubt and that is what will kill any relationship, friend, colleague, parent, child, lover whatever, stone dead, because in the end, that little nag will take over.

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 10:29 AM

Well presuming it isn't a send up, there was mention of broken wrist etc...that's violence, although only implied that it amy be a result of the ex-friendship.

I think if this is legititmate, it is better taken elsewhere, privately with Joe, Max, or Pene and whatever authorities are appropropriate.

kat

Subject: RE: Help: Outing a Thief
From: Big Mick
Date: 13 Oct 01 - 09:08 AM

Garg.........I see you read this stuff........you must be interested, or you wouldn't even come into these threads.............take your meds, son. You will quit hearing the voices.........

Mick