Double Entendre Anyone?

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: CaptainLewis
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 09:45 PM

I hafta look this one up again, but it was a quote of a music critic to a woman solo cellist:

you have an instrument between your legs madam that could enthrall hundreds, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!

And of course there was the time when I was between sets after playing And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda, and an officious member of the audience approached and informed me that Australia started as a penal colony, to which I replied, "yes but they have women there too nowadays".

CLB

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:26 AM

Bo Carter specialised in double entendre or "hokum" blues, there is a compilation album called "let me put my banana in your fruit basket" tho' not all the songs are as subtle as that.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:41 AM

The Music hall singer Marie Lloyd used to sing a song which contained the line
"she sits among the cabbages and peas"
whwn people complained about it she changed it to
"she sits among the cabbages and leeks"
Music hall songs were full of such things

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pinkfiddle
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:15 AM

A Buxom lass - the whole song is full of them

For mowing is hard labour and if you must forsake Oh around my little meadow you may use your fork and rake

pf

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Crane Driver
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:48 AM

"Too High or Else Too Low" - another song about a travelling tinker who goes around blocking up the holes in ladies' kettles -

But when the tinker was at work, The wench in anger cried, Because he did not clench his nails Upon the further side

And so on

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:30 AM

I am surprised that no Mudcatter has come up with the Max Miller classic about the time he met a young lady on a narrow cliff top path.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:37 AM

there was an announcer at the Olympics who was talking about a woman weight lifter. He said "I saw her snatch this morning, and, it is incredible"! True story.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Firecat
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:45 AM

I know that this isn't musical, but what about the Phil Silvers line to the Arabs in "Carry On Follow That Camel"? Here's the transcript of those few lines:-

Chief Arab: "Goodbye, and peace be on you"
Silvers: "And peace on you too!"

Hahahahahahahaha... I crack me up, I really do! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: JudeL
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:53 AM

Just checked DT for my favourite double entendre song "Cottage for Sale" and it wasn't there so have posted it as a separate thread.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:07 AM

Let's go out to the pub, mate, fer a beer an a piss. Beer's on me, and piss on you.

A

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:49 AM

when Jean Harlow reportedly met Queen Margot of Belgium she pronounced Margot with a 't'. The queen corrected her and said no the 't' is silent as in Harlow.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:01 PM

Marie Lloyd had to change her words because of a court case brought by the censor. I think she "squats among the collieflowers & leeks" was the exact result and it went unchallenged. Giok
The song about a buckle would be a bit more understandable if the fact that in meadieval times buckle was a euphemism for er..... well lets just say it was somewhat graphic. The rolling-up of a sleeve then falls into place - (entendre intended!)
The cellist and the conductor and the "God's greatest gift to man" was Tommy Beacham and er......... my memory fails me but it was Gladys XXXXX.
Max Miller - he was full of them, so obvious often that he got more laughs by finding ways of coming up with an alternative punchline that was mildly funny in itself but funnier still because he got the surprise AND two jokes in one hit.
No Fiolar we don't know that particular joke can you tell us the punchline please. **pained innocence**

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:09 PM

I know that Bessie Smith sang I need a little sugar in my bowl, I need a little hot dog between my roll whats that its dark down there is that a snake? (I would say this falls in the innuendo category rather than the double entendre) btw you know the Italian suppository = Innuendo. For all the good it did I might as well shove it up my ass.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:26 PM

"I need a little sugar in my bowl", "I need a little hotdog down in my roll", "Come on Daddy. Sooth your mamas soul", "I need a little sugar in my bowl"

Bessie Smith.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:44 PM

"The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willy" or was it

"The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willy"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:04 PM

He didn't know whether to turn round and go back, or toss himself off!! ( Max Miller that was ) He also said," When I married the wife, her father promised me two acres and a cow. I'm still waiting for the land"!.............. What about all those songs about jelly roll then? Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM

News headlines today ......

POLICE SHOOT DEAD MAN BRANDISHING FIREARM

Am I the only person to wonder why police needed to shoot a dead man .....it must be my age *BG*

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 03:26 AM

no water firemen improvise

animals saved in slaughterhouse fire more headlines

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:45 AM

No, the real punchline to the Max Miller joke was
he didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:10 AM

So Mr Red - now you know. The great Max was a master of the double meaning and no wonder his musical hall performances were crowded out. Sadly the TV has never really paid enough tribute to some of the marvellous perfomers of vaudeville and the music hall as the acts were never really recorded. Thanks to all who have contibuted to the thread.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:20 AM

Sometimes the Double Entendre is unintentional, as with a sign I saw in a Bankok restaurant

Please do not pay until you have been serviced

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 06:41 PM

I've gone many a mile in this old car,
And I hope I get many more,
All because little Maggie
Sees that it's well cared for.
Now, the spark plugs spark, the carburetor carbs,
The pistons do what they're supposed to do,
Ooh, little Maggie keeps it lubricated all the time.

If anything should get out of kilter,
Here's how to make it go away:
Reach down and give a little jiggle --
Everything will be O.K.
Now, the spark plugs spark,...

-- Pete Seeger

One might also recall the vaudeville song

She has freckles on her but she is nice.
When I hold her in my arms, it's paradise....

Elsa Lanchester was the grand mistress of the double entendre. She has a song ostensibly deprecating vacuum cleaners with the lines "If you can't get in the corners, you might as well give in" & "All you need is a bit of spit, your finger and a rag". On the same record (Tradition 2065) one may hear "Linda and Her Londonderry Air", "The Husband's Clock", and "Lola's Saucepan". Sometimes, however, the entendre is not at all double:

For a lady with a piazza
Has a place in which to sit,
And people know a piazza
Has a house attached to it.

Enjoy.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 05:50 AM

The late great Kenny Everett sailed as close to the wind as anyone with his character "Cupid Stunt" and "all in the best possible taste."

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 07:02 AM

All this talk, and no one has mentioned either the Bury New Loom

or the Kippers.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tweed
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 08:55 AM

Back to them spark plugs, how 'bout Robert Johnson's "Terraplane Blues". He was not only a great blues artist but a highly trained mechanic too and knew how to get a motor running smooth...
"I'm gon' get down on this connection, oh well, keep on tanglin' with these wires
I'm gon' get down on this connection, oh well, keep on tanglin' with these wires
And when I mash down on your little starter, then your spark plug will give me fire"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Phillip
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 11:44 AM

She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still...

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 05:02 AM

What about Ruth Wallis, heard her once, thought she was as billed on the record sleeve; saucy. Never heard of her since.

Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 01:15 PM

Giok, you're half-way there with Max Miller. He didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off. The story is that his line got him banned from BBC radio, but I gather it could all be just another urban myth.

It was Beecham, by the way, not Beacham. (As well as being a conductor he was part of the family that brought us Beecham's Powder.) I think he was addressing Beatrice Harrison at a rehearsal of the BBC symphony orchestra.

The radio shows, Beyond Our Ken and Round the Horn, both presented by Kenneth Horne, were double entendre from start to finish. A s a child at the time,I noticed that the audience always reacted in two stages - first politely, then in hysterics as the joke sank in.

A Kenneth Williams contribution comes to mind:

"Hello Rodney." "Hello Charles." "How's your bottom?" "Shut up!" "So's mine. Must be the weather."

Or two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, doesn't it?"

It now falls on Humphrey Lyttleton to keep this torch of innuendo blazing. Like Kenneth Horne, his voice is tailor-made. His hosts a radio show that includes a radio version of the BBC TV game, Give Us A Clue. Humph frankly admits that as Give Us a Clue was based on charades, his radio version can never match the original. He sighs wistfully as he recalls his fondest memories. For instance: "Who will ever forget Una Stubbs sitting open-mouthed as Lionel Blair pulled off12 Angry Men in less than half a minute?"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blind lemon steve
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 02:06 PM

yeh, i'll Give you one

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

To rephrase some of the above, the potatoes & peas on a plate I heard as: Confucious he say "man who eats meat and peas on same dish very unhygenic!

The "Happiness" line (Ken Dodd/ De Gaulle) was also used in a Peter Sellars movie as a comment to a new bride on arrival at an hotel "May you 'ave 'appiness all your life"

As for the "moonshiner's daughter" there are dozens of these, and tho' it's tempting, I'll restrict myself to: She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but she lay on the slab and said "Fillett"! She was only the Barman's daughter, but she pulled the wrong knob and got stout ! She was only the admiral's daughter, but her naval base was full of discharged seamen!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:11 PM

She was only the grocer's daughter but she showed Sir Geoffrey how.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:16 PM

She was only a gravedigger's daughter, but she liked lying under the sod.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:31 PM

She was only the Colonel's daughter, but she knew what Reggie meant.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 07:50 PM

She was only the telegraphist's daughter, but she didit didit didit !

She was only the mayor of Birmingham's daughter, but she knew Five Ways !

She was only the carpenter's daughter, but she was a brace 'n' bit !

She was only the stable hand's daughter, but all the horse manure !

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 01:40 AM

She was only a dentist's daughter, but she knew the drill!
Or, as the prince regent one said in Black Adder III:
"She was only a greengrocers daughter, but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well!"

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Amos
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 01:52 AM

Hi,

Folk songs have a few, Sir Patrick Spens,

"Where can I get me a brave young boy to take my helm in hand"

C

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM

She was only an ornithologists daughter, but she certainly knew a cockatoo. Jock

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,SINSULL, no cookie
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 03:27 PM

Bert swears it is unintentional but in "Size Doesn't Matter", mother says "Size doesn't matter, it's the flavor, you see." He swears it with such an innocent grin...

Subject: I Used to Work In Chicago
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 04:54 PM

I am a little amazed that this song hasn'r come up in the conversation. Double entendre extraordinaire

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO

I used to work in Chicago, in a department store,
I used to work in Chicago. I did, but I don't anymore.
A lady came in, and asked for some cake.
I asked her what kind she'd adore--.
"Layer," she said, so layer I did
I don't work there anymore.

I used to work in Chicago, in a department store,
I used to work in Chicago. I did, but I don't anymore.
A lady came in, and asked for a fowl
I asked her what kind she'd adore--
"A goose," she said, so I gave her a goose
I don't work there anymore.

(similarly)

A lady came into the hat shop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt" she said, felt I did

A lady came in for a sleeper
I asked, "which berth would you like?"
"Upper" she said; Up 'er I did

A lady came in for a waterbottle
I said, "what kind would you like?"
"Rubber " she said; rub 'er I did

A lady came in for a sweater
I asked, "what kind would you like?"
"Jumper, she said"; jump 'er I did

A lady came in for a ticket
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said; bang 'er I did

Also:
Hardware...nails....nail her I did
Hardware...screw....screw her I did
Fruit......plums....plumb her I did
Cinnamon...sticks...stick her I did
Peas.......split....split her I did
Milk.......cream....cream her I did
Covers.....spread...spread her I did
Rope.......jump.....jump her I did
Booze......liquor...lick 'er I did

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blind lemon steve
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 01:21 AM

This was a great one from Arthur Askey, he was a British music hall entertainer, it went out live on radio, probably early 1950's, my Grandad always told me about it.

I was walking over a narrow bridge, and a naked woman stood in front of me, i didnt know whether to block her passage or toss myself off.

he got into a lot of trouble with the censorship people.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tone d' F
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:52 AM

Man walks ito a bar and asks for a double entendre

so the barmaid gave him one

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tony in Brussels
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:28 AM

Then there was the newspaper headline about a person who escaped from a correctional facility for the criminally insane, committed indecencies with two ladies in a laundry and then ran off: NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS.

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 08:41 AM

Blind Lemon Steve: The anecdote you mention was told by Max Miller as already mentioned on the thread. Arthur Askey never had the reputation for blue jokes that Miller had. Sorry also Tone d'F the one you mention is already on the thread. Surprised that no-one has mentioned the Confucius one: Confucius he say. "Man with hole in pocket, feels cocky all day."

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: JennieG
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:48 AM

A local (Sydney Oz) radio announcer several years ago was famous for his "cunning stunts" that he used to talk about regularly.
Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,maxine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:33 AM

Can't think of anything to add that hasn't already been said...but just wanted to let you know, I have been giggling for hours over these! Particuarly the 'she was only a fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said FILLET! Why have I never heard these before..I must have led a sheltered life!

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Whitewater
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:34 AM

And of course there's the song 'The Lusty Young Smith' which is entirely double entendre's but there are also lines like this in a song named 'Blue Cap' from ancient Scotland.

(paraphrased) A Bonney Scottish man with a long skene (knife) in his hose, who climed up to her bedroom to woo.

A dark Handsome Spaniard with rapier and Poinards (daggers)

An eager Frenchman who lov-ed her dear,and was panting for the chance to do it again.

And a song called Virgin Sturgeon. . .

I'm sure there are more. . .

Whitewater

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:47 AM

Of course there's a whole slate of the blues repertoire, that I call "bawdyville" personified by people like Ma Rainey and Champion Jack Dupree, and UK's own George Melly. Songs like "Put a little sugar in my bowl";"Hot Dog Man", "Nuts", "Wrong Keyhole", "Kitchen Man", "Garbage Man", "Under your hood" etc.
RtS ("Gonna take my screwdriver, look up underneath your hood. When I've finished screwin' gonna get your motor runin' real good". 'Spaw will say it's all the fault of Lucas Dynamos!)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 06:09 AM

How about one of Huw Rynal's
peer pressure

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 08:40 AM

Roger the Skiffler: George Melly certainly is great. I've got a recording of him and the marvellous Spike Milligan at a jam session with George singing about how certain people "go crazy about the way I ride" (unquote)

Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 03:44 AM

"Come up amd see me sometime when I've nothing on but the radio"